Release Me (8 page)

I want to choke on the sound of her sincerity. I want to know how she can sound so sincere and know she is lying through her teeth. Having had enough of this pathetic cop out she’s planned I let her know exactly what I think.

“You want to know what I think? I mean honestly if that’s what you really want?” “Yes.

I want your honest opinion about it all.” She wants me to let her off the hook. I know she is hoping that I’ll get pissed and storm out. Not gonna happen though. If she wants to pull some public bullshit to keep me in line, a knife in the back to do so in this industry anyway. Then I can show her the same courtesy and give her my own version of the fucked up truth.

“We aren’t friends Tayla and we never will be. I am not your business transaction and the fact you pulled this shit-“

“Excuse me, what shit?” She asks and I can hear the quiver in her voice and its all fear that I caught on to her bullshit tactic. “Oh you need me to spell it out, I can do that. You text me and invite me to dinner with a promise of relaxing and enjoying dinner together. You pick a crowded place where we sit in the center of the dining room and you come at me with this plan that takes me nothing more than business and that with a few post it note reminders you can wipe me lean from your world. It's too bad baby that I am embedded in the very fabric of your life. We both know that what is best for TAT is Noah and that anything else will fall into place. And as far as our friends go, I doubt they give a fuck in the tri-fecta of life changes they’ve all faced the last six months. You want to sit here and handle me like I am some deal you’re brokering. Fuck off with that. You want free of me Tay, there’s the fucking door. I don’t need the charade.”

She looks stunned and speechless. That entire speech was said with a smile on my face and in a tone of voice that no one is the wiser, but inside I am on fire and ready to scream.

“Cal I’m not trying to make a deal here, I’m trying to save us both from destroying each other.”

I look at her then, and I see her, the real her, and she is breathtaking. But she’s got me pegged wrong if she thinks I’ll accept the easy way out. “You got me here and you were devious in your approach. In everything we have been through you use the one weapon you think I’ll accept. You’re giving me a get out of jail free card and you can keep it.” I stand and open my wallet dropping a hundred dollar bill on the table. “You send George to handle TAT business and I’ll fire you. You wanted out, you’re out. From here on out we are business and nothing more. Forget everything else, including that fucking plan of attack you just tried to sell me. Chad will handle shit from here on out.”

I left the restaurant with a fury inside I have never felt before. I got in my jeep and blasted Korn coming undone, my fist hitting the steering wheel as flashes snuck in every time I would blink. Her skin wet in the shower… my teeth nipping the apple on her shoulder… the feel of her hair between my fingers when we would lounge on the couch.

And that fucking kiss that ruined it all.

Fuck her, fuck the bassist try outs, and fuck George and his ass trying to take over. Fuck it all.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

I keep your photograph I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Chapter Seven

Tayla

Oh he was so crazy if he thought we were done talking. I stood on the front porch ringing his doorbell for the last fifteen minutes. He knew I was here. He knew he minute his security gate opened. He wanted to be a dick I could be one too. I used his key to get inside. The dumb ass gave me one like a year ago.

The minute I stepped inside my ears were assaulted with Breaking Benjamin screaming the lyrics to Breath. I made my way down to the gym in his basement knowing that’s where he’d be, beating the shit out of a punching bag.

I hit the power button on the radio and the place fell quiet with the exception of his grunts and the loud smack to the bag and the chains clanking from the force of the hit. “You can leave my key right there and see your way out.” He says and doesn’t even bother to turn and face me.

“No you don’t get to attack me in a restaurant and then leave in a huff without hearing me out.” I am now standing to his left but in a spot where he is forced to look at me.

He grabs the bag with both hands stopping it from swinging and turns to face me. “Attack you? Are you fucking crazy? I didn’t even raise my voice, but I will here. I haven’t even begun to show you just how fucking mad I am. So do us both a favor and get the fuck out of my house.”

He was seething raw anger. I had never seen him like this before. I knew Cal though and no matter how mad he got I knew he’d kill for me but not hurt me. “No. I have the right to explain myself and my actions.”

He laughs but it isn’t out of humor and he points at me. “Your actions?” He yells and turns punching the bag with enough force it goes spinning away from him as it shakes from the chain. Again he stops it with both hands when it swings toward me.

“Yes. My actions. I don’t care if you think how I handled it was good or not. I have been fucking you for close to three years Cal and in that time frame you have managed to rip my heart out time and time again and stomp on it!” I screamed the last part at the top of my lungs, my hands balled in to fists.

“I know I did! But unlike you I was willing to fight to prove myself. I was prepared to eat shit for months to earn your trust. I was willing to walk through fire, to humiliate myself acting like a damn socially dumb romancer. I was prepared and willing to fight for you, and you come with that fucking coward’s way out? I told you before and I meant it. You want out then leave but if you send me some lame ass assistant to do our bidding I’ll fire your hot ass.”

I was a mixture of anger, hurt and a hell of a lot turned on. I needed a grip because there was no way Cal was even thinking of me like that anymore let alone now. Annoyed and offended by the threat that he’d fire me pisses me off enough that the desire I have for him is barely recognizable. “You have contracts with Coven Relations and me so fire me if you want and I’ll sue your ass.”

Take that….

“Look around here Tay. Look at my bank account then look at yours and ask me if I give a flying fuck about your contract or the threat to sue me.”

I reacted. I did something I have never done in my entire life. I slapped him across the face. 

Hard.

He looked at me with such fury and shock. I gasped when he used the back of his hand to wipe the blood from his lip. The one I split. “I am so sorry.” I say and I am back pedaling now because we have gone too far. I have gone too far.

He takes a menacing step towards me. “Feel better baby?” He asks and I am backing up a foot for every step he takes toward me. “Does it feel good to watch me bleed?” He is right in front of me now and my back is against the wall, literally. “To know you hurt me?”

“No.” I say and tears well in my eyes.

“Don’t cry. It’s a little scratch. You’ve done worse with your nails down my back. Now, get the fuck out of my home before I touch you back.”

His voice is smooth like the finest whiskey and I know what he means by touch me and I curse my body for betraying me. I should be scared, if it was any other man I would be, but I could feel his cock, heavy and hard against my hip. He was just as turned on as I was.

“What are you going to do if I don’t?” I barely have the words out of my mouth before he grabs me by the back of my neck and slants his mouth over mine. I do not have a choice with this kiss. He owns it, every single part of my mouth is his and he takes without pause or caress. There is no room for an argument, no room to gasp or moan. He takes up every crevice in my mouth and there is only room for him.

I kiss him back with as much vigor and he rewards me with a groan that is so needy and so full of promise that my mind detaches from reason and I become nothing but lust and need. I use my teeth and bite down on his lip, close to the spot that I hit him and the copper taste of his blood only fuels my aggression.

My hands are around his neck and I hop, Cal catching me as I wrap my legs around his waist and grind my mound against him. He breaks free of the kiss and uses his weight to pin me to the wall so he can use both hands and tear my shirt and blazer clean off. Buttons and fabric fall to the floor and his eyes fall to the black satin bra over my large chest.

“Fucking sexy. Fuck!” He spits the words out and uses his thumbs to pull the cups down until he can roll my nipples between his fingers. I moan and roll my head back at the feel of him pulling at them.

Once my bra is ripped open in the process and my breasts are exposed it takes no time before he plucks one nipple between his lips and sucks hard.

I am working frantically to get my pants undone and using my heels of my boots to get his basketball shorts down. The fall to his feet and he shuffles, holding me up, as he kicks them to the side and then slams me back against the wall. My pants are open just enough for him to touch me and the minute a finger slips inside of me I scream his name, my body shaking with rapture.

In a sexual frenzy unlike anything we have ever felt with each other, I reach for his cock roughly and start jerking him off in fast hard strokes. “Harder.” He says and bites my lips, kissing me and groaning at my movements. I hear a rip and realize he has now shredded my pants as well. I don’t care because I am wet, on fire and desperate for his cock to fill me up.

“Fuck me God dammit!” I say and line him up just in time for him to slam into me. The first stroke as he pushes inside makes me scream and I claw his back from neck to hips.

“Fuck yes Tay, make me bleed baby.” He says and starts fucking me hard, to the point of pain up against the mirrored wall of his home gym. There is no finesse as we scream and claw and bite one another. This is raw and powerful and hateful. It is us breaking up, and us falling in love. It’s the start of something integral and the loss of something innocent. We fuck one another in fast desperate need. Taking what the other will give and I never want him to stop.

“Don’t stop, fuck Cal don’t stop.” I say and he attacks my pussy with single minded intent to make me scream, and I do. I feel my pussy shatter and clamp down on the only man who could ever bring me to tears with a mind blowing orgasm. My hand falls to my clit to ride out the wave and seeing me finger my clit makes him mindless.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Baby… uh God Tay… Shit fuck!” He says and then not even a second later he pulls back from me and strokes his cock once, twice, three times and then both of our hands are covered in his orgasm as he comes, condom free against my pussy.

This was the single most erotic moment of my life.

We stay frozen together, my legs around him still pressed against the wall trying to get our breath back. My body is humming like a live wire having never cum so hard in my life. The silence between us stretches and I am left cold. There is no cuddling after, no soft words telling me how great I felt. No tickling my back or him stroking his cock to get it hard again. Nothing but silence and what can only be considered regret.

Regret for the sex? Regret for the fight? Regret for every bad thing we had done to each other over the last three years. I gathered the tattered remains of my clothes as I watched Cal turn, not dressed and head to the bathroom, just like last time.

I made sure to be gone before he was out of the bathroom, stealing his towel and basketball shorts because my three thousand dollar Armani suit was destroyed. He thought I was a coward before? Well I just proved him right by the squeal of my tires as I left.

Was this over before

Before it ever began

Your kiss

Your calls

Your crutch

Like the devils got your hand

Chapter Eight

Cal

I grip the sink with a white knuckle clutch and bow my head. I don't feel a moment’s anxiety or panic over what just happened. 

Intense doesn't describe what just took place in my gym. That was fucking religious. I flip the faucet on and wash my release from my hands. I dry them and flip the light off. I'm getting back out to my girl and I'm talking her to my bed and keeping her there forever.

I come around the Corner and pause, dread an overwhelming presence the minute I see she's gone. I dash to the stairs taking them three at a time, dick swinging because I didn't bother dressing considering I wasn't done with her.

I search the upstairs but the beeping tone plays through the speakers in my house letting me know the gate opened.

She's gone.

Fuck. ... She left?

I get it wasn't my best performance but I haven't had sex since the night of the wedding because my cock only wants her. He got her and he got the job done, albeit quickly he got it done.

I know Tay and try as I might; everything we have been fighting over just came to an explosive head. Enough with the talking our bodies took control.

I figured that we were finally on the same page but we clearly went even in the same book.

I don't know how long I sat on the couch trying to figure it out when the gate beeped again. I threw on my jeans and opened the door expecting to see her there but surprised to see Noah.

"Hey..." I say and try to hide the disappointment in my voice but he caught it and clasped my shoulder.

"Yeah I get it. Not who you wanted eh?"

He makes his way inside and I switch the sound system off. "She called Carrie in hysterics.” He looks at me with an eye roll. "I bailed obviously.”

"So what? You came to lecture me on making her cry? You can save your breath because I didn't do anything this time. This is on her stubborn crazy ass."

I say that last part with a laugh that has nothing to do with thinking is funny and everything to do with being frustrated. 

“I know.” Noah says, shocking me.

"So why head over here?” I ask. It's no secret Noah is the constant to us all but when it's these damn women crying he trends to yell at us guys regardless.

"Because I've spent the last week watching you eat shit and try your ass off and she's being a brat. I figured she can piss and moan to Carrie who will call Roni and Cassa and they'll form the bitch brigade. I bailed, Chad will be here soon when he can duck out and Shame and Mike are on their way. "

I say nothing but nod totally vindicated that my boys have my back.

"Do you ever miss the old days?” Noah asks and I'm taken back.

"Define old days.” I say.

"Pussy parties, bonfires in the PIT or back of my spot. Playing at the Aloha house for dimes. I don't know. I feel like I'm spinning these days and I go back to when it was easy. "

I smile remembering the days when we were small town stars. "We did throw the best parties.” I say smiling at the memory.

"Right? “Noah says and laughs.

I'm cautious to test these waters but as I always do where the band is concerned I dive right in. "It was awesome jamming with you at the Sue."

"Yeah it felt like it had been long overdue.”

"And. ..." A simple word, but the weight of a thousand men. I hung on that word.

"Can't do it Cal. I'm barely getting by now and I'm still slipping. I get out on the road and playing every night. The drugs are too accessible to me. Here I have the shop and I can stay focused and it’s simple. Sam keeps the fangirls at bay and I can think and live easy."

"What about a rehab?” I ask because above all things I want him clean and we all know he isn't. Noah slips away from us all for days at a time. We don't know where he is or what he's doing. Just that he comes back with dark rims under his eyes and reeking of dirty sex and liquor clouded in the foul stench of heroin.

"Good fuck really? You've lost your mind if you think I'm letting a shrink anywhere near me. Those doors", he pauses and taps his temple indicating the trap doors in his mind. "Those doors were sealed shut and buried years ago. They won't ever open. Feel me? "

I nod unable to say anything even though I want to. Noah reads minds though, because he looks at me with mock. "What? Just say it or that shit will fester like it always does with us lately. "

Knowing he's right I put on my kitten gloves and hope what I say comes out the right way. "You need therapy though. Like bad dude." Apparently I confused my kitten gloves with no gloves. It most definitely didn't come out right.

"I know it. But it'll never happen. “This tone of voice, the certainty and the command in it I've heard a million times since meeting him. It's a voice reserved for Carrie and every time she wanted to come to a show or a party. This voice leaves no room for argument. Too bad I'm not Carrie. “Then you'll never get better. All this shit? Your dad, Candey, the band; all of it, won't ever get better until you take that shit and kick it for good. I'm sorry Noah. For all the shitty luck you have but this addiction is a choice. You're the strongest guy I know... and the weakest."

He just nods effectively shutting the conversation down. Before I can say anything I hear the alarm telling me that gate opened and it's my boys.

"Fucking women.” Chad says and I know this night is about to go down in history. 

"Carrie flip when you left?” Noah asks with a laugh.

"Fucking Cassa and Ron show up Cass is barking at Shame on the phone. Jesus when women get pissed at a guy they take us all down." He takes his seat beside Noah and runs his hands over his face in frustration. “Seriously, I hardly ever fight with my wife but I was about to sit through girl talk because Tay wont swallow her pride.” He looks at me with his own pride. “We have watched you set yours aside every day for months. I cannot sit through the boo-hoo BS tonight and if Carrie can’t accept it, then she’s gonna have to be pissed for a while.”

I laugh because these guys’ marriages are strong and they’ll survive, but fuck I do love it when they are in the shit house because those nights are epic.

"So what's the word? What did I do wrong this time? “I ask and grab beers for the guys. “I don't care what crazy ass thing she cocked up I'm not sucking up after this one. "

Mike being Mike has all the details. "Well apparently and this is according to the info Roni gave me. When you guys are together after the wedding you ran off to hide in the bathroom. "

He looks to me for confirmation. I nod because everyone knows this. It's why I've been eating shit to win her back.

"Well she says you did it again. She finally cracked and kissed you I guess and when you finished with her you ran to the bathroom. "

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

I completely lose my shit and throw my beer against the wall. "Fuuuuuuuuck!”

I turn and look at them and fuck a filter. She can tell everyone I dodged out like a pussy I'll fucking explain why. “I fucking went to wash my hands.”

"Lame reason dude.” Shame says and I flip him off.

"There was fucking cum all over them dip shit. I didn't have a condom and pulled out. I went to wash my hands because I was gonna go caveman and carry her to my bed and keep her there. I was gone all of a minute and a half. "

"Seriously?” Noah asks and shakes his head.

"If that dude, she was gone and stole my shorts. I ran after her but she was squealing tires gone. "

"So I am Devil’s advocate here, but why not save your ass some trouble and say something?” Mike asks.

"Like what? I need to go wash the spunk from my hands so I can fuck you again? "

Mike cringes and I laugh. He's such a fucking sap. I swear to God sex with Roni is probably boring and emotional to the point of awkward. .. But hey it works for them.

"Fuck that! She had been on her high horse all week. She should have stayed to yell at you for dipping out, not running like a pussy."

This is Chad and he must really be in shit because he isn't the type to choose sides especially when it's a side against his wife.

"Fuck this. We all are in the shit house. Let's make it worthwhile. “Shame says and within minutes we called Seven and Nate and Sam and. ... We'll we did what rock stars do.

We jammed all night and wrote songs... all my tunes played a sad song for the one I couldn’t get.