Reservation (Preservation Series) (31 page)

“Okay. See you in a few.” He disappeared down the sidewalk, and Kate turned her attention back to me.

Then the unthinkable happened.

Her hand floated out near her waist, slowly moving toward mine. I caught the movement and immediately latched onto her fingers, staring determinedly into her watery eyes. “Come to my place tonight,” she said. “Eight o’clock. We have to take this really slow. I need time.”

Oh, sweet Jesus, she wants me to come see her.
“Yes!” I squeezed her fingers. “Yes, slow. Very slow. Slow, slow, slow. Eight o’clock. Take all the time you need.”

“Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to let go of me now.”

For a split second, I could have sworn I was seeing things, when a small smile teased her lips. She pulled her hand from mine, turning to start down the sidewalk. She stopped. “I do still love you,” she said quietly. With that, she was gone, and I raced back into the market to find Sam, making a mental list of everything I needed to get done that afternoon before I went to her place.

Starting with a shave.

***

Neda wasn’t surprised when I called her to break the news that I was pulling out of the book tour, and in essence, destroying my reputation, once again, with another publisher. I made arrangements to speak with my attorney regarding the publishing contract and movie rights, and then there was a quick sit-down with my accountant regarding my financial standing and what would become of it once I went through with my decision. He was a saint for meeting with me at the last minute on a Saturday afternoon, and I made it a point to let him know it, promising him a hefty bonus on his next pay cycle.

I spoke briefly to my parents to let them know what was going on, and they were more than happy to offer their financial help if I needed it, no matter the cost. I thanked them repeatedly, assuring them I hadn’t spent much of the advance and that I’d do everything in my power to deal with the consequences on my own. What Kate and I had spent on the closing for the house on Orcas Island was cushion we’d already acquired, and I’d resolved to pick up another teaching job if I needed the extra money. There had to be one school in the entire city of Seattle that would take me. Hell, I’d wait tables or scrub toilets if I had to, just to get by.

Whatever it took.

After breaking the news to Neda and Bob Hall and handling the rest of my business arrangements, I spent the remainder of the afternoon searching for a formatting service for my novels, determined to find someone who could convert my words to the proper files for e-book conversion. Next up would be creating a website, setting myself up on various social media sites, and uploading the formatted e-book files to on-line selling platforms, where I’d hopefully earn my very first self-publishing paychecks for my work. Danny had handled all my social media site crap before, so it was time to start fresh and begin managing my own profiles. It was all foreign to me, but I felt powerfully motivated.

After a quick shower, I smiled when I found Sam at my door again, stopping by to wish me luck before her night shift at the shop. “Look at you, Romeo. Ready to break hearts!” She grinned at my suit and tie, but her smile fell when mine did. “Oh, damn. Bad choice of words, sorry baby, my bad.” She squeezed my shoulder and walked in a circle around me, nodding in appreciation. “You look edible. She won’t be able to say no to you.”

“I think I’m going to pass out. Do I look pale? Yeah, I’m going to pass out.”

“Hey,” she pointed a finger at me, her serious, red lips forming into a straight line, “the power of positive thinking, baby. Believe in it!”

“Sam, enough of the New Age shit, come on!”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, now come on, breathe deep and focus. You got this, Ry. Find your center. Think positive thoughts.”

“You have to tell me. Has she said anything about me? You know, since you guys have kept in touch.”

“Nothing you don’t already know.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning she’s fucking crazy about you, dude. And you hurt her. Plain and simple. If there’s anything I’ve learned about Kate, it’s that she’s a dreamer. She
wants
love to conquer all, Ryan. She
wants
you. But in her mind, practicality always wins over dreaming. It’s safer. So don’t scare her with all the mushy shit, just play it cool. Let her set the pace and be patient.”

“Patient. Right.” I was crawling out of my skin at the mere thought of seeing her, and I wanted nothing more than to ravage the living hell out of her, but Sam was right. I needed to summon every ounce of patience I possessed, or I’d lose this battle for good.

“Go get her.” Sam clapped my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek for good measure, smiling as I hurried out the door.

I drove my dad’s Mustang to her place, parking in the garage and taking a deep breath before stepping out and hopping on the elevator. I knocked on the door, adjusting the bouquet of roses in my hand and tugging at my collar.

She answered the door looking radiant in a dark purple dress, her hair tied up in a loose, sexy twist. “Hey.”

“Hey. These are for you,” I said, handing her the flowers.

She accepted with a small smirk, opening the door further to let me in. “I thought we could have dinner here instead.”

“Oh? Okay, sure.” I stepped inside, dropping the key to the Mustang in my pocket. “Do you want to order out? I can cook, if you want.”

“I already cooked.” She gestured to the small dinette set. Two plates, some red wine, and lit candles awaited us. I worked hard to contain my overly eager, face-splitting grin, but failed miserably.

She noticed.

Her cheeks went red and she shut the door behind us, leading me to the table, then placing the roses in a vase of water. I pulled out her chair and then took my seat. “This looks great. Wine?” I picked up the bottle, then her glass.

“Please.”

I began to pour, struggling to control my shaking hands. “Thank you for asking me here tonight. You look beautiful.”

“You’re quite handsome yourself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Did Sam pick out your suit?”

“What?” I laughed. “No, I picked this out myself, thank you very much.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I did!”

“Whatever you say, Mr. Campbell. Anyway, how was the rest of your day?”

“It was good. Productive.”

“Oh?”

“I gave up the publishing contract. The tour’s off. I’m home for good.”

Kate choked on a sip of her wine. “You what?”

“I told you I would. I meant it.”

“I didn’t ask for that.”

“I know you didn’t. I wanted to, and I meant it.”

She set her glass down. “I can’t believe you walked away. My God, Ryan. What will you do?”

“I told you. Anything.” I burned her with my gaze, making my intention clear.

“I mean about your career.”

“I’m going to self-publish.”

“You never wanted that, you were adamant about it.”

“That was before. This is now.”

“Ryan.”

“Kate.”

“I can’t do this.”

I set my wine down, leaning in to the table. I couldn’t lose her again. Not now. I hadn’t been here but ten minutes. “Kate, I’m not pressuring you, I just want—”

“The formality, I mean.”

“Huh?”

“This.” She gestured between us, dropping her hands to her lap in a tired heap. “It feels so unnatural. This distance. You not touching me. The ‘thank you for having me’ and ‘how was your day’….I can’t do it.”

“Then tell me what you want. Everything I have, it’s yours. Just tell me.”

“You’re going to make staying mad at you difficult, aren’t you?”

“Not intentionally, but if you’d rather me be an asshole, I’ll do my best to oblige.”

“I want to stay mad at you.”

“Okay, then I’ll be a complete asshole. Will that suit?”

“You promise? ‘Cause I can’t stay mad at you if you keep acting like a gentleman.”

“I promise. Shall I demonstrate?

“Please do.”

I stood to my feet and tossed my cloth napkin down, then grabbed the bouquet of roses from the vase and flung it at her chest. The candles fizzled out as cold water and rose petals splashed across them. “I didn’t want to bring you those flowers. And I’ll bet your cooking sucks. It doesn’t look great, I lied. It looks like something a dog would eat. And this wine tastes like shit.” I scowled at her, crossing my arms in front of me.

Her jaw dropped and she gently set her napkin down on the table, rising carefully from her seat. The roses scattered around her on the floor. “You did not just go there.”

“I believe I did. Is that not asshole enough for you? Here.” I grabbed her glass of wine and flicked my wrist, tossing the liquid towards her and watching it dribble down her front in dark rivulets.

In an instant, her hand shot across the table and gripped my tie, pulling me toward her. Her eyes met mine and her lips came down to collide with my own. “I missed you,” she whispered against my tongue. I could feel the tears pricking her eyes.

As she opened wider to welcome me, I didn’t hesitate.

My arms came forward and pitched everything on the small table aside. I barely winced as silverware, plates, and our water glasses went flying from the table and crashing to the floor. In a hazy blur, we were both on the table, meeting one another on a rush of breath, tearing at each other’s clothes in frantic abandon.

“I believe you,” she cried against my mouth. “I want to believe you.”

“It’s you, Kate,” I nipped her bottom lip, dragging her tongue back to mine, “it was always you. Please, let me worship you.”

Silently, she gave me permission, allowing me to pick her up from the table to carry her in my arms into the bedroom. I laid her down, gently draping my body over hers to begin kissing her from head to toe, starting at her forehead. I spent my time at her eyebrows, nose, and cheekbones, leaving a lazy trail of soft kisses all along her face, then moved to her ears and neck. She quivered beneath me. As I moved on to her breasts and abdomen, I memorized each curve as my mouth skimmed over the material of her dress, committed to honoring and cherishing every inch of contact.

Finishing at the soles of her feet, I planted one last kiss on her instep and my hands skated over her ankles before I moved to shimmy her dress up her hips. “The world is at your feet,’ I whispered, placing a light kiss on her right ankle, “just as I am, always and forever.” Screw what Sam said. I was all about the mushy shit right now, and I meant every fucking word.

Staring down at me from the pillow, she nudged me forward with her leg, guiding me up her body and toward her mouth. “Slow,” she whispered. “Very slow.”

I crawled up her trembling body and pressed my erection into her core, lifting her dress higher up her waist with one hand. She was soaking wet, and the discovery that I still made her that way made me ache to be inside of her. “I can do slow.” I leaned down and captured her mouth on a moan, savoring each press of her lips. “I can do anything you want.”

As I peeled her clothes off and sank into her, the world and all of its distractions shriveled up, cracked, and flitted away into nothingness. My need for control, the bondage of my past, and any reservation I’d ever had drifted and dissipated, healed by the woman beneath me and the brave love she willingly laid at the altar—a love that stuck around, even when it had no reason to, other than its blind, hopeful faith. It penetrated my darkness and exposed it for what it really was and had been since the day Jamie walked out of my life—fear, in all of its self-destructive glory.

I was undeserving and beyond bold to accept it, but I’d be a fool if I didn’t try.

EPILOGUE

May

The Following Year

“Ryan,” Kari said soothingly, her hands on my shoulders, “I promise, everything will be in place. There’s no need to worry, okay? My team’s got this.”

“You’re sure they have the right song? Because it has to be
this
song.” I was staring back at our wedding planner, deadly serious. She was a Hawaiian beauty with a face that said she’d done this a thousand times before, but that did nothing to calm my nerves. I was about to walk back out into that restaurant to join Kate for our reception, and “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers had to play for our first song. It was the one detail out of the entire event that I needed to see run smoothly. I happily let Kate have her way with the flowers and menu, but the music choices were mine.

Everything I wanted to say to her was in that song.

The small, modest ceremony had gone off without a hitch. We’d recited our own vows to one another out on the restaurant’s dock, overlooking Puget Sound. The mountains swept the skyline and the air was cool and fresh, the weather complete perfection. Almost a year after starting over with Kate, she was finally ready to marry me. We spent months rebuilding, and I never thought this day would come.