Reservation (Preservation Series) (28 page)

***

My forehead met the door as I pounded my tired fist against it, letting my hand cease the banging so it could fall to my side when I heard the lock unclick.

“Ryan? Oh my—Jacob? Jake, come quick!”

“Good Lord, woman, calm your horses. Will ya give me a minute to get up?” My father’s voice came from around the corner, and I worked to straighten up, finding my mom’s alarmed eyes studying me.

“I’m fine, Mom,” I said weakly, standing even straighter when my dad’s big shadow loomed over her from behind. “Dad.”

“Son.” He nodded, his expression guarded.

“Oh, Ry, what happened to your hand?” My mom’s wrist snaked around mine and she eyed my bloody fist, which was now wrapped up with my tie.

“Nothing a beer can’t fix,” my dad’s voice rumbled. He turned to lead us inside. “Come on, Son.”

My mom wrinkled her nose. “Jacob, can’t you smell him? The boy’s already had enough booze for one evening. Don’t you dare go giving him another beer, now.”

I followed them inside and my dad mumbled something under his breath, waving his hand at my mom. Instead of heading for the kitchen, he gestured for me to come into the living room, pointing to the recliner with one hand while he used the other to reach for the remote and turn off whatever cheesy game show they were watching.

“I’ll get the chocolate chip cookies,” my mom said in a flurry, rushing off to the kitchen. Her batches of chocolate chip cookies were her answer to everything. They were like tea to the English. It was downright puzzling how a woman that made so many cookies didn’t weigh as much as a Mack truck.

“You look like hell,” my pop said, sighing as he took the recliner adjacent to mine.

“I feel like it.”

“Been a long time, Son.” His voice lost its hardened edge, and just when I’d thought my heart couldn’t take much more, it constricted in my chest.

“I know, Dad. I’m sorry.”

My mom’s voice eased the tension. “We know you are, dear.” She flitted into the living room with a tray of cookies. She’d already grabbed three for herself and perched curiously on the edge of the coffee table.

“After everything with Jamie…I just couldn’t come around. I became a different person.”

“Is that why you look like hell?” my dad asked. “Because of her? Again?”

“God, no,” I laughed under my breath, “she’s been out of the picture since, you know.”

“Thank the sweet Lord.” My mom shook her head toward the heavens and bit into a cookie. “Then why on Earth are you showing up here in the middle of the night looking like someone just handed you death on a platter?”

“It’s not the middle of the night, Mom.”

“It is for me and your father.” She jutted her chin toward the clock, her brown hair bouncing at her shoulders. “Why, we’re already in our robes and the game shows are on, honey. This is late for anyone over fifty.”

My dad sighed.

“I screwed up,” I said, raising my head to look at them both, saddened to see more grey on my dad’s balding head. He was getting older.

I’d missed so much.

“I don’t know what to do. I lost the love of my life. And tonight,” I choked, closing my eyes.

“Go on, honey, let it out. Tell us what you did.” I could feel my mom’s soft hand reach out and cover mine. “Don’t you worry about not seeing us since Jamie. Just get that out of your head right now. No judgment here, okay? Let’s hear it.”

“I went to another woman tonight.” I opened my eyes to see my mom’s gaze slide to my dad. Neither one of them said a word, just waited. “I didn’t mean to, I mean, she came to me. But I let her, and I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been…I was asking for it and I fucked it all up. I lost my girl for good.”

My dad bristled in his seat. “How do you know this?”

“It was what brought me to the woman in the first place. I’d just spoken to Kate—” I swallowed, her name heavy on my tongue, “her name’s Kate—and she said she wanted space. She’s down in the West Indies right now for work and—”

“We know,” my mom spoke up, handing me a cookie. I took it and thanked her, but didn’t take a bite. “We’ve been following you on the news, you know.”

I looked to my dad in surprise. “What?” he said. “You think we’ve been bitter over here, not giving two flying shits about the fact that our son made it big time? We know all about you and this Kate, Ryan. Well, what the media tells us, anyway. But they’ve been showing pictures of Jamie, too, and we weren’t sure if…you know, you were still seeing her or something.”

I set the cookie on my knee. No way could my stomach handle anything right now. Not when the realization hit that my parents had been seeing all the same news stories the rest of the world had been seeing. The fact that they were relying on tabloids and crap entertainment news for updates on their only son only served to increase the guilt in my gut.

It’d been way, way too long.

“No, it’s only been Kate.”

“But what about all those other women?” my mom asked. “Just rumors? Is there any truth to them?”

My eyes dropped to my feet.

“I guess that answers that,” my dad muttered disapprovingly.

“I knew a lot of those women, but they were all in my past—it was all after Jamie left. I’ve been faithful to Kate. Until tonight. I stopped it before it went too far, but I crossed the line. It’s unforgiveable.”

“Nothing’s unforgiveable,” my dad said, a little too quickly.

“You don’t understand. Kate will never be able to forgive this. I don’t expect her to. She’s been hurt. Earning her trust is next to impossible, and I just took a bulldozer to it.”

“Son, if the girl’s stayed with you through all this fame nonsense, she loves you more than you think. She’s seen some nasty stuff about you—some of it obviously true. You might be surprised at what she’s willing to forgive.”

“Dad, no. You don’t get it. Kate’s broken. She’s broken, and brave, and beautiful, and she put herself out on a fucking limb for me. She will never,
ever
forgive me for touching this woman. Never.”

“I forgave your mother.”

“What?” For a moment, I thought I had misheard him. My eyes met his in disbelief.

“Messed me up good in the head, Son. But I survived it. We made it through.”

“Mom?”

“It’s true,” she said quietly, after a pause.

“How come you never told me?”

“We didn’t see a reason,” my dad answered, looking to the ground. “Some things are better left in the dust.”

“What happened?”

“I was working a lot,” he shrugged. “Missed a lot of holidays, birthdays, that sort of thing. She was alone a lot. When people are alone, well, they get lonely and things happen. Your mother was brave enough to admit to me what she had done, and we talked about it and cried about it together for months. I knew she never actually meant to hurt me. Took me a long time to see it that way, but when I did, I was able to forgive her.”

My mom bit into another cookie, chewing quietly. Once she swallowed, she spoke. “You have to tell her, Ryan. How do you think your father and I made it through this mess? And so many others? We were always honest with each other, even when the truth wasn’t pretty.”

My dad grunted in agreement. “Some say it’s not a good idea to tell your spouse everything. Well, when it comes to the petty shit, that might be true. You gotta know when to pick your battles. But this sort of thing needs voicing. Clear the air and let the chips fall where they may. It’s the only way to set things straight.”

“They won’t be set straight either way. We’re not you and Mom. We’re a fucking mess.”

“By the looks of that media storm out there, well, that’s probably the truth.” My dad chuckled, tipping his beer to his lips. “But you owe it to each other to lay all your cards on the table. It’s up to you both to decide what you’re willing to live with and what you’re not from that point on.”

My mom snatched the last cookie on the plate and broke it in three pieces, splitting it between us. “You sleep here tonight, honey. When you wake up in the morning, you’ll feel more able to take on the world. Right now, you’re deflated.”

“Your mom’s right. Get on up to bed and face this all in the morning. You’ve been through enough tonight, and nothing you’ve done can be undone, so just let it rest now.”

I gave them a solemn nod and stood to my feet, my legs wobbly as I ascended the stairs.

“Her ring’s lovely, Ryan,” my mom called up to me. I stopped at the top of the stairwell. “Saw it on that Late Show last week, you know, they were gossiping about her and showing those pictures and all.” She sent me a sad smile. “I so wish the very best for you, honey. If there’s anyone in the world who deserves a happy ending, it’s two broken people who taught each other to love.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I returned her wistful smile before heading to the guest room. “I’d like to think the same.”

***

The morning sunlight greeted me with a vengeance. I crawled out of bed and tossed two aspirin in my mouth, chasing them down with a gulp of water from the bedside table. I washed up and headed downstairs, the scent of eggs and bacon drifting up to meet me. My stomach churned with hunger, but I couldn’t stay.

“Morning, guys,” I greeted my parents in the kitchen. “Look, I hate to show up and run like this, but I need to get back to my place.” As much as it hurt my brain to think about doing anything other than wallowing and letting the bed swallow me up in blissful sleep, shit had to get done, and the inevitable was waiting. My phone was in pieces on the floor back at my apartment, and it was time to get on that plane to Saint Lucia once and for all. Whether Kate liked it or not, we had to have this out face to face, and I had to tell her about Amy.

That last thought zapped my hunger and fried it on the spot.

“But I made breakfast. You need to eat, Ryan.”

“I can’t, Ma. I’m sorry. It smells great, but I need to catch a cab home. I have work stuff to settle, and I have to go see Kate. I need to tell her what happened last night.”

My dad piped up, sipping freshly-brewed coffee from his favorite Seahawks mug. “Don’t bother with a cab, Son. I’ll drive ya.”

“You don’t have to do that, really.”

“I want to. You’re about to do one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. I think you could use some support.” He was right. This would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do. The mere thought of what Kate’s face would look like when I told her what happened with Amy made me nauseous. As for support, at least I had Sam and Jess, although they were probably pissed at me for taking off like that and never returning their calls. Knowing them, they were probably worried to death. Oh, God, and then there was the beat down that would be awaiting me the second Carter and Dean got a hold of the news.

There was no getting around it. I was headed for disaster.

“Sure, if you don’t mind. I’d appreciate it.”

“Let me just grab my coat and we’ll be on our way.”

We kissed my mom goodbye and I promised to come over for dinner once I sorted everything out, then climbed into my dad’s practical Volvo station wagon. My dad and I said little during the car ride, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for the time to think. Something told me he knew I wasn’t up for chatting.

“You didn’t sleep with this woman,” he said, asking for confirmation as we pulled into my building’s parking garage.

“No. That’s where it was headed, but I stopped it and left.”

“Then listen to me, Son. If you want this Kate woman as much as you say you do, you have to make the grand gesture. You know, do whatever it takes to prove to her you didn’t sleep with this other woman and show her she’s worth more to you than everything you own combined. Tell it straight, do what you can, and then let bygones be bygones. Life’s too short for anything else.”

The car rolled to a stop and I opened the door to step out. I nodded my thanks. “What did mom do for you? What was the grand gesture?”

“She didn’t leave my side, no matter what.”

“But she was the one to cheat.”

“And I never let her forget it. The things I put that woman through…let’s just say by the time I felt I’d made her pay enough for what she’d done, I almost owed her double back. There’s a heavy price to pay to get past this kind of thing. There’s no magic formula for a successful relationship. Love is stronger than any other force on this Earth, but it’s hard fucking work, and don’t let anyone tell you any different. Both people have to want it, you hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“Good luck, Son. We miss you. Call us, okay?”

“I will. I promise I’ll be over soon.”

I waved him off and started for the elevator, searching for my key when I reached the front door. Thank God I’d had enough sense to keep my wallet and keys on me last night when I’d bolted out of the apartment.

Bringing the key to the door, I paused when I heard voices from inside. What the hell? Jiggling the doorknob, I freaked out when I realized it was unlocked. Had I left my place unlocked last night? I was in such a state I honestly didn’t remember. Shit.

I pushed the door open and peered inside, a wave of dizziness washing over me at the sight of her. I reached for the hallway wall to brace myself, wondering if I was seeing things.