Resisting Fate (Predetermined) (14 page)

Well, paint me brown and call me crap…I totally didn’t expect that. What I really didn’t expect was to be wounded internally by his abrupt dismissal of me. Straightening my back, I pressed my fingers against the wall to push off, lifting my chin into the air with a snooty you-don’t-bother-me kind of look.

“Whatever, Jack. I just,” I swallowed, “…I want you to leave me alone.” I maneuvered out to the side, but he planted his hand back on the wall, keeping me in place. I groaned and moved to the other side, but then his other hand hadn’t budged. Damn, damn double damn.

“You’re not leaving Em. Not yet.”

“What? I figured since I’m that repulsive you’d—”

“No, Emmy, dammit, you’re not repulsive at all,” he sighed, and in a move I never expected, he leveled his forehead to mine. “You’re beautiful actually…”

My heart dipped into my stomach. No, he wasn’t going to do this to me. Get me all worked up, make me feel things with him that I shouldn’t, only to ditch me or run off instead. Still, it was almost impossible not to swoon. That knees going weak, body shivering sort of swoon, the kind of swooning I couldn’t fight, the kind that was fast becoming addictive.

“Funny Jack,” I rasped. “but I know it’s not true.”

“It is. You don’t see it like I do. No one does…” He trailed off, unmoving as his breath washed over my mouth. Damn this guy… I didn’t want to be his mate either but jeez, words like that weren’t taken lightly in my experience.

A long minute passed, but we stayed there, head to head, front to front, in our own little tiny world, a world where nothing but he and I existed. I didn’t know why he didn’t move away, but I knew why I didn’t. I
liked
having him so close to me. I
liked
feeling his warmth, our connection. There was nowhere else I wanted to be, nowhere else I
could
be, other than in that moment of harmonious pleasure of nothing but him and me. I didn’t need to kiss him. I didn’t need him to sweep me into his arms, and pull me any closer. I didn’t need anything else but the calmness he instilled in me. Jack Hartman had me completely under his wicked, wolfy spell, and I wanted nothing more than to stay like that for forever.

Crap though, every perfect moment had to be ruined. Nothing lasted forever, especially when my brother’s tiny face suddenly appeared behind my eyelids. I needed to get home. I needed to check and make sure that my mom and Jamie were indeed okay. I leaned my head back against the wall. “I’ve got to go home, Jack,” I whispered, hating the truth. Hating that this wasn’t some normal, everyday teenage girl moment where I could actually let myself be happy for once.

He dropped his arms against his legs with a sigh. I moved away towards the door, but he followed, his voice heavy and laced with an unknown emotion. “Wait Emmy…” I paused, looking back over my shoulder at him. What secret was he hiding behind those baby blues of his?

He inched forward again, I almost groaned as his warm breath brushed over my cheek. I’d never get home if he didn’t stop with the swoon-worthy moments. I was lost in the intenseness of his body and mouth so close to my own again. Was he changing his mind, going back on his word about not wanting to be with me after all? What I did know, if that was the case, I might have weirdly been okay with it, wolf mating and all…

“I don’t want you Emmy…but it’s not like you think.”

I blinked, staring up at him.

“It’s because my cousin is in
love
with you, and I can’t hurt him like that.” Okay, moment gone. It was definitely time to leave. I swung the door open and walked down the front steps, arms crossed, anguish building like fire in my chest.

“Wait, Emmy, hear me out please!”

I was in the grass, on the drive, when I realized that I didn’t have a ride home. Damn. I was stuck.

He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me around to face him, but at least this time he gave me a little thinking distance, because I sure as hell couldn’t think when he was plastered so closely to my front. I kept my arms crossed, needing to build an invisible wall between us once more. The intimacy of our previous moment was still there, even though our bodies were no longer touching.

“He fell for you over two years ago, right before that big fight we had. I’m sure you remember that.”

I gritted my teeth and nodded. I definitely remembered that fight, in fact, I don’t think I could ever forget it. It was right outside of the school, off the school property line bordering the woods behind the main building. I didn’t know either of them back then, but I did watch from the car with Kelsey. Almost the entire school had been out there that day watching the scene unfold.

The image of Zachary pounding into a non-defensive Jack delved into my mind. Memories of the voices cheering the fight on even, me wondering why in the hell nobody was doing anything about it. And then the memory of how horrible Jack looked afterwards came to the forefront of my brain, crashing in there with vengeance.

I pressed my palm to my head as the picture became clear with painful force, as if I could sense his pain right then and there… His bloody face…his hunched over body…the scary, unwavering blue eyes of Jack glaring back at me through Kelsey’s car window when it was all said and done. How pained he looked as he stumbled away. Hopeless, lost even, those images, once so distant in my memory, were back so clearly now, that it was as if I was seeing them, feeling them myself, for the very first time. I gasped, why had I not remembered this until now?

I stumbled, grabbing his arm to stay upright as I glared up at his face. My heart pounded in my chest. What was he doing to me?

He growled, drawing nearer, “You remember don’t you? You remember how I spotted you in Kelsey's car, at least one hundred feet away. You remember!” Jack’s hands reached out to grip me on my upper arms. Fierceness and some other hidden emotion passed over his beautiful, hard face. “I let him have you Emmy. He wanted you so badly, and we both knew you were connected to us. We both felt it, but I let him have you anyway…”

My lip started to quiver when I realized what he was trying to tell me. They honestly knew that I was destined for one of them all those years ago?

Jesus Christ…

A single tear spilled down my cheek as I struggled to gain distance from his grip. I pushed against his chest while my head shook a powerful no at him. “I don’t want to hear it.” I spat out in disbelief.

“You have to listen to me, Emmy. It’s important.” He finally released me, but the pain radiating down my arms from his battle grip still lingered. God he was strong. But the burn in my arms didn’t even
begin
 to compare to the ache and confusion building inside my heart and my head.

“The elders, the people who run the packs in Colorado, they let us battle it out for you, because even though I could feel internally that you were mine, to me, it still didn’t compare to the love that Zachary was feeling for you.”

I held my breath, before spitting my words out angrily, “I don’t understand. H–how could he love me when he didn’t even know me?”

Jack exhaled. He appeared completely disoriented with his droopy, blue eyes staring down at me like he was. I wasn’t falling for it. “He watched you Emmy, every single day. It sounds creepy I know, but he obviously felt something for you. And somehow or another he knew that you were destined to be a wolf’s mate. Not
his
obviously, but he didn’t know or probably care at the time. The attraction was there for him, so he went with it. He studied you, Strawberry, he followed you, protected you too. And then when he got to know you he fell in love with you.” He shrugged. It was totally not a shrugging type of moment in my opinion, more of a jaw dropping one, which
I
was experiencing by the way myself.

“So let me get this straight…Zachary was basically my stalker for two years then?” I probably should have been pissed, or felt betrayed even. But oddly, I didn’t. The one emotion that overrode everything else though, was sadness. Sadness from the fact that Jack, my supposed
fated
mate, didn’t want me.

Well hot damn where did that depression come from?

“Not a stalker, Strawberry, simply a guy with a fascination for a beautiful girl.” Oh Lordy, there he went again with those
words…
the words that he was getting way too good at. The ‘
suck me in, hold me tight, and never let me go’
sort of words. The words that spelled serious trouble for my already fragile heart…

I shook my head, but he went on anyway, “I let him win the fight for you because I didn’t care. I didn’t
want
to be a wolf. I didn’t
want
to be someone’s mate, and I sure as hell didn’t 
want
to be the alpha someday either. I wanted to have a real life, outside of being a wolf…or at least a
shot
 at a real life.”

Jack dropped his hands from my shoulders, and pulled away. With a sigh, he dipped his chin into his chest and stared up at me under lashes that were entirely too sinful for a guy to have. His eyes were so sorrowful, that he really did look like a puppy dog in that moment. A puppy dog that I wanted to scratch behind his ears only so I could see if his leg would do that cute, kicking thing.

Damn him. I mean, I already knew he didn’t want me, but why was he so adamant about it? I didn’t want to lead this lifestyle either obviously, because I sure as hell didn’t want to constantly worry about my boyfriend turning into an animal at will. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to be in charge of my own fate too. Unfortunately, that option was not looking too promising anymore.

“Come on Emmy, I’ll take you home.” Jack kicked at a few random rocks as he walked his grumpy self over towards his bike.

He straddled the seat, leaning forward to settle his elbows on top his handlebars. He turned to look at me; his face was blank of all emotion as he did. It almost appeared as if he was trying too hard to shelter his feelings. He looked seriously scary. I swallowed, staring down at his denim clad thighs. They were so huge, even compared to the beast he was sitting on. God…how it would feel to have them draped around my body? I gulped. I totally shouldn’t have been thinking that at a time like this, but I couldn’t help it. He had that effect on me. I couldn’t seem to get my mind out of the gutter whenever he was around.

Slowly, with my hands tucked into tight balls at my side, I strode forward. My body trembled as I wrapped my legs on either side of his waist from behind. Without permission, he turned, leisurely, to place that hated red helmet on my head. His hands shook ever so slightly, betraying his calm, as he buckled the strap under my chin. Oh yes, I affected him as much as he did me. My gaze never left his face as he clipped the strap together. Without a command this time, I wrapped my arms around his waist, even before he could turn fully around. Our faces were within inches of one another, and all the oxygen in the world would never have been enough to help me catch my breath as he studied me.

“Emmy…” he trailed off, dropping the fingers of his right hand to trail a burning line down my neck. Just barely, he stroked my collarbone with the tips of his fingers. I shuddered, fighting back a moan as he continued to peruse my neck line again. His breath was rigid, as was mine, and the more he traced the lines onto my skin, the more I wanted him to do all sorts of very bad things to my suddenly willing body. The kind of things that had me tilting my head to the side, and opening my mouth ever so slightly.

“Emmy please. Just don’t… I…I can’t.”

And just like that, my stupid traitorous heart, the one I let do all the thinking for me anymore, rushed rapidly inside my chest, beating me to oblivion, reminding me that this was all a mistake. I was stupid, and I was affected, and dammit…I really needed to go home.

He cleared his throat, but didn’t speak to me again. Good.

I worried my lower lip as he started his bike. The loud revving noise thankfully covered up my tiny blip of a frustrated growl. Then when I felt myself relax, felt myself ease up for the briefest of seconds, an unexpected broken sensation overtook my insides. I gasped, the sudden abandonment, the loss and pain, it was sharp and stabbing, and it grinded away at my chest, as well as my head. I pulled myself further into Jack’s backside, as if his nearness would somehow take the mysterious aching away. And he stiffened, mistaking my grip for something else apparently.