Restraint (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (20 page)

I want to use my hand to see how big he is
. I need to know what it feels like, the flesh that is rubbing me raw, chaffing me, burning me with friction. It seems wrong, not knowing what it looks like. Since I’m blinded, I want to see with my touch. My hand moves out of its own curiosity, slipping from Master Ez’s grip around my wrist. I sharply shriek, the sound ricocheting around my bedroom. A hand palms my entire breast and crushes it like a vice. I scream, and more of that suffocating cock fills my mouth, choking me.

“I said no hands. I
will bind you,” he warns. “Don’t force me, punishment is involved.” Yet he violently and violatingly punishes me anyway.

His cock is
past my gag reflex, thrusting deeply down my throat, as if it is my second cunt. He fucks my throat and mouth like you would punishingly screw a pussy. Tears leak from my eyes, and it’s either find a rhythm or suffocate. I inhale when he pulls out, and exhale through my nose when he plunges back in.

“You have no idea how frustrated I’ve been. All the things I couldn’t control in my life weighing down on me. All I wanted to do is spend time with you
, get to know you, and I wasn’t allowed. Then to watch you take Kayla in the manner you did.” His body shakes, and a small amount of cum is released to ooze down my throat. It helps to lubricate the cock that is injuring me.

“All the progress you’ve made in the game. I knew you’d make it a challenge. You are gaining on me, equaling me.” He shoves deeper, impaling me. The more he talks the less control he uses.

“The shit you pulled during the meeting. It took all of my control not to bend you over the chess treasure box and fuck you until you screamed bloody murder.”

He’s i
mpaling me faster and harder making it impossible to keep a rhythm of breathing. Just as I think I will pass out from the lack of oxygen, his orgasm hits.

“K
...a...t…y…a,” he screams at the ceiling as jets of scalding cum shoot down my esophagus. He curls around my body, pressing deeper, filling me. Eye mask or not, blindness is closing in around the edges and I see stars in my vision. My body loses its fight to stay upright. I am suffocating.

Suddenly I can
breathe. I gasp large breaths of air, choking on the viscous fluid still in my throat. Ez holds me upright while I kneel on the floor until I get my equilibrium back.

“Eat all your cream, Kitten. Take all your medicine.” His thumb brushes across my lip and plunges in, delivering my medicine.

Master Ez just walks away, leaving me where I fall. I breathlessly lay on my carpet in shock, not understanding what just happened. That wasn’t a reward, for me or for him. That wasn’t a punishment, either.

It felt vindictive and wrong.

My skin crawls with every bad emotion one can imagine. My fingers curl around the edge of my nightstand, and I pull myself to my feet. I take a large breath, silently praising myself.

That was nothing, Katya, you’ve lived through worse. It was just ten minutes of your life… that’s all. It was only ten minutes.

I tell myself comforting lies as I hobble into my bathroom and step into a scalding hot shower.

Chapter Nineteen

I’ve hel
d Kimber off for three weeks. I tell her I’m still acclimating to my new life and I don’t have time to chat. My guilt is getting the best of me, and I bite the bullet. Plus, it occupies my thoughts, takes away from what happened last night.

I
’d met Kimber in an online group for survivors of violence. We hit it off immediately. I’d love to meet with her in person, except her fear rules her, so she no longer leaves the house. Agoraphobia, they call it. Kimber lives her life in a virtual world while I live mine in an imaginary one. Neither of us embraces reality.

TheCastrator
:
Kat where are you at? Are you still here?

KitKat411
:
I’m here. How’s the virtual world been treating you?

TheCastrator
:
!!I’ve missed you!! Nothing ever changes around here, you know that. I write new programs. Upgrade websites for clients. I make sure my ladies behave. I just upgraded my system, though. It’s kickass now!

KitKat411
:
Sweet. I’m sorry I haven’t chatted. I’ve been kinda busy.

TheCastrator
:
It’s ok. I understand. How’s the job? Your boss? Coworkers? Any new friends?

KitKat411
:
Slow down, Kimber! LOL! I like my new place. It’s comfortable, and suspiciously exactly as I want it. The job is great. I have three people who work for me. One is a pain in the ass. But we understand each other. If she didn’t want my job, I think we could be friends. My boss… I’m pretty sure is the actual BOSS. Don’t ask!  I met a woman that I’d like to befriend. Her name’s Queen. I feel connected to her for some reason.

TheCastrator
:
Aww! I bet she feels connected to you, too. You’re so easy to get along with.

KitKat411
:
Ego stroker! You know damned well I can be a bit of a bitch. Lol!

TheCastrator
:
I know why you turn into one, so it’s all good
.
You were really excited to hit the scene for real. Did ya?

KitKat411
:
Yeah, it’s confusing. I don’t know what I think about it. It’s exciting. I thought it would be filled with rules and structure. You know how much I need that sort of thing.

TheCastrator
:
I’m always on my computer researching stuff. Why don’t you tell me what you mean & I’ll look it up for you.

KitKat411
:
The reward and punishment system. I thought you got rewarded when you did well and punished when you misbehaved. I found out that isn’t the case.

TheCastrator
:
Ahahaaa… Kat, what did you do?

KitKat411
:
Nothing, honest! I didn’t think I needed rewarded. We’re playing a game, and when you win a battle, you move these Chess pieces we have set up. I won, and moved the chess piece. I thought that was the end of it…

TheCastrator
:
Oh! So you were rewarded. That’s awesome. From what I’ve read, Masters do stuff like that. They aren’t supposed to punish you for no reason. But rewards are different. It makes them happy to give their sub nice things and to do nice things for them. It’s what being a dominant is all about.

KitKat411
:
He said it was a reward. But it was HIS reward.

TheCastrator
:
Don’t you want to make him happy?

KitKat411
:
I do. I really do. But it went against all I knew about the rules. I thought we both were to get something out of it. I don’t mean sexual stuff. But even when I’m punished, it’s supposed to teach me something, right?

TheCastrator
:
Everything I’ve read says that. So you gave him a reward and didn’t get anything out of it? That’s not too bad, Kat. I thought submissives were supposed to want to please their Masters.

KitKat411
:
I did get something out of it. I know that punishments aren’t supposed to leave lasting damage, but in order for him to get his reward, I was hurt. It won’t go away for a long while. It hurts in a few ways. I feel violated, mentally, physically, and morally. He said that my reward is my Master’s pleasure.

TheCastrator
:
Katya! What did he do?

KitKat411
:
No. I don’t want to say. It’s too embarrassing. Just know that I’m having second thoughts. Hell, third or fourth or millionth thoughts. I can’t trust what happened. There is no balance, and it was that balance that drew me to BDSM in the first place. I don’t think he is the right Master for me, but I don’t think he will just let me walk away. Just forget it. Forget I said anything…

TheCastrator
:
I’m not forgetting shit, Katya! We’re friends. I care about you and your wellbeing. Tell me what he did, so I can get off this computer and kick his fucking ass! I’ll shove his nuts down his throat!

KitKat411
:
You don’t even know who he is or where to find him. Plus, you don’t leave the house. I appreciate it. & Kimber, you are my only real friend. I’m glad we talk. And I’m sorry I’ve avoided you. When I talk to you, more comes out than with Dr. Jeannine, and I avoid you to avoid therapy.

TheCastrator
:
Please tell me so I can fix it. I beg of you!

KitKat411
: I will, when I’m comfortable, I’ll tell you. Okay? I would have done it for him regardless. If he’d only have asked, I would have said yes. I wouldn’t have been morally comfortable, but I would have done it. I wanted to make my master proud. It was the brutality of the act. It felt vindictive or something. I don’t know… But I’ll be okay! Oh! I dropped our therapist. I hit her with a revelation and told her to fuck off
.
Fucking Bitc
h

TheCastrator
:
Katya, please tell me what happened. And
y
ou can’t do that. Don’t drop her. You need someone to talk to. She’s helpful.

KitKat411
:
Yeah. It’s like Groundhog Day. Same shit different day. Nothing ever changes. Besides, I have you to talk to. You listen without judgment. You understand because you’ve been there, too. That cunt has probably never even had a hangnail.

Minutes go by. I strum my fingers on my desk
, hoping Kimber is alright. She never leaves the house, so why would she get up from her computer mid-conversation. After twenty minutes, I start to get frantic.

KitKat411
:
Kimber! Where’d you go? Are you okay?

TheCastrator
:
Ah, Kitty Kat. I do understand. You can come to me for anything, anytime. Always!

KitKat411
:
What, say again? What did you just say?

TheCastrator
:
Anytime… Always… I will be here for u!

My heart beats
so fast it may explode. Where have I heard that before? No, please, no. Don’t let this be true. Tears trail down my face and my body shivers with hurt. I prepare for the ultimate betrayal, worse than being gang raped and humiliated.

TheCastrator
:
Where are you atKitKat? What’s wrong
?



KitKat411
:
White Rook sweeps Black Knight
!
  Motherfucke
r
How could you? Stalker or not, this breaks some kind of covenant. Worthless piece of shit!

EZTheBoss
:
I told you we all censor ourselves to different individuals. This was the only way. My story was real, with the exception of the agoraphobia, even the attack. Everything said was true emotions. I mean it, Katya. I will always be here for you. & I know what you’ve been through better than anyone. 

“Katya,
what’s wrong?” Kayla asks from my doorway.

She must
have heard the wounded animal sound I made just now. Master Ez is Kimber. Kimber isn’t real. I sob, realizing that Kimber just died for me. She really was my only friend, and she was just a figment of my stalker’s imagination. How sad is that. I’ve never felt so alone or broken, as I do now… and I’ve been so low that death sounded like a sweet release.

Kayla’s hovering-
mothering- guilt sinks in. She is mine to take care of, not the other way around. I point at my throat. I doubt I will speak again. My throat is a fiery torture. I tried to eat and nearly fainted. Thirst equals drinking shards of glass. Forget about talking. I can’t even whimper from the pain. My Master’s pleasure is my reward. Is reward another word for punishment by torture?

I quickly wipe the tears from my cheek and
smile. I kiss Kayla’s forehead, and then I take her hand to lead her to the door. This isn’t her cross to bear. 

I take a few minutes to collect myself
, then and head for my boss’ office. If he isn’t Master Ez, than he knows who is. Master Ez admitted to me last night that both the Ez’s were in on the game.

“Enter,” comes Zeitler’s muffled voice through the door.

I move into the office I ransacked forty-eight hours ago. Nothing has changed in that time except now it has occupants, Ezra and Cortez, and shockingly, Queen.

I feel instant betrayal. I wanted to be friends with this woman. When I spoke to her on the phone
, she had lied to me. She knows who they are. I can tell by the way she and Cortez sit on the sofa that they are close friends. Queen freezes when she sees me. I can tell by her body language that she was arguing with both the Ezes and my arrival takes her by surprise. None of them knew it was me who knocked on the door. This afforded me five seconds to observe their unguarded interaction. Queen knows them both as much as they know each other. All three were in the middle of an intense fight.

I stare at them and
they stare back. Which one brutally violated my throat? Which one played Kimber? Ezra? Cortez? Maybe both… or they took turns… fuck if I know.

What they don’t understand is that this isn’t just about the betrayal. Kimber died moments ago. She was real for me. Three years of conversation, of pouring out my soul, and it was all forged. Fake or not, the perception of Kimber died for me. How apropos that I said she lived in the virtual world. True, she never existed in reality.

I grieve
, and my throat is punishment for my stupidity. I stare at the pair, not bothering to hide the emotions that flash across my face.

Ezra and Cortez are similar in stature. The only notable difference is skin
tone and hair color. Ghostly pale skin and cropped white blond hair makes Ezra devastatingly handsome. Cortez’s flawless skin is the color of caramel, and his jet-black hair gives off an exotic energy. Both men have the same haircut. I want to run my fingers through it to comparing their texture.

I hold Cortez’s eyes. I’ve no need to with Ezra. I know his
eyes are stormy gray. My shoulders slump as I absorb Cortez’s gray eyes. Which one made me think about making love for the very first time? I brush tears from my face on that fleeting thought.

The Boss is
correct about one thing. We all represent ourselves differently in certain circumstances. It was an out of body experience to take Kayla in my office. Everything about me came alive. These men have two identities: normal, for everyday activities, and Dom, when the mood strikes. I bet both of their voices change with the metamorphosis. But can they sound the same?

I gently place my gift to them on the desk and step away.

“Katya?” Zeitler cautiously asks, fear lacing his voice.

I shake my head and point at the offering.

Ezra picks up the Black Knight and raises his eyebrows in question. It was the play from a few minutes ago. It’s the piece I removed when I figured out Master Ez was Kimber. I wait for him to read, and then share my note with Cortez.

~
Ezra & Cortez ~
~Master Ez~

I know there is no backing out of the game.
It’s in motion and will not rest until the final move. I know the rules are ultimately up to you (both?). I have a request. You always say it’s not what I want, but what I need. Well, I need consistency. The Dom/sub relationship is built on consistency and trust. If I do A, then I expect B as a result. (You) broke those rules. The Kimber thing was outside the spectrum, and that broke my trust. My reward last night breached consistency. (You) hurt me for your own pleasure in the name of reward. For my reward is my Master’s pleasure. I suffer the consequences of such a reward, the torture that keeps giving.
I will play your game under one condition. If I win, I am released as your sub.
If I lose, I will stay under duress.
Last night the game changed for me. It’s no longer a journey of self-discovery. It’s for my freedom.
~ Game on, Bastards~

I wait as Zeitler reads the note. When
he finishes, he looks up and runs his gaze over my body. His cautious expression changes to fury. I back towards the door when he fists my note in his hand. As I turn to leave the office, I catch sight of Zeitler smashing the note down in front of Abernathy on the coffee table. The last sight I see before I bolt through the door, is Queen holding Cortez down on the sofa.

Chapter Twenty

My locked office door opens while I am nursing my wounds. I don’t bother to look. I can guess who is visiting. I ignore him as he settles into the chair across from me and sighs a long suffering sound from deep within his chest. I still don’t look.

I feel
like a mixture of MacGyver, Bill Nye the science guy, and a drug addict. I smash four ibuprofens on a sheet of paper with my paperweight. Forget spray, I pour an ounce of Chloraseptic into a paper cup, and I add the pain medicine by folding the paper into a funnel. I stare at the concoction for a moment, working up my nerve. My hand reaches and falls back… reaches and falls back… reaches and falls back. I repeat this process several times, always coming up empty-handed.

Ez’s voice breathes
through my mind
don’t process, just react!

“Katya,
” he says firm and commanding. My eyes meet Ezra’s.

I knew who the real Master
Ez was the moment I turned to leave Ezra’s office. The eyes holding mine left me with little doubt.

Ezra is Master Ez.

“Drink!” he softly commands.

I do. I don’t process- I react. And
I burn in hell. My back arches off the couch. My fingers curl into claws and dig into the sofa cushion, leaving my fingertips pure white. No sound escapes from my silent scream. The worse it hurts- the faster I breathe- the more the pain increases. It’s a torturous cycle of Hell.

Ice water wakes
me. I hadn’t realized that I’d passed out. Ezra lies next to me on the sofa, embracing me, rubbing an ice cube on my lips.

“Hold this in your mouth as it melts
,” he softly says. “Just so we are very clear. I did not do this to you.” Ezra’s voice sounds strained with barely leashed violence.

I roll over on top of Ezra
and bury my face in his chest, clutching his necklace in my fist. I finger my emblem and sob. My fingers touch other charms on the necklace. There are several charms- some of the initials I recognize:
KW, CA, AF.
And there are a few I don’t. There is also the key to my locks. Strange, there isn’t a charm for Kayla. I would recognize her initials.