Restraint (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (24 page)

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I hold my agonized scream, swallow it and choke on it, as my captor’s leg sweeps mine from beneath me. I fall to the ground, expecting a hard impact, but he takes the brunt of the fall.

I thrash my arms and legs trying to break his hold.
My punches and slaps land with a dull thump and reverberate down my arms. His grunt of pain lights satisfaction throughout my body. I may not win, but he’s going to hurt, too. Breathlessly, I lash out as an animal would, fingers curling into claws, sounds of pain spilling from my throat. The more panicked I become, the less affective my struggles are. I fight for my life, but it does no good. It doesn’t save me from my violent fate. Other hands join my captor’s, holding me down to the hard-packed ground. Medium sized hands- all of them.

Whether in reality or remembrance I can never place a face to the young men.
My mind withholds this knowledge, whether it’s to protect me, I do not know. Their faces, their bodies, their everything is blurred- everything but the hands that hold- the hands that ultimately harm me.

I look wildly about until my eyes land on the leader. He
proudly stands watching the scene with smug satisfaction. Now, him, I never forget. I remember every detail in Technicolor. He’s a tall, lean man that’s well dressed and handsome, except for his expression of malice and the aura of madness radiating off of him. He is a man that if you saw him on the street, you’d think he was a gentlemen, and all too late, you’d feel the sickness leaking from his pores.

I
helplessly and hopelessly lay on the forest floor, an animal in a trap. One male leans on my feet with his hands on my shins, restraining me. Another pins my arms above my head. The third, the one that ultimately captured me, is petting my face. It’s his sick and twisted way of calming me.

“Well, which
of you wants to go first? She’s definitely ready now.” The leader speaks of me as if I’m truly an animal- meaningless. I’m a thing to use- a disposable playtoy.

“No,” the third orders
. “You aren’t going to subject her to all of us,” he growls with authority.

Blessedly, the third
turns my face to the side so I can no longer see their leader. My view is of the lake. Its crystalline water, that promised safety, now taunts me. I try to reach out to the water for help. A whimper escapes my lips when it doesn’t envelope me in its watery embrace.

“Well, this is my son
’s first hunt. I thought we’d share in the spoils and dispose her in the lake.” A sinister laugh bubbles up from his chest, pure evil anticipation. My body tries to shudder, but it’s immobilized by two of the boys, but nowhere near as immobilized as I am by my fear. Fear rolls over me and takes me under. It envelopes me in its darkness. It leads me to a place that can only be called Hell. The dark recesses of my mind are scarier than my violent reality.

“This way we can do
anything we want and no one will hear us.” Madness leaks from the Leader’s voice. “We can take our time.
And look at that lake, no one would find her for days. I planned this perfectly.”

“Katya, snap out of it!” Strong hands press my arms into m
y mattress. Shakes jolt me out of the nightmare of my past. My face is buried against a manly chest. My teeth are locked on his flesh smothering my scream. I abruptly pull back, thankful that I don’t have my caps on. They would have left a lasting scar. I breathe a large lungful of air, catching his familiar scent- Aaron.

“Oh
God,” I groan. “I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?” My panic returns for a new reason.

“No, no, I’m fine.” Aaron’
s voice is gravelly deep with a tinge of embarrassment bleeding through. Aaron awkwardly slides off me, turning his hips to the side to hide his reaction- I don’t want to examine that too closely. I just hope he likes being bitten, and isn’t some kind of freak who gets off on other people’s torments and nightmares.

“I’m sorry. I told you the pas
t fucked us up, too.” Shame is evident in his voice, and it makes me feel badly for silently judging him. We can’t help how we cope with the past.

“Um, it’s alright, I think,” I stammer out.
“What time is it?” I groggily look to my clock. 

“Ya don’t have to talk about it with me.
Um… you were screaming in your sleep, so I know what was happening.” He backs away from me, moving towards my bedroom door. I try to reply, but he cuts me off. “Uh- um… I don’t want to remember it when you’re in the same room with me. I need the bathroom.”

Chapter
Twenty-Four

It amazes me how we can look at others and think they have it all. I know differently. On the outside
, I appear happy. My profession is one that I’m passionate about. I am healthy. My family is alive and well. But on the inside, a fundamental part of me is broken. Aaron’s behavior this morning brought the thought home. Is anyone whole on the inside?

The happy trio
is ruined on the inside, but not torn apart. Their bond is so strong it can’t be severed. Even well put together Monica is fractured. I can smell her inadequacies like a bloodhound. If I were less of a person, I would exploit them. Kayla is the only one of us that is genuinely happy. But then again, who in their right mind would play with the twisted trio? Hell, she plays with me, and I know I am not right in the mind. No one is whole. We can only strive for contentment. I could let my past strangle the life out of me by playing the victim, but I am safe now.

I breathe deeply and make a circuit around my office.
You are in control, Katya. No matter what you remember it will not break you. You’ve lived through it once, now it’s time to accept and move on. Maybe Dr. Jeannine is right, I must remember to be able to truly live. You are in control.
I repeat this to myself over and over as I pace. I don’t know how long I go through this process, but eventually I make my way back to my desk. As I sit and decompress, I feel the fissures slowly repair in my psyche. None of us are normal. I must accept myself as I am, and them as well.

“Katya, this arrived for you a moment ago,” Kayla
hesitantly says from my doorway. I motion her over with my fingers. I study her as she moves towards me. Her thick blonde hair and big blue eyes make her look innocent. Her pink skin glows with health. Her soft body says she lacks for nothing. She radiates like the sun. Is she okay on the inside? Is she broken?

“Is everything alright, M
istress?” Kayla drops down on her knees at my side.

“Are you alright?”
I numbly ask as I study her face, looking for signs.

“Yes,” she smiles as the word passes her full lips.

“No, I mean in here?” I press my palm in between her breasts over her heart. “Why are you with us? What created your need?”

Kayla
cocks her head to the side and thinks about what I just asked, really thinks it over. Her emotions play out across her face as thoughts skip through her mind. “Sometimes we’re just born this way,” she says in a voice tinged with seriousness. “I need someone to take control for me to feel safe- that’s all. It’s nothing scandalous or dirty. I just want to feel safe and comforted.”

“You mean it’s in
your nature to behave in such a way. No specific event created you.” I say to her what I’ve been trying to tell Dr. Jeannine about myself. “You’re submissive because you were born to submit. Like I’m dominant because I was born to control- to offer the comfort and safety a submissive needs. But at the same time, I feel the need to be comforted by someone stronger than myself. It’s what makes me a switch.”

“Yes,
exactly that,” Kayla smiles brightly. “No matter how many times I tell Master Ez, he just doesn’t believe me.” She rolls her eyes at the memory. “I’m perfectly fine… sane… happy. I have no repressed childhood nightmares. I grew up in an amazing home, and I love my family to pieces. I am who I am.”

“Nature versus
nurture sounds like my therapist. She won’t believe that my needs started long before the attack. Maybe Master Ez and Dr. Jeannine went to the same university,” I muse.

Kayla rises and kisses me sweetly on the cheek. She taps the letter on my des
k and leaves me to my privacy.

~
Katya~
Aaron will accompany you to Restraint this evening.
You will not need the mask this night. The mask is solely for your sensory deprivation, now that you know my Master identity.
I will not be at Restraint until later in the evening, so Aaron will show you the Dungeon and our private room at the club.
I realize how enticing it is to be hit with the hunger. The sights, scents, sounds, and sensations at Restraint can be hard to overcome. If inspiration strikes, you may play with Aaron-only.
Enjoy yourself. Truly, play. I want you to feel satisfied. That is an order from not only your Master and your boss, but your friend. You need some stress relief.
She is beautiful, by the way. Thank you.
~Ez~

I
pleasantly smile to myself, feeling hopeful for the first time in a very long time. It is a huge relief to voice my fears and secrets, and to have someone shoulder my burdens. That is what Kayla was speaking of, support and guidance. Just saying the words aloud released the pressure building in my soul.

Ava isn’t a dirty secret, and I was treating her like one in my new life. Back home, I raise her as any mother would. It’s a small town and there are a lot of rumors. But my family keeps to themselves, and we are good to the community. By the time Ava started school, the rumor mill had died down.

I’d lived my life for my daughter, and when the opportunity arose to better myself, I hungrily took it. I wasn’t running away from my daughter, I was creating a stable and secure life that she would join. I didn’t tell anyone at Edge about Ava because I didn’t want to explain who her father was, or have them give me special treatment because I am a mother. I wanted to prove my worth first, and when I was settled, have Ava join me. I’m thankful every day that I have the most supportive parents on the planet.

The reoccurrence of the memories screams that I’m going to have the breakthrough Dr. Jeannine promised. I’m thankful that I am not with my family when it happens. Ezra is still a stranger to me, and there is less to lose if a stranger sees you fracture. It would hurt my parents and daughter
to see me in pain. So I’m thankful they won’t witness it, and hopeful for a calmer future once this passes.

I don’t know what type of life I will lead here, but I know that specific people will be in it, whether I want them to be or not. Kayla and I have a good rapport.
Aaron and I have bonded over pain and our mutual adoration for our Master. Ezra and I have a lot of kinks to work out, because I hate his evasive and stalking behavior. There is one person left that I need to get to know so that we may live peacefully, and he and I have some unfinished business to attend.

I sent Cortez Abernathy
a message when I got to the office. He should have been here moments ago and I fear he will remain elusive.

“I figured you wouldn’t show,” I murmur to the man casting a shadow over my desk. I look up and smile at the charming bastard.
I want to hate him for violating me, but I can’t. I thirst to know why he did it, and I can’t find that out unless I ask.

“I’ve been called many things
, and most of them are very bad, but never a coward.” Cortez slowly leans in, gunmetal gray eyes never leaving mine, and tenderly kisses my hand. He leaves his lips on my skin for an inappropriately long time. I stifle a shiver, and get pissed at myself for enjoying his touch.

“We need to call a truce,” I announce.

“I wasn’t aware we were battling. And I’m not playing a game with you…so,” he spreads his hands as if to say
why do we need a truce?

“So…,”
I draw out. “You skullfucked me,” I angrily growl. “I’ve never done that before, and I’m not sure I want to do it ever again!” I slam my hands on my desk and stand. We are eye-to-eye. I’m furiously panting. And the bastard laughs at me, a smoky sound, thick and rich and completely intoxicating. Cortez stormy eyes twinkle with delight as a rosy blush tints his cheeks.

“I could just say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” He smirks at my outrage. “I could promise never to do it again, but that’d be a lie, too”

I bug my eyes out at him and speechlessly stare with my mouth agape… and the bastard kisses me… an open-mouthed kiss, tongue snaking between my lips as it tries to coax my affections. I smack his chest and try to pull away, but he bites my bottom lip and won’t let go. My arms flail, either trying to hit him to release me or just to hear him grunt in pain.

Cortez abruptly let me go, and I breathlessly fall into my seat. I sit, stunned and confused. I liked it, and I shouldn’t have liked it. That stolen kiss aroused me. The man innocently sitting across my desk from me, I want him… and it’s a really fucking bad idea. What is wrong with me? The two men who light a fire in my belly are unavailable, even if they don’t think they are. I’m not going to be their dirty little secrets.

“Still want that truce of yours, Kitten?” Cortez sits across from me smirking and blushing, all proud of himself. He crosses his legs, and rests his palms on his knee.