Restraint (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (22 page)

Ezra’s eyebrows meet his hairline and his mouth drops open when I lean forward. I strike a trashy
, skank pose: legs spread, elbows on knees, chin in palms, panties and bra on display. Adelaide’s gaze glues to my ample décolletage and her mouth drops open.

“You must be the Boss’s woman.” I emphasize the word boss.

“Yes, I’m Ezra’s fiancée.” Adelaide’s voice is filled with pride, but it has a shrill edge, annoying. She’s very haughty. I wonder if Ezra gags her during sex. I would, I couldn’t stand the sounds she would make. Then again, I’d never fuck her- too skinny.

Alright, inner bitch, I let you out to play,
but shut the hell up inside my head! I feel disconnected, like I’m dealing with multiple personalities, and not a one of them seems to like Adelaide Whittenhower.

“So what do you have to do to actual
ly get this man to tie the knot? Six years is extremely long for an engagement. What are you, engaged to be engaged?” I evilly smirk at the blonde.

Ezra leans his head against the ba
ck of his chair and releases a deep, long-suffering sigh. When he is satisfied, he looks me dead-on and places his hands on his blotter. Ezra is completely resigned to live through my antics, whatever they may bring. What do I have to do to get him to beat me, to get him to tell me what he really wants? I am insulting his fiancée to her face, and he looks like he’s sitting in a church pew.

Adelaide looks from Ezra to me- back and forth. I see the light bulb burn to life in her mind. She glares at Ezra when he remains silent- smart man.

“What? Do you think he’s waiting for you? You’re nothing but a trashy whore. You’re probably just an assistant to lower management.” Her voice is snide, but her expression tells me she knows exactly who I am. She knows I’m the object of her fiancé’s stalking. I see deep-seeded knowledge glare at me from her light blue eyes. She knows what I want Ezra to tell me. She knows what I
need
to know. If I can’t piss Ezra off enough to get him to spill, maybe Adelaide will.

“Ah, that hurt.” I fake a hit to the chest. I swear Ezra’s lips quark up
at the corners, but the movement is gone instantly. “Actually I work just down the hall.” I point in the direction of my office. “Just a few doors down.” I wiggle my fingers and smile smugly.

“Ezra
wouldn’t touch you. You’re disgusting,” Adelaide spits, like the words leave a bitter taste in her mouth. It takes everything in me not to mention that it was Ezra’s fingers inside me a few days ago making me cum. Better leave that unsaid. I just shrug. My presence will annoy her more than my words.

I feel bad
, because I am using Adelaide to get to Ezra. She is his fiancée, and I’m going above and beyond to get his attention. Technically, I’m the other woman- the interloper. Now that I know Ezra Zeitler is Master Ez and Cortez Abernathy is his ‘partner’, neither of them are intimately touching me while they are attached to someone else. I have more self-respect than that. I will never let my Master touch me sexually as long as he’s engaged. I’m not the skank I’m playing right now. I’m just thankful that our intimacy never reached sex. I’m not even sure that Ezra likes me in that way, since he wouldn’t let me touch him back… and then there is Cortez. My thoughts on the man are not good ones. He violated me to get back at Ezra. What kind of woman is his wife to put up with that kind of shit?

It hurts me to know that this well-educated, rich woman lowered her standard
s in order to put up with a man who cheats on her and stalks prey. Her gorgeous, blue eyes scream that she is frightened of me, that she knows exactly who I am. It also bothers me that Ezra doesn’t see Adelaide or myself as good enough. Neither of us meets his needs or he wouldn’t need two- one that is cultured for the society pages, and one that is stalked for shits and giggles.

I feel bad, but it
isn’t stopping me from self-destructing. Maybe I’ll annoy Adelaide enough that she’ll leave him. I don’t want her to leave Ezra for my benefit. I wouldn’t want a man that would take me as a consolation prize. I want Adelaide to leave Ezra because she is worth more than this.

I’ll feel guilty after the game is finished.

“Why do you put up with Ezra cheating on you?” I curiously ask while dropping the bomb. But I actually ask because I really want to know. I don’t understand it. “Why does Divina put up with Cortez cheating on her? Is it something you learn in Prep school- how to accept your husband’s mistress 101… intro to infidelity… doormats anonymous?”

Ezra’s
laugh echoes around the room, husky, smoky, and spine-tingling. I hate myself a little bit because it warms me heart and soul. The cheating bastard wipes his eyes on a hanky, chuckling to himself.

Adelaide stomps her designer stiletto and shrieks in frustration.
“Why aren’t you married? You’re in your thirties. My guess is that no one has ever wanted you.” She looks proud of herself, like she just scored a point.

“I’m not married because the thought of a cock near me makes me puke a little in my mouth.” Her flinch makes me smile.
What I don’t expect is the curious look that follows- I’ve piqued her interest and intrigued her.

I stare Ezra down. I silently plead with him to end
this debacle. He’s the only one who can. He innocently gazes back at me.
You dug this hole… you will crawl out of it.

“You’re a lesbian?”
Her shocked outburst doesn’t sound as if it’s a bad thing to be a lesbian. Adelaide Whittenhower is a strange one. I expected her to throw a fit, not look interested. She turns away from me as if the very sight of me burns her eyes. But not in a bad way, and it makes her feel ashamed of herself. Hey, you were the one checking me out, sweetheart. There isn’t an inch of you I would touch voluntarily.

“Not liking cock doesn’t make me a lesbian by default, ya know. It
just means I just haven’t found one that doesn’t make me choke.” I wickedly grin at a wincing Ezra. We both remember Cortez’s skullfuckery.

“But, then again, I haven’t
seen your fiancé’s prick yet,” I taunt the couple. I wait for it… She rushes across the room and tries to slap me. I catch her wrist in my hand before it makes contact. I nail the final nail into the coffin. “What do ya say, Bossman, whip it out. Will it wet my panties or will I gag in my mouth?”

Ezra
hesitates. I think he’s actually contemplating it. I snort at him when he uncomfortably shifts in his chair, and I know he’s aroused by the thought. He wants to know which result I would give. I can see the force of his control as he tries not to unleash his cock.

We are locked in our own private
world; everything else is on the outside. Both of us are trying not to laugh as we ignore Adelaide’s tirade. She’s screeching at us in the background. Sorry, Ezra, I’m pretty sure she hates you right now. We simultaneously break our stare and look to the frantic woman in the room. I almost feel bad- almost.

“Just tell me what you want from me, and this all ends,” I say to Ezra while gesturing to a pissed off heiress. I’m thoroughly exhausted on so many levels. “I’ll call her off,” I offer. “If you don’t actually tell me who you are to me, I’ll find Abernathy’s wife next,” I threaten.

Ezra stiffens, drawing in air to reply, but Adelaide’s words sink in and strike me deep. “If you won’t touch a man, how do you expect to have kids? But then again, who in their right mind would want to have kids with a lunatic like you?” She says the one thing guaranteed to defeat me.

Adelaide’s words pierce like a dagger
to the heart. I wheeze as all the air in my lungs expels in one long keening sound. I try to stand and turn before either can see the anguish cross my face. My deepest secret wants out of its box, tearing it way out- screaming. I’m about to fracture.

“Go,” Ezra orders
and my numb legs obey. I woodenly rise from my seat, deep in the throes of an epic panic attack. My chest is tight, as if my heart is trying to forcefully beat its way out. My lungs burn with the need to breathe as I go from breathless to hyperventilating. Dark creeps up in my peripheral vision, but it’s nowhere as dark as my thoughts.  

“Katya, stop!
” Ezra demands… and I stop. I’m locked in my master’s demented version of the children’s game red light/green light.

“
Get the fuck out, Adelaide, now!” He screams as the door opens. It echoes back and I know that it carries down the hall.

“Don’t touch,” I say as I feel him
hovering near me. “If you do, I will break. It will all flood back- all of it.” My voice is dead with panic. “I don’t want to remember- I’m not ready.”

“I will only settle my palm on the small of your back, okay? I need to direct you to my bathroom.”
Ezra quietly and calmly speaks, making sure I don’t spook.

I don’t look up, but I nod
my head in agreement. I don’t have the energy to reply, I’m so focused on the panic that flows over me and rolls me under.

Ezra’s palm hesitantly rests on the small of my back. It is a warm comfort as his heat seeps into my body, loosening the panic. He leads me towards
the door in the corner of his office. I don’t watch as I walk. I just close my eyes and follow his direction.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I fold onto the tile floor, the coolness on my legs grounds me to the here and now. I rest my cheek on my knees, embracing myself in comfort. A cool, wet washcloth is draped over my head, blinding me. I welcome the darkness.

“Katya, I don’t know if I should applaud you or punish you for this stunt. This was beyond my scope. You never cease to amaze me. This isn‘t going to end the game. Getting me to snap isn’t game over. You have to reach the finish line and it‘s not through me.”

“I’m sorry. I probably ruined your relationship with Adelaide. I have a good excuse though,” I meekly offer, and he snorts a laugh in reply.

“Ah, now
, this I am curious to hear.” Ezra’s amusement relaxes the tightness in my chest. Admitting the truth isn’t life or death. Would it be so bad to count on someone for a change, to have them shoulder some of the burdens that suffocate me? Ezra is the man I know, the man who comforts me. He trusted me with his private horrors when he pretended to be Kimber. I finally open up. I trust him because I have little choice. 

“They’
re coming back- the memories- and I don’t want them to.” I sob into the cloth. “It scares me to death. I’d rather pretend it never happened- it’s easier. Admitting it out loud feels like a little death. I don’t know if I can survive living through it again… sometimes I think the memories are worse than the actual experience. They haunt me,” I whisper.

“Hey, now, h
ush,” Ezra soothingly says. “It’s going to be okay, I promise you. You’ll never heal if you bottle it up. The fear will choke you to death.”

“
But you don’t understand,” I breathe.

“I understand a lot more than you realize. Cortez, Aaron, and myself, we were in your position. We’re still in your position. I know all about horrific memories haunting your waking hours, just as much as they do your nightmares. It’s why I need to help you,” Ezra says with such strong conviction that it emotionally exhausts me to hear him speak.

“I have a secret,” breathes out past my lips. I say it before I can stop myself. I’ve never uttered those words before.

“You have many secrets, just not from
me. I think this may be one, though. Is it not? Tell me and you will feel better. I can’t help you if I don’t know everything.” The tone of his voice lulls me into compliance, it’s proof that is a true Master. Ezra gently pats my back and croons soothing noises against my hair.

“There is no way you could ever know everything that has ruined me.” I peek out from beneath the edge of the c
loth to meet his stormy eyes. “My secret is bad… very bad,” I breathe.

Ezra
exhales a breath and waits while maintaining our eye contact. His patience is astounding. “I know about your past, Katya. I know the details of what happened to you, and it’s not because I pretended to be Kimber. I know how your mind ticks. I understand why you will only touch woman. I even know why your climax brought the memories back, and I think it would be a good thing for you to remember. You need to
remember
. I think I know all of your deepest secrets, unless you have more to tell me.”

Ezra si
ts on the floor beside me. He gently slides me across the tile floor until we are facing one another. Slowly the cloth is lifted from my face. He peers down at me and smiles like an angel, his white-blond hair a glowing halo atop his head. That smile is what makes me tell him my secret.

“Only a
few people know my secret,” I say of my family: my parents, my sister, and my secret. I draw in a deep breath and breathe out, “but they would protect her to the death.” The moment the words are released, a heavy weight lifts from my soul. But the relief is short-lived, because a second later it is replaced with anxiety. Especially as I watch Ezra crumple to the floor in a state of shock. His face is blank, but his muscles twitch beneath my fingers. I know what he is feeling. I’ve had enough freak-outs to recognize the symptoms. He is living in his own private hell. I just don’t know what I said to set it off or how to fix it.