R.I.L.Y Forever (8 page)

Matt stood open-mouthed, glaring at Julia. She never spoke to him in that fashion and it was apparent he had no idea what to make of this new behavior. He was used to her giving in and cowering, not laying down the law and even threatening. He let his surprise show for a minute before he recovered.

“Anything else or can we go?” he said in a bored voice.

“No, that’s it. Let’s go see if your daughter still remembers who you are, shall we?”

Lilly was not happy to have her show interrupted. Even though Julia spent the morning telling her her daddy was coming and she was going with him for a day of fun, she was still unconvinced as Julia dressed her in her raincoat. It took some bribing and cajoling, but Lilly went with Matt. She stared forlornly at her mother as Matt strapped her in the car seat. Seeing her sad face, Julia’s heart broke for her little girl. She hoped she made the right decision by letting her go with Matt for the day, not that she had much of a choice.

For the next hour and half, Julia worked off her anxiety by cleaning the entire house as she listened to the Dixie Chicks, Carrie Underwood, LeAnn Rimes, and then added a bit of Beyoncé for attitude. By the time she finished, her little house was sparkling and she felt better.

As she stepped out of the shower, she nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang. She wasn’t expecting anyone and her only thought was maybe something went wrong and Matt was bringing Lilly back early. She slipped into a bathrobe and raced down the stairs, removing the clip that held her hair. Not bothering to look through the peephole, she threw open the door and came to a jolting stop. There stood Ethan with a huge smile on his face.

Dressed in another faded Harvard t-shirt and jeans, his large frame took up her entire front stoop. After all these years, he was still the most heart-stopping handsome man she’d ever known. His gray-blue eyes were filled with mischief as they devoured her from head to toe. That mixed with the wicked grin he was sporting warned the man was up to no good.

“Hi there, beautiful. Can I come in? It’s kind of soggy out here.”

Without a word, she stepped aside. Her cheeks turned a fiery red as she remembered what she was wearing, or more accurately, what she wasn’t. She closed the door behind him and attempted to hide underneath her robe a bit more as her entire body warmed under his scrutiny.

“What are you doing here, Ethan? I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Well, no, you wouldn’t be expecting me since I didn’t tell you I was coming. If I told you, you’d be dressed and that wouldn’t be any fun for me. Now would it?”

“Ethan. Honestly, I have things to do, like getting dressed for starters. I just stepped out of the shower.”

“Mmh, yeah. I can see that. You look and smell delicious. Can I have a taste?” He stalked toward her slowly like a lion stalking his prey.

“Ah no, absolutely not. Stay away.” She put a hand in front of her and backed away from him. He continued his pursuit, a huge grin spreading over his face.

“Oh, why not? Let me have a small, tiny taste. I promise to be quick and let you get dressed. I’ll even take you out for lunch. What do you say?”

Ethan backed Julia against the wall and stood close enough she could feel his breath on her cheek. She placed her hand on his hard chest and looked up meeting his gaze as she tried to control her choppy breathing and erratic heartbeat.

“Ethan. Stop.”

“Stop? Are you sure I can’t convince you to change your mind? One small kiss, gorgeous, that’s all.” He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand then tucked her hair behind her ear.

Julia didn’t want to respond to him, but her body had other plans. It succumbed to the look, smell, and feel of him. God he smelled good. Her legs became soggy noodles, threatening to collapse. She fisted her hands in his shirt, while her nipples, the little traitors, pebbled under his gaze as everything from the waist down woke up after a long hibernation.

She dropped her eyes to his full lips and licked her lips. What was the use in arguing? She wanted this. She craved him. “Did you say lunch?”

“Mmh-hmm.” He leaned into the wall and placed a hand at each side of her, essentially trapping her against his hard, muscular frame.

“Where?” she whispered in his ear, barely getting the words out as she inhaled, enjoying his mouth-watering scent. She was losing the self-control battle and she wasn’t sure cared anymore. Self-control was over-rated. She was only human after all and he was… well, he was Ethan. Julia gave in. She released the death grip she had on his shirt and slid her hands up his chest and shoulders.

“Anywhere, baby. Anywhere.”

“Uhm, ’kay.” Her voice shook with need and her eyes hooded. She molded her body to his and was lost in an Ethan fog. It was a great place to be. The best. She wanted his lips on hers and his arms around her. For a little while, she wanted to forget all her troubles and lose herself in him. She didn’t want to think about the past, present, or future. Thinking was overrated. She wanted to feel, only feel.

Ethan crushed her to him then buried his face in her hair. He licked a drop of water from her neck and kissed up her neck to the back of her ear. She hummed in delight and she shivered.

“Delicious, like I knew you’d be.”

He took her lips with the hunger of a starving man and she returned his passion. She moaned in his mouth when his hand lightly grazed her breast. Julia clung to Ethan, savoring the feel of his hard chest and shoulders beneath her exploring hands and his muscular thigh pressed between hers. As their tongues dueled, she moaned again when he took her now-naked breast in his hand and kneaded it then pinched her nipple.

Julia was lost in a world of delicious sensation. She sunk her fingers in his thick hair and deepened the kiss. This time it was Ethan who moaned. He pulled away and buried his face in the side of her neck, continuing to drop kisses along her neck and jaw. As he captured her mouth in another searing kiss, she felt his hard erection press against her thigh and gasped. She sobered.

With great effort, she pulled her mouth away, gasping for air. She dropped her head against his shoulders. She knew where this was leading and she couldn’t allow it, no matter how much she wanted him. She trembled all over as she tried to reign in her desire. It had been a long time since any man touched her and she needed this, needed him. In Ethan’s arms she felt like a desirable and sexy woman. But good things never lasted long, not for her. Sooner or later, this too would go bad.

Julia took a deep breath and pictured diving head first into the Atlantic … in December. The time for self-indulgence was over. Gorgeous, sexy, mouth-watering Ethan had short-circuited her brain. She’d given in and allowed herself to feel and it had been sinfully good. Now it was time to get back to reality and time to re-engage her damn brain.

She reminded herself she couldn’t have everything she wanted. No one could. Even if they overcame the past Ethan would wake up one day and conclude she wasn’t enough for him. Then she’d be left alone to pick up the pieces of her life and her trampled heart all over again. That’s what life had taught, what Matt had taught her. Men were fickle creatures that didn’t stick around when they didn’t get their way and not when life was too real.

Julia worked to control her emotions, but a single tear escaped and slid down her cheek.

“Hey, beautiful, what’s this?” Ethan asked as he tilted her chin up and kissed her lips and cheek. “No tears now. I know I’m out of practice a bit, but I’m not that bad, am I? I’m sure with some additional practice sessions, I’ll improve. You can be my tutor. What do you say?”

The hopeful, innocent look on his face had her laughing. Ethan could always make her laugh and forget her troubles.

She pushed at his chest and said, “No, I think you’ve been perfecting your trade over the years. You don’t need any more practice. I’m the one that’s out of practice. It’s been a long time since anyone has been … uh. Oh, never mind. Look, this isn’t a good idea. I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have done that.”

Julia pulled her robe closed and looked up to find him studying her with desire-filled eyes. She wasn’t naïve; she knew when a man wanted her. She was surprised, however, he could still want her after so many years. She wasn’t a young girl anymore and no longer had the body of a teenager. She was a forty-year-old woman who’d carried a baby and hadn’t quite lost all her pregnancy weight, even after two years. Her own husband had found her lacking enough to step out and find a much younger woman to please him, and that was before she was even pregnant.

She blushed from head to toe and dropped her gaze from his, feeling exposed and inadequate.

“You promised lunch and I’m starving. I’m going to dress fast and I’ll be right down. Okay?” She tried to slide past him, but she wasn’t fast enough. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back into his arms. Her startled eyes met his in question.

“You do know you’re a stunningly sexy woman, right?”

Julia couldn’t hold his gaze and looked away. What was she supposed to say to that?

“Look at me, Jules.” When she still wouldn’t look at him, he tapped under her chin with his fingers. “Baby, please look at me.”

Julia raised her head and met Ethan’s eyes.

“I don’t know what that dick of an ex-husband did or said to you to make you doubt yourself, but I can assure you of one thing. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Your body is perfect and I can’t keep my hands off of you. In fact, you’re sexier today than you were at eighteen. You have a delicious body that one day you’re going to let me fully explore and enjoy. There has never been a woman I have desired more than you. Never. Okay?”

Damn. Why did the man have to be so perceptive? How did he know what she was thinking? He wasn’t lying though. She felt the evidence of his desire and saw the truth of his words in his eyes. It was good to be wanted. She nodded her head.

“I know you’re scared, baby. I can feel you trembling. I swear to God I’m not going to hurt you. Try to trust me. You did once. Try and let go. I’ll catch you. I promise. I’ll always catch you.”

“It’s not that easy. I’m not sure I can. So much has happened and I’m not the same person you knew and I have Lilly to think about too. It’s too complicated.”

Ethan nodded. “I get it. We’ve both changed and that’s to be expected. You’ve been through a lot, but, Jules, so have I. You’re not the only one who’s taking a chance. The last few years have been hell for me and I don’t want to revisit them any time soon. I know we still have a lot to deal with, don’t think I’m fooled. But we’ve got time. Why don’t we take it one day at a time and see where this leads to? No pressure. We were once good, no great together. Let’s not try to define this, put boundaries around it, or let the past poison the future. Let’s see where it leads. Okay?”

Julia sighed. Ethan was no fool. He knew she hadn’t told him the full truth and he wasn’t going to pressure her or rush her for more of an explanation. She was relieved. This was the Ethan from her childhood, patient and kind, but for how long? Sooner or later she was going to have to tell him everything and the truth was going to tear him up and most likely tear them apart. Could she risk her heart again knowing with almost complete certainty it would break when the truth surfaced?

She didn’t have to think for long. She would always say yes to Ethan. Pure and simple, she wanted this man. She always had and she probably always would. He was it for her, her other half. She was terrified of her feelings for him. Going slow, taking it one day at a time sounded better than the alternative, life without him.

“Okay, one day at a time, but no promises.”

“All right, beautiful. Have it your way. Now go dress, woman. I’m starving.”

Chapter Seven

As Ethan waited for Julia to dress, he paced the length of the family room trying to control his anger at the moron Julia was once married to. He didn’t need Julia to tell him all the sordid details of their marriage to know the asshole had done a number on her. Each time she spoke of him, her whole demeanor changed. She was nervous and unsure of herself. That wasn’t the Julia he knew. Something changed her from the strong, confident girl she once been was, to this skittish, hesitant creature who built walls around herself and her child. Her confidence and self-worth had taken a hell of a hit.

True, she had a tough beginning, but she’d rallied. After years of Ella therapy, she learned to hold her head up high and embrace life for all its worth. She blossomed into a smart, sassy, self-assured girl who knew who she was and what she wanted from life and didn’t care what anyone thought of her. She surrounded herself with a select group of people who she trusted and loved and who loved her back with the same zeal.

Beside him, only Ella and Aimee knew of her traumatic early childhood and apparently it had been a lot worse than she initially shared with him. He wondered if she was still plagued by nightmares. Once upon a time he’d been cocky thinking he knew all there was to know about Julia. Then it all fell apart and for years he questioned everything about their relationship.

Julia was a complicated woman whose past had a much bigger and deeper impact on her than his teenaged mind had understood. On top of that, she married a jerk who managed to undo some of the hard work Ella had done. So much had changed. Now she kept her head down and ploughed her way through life. Every now and then he got a sighting of the girl she once was, so all was not lost. Each time he saw Julia, he discovered something new about her and the life she was now living and he didn’t like everything he uncovered. She was a complex knot he was trying to untangle and he was determined to solve the Rubik’s Cube that was her life.

“Hey, stop stalling. I’m withering away here, starving to death. You ready?” Julia said as she bounded down the steps with her long blonde hair swept up in a high ponytail that swung from side to side behind her.

She wore faded jeans that fit her tall, curvy body like a glove and a God-awful lime green t-shirt that read, “I have absolutely no intention of behaving myself today!” There she was, his Julia coming out to play for the day. She was adorable. She had her own style and her own way of telling the world to go fuck itself. He couldn’t stop laughing. She just made his day. He didn’t know where she found that shirt, but it was the ugliest and funniest thing he ever saw.

He shook his head, grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

“Come on, beautiful, let’s get you fed and watered before you start misbehaving and running amuck since that appears to be your intention.”

“Stop laughing. This shirt’s a classic. It’s both fashionable and makes a statement. In time you’ll come to appreciate my fashion choices.”

Chuckling, he said, “Baby, I plan to hang out a lot more with you and I very much approve of your fashion choices. I can’t wait to see the whole damn wardrobe.”

Ethan and Julia walked hand in hand to his truck. The sun decided to show itself, pushing the rain clouds right out of the sky. It was going to be a beautiful day after all, perfect for what he planned. Last night, on his drive home, he decided he wouldn’t let Julia spend the day by herself worrying about Lilly. He knew how to get her mind off of her trouble.

“So where are you taking me in this monster?”

“It’s a surprise. You have to promise me you’re going to keep an open mind and try to see beyond what’s directly in front of you. You’ll have to use your imagination a bit.”

“Huh? Oh no, no way, Eth. If your grand plan is to take me to that heap you call a home, you can turn this truck around and take me back. There is no way I’m going inside. I’m too young to die and I have responsibilities. If it collapses on top of me, who’s going to take care of Lilly?”

“First, don’t call my castle a heap. You haven’t even seen it yet and I have a surprise for you. You’ll be the first person I’ve shown it to. Second, if you want to eat, you’ll change that attitude. Trust me, you’re in for a treat.”

“Fine, but I’m blaming you if anything happens to me. I’m only giving in because I’m starving and I can’t make rational decisions when I’m hungry or when I’m caffeine deprived. You know that.”

He reached for her hand and brought it up to his lips. “Trust me, beautiful. I promise to take good care of you.” Their eyes met for a heartbeat before he turned back to the road.

Ethan couldn’t wait to show Julia the glassed-in gazebo he uncovered over the last week. He started working on the property surrounding the house when the weather was good and there, in the middle of the mess that was his backyard, he discovered his very own secret garden. Actually, it was less of a garden and more of a jungle. There was so much property surrounding the farmhouse. He had no idea what he was going to do with all that land, but the possibilities seemed endless.

Over the last week he unearthed a heavy iron gate that was part of an iron and stone fencing system that surrounded the farmhouse. From what he could tell, it sectioned off a large plot of land that formed a substantial garden. No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to shove the gate open. The jungle had taken over and wouldn’t release its hold on it, no matter how hard he tried. He gave up and entered the garden from inside the house through an odd-shaped door that was in the kitchen. The kitchen was massive and its ceiling slopped at one end of the room leading to an arched, heavy wooden door that was bolted and nailed shut for what seemed like centuries. It took him one full day to pry the door open and when he did, the vision that greeted him on the other side was spectacular. He couldn’t wait to share it with Julia.

Ethan maneuvered his truck into the courtyard and got out to help Julia. He opened the passenger door and reached in and grabbed her by the waist, hauling her toward him. He lifted her out of the truck, sliding her down his body. He heard her quick intake of breath and felt her arms go to his shoulders and glide around his neck. He looked at her and waited, hoping she’d take the initiative and kiss him. He was certain she wanted what he wanted by the look on her face. She was aroused, but she was holding on to the illusion they wouldn’t be more than friends even after that scorching kiss they shared at her house.

“Your turn, beautiful. Give it to me,” he said with a slow smile.

“No.”

“Okay, now I know where Lilly picked up that word. No lunch until I get what I want. Just a small peck and nothing more, I promise.”

“I don’t think so. You promised me lunch after you invited yourself into my house and you haven’t kept that promise yet. You keep adding more and more hoops to jump through. No way, Dr. Sullivan, I want lunch and I want it right now.”

“Hmm, you make a good point. I did promise you lunch.” He smiled but his tone became more serious as he gazed deep in her eyes. “I always keep my promises. Always. Lunch it is. Come on, wildcat. If you want to eat, I’m afraid you have no choice but to come into my humble dwelling.”

Ethan drew away from her, instantly missing the warmth of her body, and pulled her behind him to the front door. He jiggled the temperamental doorknob until it disengaged and he was able to push the door open.

Julia followed him, taking it all in. All the lights were on and few blinds were wide open. There weren’t many windows at the front of the house and it could be quite dark even in the light of day. The heavy stone façade made it impossible for the sun to come through, but on the positive side it also kept the house cool even on the warmest days.

The back of the house was an entirely different thing. The massive eat-in kitchen was connected to the sitting room and a dining room with an open floor plan, one room flowing right into the other. These rooms had plenty of windows and the open floor plan made the rooms appear much larger than they were.

This was his favorite part of the house. He loved the old wood-burning fireplace centered between the kitchen and sitting room. He imagined the fireplace would warm the entire place in the winter. The mantle was a mess with the stonework coming apart, but with some work it would be amazing. He glanced behind him to find Julia peering around with a look of absolute wonder on her face.

He was right, she saw it too. The potential, the possibilities of what this place could be. If he used his imagination a bit, he envisioned how the place would look furnished and fully occupied, like it was meant to be. Comfortable, over-stuffed furniture with colorful throw pillows and hand-woven Afghans filled the rooms, as a fire burned brightly in the fireplace and family pictures lined the mantle. The smell of home cooking emanated from the kitchen, while the sound of children running filled the house. Home! She saw it and she liked what she saw. Her face told it all, but he still asked. He wanted to hear the words, affirming he still could read his girl.

“Well, what do you think?”

Deep in her own thoughts, she startled.

“It’s amazing, Ethan.” She breathed, her voice filled with awe. “I mean, it’s an absolute and utter wreck, but it’s amazing. I can see what you find so appealing. It kind of draws you in, whether you want to be drawn in or not. You can’t resist its charm. You can feel the history of the place and almost hear the voices of the people who used to live here. It’s … enchanting. It’s a home.”

“I’m glad you like it. I was hoping you’d see what I see. Adam, Christine, and Lexi think I’ve lost my mind and perhaps I have taking on a project of this size, but I can’t help myself. It’s the home I’ve always dreamed of—well, it will be anyway. Come on. I told you I have a surprise for you and I do.”

“Okay, but I hope my surprise includes food ’cause it’s almost 2:30 and I could eat my arm off.”

“Follow me. I shall lead you to your surprise and your sustenance.”

Ethan led Julia to the door that opened to the garden. “Be careful going through. I swear the seven dwarfs must have lived here. I have to bend my body in half each time I go through.”

He opened the old, wooden door and she followed him out. He heard her gasp and smiled. They stood in paradise, protected by time and space, a haven unto itself. Trees, both big and small, filled the space as well as overgrown grass and flowering bushes of all varieties. A stone water pond, much like the one at the front of the house, greeted them as they entered the garden, but this one was much larger than its counterpart. Birds flew from branch to branch and butterflies danced in the air as squirrels chased each other throughout the garden and up the trees. It was breathtaking and completely unexpected.

He waited for her brain to register everything it was seeing. She still hadn’t noticed the glassed-in gazebo that stood right in the center of the garden, at a distance. It had taken him a while to figure out it was even there, hidden as it was by the overgrown grass and trees. He did his best over the last couple of days to clean a bit around it and in it. Ethan heard the exact moment she saw it.

“Oh my God, Eth. Look, look at that. It’s unbelievable. Is it safe to go in?” she asked even as she started making her way to it, not waiting for him to answer.

“Yeah, it’s safe. Be careful where you step. Follow the path I cut out.”

Hand in hand they made their way to the gazebo. It was a bit of a hike and by the time they made it, they were both muddy and wet, but neither cared. He opened the glass door and helped her in. She gazed all around and up at the dome, glassed ceiling. It stood the test of time. Not a single pane of glass was cracked. The gazebo needed a hell of a lot of cleaning and some repair, but overall it was a treasure.

Ethan walked to the corner where he stowed a couple of blankets and a small cooler of food for them and started setting up the lunch he prepared.

“Come have a seat. Here’s lunch as promised,” he called to her.

Julia glanced over her shoulder and down, taking in the blanket he was sitting on and the assortment of fruit, veggies, bread, cheese, and wine he laid out.

“When did you do all of this?”

“This morning. I put everything out here, hoping it would stop raining and I could talk you into coming with me. As soon as I discovered this place, I knew I wanted to share it with you.”

“You didn’t know it was here when you bought the house?”

“No, I don’t think anyone did. I unearthed it a few days ago.”

“What a wonderful hidden treasure. I feel like Mary in
The Secret Garden
.”

“It’s pretty cool and that’s exactly what I thought when I found it. Come on. Eat please. I’m not much of a cook, but I’m good at throwing picnics together.”

Julia sat down and smiled at him. “You did great. Thanks, Eth. You’ve made what I thought would be a horrible day pretty amazing.”

“Then my job is done,” he said with a smile and poured them each a glass of chilled wine.

“Now tell me, how did this morning go? How did Lilly do?”

“She did okay. She was pretty unhappy though. I talked with Lexi this morning and she gave me some pointers on how to deal with Matt.”

“And…?”

Ethan listened as Julia told him about her conversation with Lexi, and then her conversation with Matt. He was proud of her for standing up for herself and finding her voice, and he told her so. For a while they sat in companionable silence eating and listening to the sounds of nature blooming. When they were both stuffed, Ethan cleared everything out of their way and lay down using another blanket as a pillow. He pulled her down so her head lay on his stomach and removed the tie holding her hair captive. He ran his fingers through her hair, marveling at its softness as it blanketed his stomach. They were both sated and he didn’t think there was a more perfect moment.