R.I.L.Y Forever (9 page)

When he thought she drifted off, she whispered his name.

“Eth?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you tell me something?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Will you tell me a little bit about your life, what you’ve been doing the last twenty-two years? You know about mine, a bit anyway, but I feel like I’ve missed out on so much with you.”

“Sure. What do you want to know?”

“Start at the beginning, after high school.”

“I went to Duke for undergrad and then to Harvard for medical school. I met Adam at Duke and we attended Harvard together. I did my internship and residency at Mass General. Unfortunately, I married Alyssa. We lived in Boston until we divorced and then I moved here. That’s the
Reader’s Digest
version.”

“Eth, that’s your resume, not your life,” she said with a giggle. “Come on, give me something.”

When she started to sit, he pulled her back down so her head rested on his chest and her body was flush against his. He loved feeling her against him and he didn’t want to move yet. He was in heaven.

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell it all. Just don’t move or I’ll lose my concentration.”

He felt her smile against him and he tightened his arm around her. He told her about graduating from Duke and being informed by his parents it was time to grow up and take his rightful place in the family business.

Julia stiffened at the mention of his family and he tightened his hold around her. His family had not been kind to her. They never thought she was good enough and never hid their feelings from her. While his mother took every opportunity to point out what she saw as Julia’s flaws, his father ignored her presence on earth. His parents were beyond harsh to her and caused so many arguments during the time they dated, it was miraculous they stayed together at all.

Ethan loved Julia with a force that both angered and amazed his parents. The harder they tried to break the couple, the stronger Ethan and Julia’s bond became. Their young love was the stuff teenaged romance novels and movies were made of. But for his parents, Ethan’s fascination with Julia was the worst type of teenaged rebellion that was not to be tolerated.

“They wanted me to settle down with a girl of their choosing, the daughter of one of Dad’s business associates. When I refused to meet her or any other girl and insisted on continuing my education at Harvard, they cut me off. Plain and simple, it was their way or the highway.”

“I’m sorry, Ethan. That must have been very hard on you.” Julia said in a quiet, solemn voice and he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“It was and it wasn’t. I knew a showdown was coming sooner or later. I never thought they would go that far. They left me no choice. That day I packed up everything I owned, called Adam, and started driving across the country to Maine. I stayed with Adam’s family and tried to figure out the rest of my life. His parents were more supportive of me than my parents ever were.”

“They sound like great people.”

“They were terrific, warm, generous, and loving people—nothing like my folks. They were both killed two years ago in a small plane crash. It was a real tragedy.”

After a minute of silence, Ethan continued. He had little in his bank account and although he had a partial scholarship to Harvard, there was no way he would be able to pay all of his expenses. If it wasn’t for Adam’s family, he didn’t know what would’ve happened to him. Adam’s father, a Harvard alum, made some calls and within a few days, Ethan’s partial scholarship turned into a full ride.

Ethan recalled how he stayed estranged from his parents until a few years ago when his father had a stroke and asked to see him. Slowly but surely, they mended fences and it was through them he met Alyssa. At first Alyssa was a nice distraction and nothing more. But before he knew it, one thing led to another and he was proposing to her and then marrying her. It was the single biggest mistake of his life.

“I was lonely and plain sick of being by myself. I missed you terribly even after so many years had passed and I needed to move on and share my life with someone. I wanted to start a family. I couldn’t have you so I threw myself into the relationship and fell in love with the dream of love and a family more than the actual woman. Do you understand?” he asked squeezing her against him and kissing the top of her head.

Ethan needed Julia to understand he’d chosen to move on only because he had no other choice. Although she’d moved on as well and built a life without him, he never wanted her to doubt he hadn’t thought about her every day, loved her every day, even when he was in the arms of another.

“I get it, Ethan. I’m sorry. You don’t owe me an explanation. I never wanted you to be unhappy. I never expected you to give me a second thought after the way we broke up. I wish things had been different. You deserved to be happy. I’m sorry, I …” Julia pulled away from him and sat up and he followed.

“Hey, I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel guilty and apologize. We already visited that part of our history last night. I only wanted you to understand I didn’t let go easily either. You wore my heart around your neck every day and I had a part of you with me, inside me, always. That’s all. Okay?”

Her big green eyes met his and he saw the impact his words had on her. There it was, she finally got it. She finally understood he never let her go. Ethan took a deep breath and positioned his back against the gazebo wall. He pulled her into his arms and between his legs so her back rested against his chest.

“Want to hear the rest? It’s not fairytale material, more like what nightmares are made of,” he asked as he entwined their fingers.

She nodded her head and settled back against him with a sigh. “If you want to tell me, I want to hear.”

He hated reliving the past and the next part was a doozy. He hadn’t talked about this to anyone other than Lexi and Adam and although it was in the past, he still had a visceral reaction every time he remembered how he was manipulated. But if he wanted Julia to trust him and open up to him, then he had to set the example. She needed to understand she wasn’t the only one shit happened to.

“No, it’s okay. I want you to know.”

“Even though I hated all the society bullshit, I wanted Alyssa to be happy. I really tried. I went to the parties that were important to her and entertained all her friends at our ridiculous house she decorated like a museum instead of a home. It worked. While she was having the time of her life, I was miserable, but she didn’t care. When I reached my limit and couldn’t continue with the charade, our lives became a series of arguments that never seemed to end.”

Julia squeezed his hand in hers. “I’m sorry, Ethan. That sounds painful and the arguments remarkably familiar.”

“Yeah, we have a lot in common, but at least you have Lilly. I wasn’t so lucky. Alyssa knew I wanted children. We discussed it before we married and she said she wanted them too. Because we were both older, we agreed to try for a child right away. After a year of trying without success, I suggested we see a fertility specialist. She flat-out refused to go and told me she was certain she’d conceive soon.”

Julia turned in his arms and placed her palm against his cheek. “And did she, Ethan? Did she become pregnant?” Julia asked in a soft voice.

“That’s the thing … I have no idea. A month later, she showed me a positive pregnancy test and we celebrated. I was overjoyed and wanted to go with her to her doctor appointments, but she told me I was suffocating her. So, I gave her space. But when she was seven weeks pregnant, I came home one night to find her crying. She said she miscarried.” Ethan shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I was beside myself and wanted to take her to the hospital, but she told me she’d already seen her doctor and there was nothing to be done. Over the next two years this pattern repeated itself three more times.”

Julia turned completely around and straddled him. Surprised, he wrapped his arms around her loving the feel of her body against him and the familiar and easy manner she adopted with him. This was the first move she made on her own to come closer to him and he was delighted. “God, how sad. I’m so sorry, Ethan. But I don’t understand what you meant when you said you have no idea?”

“Yeah—it’s a bit of a sordid story. You sure you want to hear more of this mess? I’m supposed to be taking your mind of your troubles, not giving you more to worry over.”

Julia met his eyes and touched her lips to his. “Tell me.”

That’s all she said and he saw the sincerity in her eyes. His little warrior was ready to carry his troubles along with hers and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Sighing, he kissed her and told her the rest of the story.

Ethan considered himself a smart man and something wasn’t right. While he was beside himself after each miscarriage, Alyssa bounced back fast and never seemed concerned or upset. One evening after she went out with her girlfriends, he was looking for something. He didn’t remember what now. He pulled out the drawer of her nightstand too roughly and it fell to the floor scattering all its contents. When he bent to clean the mess, he discovered birth control pills. As far as he knew she’d never been prescribed birth control pills. Things unraveled after that. When he confronted her, she informed him she never had any intention of having a baby and was going through the motions for him, just to keep him happy. She told him she disliked children and would never ruin her body by carrying a child, not for him or anyone else.

“That was the last straw. I left her that night and started divorce proceedings the day after. I knew my marriage was over. I could never trust her again. I don’t know if she was ever actually pregnant and aborted our child, children, or whether she somehow faked the pregnancy tests. In the end, it didn’t really matter. Whatever she did, it was done and there was no going back. She’d lied to me over and over again and had gone to such lengths … it was done.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. What kind of relationship do you have with her now?”

Ethan gave a harsh laugh. “I wouldn’t call what we have now any type of relationship. She killed any hope of that. It took two years and a hell of a lot of time, energy, and money to be rid of her. She tried every trick in the book to keep me tied to her, but in the end, she failed. And that’s the highlight of my life for the last two decades. Not a pretty story, is it?” Ethan said in a weary voice.

Julia touched her forehead to his. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sorry I made you talk about it when all you probably want to do is forget it. But, Ethan, she’s a fool. Alyssa is a fool.” Placing a tender kiss to his lips, she whispered against his lips, “She has no idea what she lost.”

“Thanks, baby. It’s done and I’m glad you know. I told you my ex and yours have a lot in common.”

“Yeah, I guess they do. I knew Matt didn’t want kids and honestly, I was okay with it. I wasn’t sure if I could really be a good mother anyway. Lilly was a total surprise.”

“You’re a fantastic mom. That kid loves you to death and you’re great with her. Why did you think you wouldn’t be a good mom?”

Before she could answer, Julia’s cell rang. She pulled away and stood pulling the cell out of her pocket and glancing at the display.

“Sorry, Eth, it’s Matt. This can’t be good.”

Ethan studied her as she spoke with Matt and saw the worry cloud her features. He heard Lilly screaming her head off through the phone. He stood and grabbed Julia’s hand. Without a word he headed for the door. The one-sided conversation he heard was enough to make his blood boil. That son of a bitch was letting his daughter cry her heart out as he screamed obscenities at Julia.

It was time he met Matt and showed him Julia was no longer on her own and no longer his to do with as he liked. That nonsense was going to stop.

Chapter Eight

Julia and Ethan made it to her house in record time—way before Julia expected Matt and Lilly to arrive. Matt called from the car and said he was on I-80, about thirty minutes away. All Julia heard was her baby sobbing in the background, asking for her mama over and over again while Matt screamed at her to stop crying. Julia had no idea what happened to bring on Lilly’s complete meltdown, but as she heard her child weep, she began to lose her mind and a hot, blinding rage built.

Matt used a hands-free telephone system in the car. Therefore, Julia knew Lilly could hear her voice throughout the car as she spoke with Matt. Julia tried to interrupt Matt so she could talk to Lilly and calm her down, but he ignored her and his shouting escalated. He was livid and said Lilly had been intolerable—out of control all day.

He told Julia it was evident she was incapable of parenting a child and called Lilly a little brat. He spewed something about Lilly biting him, vomiting on everything, holding her breath until she almost passed out, and crying most of day. The more he talked, the angrier he became until Julia worried for Lilly’s safety. She interrupted his rant in a firm tone and told him she would meet him at the house where they would talk more. She told Lilly she’d see her soon and everything would be all right. Then, she hung up feeling helpless.

Ethan listened to every word as he shepherded Julia out of the gazebo, into his car and started driving her home. She glanced at him as she spoke to Matt and she saw his jaw harden as he gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. She felt the waves of anger coming off him and filling the car. Although Julia understood his anger was not directed at her, she worried how he would channel it. She couldn’t handle another man losing it at this moment.

Once they arrived at the house, Julia thought Ethan would drop her off and go, but he followed her in. When she suggested he leave, she could handle things from here, he glared at her, with thunderous gray eyes, and said in a tight voice, “There is no way in hell I’m leaving you to handle that son of a bitch alone. Got it?”

She took in his unwavering stare and the hard set of his jaw and realized there was no use in arguing with him. She may not have seen him for a couple of decades, but she remembered that stubborn look. She paced around the house, looking out the window every time she thought she heard a car. Finally, Ethan stood from the couch, walked over to her, and hauled her into his strong arms.

“I know you’re sick with worry, but it’s going to be all right. She’s going to be fine. Please, baby, take a deep breath and try to calm down.”

“I can’t calm down. She was sobbing, calling for me, and I couldn’t help her. She needed me and I couldn’t get to her. I shouldn’t have sent her today. I didn’t listen to my gut. I’m her mother and I failed to protect her. I promised her the day she was born I would never let anyone hurt her. I failed her.”

Ethan grasped her shoulders and held her away from him. “Jules, listen to me. She’s going to be all right. It sounds like she had a tough day with her father, but most likely she’ll be fine. You didn’t fail her, he did. You’ll take care of her and comfort her. She’ll be fine and we’ll both deal with him. You’re not alone anymore. Do you understand?”

“Ethan, this isn’t your … wait, that’s them.”

Julia rushed out of his arms, across the room and flung the front door open. She heard Lilly’s sobs and her heart sped up as she ran to the car. Before Matt had a chance to get to Lilly, she opened the back passenger door and reached for her child.

Lilly was halfway strapped into her car seat and she was sobbing her little heart out. Julia noted her child had been in a car for God knows how long without being properly strapped in and the pressure in her skull ballooned until she was certain her head would explode. Then she studied Lilly’s face and she gained a new understanding for the words justifiable homicide.

Lilly’s cheeks were tear-streaked and the right side of her face was reddened with a distinct handprint. Her child had been slapped! Julia closed her eyes and breathed in deep, trying to control the trembling that took over her body fueled by the all-consuming white-hot rage that flowed through her veins like lava.

She examined Lilly again and saw the child’s eyes were red and puffy and her nose was runny. She was still in the formal dress she put her in that morning, although it was an absolute mess. The two-hundred-dollar white taffeta dress had r
uffled sleeves and red dots, a collared neckline with three little red buttons that flowed down the center of the bodice and large fabric rosettes around the bottom of the skirt. Where this morning she looked adorable, now she looked like a sad, disheveled and distraught little girl.

Julia worked to free Lilly from the few straps that held her in her seat as Lilly reached out to mother, her sobs escalating. Finally free, Lilly wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and her legs around her waist, molding her tiny body to Julia’s like a baby koala bear. She buried her face in Julia’s neck and continued to sob. Her little body trembled against Julia’s and all Julia could do was hold her as she tried to control her own trembling limbs.

“It’s okay, Lilly. Shh, shh, Mama’s here.”

She repeated this mantra in the most soothing voice she could muster as she rubbed circles against Lilly’s back. Before he could get one word out, Julia pushed past Matt and walked up the concrete stairs and into the house, leaving him to get Lilly’s belongings. She didn’t trust herself to speak. She had to calm Lilly down first and get her out of earshot before she dealt with Matt. And she was sure as hell going to deal with Matt.

She entered the house and saw Ethan standing with Lilly’s stuffed giraffe in his hands.

“How’s our girl doing?” he asked as he walked toward them.

“She’s okay, aren’t you, baby? You’re fine now you’re home.”

Although Lilly’s crying had eased some, she kept her head buried in her mother’s chest. Looking at Julia, Ethan raised an eyebrow and nodded at the open door in question.

“He’s bringing her stuff in.”

Ethan took over rubbing Lilly’s back. Lilly stopped crying and was hiccupping and sniffling as she tried to catch her breath.

“Hey, angel face. What’s this all about? Why all the tears, sweetness? Look what I have for you. George the giraffe missed you.”

Lilly raised her head and looked at Ethan. Then she threw herself out of her mother’s arms and into his as Matt came through the front door.

“E!” she wailed as she reached for him and her giraffe at the same time.

Lilly buried her tear-streaked face in his neck and fisted his shirt. Julia saw the instant Ethan noticed the redness on Lilly’s cheek because his jaw tightened even more.

“Hey, angel. Come on baby, you’re breaking my heart,” he cooed as he continued to rub her back. “No more tears or you’re going to make George and me cry with you and that would be a real mess.”

“Who the hell are you? Get your hands off my daughter this instant.” Matt’s voice roared through the room and Lilly began sobbing again as she held onto Ethan with all her might, trying to crawl into him. Julia didn’t know what to do as she looked between Matt who began stalking toward Ethan and Ethan who looked like he would crush Matt with one arm as he cradled her daughter with the other. She didn’t have to do or say anything. Ethan raised his head and said one word aimed at Matt.

“Stop.”

It sounded more like a growl and there was no doubt at his meaning. He gave Matt the most formidable glare she’d ever seen. His eyes were glacial and, although he never stopped rubbing Lilly’s back, his whole demeanor changed and a tick was now visible in his jaw. In all the years she’d known Ethan, she’d never seen him look this angry or this deadly, and in all the years she’d known Matt, she’d never seen him take an order from anyone. Matt froze in his tracks openmouthed and stared at the giant of a man in front of him.

Julia intervened before the men went at it and further upset Lilly.

“Matt, this is Ethan Sullivan. Ethan is a good friend of mine.”

A few seconds ticked by with the men sizing each other up until Matt looked away. Muttering he’d talk to her about this after he emptied and cleaned the car, Matt walked out of the house. Lilly settled again, her body going limp against Ethan. She closed her eyes and fell into a fitful, exhausted slumber.

Matt returned with the rest of Lilly’s belongings from the car and dropped them inside the front door. In a much more subdued, but no less nasty tone, he commanded, “Julia, we need to talk. Now. Outside.”

“That’s fine, Matt. Outside is a good idea. Ethan, are you okay with Lilly or do you need me to take her?”

“Lilly and I are fine, but let me put her down and we can all talk.”

“This doesn’t concern you in any way. I will talk to my wife alone and without your interference.”

Lilly whimpered in Ethan’s arms again.

“Shh, I’ve got you angel. You’re safe,” Ethan whispered to the child in his arms, then glared back at Matt, pinning him with a hard stare.

Keeping his voice low and controlled, Ethan said, “Here’s how this is going to work, Walker. You go ahead and talk to Julia, but let’s be clear about a few things. First, she’s no longer your wife; you lost the privilege of calling her that a while back, so check yourself. Second, the only thing saving you from me right now is the child I have in my arms. So be careful what you say and how you say it. I can be a protective son of a bitch with what’s mine. Are we clear?”

Matt gave Ethan a hard, assessing look, and then turned to Julia. “Yours? Fine with me. You can keep Julia. I don’t give a damn. You’re right. She’s no longer my problem. But that’s my daughter you’re holding. So don’t threaten me, you prick. I’ll say and do what I like.”

“Matt, don’t…” Julia started.

Ethan walked to Julia and put an arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. Never taking his eyes off Matt, he spoke in a low, even tone.

“It’s okay, baby. Looks like Matt and I need to get to know each other a little better. Why don’t you take Lilly and put her to bed while we get acquainted?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ethan. I need to handle this on my own.”

Julia’s voice was filled with apprehension and her eyes darted between them. Matt was being an asshole and Ethan had gone all possessive caveman on her. Matt had no idea who he was messing with. Ethan was twice his size and, if her memory served her, when his voice dropped and his eyes narrowed, it meant he was barely keeping his temper in check. God help the idiot who got in his way. While Matt deserved anything Ethan dished out, she didn’t want a brawl in her home.

She could give in and let Ethan take care of the situation for her. She didn’t doubt he could convince Matt to leave, but she knew Matt. He may give in and go this time, but he would be back and he would make her life, and possibly Lilly’s, miserable. He was accustomed to bullying her and putting her on the defensive. It was time she stood up for herself and her child. Enough was enough.

“Beautiful,” Ethan said. “Look at me. You really want to do this?”

“Yes. I can handle this just fine,” she said in a stronger, more convincing voice as she met his eyes.

“Okay. But, there’s no need to take this show on the road. Why don’t you stay here? I’ll take Lilly, clean her up, and put her down.”

“You sure?”

“Oh, for God’s sake. Are we going to do this all night?” Matt bit out. “I don’t have time for this nonsense. Are you going to hide behind your boyfriend or are we going to discuss the disappointment that is our daughter?”

Julia put a hand on Ethan’s chest to stop him from taking the bait. She turned and walked toward Matt.

“Oh, we are most definitely talking and we’re doing it now.”

She glanced over her shoulder at a very pissed-off Ethan. “Eth, it’s okay. I’ve got this. Please take care of Lilly. She’s had enough drama for the day. As soon as I’m done with Matt, I’ll be up. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Ethan nodded and gave Matt another hard stare that delivered a message of warning so clear it needed no translation.

Julia gave her full attention to Matt and decided right then and there it was time to do what she was put on this earth to do—protect her child and introduce Matt to the definition of
enough
. She’d been patient and put up with his array of shit for way too long. Enough was enough. Matt crossed the line when he rained pain down on her child. For her, it was the point of no return and in that minute, all the rage that had built over decades made its way to the surface and exploded.

Before he could get out a single word, she spoke in a tone she knew he never heard coming from her before. She barely recognized her own voice. She opened her mouth and fought for the little girl who was abused, neglected, and left in the hands of a monster who almost killed her. She fought for her child who wanted so much to be loved by her father, a man who barely tolerated her and thought of her as a problem, an obligation, and finally a disappointment.

“I don’t know what happened today and I don’t care. I’m going to be as clear and as succinct as possible so you fully understand the message I want to relay to you.”

“No, I think it’s time you listened to me, Julia. I’ve had about—”

“Enough! I am through, so very through listening to you. I am through putting up with your bullying and your insults and cowering in the corner, all because I wanted our daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father. Well, now I’m done. We’re done!”