Run to Me (19 page)

I pull a Coke can from the fridge and place it
on the counter in front of him. He flips it open and quickly gulps down half. His
fingers look awful and the skin around his knuckles is turning purple.

‘Here,’ I say, grabbing some frozen peas from
the freezer. I wrap the packet in a tea towel and hand it to him. ‘For your
hands.’

‘Thanks.’

I leave him and head down the hall to the
bathroom. I can feel my shoulders have tensed up, like I’m carrying a heavy
backpack. I want to feel that this is wrong, having him here. But I feel
excited. And turned on.

I grab a washcloth and a towel from the linen
press. At the sink I soak the cloth in warm water and ring it out. My hands are
shaking. I’ve got to get him out of here.

Back in the kitchen he is standing by the stove,
peering into the saucepan.

‘Looks good. I’m pretty hungry.’

He smiles at me. I shake my head.

‘I’ll clean you up’, I hold out the washcloth, ‘then
you should go home.’

He sighs and plops himself back on the stool.

‘I don’t want to go back there right now.’

‘Why?’

I bring the cloth up to his forehead and start
to wipe the caked blood off his skin.

‘They released The Chief. He’ll be waiting for
me.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I told him off. He’ll be waiting to put me in
my place.’ He pauses to look me directly in the eyes. ‘He reckons I’m soft.’

I pull my hand away and look at him.

‘Is that why you got into this fight?’

He laughs. ‘Come off it. McFadden and I have got
a history. This wasn’t our first punch-up.’

‘What are you two fighting about?’

He hesitates then looks down at his lap.

‘Amanda.’

I’m surprised. I hadn’t thought about him having
a girlfriend. He’d never mentioned her before. He looks at me closely, like he
is trying to gauge my response. I laugh.

‘Two blokes fighting over a girl. How original.’

‘I don’t care about her. He can have her. But he
had to pay for giving it to her when she was meant to be with me.’

I nod, but don’t say anything. I go back to
wiping off the blood. It has dried along his hairline so I gently sweep the
hair back to look for the cut. When I touch his skin he flinches.

‘Oh, sorry. Does that hurt?’

He looks at me and shakes his head. He doesn’t
drop his gaze, instead it is like he is studying my entire face, every crease
and freckle. This is too intimate. I want to kiss him, and I don’t trust myself
not to. I step back and hand him the towel.

‘How about you finish the rest?’ I say, pointing
towards the bathroom.

‘Sure,’ he says, and wanders off down the hall.

***

I take my time in the bathroom. I’m not keen on
going home tonight. It’s right what I said to Abby; he’ll definitely be waiting
for me. He’s not going to let me off the hook for bailing at the hospital. I’m
looking to avoid that confrontation altogether. And when he sees my face like
this? He’s going to flip.

Anyway, I’ve no plans to get out of here. She
let me in, that’s got to mean something. I know she likes me, at least I’m pretty
sure she does. Sometimes she gives me that look. That inviting, come-and-get-me-look.
I know that look. It’s the same one Amanda used to give me when she was horny.

I finish cleaning my face up and dry my hands.
My knuckles burn when I wipe them with the towel and my right ones are oozing
again. I pull off some toilet paper and pat the blood away while I check out my
face in the mirror. My head’s stopped bleeding, but my eyes are already purple.
They’ll be black as hell tomorrow. And my eyelids are starting to swell too.
Great.

On my way back to the kitchen, I sneak a look in
their bedroom. I know it’s theirs because the bed is unmade and there are piles
of clothes on the floor. Opposite the door is a big bookcase chock full of
books and framed photos. I step forward to check out the large one sitting
centre stage on the top shelf. It’s their wedding shot. They’ve got those big
cheesy grins happening and they’re holding hands. She looks different. Younger,
with even longer hair and her eyes look greener. He’s pretty much what I
imagined. Tall with dark hair and a face as boring as sixth period science.

Out in the hall there are more photos. The two
of them together at the beach, outside this house, in front of a Christmas
tree. When I look at the photos of her, I don’t see the Abby that I like. She’s
different in the flesh; prettier, more...I don’t know...free, maybe? I can’t
explain it. She just seems happier in real life. Like the photos at the end of
the hall; a series of running ones – before a race, during, and after - she
looks happy in these, but I’ve seen her better than that. When we’ve been
running alongside each other during training, and I can hear her breathing hard
next to me, I’ve seen the way her lips curve into a smile as she pushes herself.
I know its happiness because I feel the same when I run.  

She’s standing by the stove when I get back to
the kitchen.

‘Got myself all cleaned up,’ I say.

She turns and looks me over.

‘Mmm. Much better.’ She lifts her hand and rests
her fingertips on the edge of my eye. ‘Definitely two black eyes for you
tomorrow.’

I look at her eyes. They’re still green, but
it’s more grey than in the photo. She drops her hand.

‘What?’ she asks.

‘I reckon your eyes used to be greener. When you
were younger I mean.’

‘What do you mean, when I was younger?’

Oops.

Then I remember the photos on the hallway walls.

I shrug. ‘I saw some photos in the hall.’

She nods. ‘Mmm. They’re all from my twenties. I
don’t put recent ones up.’

‘Why not?’

‘Time is no woman’s friend.’

‘Your eyes used to be greener but I think you’re
still as hot as those younger photos. Hotter, actually.’

She frowns at me and starts to shake her head.

‘Paul...’ she begins.

‘I think you’re so sexy, Abby.’

It’s out before I can stop it, and I don’t care.
I’ve got nothing to hide and I may as well take the risk. She just stares at me
with that frown of hers.

I take a step towards her. ‘Abby?’

Our eyes meet. She reaches her hand out, so I
curl my fingers around hers. The frown melts off and she starts to smile. I
stare at her lips. I want her so badly I feel like I’m going to explode. She looks
me up and down, and then she is standing there, giving me
that
look. I
feel a movement in my pants and I know it’s now or never. I grab her around the
waist, smashing her body hard against mine, and kiss her.

Fifteen

It takes me a few seconds to react. The kiss is
so frantic that his teeth are scratching my lips and our noses keep knocking. I
am pinned to him, my breasts slammed against his chest, his belt buckle digging
into my hip.

But I am kissing him back.

I try to pull away, to slow the kiss down, but
he’s got both hands flat on my back, pressing my body hard into his own. We
stumble as he pushes me back against the bench. I can feel the wooden edge against
my butt, and his erection bumping my thigh. He jams his tongue into my mouth
and hastily tries to unbutton my jeans at the same time, but the zipper gets
caught. He jerks it quickly, twice, but it doesn’t budge. When he pulls away
from me to inspect the zip, I gently cup his face and bring his eyes up to meet
mine.

‘Slow down,’ I whisper.

He lets go of my zipper and drops his hands to
his side. I curl my fingers around his head and run my tongue over his lips. He
smiles and then he nods. We kiss some more, gently this time. After a moment, he
pulls back and starts kissing my neck in a trail down from my earlobe. I can
smell dried blood from his forehead cut.

I move his hands up my T-shirt and he starts
rubbing against the lace on my bra. He bends to kiss my breasts through the
fabric and then pauses to look at me. He hesitates. His eyes are searching
mine, waiting for a response. I know this is my chance to back out. I could ask
him to leave and just pretend this never happened. But I know I can’t do that.
I can’t ignore the way my heart is thumping now and the way he’s sending
shivers through me. I can’t pretend that I don’t want this more than I’ve
wanted anything in a long time.

I take a deep breath. This is it, there’s no
going back.

I reach down and pull my T-shirt over my head.
Then I undo my bra and let it fall. My breasts are right in his face but he’s
still looking into my eyes. I stand still and wait for curiosity to overtake
him. Finally he glances down at my chest. He smiles back up at me, and without
breaking his glance, lowers his head to suck on my nipple. This sends shivers
through me again. We are staring at each other and I can feel the blood
pounding in my groin. I start to unbutton his shirt. Each time my fingers brush
against his skin he flinches.

He pauses again, to pull a condom out of his
wallet. He smiles at me sheepishly.

I kiss him and this time it is me who is
frantic. He takes his cue from this. I hear him unbuckling his belt and the
swish as his pants fall to the ground. I watch as he tears open the wrapper and
slides the condom on, all in one slick, hurried movement.

His tongue is swirling in my mouth and then his
hands are all in my hair, massaging the back of my neck. I push him back so I
can take off my jeans. Without a word, I move to get myself up onto the bench.
He reaches out to help me but then seems to hesitate again. I grip the edge and
slide myself up.

His eyes look everywhere except between my legs.
I take his hand and move his fingers down there. He kisses my nipples again and
his fingers play with me. His body starts to shudder, threatening to explode
already. I move so I am balancing on the very edge of the bench, and I lean
back. Our breathing is coming in loud and fast like we’ve both been running. I
smile at him and reach down to guide him in. He is already moaning. I wrap my
legs around him and squeeze. He takes hold of both my hips and pushes himself deep
inside me.

***

Afterwards, she leads me into the spare bedroom
and we collapse in a sweaty heap. We’re smiling, and panting, and kissing each
other. I’m kind of embarrassed that I blew so soon, but I just couldn’t control
it. At least I managed to hold off long enough to get inside her. I thought I
was about to explode when she moved my fingers down to touch her.

But it was all right. Hell, it was better than
all right. And I think she enjoyed it. She looks happy. I definitely want
another shot, though. I know I can hold out longer. And judging by my
semi-boner, I’ll be raring to go again pretty soon. I’m surprised by that; Amanda
and I had a lot of sex, but I’ve never backed up so quickly.  

‘I’ve never...that was...,’ she says, gasping.
‘It was...’

‘I know.’

She rolls over and cups my face with her sweaty
hand.

‘It felt so good, Paul.’

‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

She laughs, and kisses me, and arches her back.
Her tits are heavy against her chest but her nipples are still at attention. I
tweak one between my fingers and lean down to suck on it. She moans.

‘I can’t believe we did this.’

I don’t stop sucking. ‘Mmm.’

‘I mean this is crazy. What were we thinking?’

I look at her and shrug. ‘We weren’t.’

‘I just had to have you. When you turned up at
the door earlier, I just knew.’

‘Even with me looking like this?’

She pouts and kisses me gently on my swollen eyes.
‘Yes, even with this. Are you OK? Does it hurt?’

‘I’m all right. So you really wanted me that bad
huh?’

She smiles. ‘Like you didn’t want me too.’

I’m running my hands over her damp skin, down from
her tits to her thigh.

‘I never denied it,’ I say. ‘I’ve wanted you
since the first day of school.’

She smiles at me kind of sheepishly. ‘What about
the whole older woman thing?’

‘So what?’

‘I’m twice your age.’

‘And I’m half your age. Who cares?’

‘But what’s the attraction?’

I stare at her. ‘Come on. You know how fucking
gorgeous you are, right? You make me crazy, Abby. I couldn’t wait to do this. I’ve
been fantasising about it for a while.’

‘You have?’

‘Yep. I don’t like to admit it, but you’ve had
me whipped.’

‘Really? But I haven’t done anything.’

‘You don’t have to do anything. You’re perfect.
You’re sexy, you’re beautiful, and you’re awesome in the sack.’

We laugh.

‘I try,’ she says with a smirk.

‘Your turn,’ I say. ‘Why are you here with me?’

She looks at me for a long time. ‘Because you
make me tremble,’ she says finally.

‘What?’

‘When you touch me it sends shivers through me
and whenever you were running beside me, or staring back at me from the back of
the classroom, I was trembling. I knew that if my body responded to you in that
way then there had to be a pretty powerful emotion behind it.’

We sit in silence because I don’t know what to
say. I want to tell her she does the same for me but the words sound stupid in
my head. I know they’ll sound even more ridiculous if I actually let them out.

‘So I was turning you on in class, huh?’

She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her
arms around them. ‘There is the whole teacher-student thing.’

This wipes the smirk off my face.

‘And your husband,’ I say stubbornly.

She lets out a long sigh and shakes her head.

‘Hey,’ I say, reaching for her. ‘I’m sorry.
Let’s not talk about him. ’

She nods but doesn’t look at me. I lean over and
kiss her gently on the neck, then I move my mouth up to meet hers. When I feel
her lips part for me, I slowly push her down onto the bed. I’m already hard.

‘Again?’ she says.

I don’t bother answering. I smother her neck
with kisses and run my fingertips across her stomach. I feel her tremble
beneath me. Without looking I try to push into her, but I miss and hit her
thigh. She smiles at me and rolls over onto her front so I’ve got a clear view.

Earlier, I couldn’t believe she was up for it on
the kitchen bench. Even now, lying on the bed, she wants doggy style rather
than me on top. My boner seems to grow even bigger as my dirty mind kicks in to
overdrive. I’ve been fantasising about all these positions with her and now
look. Here she is, right in front of me, her bare arse pointing up at me, her
damp skin rubbing against the bedcovers as she pulls herself up on all fours.
She’s thrown me for a loop, I’ll give her that.

I shake my head to get rid of all those thoughts
so I don’t lose my nerve. She seems to like my fingertip touches so I reach
forward and run them down the length of her spine. She gives a little whimper,
and moves her hips closer to me. I can see where I’m going now and I move in
there quickly. When I push myself in, her whole body erupts in trembles and she
lets out a soft, rasping moan of pleasure.

***

I wake on Saturday morning to the sound of
Paul’s heavy breathing in my ear. We are spooning, our sweaty bodies have stuck
together after the second time last night. I haven’t had sex like this since I
was twenty-one. And I’ve never had sex like this with Luke.

The thought of my husband makes me feel
nauseous. I peel Paul’s arms off me and slip out to the bathroom. I keep my
eyes down as I pass our bedroom. I can’t bear to see our unmade bed, his dirty
socks lying on the carpet, his half read book on his bedside table.

I wretch a couple of times in the toilet but nothing
comes out. We didn’t even eat last night. I can’t remember if I turned off the
stove, if I even locked the front door. I can hardly recall anything after the
moment Paul took hold of my hand and kissed me. The whole night was just us in
this frenzy. I would have thought it was a dream if I hadn’t woken up in his
arms.

I hear him coughing from the spare room. I lean
over and shut the bathroom door. I don’t want to face him just yet. I avoid
looking at myself in the mirror, instead I step into the shower and turn the
hot water on full blast. My body is aching and I am a bit sore to touch.

I don’t even bother washing myself, I just let
the water rush over me. The heat feels nice against my skin. I dip my head
under the spray and coat myself in the warmth. I stand like this for ten
minutes, all the time willing my brain not to start thinking about what it is
I’ve just done, and how I might have ruined my life.

He knocks on the door. ‘Abby? Can I come in?’

I’m surprised by his voice, like I was expecting
Luke’s.

‘OK.’

He comes in and pulls the shower curtain aside.
I am standing sort of self-consciously with my arms covering my breasts. He
looks nowhere but directly into my eyes. Without a word he steps forward and
wraps his arms around me. He kisses my neck.

‘Morning,’ he whispers.

I listen to the way his breath sounds in my ear
and how our skins feel rubbing against one another. I look down at our hands
entwined across my stomach. They look so normal, as though his have always been
the hands I link with my own. But this man isn’t my husband. He’s a boy, barely
a man at all. So why does this feel so right?

He ducks his head under the water, splashing me,
and reaches down to caress me. My body starts to respond but my mind is working
now too. I can’t switch off.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t,’ I say, moving his hand
away.

He smiles at me, as though he thinks I’m
playing, and goes to squat down on his knees. I step back and the water smacks
him in the face.

‘Oww,’ he says, laughing.

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘It’d be better if we don’t...
again... you know?’

I can tell he is disappointed but instead of
answering me he busies himself with washing his hair.

‘I’m getting out.’

He just shrugs.

I grab some clothes from off the drier in the
laundry, rather than going into our room. Instead I close the bedroom door in
some hopeless attempt to deny it even exists. The shower has helped with the
nausea but I feel like something has hold of my stomach and whatever it is,
it’s squeezing.

Yesterday’s clothes are piled in a heap on the
kitchen floor. I gather mine up and roll them into a tight ball. Paul’s jeans
are lying open where he stepped out of them. I notice there is no underwear
around and that brings Luke’s cotton Y-fronts into my mind. I’ve never really
liked him in them but he’s always seemed ambivalent to trying boxers.

I switch the kettle on and try to shake Luke
from my thoughts. He’s probably still asleep or he might be in the shower
contemplating the meetings he’ll have scheduled for today. He might even be
thinking of me, wondering what my excuse will be for behaving so crazy the
other night. He’s probably looking forward to the make-up sex he’s fairly
assured will happen when he gets back tomorrow.

Imagining sex with Luke now makes the stomach
squeezing tighten. Whatever is doing that to me wants to make sure I don’t
forget the awful thing I’ve done to my husband. I do feel awful. Actually, I
feel worse than that. I feel like the lowest form of life right now. I am a
dung beetle, forced to play with shit for eternity. That’s what I get for being
part of such betrayal.