Running Away From Love (25 page)

              I sat back and took in everything she had said. I gave a slight smile as I said “Thank you for always listening and giving me some type of insight. What I’m scared of the most is that I will make the wrong choice, and miss out on true love possibly. I just hope I make the right decision in the end. It’s crazy because it felt like what me and Quincy had was so perfect. We never really had any serious issues in our relationship. Now I’m feeling like this Lisa chick may be just one of many other women. I could possibly handling the cheating, but she is claiming to be pregnant with his child. Now not only do I have to deal with infidelity, but a baby being a constant reminder of that infidelity. I don’t know if I can handle that type of situation. This man stood right in my face and lied to me without an ounce of remorse.”

London replied saying “So do you think this chick is telling the truth?”

I said “To be honest, yeah, I think that she is telling the truth. She was going way too hard on the phone with me. No chick is going to go that hard unless there are feelings involved. She sounded angry because she was hurting. No chick will just start drama unless there are feelings behind the drama. I just know that he is lying to me about his real relationship with this girl. But enough about Quincy. I don’t want to think about it anymore, because I don’t want to get pissed off again. In regards to this whole Trey situation I really don’t know what it is with him and I. I haven’t wanted to say it out loud, but I am it’s I still love with that man. I can’t seem to ever put it into words. Whenever I get near him I still get butterflies in my stomach, my heart starts to race, and I flat out get somewhat nervous. It’s like whenever he isn’t around it feels like there’s this huge void in my world, and it’s suddenly filled as soon as he is back within my presence. When I laid my head on his chest that night, I listened to his heartbeat it matched mine perfectly. In that moment we were perfectly in sync with one another.

I know it probably sounds corny as hell to you. But I always heard and believed that when your heartbeat matches that person is your soul mate. I mean even after all of this time, and all the shit we been through. I’m beginning to think that maybe there is still another chapter out there for us to begin. I have tried like hell to deny my love for him, and God knows that I have tried to let it all go. But it’s so hard for me to accept him, because I don’t know if I can ever really trust him with my heart again. He broke my heart it into a million pieces the last time he had it. Yeah nothing would make me happier than to start all over with him, but where do I even begin to rebuild what used to have? That trust that you’re supposed to have with the man you love I’m not sure I can ever have that with him again. How do I even know that if I give us a chance he won’t do it all over again? How do I know that he really has changed? There are so many questions with Trey that I still can’t answer. The idea of me and him seems to be centered on so much uncertainty that it makes me with anxiety. Yes from his actions so far he has seemed to have changed a lot. God I just thinking and talking about all of this has me feeling confused and outta my element! It’s stressing the hell outta me. I just want to scream.”

She laughed as she said “Love is confusing and stressful as hell at times Jasmine. But if you really love him, and you really want to try again then you’re going to have to forgive him. Forgiving him is going to be your first step in starting over. If you can’t forgive him then there really is no point in even trying to go there. All I’m going to say is that you need to make the best decision for Jasmine. You’re the one who will have to live with it. Make a decision you know will leave you happy in the end. Ok I just have to say that now I know why your ass is so damn calm. Trey worked your ass out last night, and you’re still high off the sex. How many times did he make you come?”

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling after she said that. The sex was amazing no denying that. I just laughed as I said “Listen you little horny pregnant lady don’t worry about how many times he made me come. Just know that it was enough to keep me calm after my fight with Q. All I will say is that it was amazing, and he was amazing.”

We laughed some more and continued to eat our lunch. I felt somewhat better after talking to her.

              It’s been about a month since I came back home to Buffalo. I took a small leave from work, and did most of my job from my laptop. I had some time to clear my mind, and try to put some things into perspective. I still haven’t come up with a conclusive decision yet. Today was finally London’s wedding day. I was so excited to see my friend get married, but recently I’ve been feeling very exhausted and sick as hell. At first I thought it was just because I had been stressed out, but I just wasn’t feeling like myself so I knew it had to be something else. I had all of the symptoms of being pregnant. I was tired and always feeling nauseous. The thought of me being pregnant instantly invaded my mind. I pulled out my phone and checked the period tracker calendar in my phone when I noticed that my period was a couple of weeks late. I hadn’t paid any attention to not getting my period, because I have had a billion other things on my mind. We stayed the night the Embassy Suites Hotel for London’s spa/ bachelorette party. There was a drugstore across the street so I quickly went out to buy a pregnancy test. When I got back to my room, I was a nervous wreck as I peed on the stick. Being pregnant was definitely not going to be a good thing. If the results came back positive I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do. The night that I was with Trey we definitely did not use a condom now that I think about it. Trey and I aren’t even together like that what the hell was I thinking not using a condom.

A million thoughts raced through my mind as I paced around my room, waiting for the test to complete. I walked up to the test on the counter and I saw the plus sign clear as day. It felt like my heart stopped once I saw the results. I sat down on the bed trying to maintain my composure. I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. This was most definitely not supposed to happen. I felt like God was punishing me. What if I wanted to work things out with Q? How could I do that now being pregnant with another man’s child? The irony of this whole thing is that we both may have children on the way, and it’s not even with each other. How many signs could I get that said that let me know that Quincy and I shouldn’t be together?

I haven’t spoken to Trey since I left for Buffalo. I wasn’t sure if he will even want to speak to me after all the shit that I’ve put him through recently. I know I’ve been giving him a lot of mixed signals. How am I supposed to tell him that I’m pregnant? Would he even believe me? He knows that I was sleeping with Quincy as well. I pulled out my phone about to call Trey when someone started knocking on my room door. One of the bridesmaids was telling me that everyone was waiting on me downstairs in the limo. I quickly put the test into my purse before I headed out the door. I guess that phone call will just have to wait.

London and Mike’s wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful. It really showed how beautiful true love could be when it was genuine and real. Now it’s time to celebrate the union at the reception. As I watched London and her husband take their first dance I couldn’t have been any happier for her. She has wanted her whole life to be a married woman and mother, and now she has both. In this moment I couldn’t help but reflect on my own situation. I desperately wanted the same thing. All I ever wanted was to be happy, and be with the man God had made just for me. With everything I had going on I haven’t been able to enjoy being home with all my family and friends. I wasn’t myself and I’m sure everyone noticed. I didn’t know how to pretend like my personal life wasn’t in shambles. I tried my best to hide it for the sake of keeping everyone happy. I didn’t want London worrying about me on her wedding day. As I was sitting down watching them dance I noticed someone walking in with a huge bouquet of white roses. I couldn’t help but wonder who the hell was bringing flowers to a wedding reception. As he lowered the flowers away from his face I saw that it was Quincy. I was really surprised to see him here, but I wished that it was Trey instead. As he walked towards me all eyes were on him. He looked sexy as hell in his suit I had to admit. Quincy was just a gorgeous ass man. I just couldn’t stand him right now. He made his way over to where I was sitting at. My attitude and look on my face read that I still wasn’t fucking with him. He looked like he was nervous as he stood in front of me. I just stared at him blankly not giving him any kind of comfort.

He extended his hand giving me the roses as he said “These are for you, baby.” I took them from him and just placed them down on the table besides me as I rolled my eyes.

              He sighed as he knew that I still was not happy with him. He said “Can I talk to you, Jasmine, please?”

I said coldly “Now is not the time for this, Quincy. This is London’s wedding day. I’m really not trying to have this conversation here with you. So with that being said find another time and leave me alone.”

He pleaded “Come on, Jasmine, don’t be that way. I know this is your friend’s wedding day, and I don’t want to ruin it. You left me no other choice but to come here unannounced. You blocked all of my calls and texts for a damn month, Jasmine. This was the only way I knew I could see and talk to you. You can be pissed, but I’m not leaving here until you talk to me.”

The DJ announced that everyone could now join and dance. The song Happily Ever After by Case began to play next. Q extended his hand out to me and said “Dance with me?” I didn’t want to dance with him but everyone was looking so I had no choice but to agreed. He took my hand and led me out to the dance floor. As we began to dance he pulled me in as close as he could. My bridesmaid dress clung to all of my curves. It was a red silk halter top dress with the back completely out. He traced his hands down my back as we slow danced. He kept trying to make eye contact with me, but I refused to look at him.

He said “You look really beautiful. I have missed you so much. Listen there really are no words to describe how sorry I am for what happened that night. I know there is nothing that I can say or do that will justify what I did to you. I had a moment where I let my anger, and emotions get the best of me. But I can promise you that it will never happen again. I hate to admit it but you have this effect on me where I don’t think. I can’t say how sorry I am, for what happened.

“The truth is, yes I was unfaithful to you in our relationship. So the chance of her being pregnant with my child is very likely. Look to be honest, Jasmine, I never planned on falling in love with you as fast and hard as I have. I never felt for any woman as much as I feel for you. I wasn’t ready to let go of my old ways at the time. I know that I fucked up bad, and I’m man enough to admit that. But I never wanted to ever be the cause of any of your pain, Jasmine. I love you; all I ever wanted to do from the moment we met is to be the reason that you smile. Your smile brightens up even my darkest days. I’m damn near losing my mind ever since you have been away from me. I now realize I don’t want to ever live the rest of my life without you. I know we can work out our problems, and still find a way to still be together. I’m begging you for another chance to make it right. All I want is you baby.”

              After he said that he pulled away from me, and he got down on one knee. As soon as he did the music cut off instantly, and all eyes were on us. He looked into my eyes as he said “Jasmine I love you so much. You’re perfect for me. You compliment me in so many ways. Ever since you came into my life I’ve wanted to be a better man for you. I understand that me cheating isn’t me being a better man. But this whole situation has been a serious reality check for me. I want to be better. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It would make me the happiest man in the world if I could wake up knowing that you will always be there for the rest of my life. Will you marry me, Jasmine?”

He pulled out a tiffany’s box, and revealed a stunningly beautiful white and canary yellow diamond ring. I was speechless and I couldn’t seem to move. I was frozen in place. Quincy proposing was the last thing that I was expecting. As I looked into his eyes I saw that he was serious. How could he even be serious? There are still so many issues that are still hanging over us. I glanced over to my mom, and she stood there smiling as if she approved. I glanced over to London, and her face was expressionless. With that look I knew that she didn’t approve at all. She was the only one who really knew what happened between us recently. I wasn’t sure what to do at this point.

After my mind stopped racing I said “I really don’t know what to say right now. I mean how could you even want to get married after all that has happened? I’m not even sure if I really know who you are anymore. The Quincy you showed me that night was not the Quincy that I came to know and love.”

My heart was racing him proposing couldn’t have come at a worse time. I had just found out that I am pregnant. Even though it may have been clear that my heart belonged to another, and he wasn’t the one in front of me. I don’t know how happily ever after we could be once everyone’s truth including mine eventually comes out.

Quincy and I together looked right from the outside looking in, but my heart screamed for Trey. I tried to convince myself that maybe the home pregnancy I took was wrong and I wasn’t really pregnant.

I took a deep breath in before I said “I need to tell you something before I answer you. After the fight that we had I was angry with you. And I ended up at Trey’s house that night. He took me in and comforted me, but old feelings did resurface that night. I ended up sleeping with him. I just want you to know that I wasn’t being malicious trying to get even with you. It just happened.”