Sacrifice (Absent Shadows Trilogy Book 2) (14 page)

‘I’m so sorry about yesterday. I should have been there. It should never have happened.’

‘It’s not your fault, Sam. It was entirely my fault—I was so stupid. I’ll be more careful in the future, I promise.’

Sam sighed, and the sadness in his eyes returned.

And so did my insecurity. Only this time it wasn’t three in the morning. And I wasn’t alone. The sun was shining. Sam was with me. And even still, I wondered if I was strong enough to survive in this world of his, or if I’d been a fool to think I was.

~ Chapter Fourteen ~

As there’d been no further daytime incidents, everyone was convinced that the errant vampire I’d encountered was a one off. We were to leave for Mladen’s at the end of the week, and while Sam would be missed, he was free to go with me.

I was ready to go, with one exception. I still hadn’t heard anything from either Detective Bradshaw or Mr Cameron, and I really wanted to know what was happening with Mr Shaw’s case.

I rang the lawyer’s office and, after some initial reluctance, his secretary finally put me through to him. Yes, Mr Shaw had been released from custody. And yes, he would organise a meeting at his office if I insisted. I did.

I walked into Mr Cameron’s office shortly before ten the next morning, wearing a bulky jacket to hide my figure. Even though I might never see them again after today, I didn’t want them guessing that I was pregnant.

The receptionist asked me to take a seat while she announced my arrival. Ten minutes later I followed her down a long corridor that led to a large glass-walled board room. I could see Mr Cameron standing with a man who I presumed was Mr Shaw, but his back was toward me. Mr Cameron kept shaking his head, and looked to be trying to interrupt the other man, who I could tell was talking by his head and hand movements. When Mr Cameron spotted us walking toward the room, he gestured for the man to sit, then he opened the door and invited me in.

‘Good morning, Ms McIntyre. Please take a seat, here.’

‘Thank you, Mr Cameron. Good morning, Mr Shaw.’

‘Good morning, Lili. And it’s Richard, please. I think we know each other well enough now to be on a first name basis, don’t you?’

I smiled tentatively. ‘Richard.’

Mr Cameron made a snuffling sound, then asked if we’d like coffee or anything. When we both declined, he excused himself and left the room.

‘You’ll have to forgive him for his abruptness. He didn’t think I should speak to you on my own. Cam’s very protective, you see. But I wanted us both to feel free to talk openly, without having to edit anything for his benefit.’

The rapport we’d developed the first time I met him was still there. There was nothing dangerous or sinister about this man. He was a true gentleman in every sense of the word.

He cleared his throat, and smiled. ‘So, you saw her again. You must have, unless you dug up half the gardens, that is? She was the only one that could have shown you where to look.’

‘Yes, I saw her. And I tricked her into showing me—I let her think I’d come to help her. It was just as you said—she knew exactly where they were buried.’

‘Yes, like I said before, I knew she was there. I could feel her watching me the whole time. And thank God she was. I’d never have remembered exactly where that bag was.’

I thought about it for a minute, wondering why he hadn’t buried everything in the one place. Finally, I asked.

‘No particular reason, really. It’s just that the ground was really hard there and the hole wasn’t deep, so when I put the bag in the hole and covered it over, I just decided to put the gun in a different spot—somewhere that I could dig a deeper hole.’

We just sat there in silence. I’d been so excited at the thought of finally having the opportunity to talk to a normal human about this, but given the chance, I found it wasn’t that easy after all. But I did want to know what was going to happen to him.

‘So, with this new evidence … have they dropped all the charges?’

‘Yes. Well, they’ve dropped the murder charges. But I’m still in a whole lot of trouble.’

‘But you didn’t do anything,’ I said, shaking my head.

‘Didn’t do anything?’ He bowed his head, and seemed to be thinking before he spoke again. ‘I did plenty. I hid evidence. I lied to the police. But that’s not the worst of it. I let my family down. And for what? A career that I’ve ended up ruining anyway?’

I didn’t know what to say. I’d hoped it would have been better for him—that by finding the gloves and note he’d be cleared and his life could go back how it was before. When I didn’t speak, he continued to explain.

‘I knew she wasn’t well. She was so withdrawn. And there was something in the way she looked at us—at Patricia and at her sister, but mostly at me. It wasn’t something I could put my finger on. It wasn’t fear, or anger. Or at least, not as I’ve known those emotions. It was something else. Patricia begged me to take her to a psychiatrist. But no, Richard Shaw was not going to have a daughter receiving psychiatric help. That wouldn’t have made for good press. So I just let it go on, and it got worse. But I never expected … I mean … if I’d had any idea she would do what she did, I … well, I would have done more.’

‘Of course you didn’t expect that. Nobody would. You can’t blame yourself,’ I said, feeling protective of this man who was obviously in pain.

‘But I should have done something. And that’s where I failed—as a husband, and as a father. And then after,’ he shook his head, looking at me as if looking for forgiveness, ‘I panicked. I still didn’t want the world to know she did it. There’d been a spate of burglaries in the area. I thought the police would just put it down to that.’

‘And did they? I mean, would they have, if I hadn’t found that gun?’ I felt awful again, wishing I’d never seen Rachel.

‘Without the gun, there was no evidence tying me to the murders. They did check, believe me, they checked thoroughly. But the gun, well, that changed things. If you hadn’t been able to find the note and gloves, I’m afraid I’d still be locked up now.’

‘What was the note? And whose gloves were they?’ I asked, trying to ease my conscious with the knowledge that at least I’d been able to find them.

‘They were just kitchen gloves—my wife’s. Rachel wore them, which is why there was no gunshot residue on her hands. But it was the note that was even more important. It said, “I’ll get you father, just like I got them. Don’t think you’ve escaped just because you didn’t come home. I’ll get you from the grave if need be.” The writing was shaky, but it was hers.’

‘So, they believed that she’d written the note?’

‘Yes, they matched her writing with papers from school. And they revisited their forensics—it seems they’d overlooked a few things as it had never occurred to them that it was a murder/suicide. They really thought it was me at first you see, and when they couldn’t pin it on me, they fell back onto the burglary theory. But the case was never closed … they were still looking into it I believe.’

‘So it was my fault—I mean, for leading them to the gun,’ I said, without meaning to say it out loud.

‘Lili, don’t say that. I don’t blame you for anything. In fact, if anything, I owe you. I will be forever indebted to you for helping me. Most wouldn’t have. Not even my dear friend Cam wanted to hear anything about it. No, if you hadn’t helped me by finding that second bag—who knows what might have happened. And as for you finding the gun, believe me, Rachel was always very determined, so if she hadn’t convinced you to help her, she’d have kept at it until she found someone else. And they mightn’t have helped find the note the way you did. Seriously, you’ve done me a huge service. I’ve not slept well for months from worrying about this. At least it’s over now.’

~~***~~

The house was empty when I got home. I was glad, as the meeting with Mr Shaw had stirred up a mixed bag of emotions in me, and I was finding it hard to smile. I didn’t want Sam to see me this way. I wanted to be his cheerful and loving wife when I saw him. I didn’t want to give him any cause for further concern.

I sat at our kitchen table and then the tears started. I cried for Mr Shaw, and the life he would never know again. I cried for my father, who had been taken from me so unfairly. I cried for my own children, one who I’d willingly left in the care of others, and one yet unborn who would also need to be left with others. But mostly I cried for myself and Sam—wondering, once again, if the strength of our love would be enough.

~ Chapter Fifteen ~

Sam and I arrived at Mladen’s four days before I was due. I felt good, physically. As good, if not better than, I’d felt for the first pregnancy. I’d had nothing even remotely equivalent to morning sickness, bloating, puffy ankles or any of the other discomforts that women often experienced when pregnant.

And I was beginning to feel better mentally as well. Somehow I’d been able to put Rachel behind me, knowing I would have nearly three weeks in this warm, safe place far away in the Western Australian outback. And Sam would be at my side, smiling and giving me strength and love. This was a time to focus on my family.

We settled into the same room we’d had the first time. It only took a few minutes for us to unpack and then we headed downstairs to find Benjamin.

Though I’d been warned what to expect, I was still taken back by how much he’d grown. He was well and truly a toddler now. He was already walking and starting to talk a little.

The resemblance to Sam was strong, although Benjamin had dark eyes rather than Sam’s beautiful blue eyes. But the moment he and Sam made eye contact, Benjamin did this little frown and there was no mistaking the connection between them. He was definitely Sam’s boy. My heart melted with joy, watching them together.

Just being around Benjamin gave me joy. I now understand exactly what Mom meant when she commented about Dad giving her me and my sister. Sam had given me Benjamin. And Benjamin was proof of our love—perfect, adorable, living proof. And even though I knew he didn’t really belong to me, not the way a normal child belongs to a normal family, I was so proud of him and what he was going to become that it took some of the sting away.

And then of course there was the transformation in Sam. He seemed to let go of all his worries and cares as he sat playing with Benjamin. He smiled and laughed, and rolled around on the floor tickling his young son the way any father would do. He was no longer the serious protector of the gardens. He was just a father with a young son. He looked more carefree than I’d ever seen him.

Being here was just what we both needed. It washed away all traces of that uncertainty that had been plaguing me of late. This was where I belonged, and these were the people I belonged with. And at this moment, in this place, I had no doubt—this was my destiny.

But there was just one little tiny problem—we’d only be
here
for three weeks.

~~***~~

The birth was easy—perhaps even easier than it was with Benjamin because I had absolutely no fear of the unknown this time. I slept afterward, and woke to find Sam standing next to the bed with a bundle of white blankets in his arms—a bundle that contained the newest addition to our family.

Sam looked so happy. The smile I’d seen on his face while he was playing with Benjamin was repeated as he stood there holding his newest son. And when the baby cooed and smiled up at him, Sam turned to me and beamed with pride. When I reached out to take him, Sam seemed reluctant to hand him over.

Finally he leaned over, and handed me the infant. ‘Here you go, Mum. Have you thought of a name?’

I reached out to take my son, and as soon as I touched him an image of Henry popped into my head. ‘How about Henry?’

‘Henry. That’s a fine name. Henry Todd. I like it.’

So it was settled. And I spent most of the rest of the day in bed with little Henry curled up beside me, and Sam sitting on the end of the bed, watching us. Benjamin was brought in to meet his little brother and stayed for a short time, but the rest of the day I mostly drifted in and out of sleep. It was so peaceful here, and I felt safe and loved.

I’d never seen Sam so at ease; his face looked younger, the deep frown lines above his eyes nearly gone. I wished things could always be this peaceful for us, but I knew this was only temporary. This was not what his life, or my life for that matter, was about. We were here in this magical place, where there was nothing to fear, no-one that needed protection, no-one to fight. But we’d soon go back to Melbourne and back to Sam’s world.

I must have eventually fallen into a deep sleep because when I opened my eyes the room was bright, and Henry was in his own little cot.

Sam walked in with a breakfast tray and sat watching as I sipped on some fresh orange juice and ate toast with scrumptious marmalade. Sam smiled, but the frown was back. Was our little dream coming to an end so soon?

I must have drifted back to sleep, because a short time later I opened my eyes and Sam was gone. Then I heard a female voice, followed by the familiar sound of soft laughter. It brought a smile to my face. Crystal was here. I hadn’t expected her, but how wonderful that she’d come.

I got up, quickly dressed and lifted young Henry from his cot. When I wandered downstairs I found Sam and Crystal in a quiet conversation.

Crystal looked up as she heard me approach, and her eyes lit up when she spotted little Henry. Her arms reached out, her fingers fluttering in anticipation as she laughed excitedly.

After I handed my infant son over to her, Sam took my hand and guided me into the small sitting room off the hall. He obviously wanted to talk to me in private.

‘I’ve asked Crystal to come because I have to go back to Melbourne. I hope you don’t mind. You’ll be okay, won’t you?’ He looked concerned as he spoke, the frown firmly back in place now.

‘Oh, well, sure, I mean, if you’re needed there, I understand,’ I said, completely taken by surprise. I didn’t actually understand anything. Was there trouble?

‘Yes, I’m afraid I do need to go back. Don’t be concerned, there’s nothing you need to worry about. It’s just that, well, it’s best if I go back and Crystal stays here with you.’

I wasn’t sure what to say. Was there an emergency back in Melbourne? If so, how could Crystal afford to be here? It didn’t make sense. Sam seemed to have been enjoying himself so much; surely he wouldn’t leave unless it was absolutely necessary?

~~***~~

Sam stayed for the rest of the day but when I woke the next morning he was gone. I felt so empty; it was as if a part of me had been taken away. And having just convinced myself that loving him would be enough, that our love could survive anything, we were once again apart. Would I be able to sustain my positive outlook without him here to give me strength?

I showered and dressed, then picked up Henry and walked downstairs to find Crystal. She was in the sitting room, watching Ben playing with some building blocks. She’d just started calling him that—Ben. I liked it, and it seemed to suit him better than the more formal Benjamin.

I sat down next to her on the sofa, and tried to smile. She must have thought I was worried about the boys, because she put her hand on mine and said softly, ‘everything will be fine, Lili. The boys will be happy here. Things are as they must be. Be happy for them, for all of us. They are such wonderful additions to our community.’

‘I know. I understand, really I do. I mean of course one side of me hates leaving them, but it’s not them I’m worried about. I know this is their rightful place. No, it’s Sam I’m worried about. I don’t understand why he had to leave so soon. Why couldn’t he stay here for the three weeks as we’d planned? He never would say what the emergency was. Why did he have to go?’

Crystal turned to face me, and her expression changed to one of sadness. ‘Mladen’s isn’t exactly a place where vampires are comfortable, Lili. The dhampirs are being trained in vampire detection and killing techniques—even from a young age. Admittedly, the only young dhampirs here at the moment are your own boys, but even so, it is awkward. Mladen has great respect for Sam, but it’s uncomfortable for both of them, as well as some of the teachers. I think Sam would prefer just to spare everyone that discomfort.’

‘Oh, oh, of course … how stupid of me. I should have realised. It’s just that, well, I don’t think of Sam that way. I forget he’s … you know.’ The seriousness of her tone made me wonder how I could have failed to realise how hard it must be, not just for Sam, but for Mladen and his staff.

‘Yes, he is so special we all tend to forget.’

‘I feel terrible. I should have realised, but he seemed so happy, he didn’t give me any clues.’

‘Don’t blame yourself. You weren’t to know. Look, he was happy—very happy—I’m sure. In fact, it’s my guess that his happiness is also part of the problem.’

‘His happiness? Why would you say that?’

‘Look, I’m just speculating. I mean, all he said was that it’s uncomfortable here, for him and Mladen and his staff. But they coped the first time for the full three weeks, didn’t they?’

‘Yes,’ I said, frowning as her point hit home.

‘Exactly. Look, I think being here with you and the boys showed Sam exactly what his life could have been like—if he was human. And as much as being here made him happy—really, truly happy—I think it might also be what made him sad. Seeing what he’ll never have—a human life with you.’

‘He didn’t ask you to change him again, did he?’ I asked, panic starting to rise in me.

‘No, he didn’t mention it, but that’s why I came so quickly when he rang. I wanted to get here so he could go, before it got any harder for him to cope.’

‘Oh, Crystal, what am I going to do? Was this a mistake? I mean, we’ve known each other such a short time. Did we jump into this marriage too quickly?’ As soon as I had asked the question, I regretted it. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had any doubts, not even Crystal.

‘No, please don’t ever think that,’ she said, squeezing my hand. ‘Look, it may take a bit of time for the two of you to find your way. You both have compromises to make. This is one of yours. You’ll simply enjoy your time with the boys while you’re here. Then you’ll go back home to Sam and you won’t talk about how much fun it was to play with them, and you certainly won’t ever mention to him how much you miss them. That’s not to say you can’t mention them from time to time, but you’ll have to be careful not to sound sad, not to suggest that you wish they were human boys.’

‘I can do that,’ I said, nodding, relaxing a little now that I understood why he had to leave. I could see a way forward for us.

‘If you can do that, and if you can be happy, I think Sam will be happy too. He loves you so much, Lili, and he wouldn’t want to think he was the cause of any pain for you. So just don’t ever be sad about the boys, not around him anyway.’

‘And what if I get pregnant again? What do I do then?’

‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But I’d probably suggest you leave it up to him to decide to come with you, or not, next time. Assuming there is a next time. But let’s not worry about that now. Let’s enjoy these boys while they are young and playful. Cheer up. Sam will be fine once he gets back home. Everything will be fine.’

~~***~~

The following days were all about the boys. And while we could have played with them all day every day, Mladen asked us to spend a little less time with them each day. He felt that would make the separation less painful for them when we left. So, in addition to playing with the boys, we swam and went for long walks along the various paths that meandered through the bushland that ran around the perimeter of the property. And I took photos—lots and lots of photos of the boys so I could remember them like this. I was still amazed at how quickly they were changing.

I rang Sam each day, but I was careful not to say too much about the boys. I just told him we were having fun, and that everyone was well. And just hearing his voice was like a tonic—lifting my spirits, washing away the doubt that would creep back in when I was alone at night.

Then before I knew it we were packed and preparing to leave. I watched Crystal as she carried the bags downstairs. I wondered whether she was as sad to leave as I was. She seemed so at home here.

As we said our goodbyes to the boys and Mladen, I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat. I knew that the next time I’d see the boys they’d most likely be young adults. But this was the way it had to be. This was
normal
in their world—and in my world now too.

Then I smiled. I was going home to Sam. Everything would be fine as soon as we were back together, and I could feel his arms around me.

~~***~~

As the taxi pulled up in front of Crystal’s house I spotted Sam standing on the kerb holding a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses.

‘Happy Valentine’s Day, or happy belated Valentine’s Day I should say,’ said Sam, handing me the flowers as he leaned forward to kiss me. I drew in my breath. The flowers were beautiful, but it was the smile on his face that took my breath away. He looked so totally at ease. My heart skipped a beat and I knew, without question, that I was where I belonged.

‘Oh Sam, they’re so beautiful,’ I whispered.

‘But not nearly as beautiful as you. I’ve missed you,’ he said, wrapping his arms around me.

‘And I’ve missed you,’ I replied before burying my face in his chest.

When he released me, he took my hand and led me into Crystal’s house. It was stuffy inside, but she quickly raced over and turned on the air-conditioner.

‘And so … I take it everything here has been good? No nasty surprises while we were away?’ Crystal asked, as she turned to face us.

‘No, none at all. Everything was quiet. I was afraid Tom was about to start making trouble just for something to do,’ Sam laughed.

‘And did he?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘No, he behaved himself, with a bit of supervision from me of course.’

‘Yes, of course,’ she answered sarcastically, but her smile was genuine.

He laughed with Crystal, and then his arm tightened around my shoulders as he looked down at me.

‘I want to take you somewhere special tonight. You know, for a belated Valentine’s Day dinner.’

‘Dinner?’ I said, shaking my head slowly.

‘Yes, dinner. You know, a romantic one, with candles and soft music. You haven’t had a good run these past few weeks. I want to make it up to you.’

‘But …’

‘It’ll be fine. I don’t have to eat much—just for show. Besides, I need to start getting in practice for when I meet your family, right?’