Sasha: The Wallflower (The Wallflower Series Book 1) (15 page)

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I-I…” before she could form a full sentence there was a commotion down the hall. All three of them turned to see Nikolai storming towards them his face reddened in anger and his eyes looking straight through Sasha. Knowing that he probably knew the full story, Sasha backed away slightly as he charged forward.

“What did you do to her? What did you do?!” Nikolai screamed as he approached.

Dmitri, finally sensing that his father wasn’t speaking to him or Dominic, turned back to Sasha in confusion.

Sasha perspired visibly, her hands shaking as she held them close to her heart and looked up into the eyes of the man that towered over her. Her eyes kept glancing from him to Dmitri, clearly afraid. “I-I didn’t…I didn’t do anything.”

Her answer seemed to enrage Nikolai all the more, Dmitri watched in absolute shock as his father raised his hand as if to slap her. Both Dominic and Dmitri acted quickly. Dmitri pulled Sasha away from his father and stepped in front of her protectively while Dominic aggressively took hold of his father’s wrist, preventing him from assaulting the young woman.

“Let go of me!” he yelled in outrage. “She did this! She’s the reason Nadia is in the hospital!”

It finally sinking in that Nikolai had planned on slapping Sasha, Dmitri grew angry and stalked toward him menacingly. “What the hell is your problem? Get a hold of yourself! How dare you try to hit a woman? Have you lost your goddamn mind!”

Nikolai calmed down enough to rip his hand from Dominic’s grasp. “Ask her. Just ask her.”

Dmitri slowly turned back to Sasha who cowered behind him, tears rushing down her face and her breathing harsh. “What happened, Sasha? Why are you here?”

She shook her head, making her locks swing back and forth. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I promise, Dmitri. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Growing impatient, Dmitri took a hold of both her shoulders and shook her gently. “Just tell me what happened. Now!”

Sasha took in a deep breath to calm herself but her stomach recoiled in fear of what he would say or do when he heard the truth. “I met with Nadia for lunch so that I could convince her to forgive you and go to rehab.” She watched his expression grow suspicious, his lips thinning in disapproval. Before he could respond, she continued, “She got up to leave after saying these awful things about how I was nothing and that you deserved better. But all I could think about was how hurt you were when she left that day so I grabbed her arm.”

Tears began to blur her vision as she struggled to speak. “She slapped me and when I let her go she lost her balance and hit her head on the edge of the bar.” At his continued silence, she rushed on, “I met up with her for you Dmitri. I only wanted her to see how much you love her so that you-”

“Shut up,” he interrupted. “I told you not to interfere when it comes to my family.” He spoke so quietly, Sasha’s ears strained to hear him even though they stood so close. Dmitri could feel her body trembling beneath his grasp but he didn’t care. When his gaze finally fell upon her, she felt as if the floor had fallen from beneath her at the visible hatred in his eyes.

“Did I not tell you that!?” She jumped as he suddenly yelled at her. “What part of what I said did you not fucking understand, Sasha? You are not my goddamn wife; I don’t need you to fix my relationship with my family. I am not your fucking project!”

He shoved her away from him. He started to turn away from her but then seemed to think again and faced her again. “We are through; I don’t want to ever see your face again.”

“No!” she sobbed. “I love you, Dmitri. Please, you have to forgive me. I never meant for any of this to happen! You know me; I would never intentionally hurt your sister.” Desperately she reached out for his hand but he just stepped away.

Dmitri’s face narrowed in disgust. “You still seem to be missing the point. Because of your incessant need to interfere in my life, Nadia is in the hospital with a potentially serious brain injury. I don’t give a fuck how much you ‘love’ me because, if you haven’t noticed, it is not returned. You will never be part of my life no matter how much you try to squirm your way in.  So, leave! And for the record, this time I have chosen my sister.”

Sasha, eyes glazed over with tears, looked upon Dmitri in horror; she felt frozen as he glared down at her. And she felt a sense of déjà vu. Her mind screamed at her that there couldn’t be another person that she loved throwing her away as if she were worthless. Nadia and Nikolai couldn’t be getting exactly what they wanted.

When she continued to stand there, unmoving, Dmitri rolled his eyes and walked away. Nikolai, a satisfied smirk painted upon his face, followed. But, Dominic didn’t follow; he stared upon the young woman before him. Her eyes were swollen and her gaze stayed glued to Dmitri’s back while she fought for breath. He slowly walked towards her until his chest blocked her field of vision. When she looked up at him, she seemed to him like a lost child.

“You need to go home, Sasha.”

Sobbing, Sasha raced from the hospital.

Several Weeks Later

Sasha’s little legs ran down the hallway as her name was called. She skidded to a stop at the sight of the mysterious woman standing at the front door in a navy blue suit. Immediately, her heart began to race in fear. Anxiously, she looked over to the familiar woman who had called her name standing to her left, palms resting against the front of her thighs calmly.

“Mommy?” Sasha asked.

In exasperation, the woman shook her head. “What did I tell you about calling me that, Sasha?” she admonished. “This woman is here to take you to your new home.”

The little girl backed away in apprehension, her head shaking in the fit of a tantrum. “No!” She had only recently begun to feel a sense of security and permanence. Ever since the police officer had found her on the church stoop, she had traveled from one home to the next. And every time, they ended up sending her away.

“Lily said she wanted me to be her sister forever,” she revealed through eyes filled with tears, referring to her foster mother’s daughter of the same age.

The woman she had grown to see as her new mother looked at her with pity. “I’m sorry Sasha, but it’s time for you to go to a new home. We can’t keep you. This lady is going to make sure you arrive safely and I’m sure they will be nice and love to have you.”

The older women watched as the little girl’s face fell even more, distraught. She sniffed as her nose began to run and her tiny arms trembled. “B-but, why can’t I be part of your family?”

Sasha never received an answer as her foster mother handed over a bag of her belongings and shooed her out the door with the social worker. She tried to fight with all her might the strong hold that led her away from another home she had grown accustomed to but to no avail.

Thinking of her childhood and the face of countless rejection, Sasha gritted her teeth and punched and kicked with all her might at her target. It was only in this moment that she allowed herself such freedom, that she didn’t fear her anger.

She heard the instructor yell to the class, “Jab, kick, cross-hook!”

The punching bag swayed with each attack but she refused to let up despite the pain that shot through every muscle in her body and the sweat that flowed profusely, creating a fine sheen on the surface of her skin.

“Finish strong!”

As with every class, her mind eventually turned to Dmitri and she delivered her last roundhouse kick with a piercing yell. But while the rest of the class applauded with the thrill of successfully completing another extreme workout, Sasha felt the same heaviness overcome her heart. It didn’t matter how many times she kicked and screamed; it wouldn’t change anything.

Her body instinctively flinched at the feel of a warm hand grasping her small shoulders; she looked back into the eyes of her friend Teagan’s smiling face. Half-heartedly, Sasha returned her warm gaze.

“Good class, huh?” At Sasha’s nod, she continued, “Are you sure you are okay? I was watching you and you seemed to be a little bit…more enthusiastic than the rest of us.” Teagan tried to use her words carefully. Sasha had been touchy about her break-up with Dmitri. She hadn’t even confided in Teagan completely about the details of their disagreement. But Teagan was sure simply by the dramatic changes in her friend’s character over the past few weeks that whatever it was that occurred between the two of them, it was significant enough to harden Sasha’s heart.

Instead of answering Teagan, Sasha gave her an assuring smile and went to pick up her belongings from the locker room. With a regretful sigh, Teagan followed.

While she changed into sweats and a tank top, though she hadn’t directly answered Teagan’s concerned questions, Sasha did deeply consider her observation. The night following Dmitri’s tirade, Sasha had been completely inconsolable. Even Teagan had found herself unable to get Sasha to leave her room and eat. It had taken Sasha becoming physically ill before she had found the energy to stand up and walk to the kitchen.

Now, she found herself no longer overcome with raw emotional pain but between stages of a complete lack of any feeling whatsoever and irrevocable anger. Coming to the gym and taking part in a physically exerting routine helped relinquish the built up energy stemming from her emotional roller-coaster. But, more than anything, she feared the final moments of each class for it wasn’t until her fists and kicks had ceased that she realized in the end her anger was completely directed at herself. And she had no idea how to face it.

She had found it therapeutic to completely devote herself once more to her schoolwork and her job at the diner because of the distractions they provided; she only had a few weeks left until graduation. The thought of finally receiving her graduate degree should have excited her in the same way Teagan was overcome with bountiful energy. Instead, she felt nothing. After commencement, she would no longer have any legitimate ties to the city. In her job search, she had actively sought positions that would take her as far away as possible, which wasn’t hard considering her degree would be in International Relations.

But would that resolve anything? Would she finally be able to look at herself in the mirror and not feel resentful, like her own worst enemy?

Dmitri’s words often reverberated in her thoughts when she was left idle. And her biggest realization was her own bad judgment. What she felt for him, she tried to convince herself, couldn’t have been love. In the same way her need for her mother and the countless foster families she had been put through. It couldn’t have been love because surely it would have been returned just as vigorously, right?

Shuddering, Sasha aggressively wiped away the tears that threatened to surface and took in a deep breath. “Harden yourself, harden yourself,” she repeated. Closing the locker door, Sasha silently repeated the promise she had made to herself after finally having the courage to surface from the darkness of her room after escaping from the hospital that fateful night. ‘I will not be weak. I am not weak.’

A young Dmitri, at 5 years old, sat in the open living area, playing with his large assemblage of toys and simultaneously listening to the sound of screaming voices coming from the end of the hallway. After hearing a piercing scream, he dropped his action figure and turned suspiciously toward the sound of distress. Before he could raise himself and investigate, he caught sight of his mother running towards him with tears streaming down her alabaster cheeks.

She reached out desperately for her son who immediately reciprocated, alarmed by her obvious anguish. Wrapping his arms around her neck and his legs around her waist, he buried his face into the warmth of her shiny locks and squeezed, his heart beginning to beat in fear. But, as she began to walk away, Dmitri caught sight of his father barreling towards them.

Nikolai screamed at them, “Where are you going with my son?”

“If you want to be with that whore, go! But my son and I will no longer stand by while you lie to us and disregard your family!” His mother yelled while continuing to walk away.

Nikolai scoffed. “Don’t play the victim, Celine! You’re the one driving me away. I’m done with your games; if you want to go, then leave! But you are not taking my son with you.” His voice deepened with the verbal threat. Celine looked back at him with her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“All you do is lay ownership on people- me, Dmitri! When will you learn that we are not possessions! I’ll die before I allow you to make him into the same monster you’ve become.” Her voice was becoming hoarse at the effort of holding back raw emotions. “Your American whore is pregnant. I’m sure she will bear you the son you want.”

That night, Nikolai allowed her to leave the comfort of their home but with the arrogant assurance that she would return as she always did.

Seven years later

Dmitri silently observed his ‘family’ as had become his custom since moving back in with his father after his mother’s passing from cervical cancer. He had completed his mourning but had still found it almost impossible to completely acclimate to his new surroundings. It had been so long since he had lived with his father and all he could remember of him were Celine’s bitter words. If nothing else he remembered the incessant screaming and yelling as they fought for custody of him during the divorce proceedings, which had been a long time coming because of his father’s denial of the end of their relationship.

Nikolai may have been in denial then, but he easily seemed to have moved on to his mistress who was not only now his wife but carrying his second child. Dmitri watched with a cool air as his younger brother, Dominic whined about a missing toy. About to respond to him, Dmitri’s step-mother Natalia leaned down with her hand protectively against her protruding stomach to comfort her young son before she gasped in pain. Dmitri’s eyebrow raised in wonder at the grimace on her face.

Dominic, sensing something wrong, stopped his complaining and reached out to his mother’s face in worry. He looked over to Dmitri in question. “What’s wrong with mommy?”

Without answering, Dmitri exited the room to get his father. Everything after that passed in a blur as Nikolai rushed his family to the hospital. He was charged with taking care of Dominic as Nikolai stayed in the hospital room with his wife through hours of labor.

Dominic had been growing restless, kicking his feet in his chair and skipping through the waiting room in anticipation of the new baby.

“Stop! Just sit down!” Dmitri eventually yelled, at his wit’s end.

Dominic’s lips quivered before tears welled in his eyes. “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he mumbled with protest.

Dmitri merely rolled his eyes. The memories of being in the hospital waiting for his mother to walk through the doors of her room in better health and with the same smiling face she had always greeted him with was inundating his mind. He couldn’t stand hospitals. People died here. His mother had died here. And Dominic’s happiness was becoming an irritant. Dmitri looked at the younger boy who dejectedly returned to his seat. He was so lucky and was completely unaware of it. Because of his birth, Nikolai and Celine had split, destroying a happy and content family. And now Dmitri had to look after him? How was that fair? Celine had been quite vocal about how she never wanted her son around this little boy and his mother; they were both home-wreckers according to his mother. And Dmitri felt that he would defile her memory if he ever found happiness with them.

His feelings of loathing seemed to all but disappear when he finally got the chance to look into the eyes of his newborn baby sister, though. It was such a stark contrast, this birth of a little baby and the death of his mother to be contained in one place, one hospital. He looked down at her innocence as Nikolai and Natalia cooed in wonder at the creation their love had created. Would Celine want him to hate her too? But she came after the entire debacle; she was completely innocent of any wrongdoing.

And so, despite his continued distance from both Natalia and Dominic, Dmitri completely devoted all the familial love contained within him to this small bundle of joy. She was the light of all their eyes, the first person within their family with no connections, completely distant from the tragedy of Celine and the broken home of a ‘perfect’ family. She was a new start.

Nadia had been a new start, but the expectations of continued perfection had finally broken her down. Dmitri no longer looked down at an innocent newborn but a troubled young woman who needed help. The doctors had informed him her concussion was minor and after she had been released from the hospital, she had returned to his home. Not his father’s.

There was a soft knock at the door before it opened, letting in light from the hallway. Dmitri turned to see Dominic walk through the doorway quietly, his expression questioning. Not wanting to wake her, Dmitri motioned for his brother to follow him from the bedroom to his living area. They both plopped down on the couch, releasing simultaneous sighs of stress.

“How has she been?” Dominic finally asked, breaking the silence.

“She seems to be happy about being away from Nikolai and Natalia so…maybe I can convince her to attend to her problem.”

Dominic didn’t respond for a while before finally stating tersely, “What you said to her was out of line.”

Dmitri immediately knew to whom he was referring. His back stiffened promptly and his jaw tightened in distaste at the turn of conversation. He had purposely blocked her from his mind by placing his entire focus on his work and Nadia’s recovery. But the nights without her were starting to get to him. He could admit wholeheartedly that he missed her.

“It is none of your concern, Dom.”

His brother laughed humorlessly. “You made it my concern when you humiliated her in front of everyone in the hospital. I won’t condone what she did, but you know that she never intended for any of this to happen. I’d be quicker to believe that it was Nadia’s own fault that she wound up with a concussion than that Sasha purposely caused it.”

Standing up to put distance between them, he turned to Dominic with a cold glare. “And how the hell do you know what she is capable of? You don’t even know her!”

“It doesn’t take a genius to realize that Sasha doesn’t have an evil bone in her body. The woman worships the ground your ass walks on and it is clear as day every time I see her look at you. I saw her literally crumble into herself as you coldly told her she was unimportant to you.”