Save Me From Myself (20 page)

“I wasn’t trying to quiz her, David. I know you would have told me if I’d asked. I honestly hadn’t really planned on asking.” I’m debating on whether or not to finish saying what I need to say, but David being who he is knows that I’m not finished. He gives me a ‘keep going’ motion with his hand, so I continue. “She mentioned something about how moving home cost you a lot. The way she said it just made me wonder what she meant. It seemed like it was more than just your job or where you were living.”

David looks away from me, lost in his memories. “Yeah,” he says dryly, “moving back definitely cost me more than just my job.”

I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He just continues to avoid my gaze. I’m trying really hard not to push for answers, but I can’t help saying quietly, “You know all about my past. Isn’t it fair that I know yours?”

At my words, David swings his gaze back to me. His shoulders slump and he nods. “You’re right. It’s just, that time in my life isn’t easy to talk about.” Before I can say anything, he holds up a hand to stop me. “And yes, I know that the things you went through weren’t easy to talk about either.” His expression is pained, and I just want to make him feel better. Kicking off my shoes, I turn so that I’m sitting sideways on his lap and lay my head on his chest, cuddling close to him. David wraps an arm around my back pulling me even closer as he takes my hand with his free one. He laces our fingers together and squeezes gently.

Finally, he begins talking again. “My dad and I argued a lot when it came to talking about college. He wanted me to go where he did and major in business. I didn’t want to be like him. Don’t get me wrong, my dad was great, he really was. He was always there for the important things. Baseball games, birthday parties, all of it. But, he had very set ideas on who he wanted me to be, and that just wasn’t me. I wasn’t cut out to wear a suit and tie every day and sit behind a desk. When he wouldn’t accept that, I decided to get as far away from him as I could. Since my grandparents live in North Carolina, I started looking at colleges there and found one in Charlotte that looked like a good school. And, since they had an architectural program, Jeremy applied there too. We both got in, but I didn’t tell my dad. Mom knew, but she didn’t say anything to him either. She knew how he’d react. I’d gotten into Vanderbilt as well, and he assumed that’s where I was going. Unfortunately, I decided to wait until the night before I needed to leave before telling him where I was really going, and we had a fight. We both said some really fucked up things to each other, and didn’t talk for months. When I came home for Christmas, he still hadn’t forgiven me, and we fought some more. I left to go back early, and didn’t do a great job keeping in touch with SB. I emailed and called a few times, but I was really pissed at my dad.”

David trails off, and I can tell that talking about this is painful for him. I almost want to tell him he doesn’t have to tell me, but I really want to know him better. After giving me a quick hug, he continues, “After the disaster that was Christmas, I didn’t come back again. I could barely talk to him without having an argument. I know it was a shitty thing to do, but I was so young, and I thought I knew best. Do you know the really messed up part?”

“What?” David’s chin is resting on the top of my head, so I can feel him shake his head.

“I ended up getting my business degree anyway. After telling my dad that I didn’t want to go into business, I moved to Charlotte and changed my major probably half a dozen times before deciding on business. So in the end, he ended up getting his way after all. And, I think that may have made me angrier at him. I never even told him. But, when I was done with school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I tried working in an office, doing the whole suit thing. I
hated
it. I couldn’t stand being tied down like that.” When he stops talking this time, I sit up slightly so that I can look at him. He’s looking at me a little nervously, and it makes my stomach roll. It’s a look that says I’m not going to like what he’s going to say next. He looks almost apologetic actually.

“During that time, Jeremy and I spent a lot of our time in bars, getting drunk and picking up random women. He had no interest in settling down back then, which isn’t much different than he is now, but I wanted something more. I was miserable in my job, and was looking for anything that would make me happy. That’s when I met Amy.”
 

Amy? Who is Amy? I know it’s irrational, but just hearing a name makes me incredibly jealous. He hasn’t even told me anything about her yet, and I want to scratch her eyes out. Fortunately, David is so caught up in his past that he doesn’t notice the way I’m now gripping his shirt as he continues talking. “Amy was a waitress at the bar we always hung out at, and she was exactly what I needed. She was a tall, willowy brunette that loved to laugh and was always up for doing something wild and crazy. With her, I didn’t have to be the stuffy businessman, I could be the twenty three year old, newly graduated from college guy. She had no expectations, and she never pushed for anything more serious. She was perfectly happy to just be with me. I’d had relationships before her, but I never felt for another girl like I did for Amy.” My heart twists at his words. Is he still in love with her? His voice is sad, and I don’t know if it’s because she hurt him somehow, if he misses her, or still loves her. All I can do is hope that this part of the story is short, because I don’t know how much I can hear about this perfect girl.

“After we’d been together for a little while, Amy asked me why I was working at a place I hated. I couldn’t answer her. I had no idea why I continued to work for a company that I couldn’t fucking stand. I dreaded getting up each morning knowing that I had to go to work, and I counted the minutes until the day would end when I was there. She was actually the one who encouraged me to get my bartender’s license. Her reasoning was that I spent so much time in the bar, and I was much happier there than at my job, so I should become a bartender. It sounds pretty stupid now, but at the time it seemed like the perfect solution. So, I got my license, quit my job, and started working at the bar with her. I loved it. The people, the atmosphere, less responsibility, and good money once you added in all the tips.

When we’d been dating for about eighteen months, Amy moved in with Jeremy and I. Everything was great until the accident. Jeremy and I left and came straight home, and Amy was fine with it. She didn’t beg me to stay, but she didn’t offer to come home with us either. After all, she’d never met my parents, or my sister, and she didn’t want to be in the way. I didn’t argue with her. Hell, I barely knew what I was doing at the time. My only thought was that my baby sister needed me, and that our parents were fucking dead. That damn phone call changed the entire path my life was taking. And, at the time, I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than SarahBeth. I didn’t even drive back here, Jeremy did. I don’t remember anything from the time we left the apartment until we arrived in Nashville and Jeremy asked me how we were going to break the news to SB. It was the first time I’d seen her since I was 19, but when she walked into her principal’s office, she ran straight to me like it had only been days.” David’s voice broke a little, and I wrap both arms around his neck to hug him close. I want to take away all his pain.
 

He inhales a jagged breath, “There were so many decisions to be made after that. I had no idea what my parents’ wishes were. I never imagined they would be gone so soon. SarahBeth wasn’t old enough to make any of the decisions, and my grandparents were so distraught, I couldn’t ask them either. It all fell onto me. That was when Jeremy showed just how close we were. He was there for me, and helped make every decision. He helped take care of SB, keeping her occupied while I went over things with lawyers, and our grandparents. He kept her away while I argued to keep her. Both sets of grandparents wanted her with them, but they wanted to take her to their home. She’d grown up in this house, we both had, and I didn’t want to sell it, or take her away from her friends. Our parents had just died, and I was afraid that more changes would break her completely.

My grandparents’ main argument was that I was a young, single guy, and I should be out having fun. Not raising a teenage girl. I couldn’t get them to understand that I would give up anything for my sister. We were so far apart that she was always more like my child than my sister. She followed me and Jeremy around everywhere.”

“So, you and Jeremy have known each other a long time?” I knew they were close, and were old friends, but from what he was saying, and what SarahBeth said earlier, it sounded like they’d always been friends.
 

David smiles as he presses his lips against my cheek, “Jeremy and I have been friends since first grade. We got into a fight the first day of school, got detention, and have been friends since.”

“Oh wow! That’s a long time to be friends with someone!” I didn’t have any friends that I’d known for that long. I was so shy in school that I had a lot of trouble getting close to people. I still talked to a couple of people from high school, but mainly on social media.

Tipping up my chin, David narrows his eyes at me. “If you’re getting ready to make another old man remark, let me warn you that the next time you call me an old man, I’ll spank your sexy little ass, darlin'.”

Holy shit
! Maybe I have been reading too many books lately, because that totally turned me on. I don’t tell him that though, I just smile sweetly at him, making him laugh. I really like it when he is playful, but now that he’s talking to me, I’m anxious to find out what happened with Amy. Obviously she isn’t in the picture anymore, but I want to know why, so that I don’t make the same mistake. “So….Amy?”

David laughs at my not very subtle subject change, but then quickly sobers, “Yeah, Amy. So, when I went back to Charlotte, I told her that I needed to move home, and I asked her to come with me. She didn’t say it, but I could tell she was hesitant to leave. Her whole family lives there and she wouldn’t know anyone but me and Jeremy if she came with me. She finally decided she would come, but she asked for some time. We decided that we would start off with her coming up a few weekends so that she could meet SarahBeth and see what Nashville was like. She’d never been outside of the state, and wanted to take it slowly. The first time she came up, everything was fine. She got along with SB, and she liked Nashville, at least what she saw of it. After two months of her coming up every other weekend, I brought up her moving again, and she avoided giving me a straight answer. I was working at Drench, and tried to talk her into getting a waitressing job there. She wouldn’t give me a straight yes or no answer, and I felt like I was losing her. I decided to propose, because in my head, I thought it would make her feel more secure. Unfortunately, when I proposed, she freaked out.”

I’m reeling. I wasn’t expecting him to have proposed to her. My chest feels tight, and my breathing is getting faster. The thought of David proposing to someone else causes me physical pain, which is absolutely crazy. It’s not like I want him to propose to
me
, I just don’t want him proposing to someone else. Bravely, I ask him, “What happened?”

David sighs, “Like I said, she freaked. Started rambling about how she wasn’t old enough to be responsible for a 16 year old girl, and that she wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. Amy said she loved me, but that if I wanted her to marry me, I’d have to come back to Charlotte….alone. When I told her that I couldn’t do that to SarahBeth, she said that I would have to choose. I would either be with her, or I’d be with my sister. My sister who would be ‘just fine’ living with her grandparents. She even went so far as to say that if SB
really
loved me, she’d want me to live my life. I couldn’t believe that she would ask me to choose. When I told her that if she made me choose, I’d choose my sister, she completely flipped the script. Screaming at me, she accused me of using her, of never really giving a shit about her. I couldn’t believe the way she was acting. Seeing the real Amy, it felt like she’d been lying to me for our entire three year relationship. And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a liar. After that experience, I decided that serious relationships just weren’t worth the headache, until I met you.”

I melt at his words. He knows exactly what to say to make me feel like the most important girl in the world. When I raise my eyes to meet his, he’s looking at me with a warmth in his eyes that I’ve never seen. There’s still some lingering sadness, but he’s looking at me as though he can’t get enough of me. Bringing his lips to mine, he whispers, “Not until you,” as I close my eyes and lose myself in his kiss.

I’ve only been home for a few hours. This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster, and I seriously need to decompress before going back to work tomorrow. David wanted me to stay again tonight, and even offered to bring me back to get another change of clothes, but I just couldn’t do it. By the look on his face, I know that me coming home worried him and it shouldn’t have. I just need a chance to absorb everything.