Saving All My Lovin' (2 page)

S
omehow, Ann Marie managed to get through the rest of the day without any more outward displays of emotion and even put in a few hours of work at the real estate office. Work was the best cure. If she kept busy she wouldn’t have to think and hopefully by the time she got home Raquel would be asleep.

She wasn’t so lucky. Raquel was sitting in the living room waiting for her when she finally walked through the door.

“I wanted to wait until you got home to tell you that I was leaving.” Raquel stood and that’s when
Ann Marie noticed the suitcases neatly lined up near the couch.

Ann Marie lifted her chin. “Time you got back on your own two feet.”

Raquel snorted her disgust. “Figured that’s what you’d say.” She picked up her two suitcases and approached her mother. “You know, most little girls want to grow up to be just like their mothers.

I pray that I don’t ever turn into the woman that you are.” She brushed by Ann Marie and walked out the door that Ann Marie had never closed.

Ann Marie drew in a sharp, pain-filled breath when she heard the door slam shut.

On a night like tonight, with the day she’d had, she would have sought comfort in the arms of her man. But she didn’t have one.

A lie, or at least the omission of the truth, lost Phil to her. A secret, or maybe it was a lie now, lost her daughter to her as well.

She’d been so good at keeping secrets. Only sharing parts of herself that she wanted the world to see—including her closest friends. Secrets had sustained her, helped her to believe that her reality wasn’t true. Over the years she’d convinced herself that her life was perfect, just the way she wanted it. But there was a hole in her soul that she’d been
unable to fill with men, work, fancy clothes, a good job. Nothing could stuff that gaping abyss.

She wanted to love and be loved but she didn’t know how. At times she believed that she was saving all her love for the right time, the right person. When the ice between her and Raquel had finally been broken, she momentarily thought that perhaps the love she’d been seeking had been found.

But love was the great betrayer. She’d loved her mother. She’d loved her husband. She’d begun to allow herself to love her daughter. They all betrayed her. They took her fragile emotions and crushed them, believing that Ann Marie Dennis Bishop didn’t need their love and affection. She was strong and independent.

She picked up a wine glass from the shelf of the étagère and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall and cascaded into sparkling pieces.

What did they know? What did any of them know?

Barbara woke to the sound of a ringing telephone. She squinted at the digital clock on her bedside. 2:00 a.m. She groaned and fumbled for the phone.

“Hello,” she answered her voice thick with sleep.

“Hey baby.”

She blinked several times and turned on her
side, a soft smile forming around her mouth. “Hey babe, yourself. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. I know it’s late. But I’m just getting in. Listen, I want you to fly out to L.A. I’m going to be here for about a week and I want to show you off to the fellas.”

Barbara pushed herself up into a half-sitting position and leaned on her elbow. “California?”

“Yeah, I’m doing a commercial before I head out to Florida with the rest of the team.”

“Mike…I’d love to but—”

“No buts. When was the last time you took an all expense paid, spur of the moment trip?”

She giggled. “I can’t say that I have.”

“My point exactly. We could have some fun. You get to relax. I get to wine and dine you…and in between…”

She sighed as she imagined being in some fancy hotel with her rich and famous NBA fiancé, being courted around town in style. She’d definitely have some stories to tell the girls when she got back.

The girls. The spa. Her job.

“Mike, the spa just opened. We have our hands full. I mean today alone I must have done two dozen massages. We’re already looking to hire staff.”

He didn’t respond.

“Mike?”

“Yeah, well, important things first.”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what? Aggravated that you’d rather run your hands all over some other man rather than your own?”

She flinched away from the sharp edge of his tongue. “Michael! You know better than that. It’s my job.”

He muttered something she didn’t quite catch.

“Do I tell you not to attend the after parties or sign autographs for the
sweet young things
that are all over you after a game?” She was wide awake now.

“That’s different.”

“Really?” Her sarcastic tone was lost on him.

“Look, forget it. It was a stupid idea. I just thought it would be fun for both of us.”

Barbara squeezed her eyes shut against the sound of hurt and disappointment in his voice.

“I’ll see if I can get rid of the airline tickets. Maybe one of my teammates can use them.”

Tickets? He’d already bought her tickets? Guilt climbed on top of her chest and sat there tapping its foot.

She’d have to find a way to make it up to him.

“Mike…as soon as things settle down on this end and I can hire someone to take over for me at the spa…
and
I can give my job enough notice…I’d be
happy to go anywhere in the world with you,” she said in her most cajoling, please-understand tone.

He breathed heavily into the phone. “When we’re married, you’re not going to have to worry about any of this stuff.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean worrying about a job and obligations to other people. You’ll have me and enough money to do what you want, when you want.”

Concern nudged her. She jerked from it, frowned then swatted it away but it settled on the bed next to her and made itself comfortable, right next to her good sense.

She didn’t like the feeling and it wasn’t the first time it had reared its head when it came to Michael.

“Sounds like something we should really talk about when you’re here in New York.” She yawned, hoping the hint would get him off the phone. She wanted the call to end before something was said that couldn’t be taken back.

“Yeah, you’re right, baby. I shouldn’t have put all this on you in the middle of the night. That was real selfish of me.” His voice lowered to the deep timber that always left her weak. “I guess I’m missing you too much.”

That tight spot in the center of her chest softened.

“You accept my apology?”

“Mike you have nothing to apologize for. It was a sweet offer. Really. And if it was any other time, I would go in a heartbeat.”

He chuckled. “I know. Look, you get your beautiful self some rest. I’ll try to call you tomorrow.”

“When will you be back?”

“Not for a couple weeks. But if I can get away even for a weekend or overnight, I’ll be there.”

A hot flush filled her up. “I can’t wait,” she whispered.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Night.”

“Good night.” Slowly she hung up the phone and tried to settle back down to sleep but doubt had joined concern and good sense in her bed and she barely had room to move.

There were things that troubled her about her relationship with Michael; little things that flared up unexpectedly, the little flashes of jealousy, the silences.

She flipped onto her side, couldn’t get comfortable, kicked her unwanted guests onto the floor then lay spread-eagle in the bed.

It was late. She was awakened from a well-earned rest. She was making more out of things than necessary, worrying about nothing.

She stuck her left hand out in front of her. Even in the darkness of her bedroom the diamond sparkled, reminding her of her commitment to a man almost young enough to be her son.

She drew in a breath. It would work out. She deserved some happiness. It had been a long drought since she’d lost her husband Marvin and Michael made her feel alive again, reminded her that she was still a vibrant, sexy woman.

She turned back onto her side. Now that she had some room in the bed, she planned to get to sleep. But doubt, good sense and concern crept back beneath the sheets and spent the rest of the night.

Ann Marie spent a sleepless night as well. She’d told the girls the day before that she’d be unable to work at the spa as she had a long day at the real estate office, several meetings and a closing.

When she arrived at the office, thankfully, she was the only one there. She turned on the coffee pot and stood in front of it like a sentinel, waiting for it to perk. Funny, she thought absently, the coffeepot was a reflection of her life—sitting on a hot plate waiting to perk.

“Morning Ann Marie,” Carol the new office assistant sang out.

Ann Marie turned away from staring at the pot. “Morning.”

“You look a little tired. Long night?” She giggled in a way that would annoy the average person.

Inwardly Ann Marie rolled her eyes. “Something like that.” She hadn’t told anyone in the office about her new business venture, mainly because it was none of their business. And the less the staff knew about her private life the better. It was bad enough that Terrance had sent the flowers to her office, which caused all kinds of buzz and speculation.

“Out with the guy who sent the flowers?” she hedged.

Ann Marie snapped her head in Carol’s direction. “I have two clients coming in, one at eleven and the other at one. Please make sure that their information is ready for me.” She gave Carol the names of her clients, took the pot of coffee and poured herself a cup. She turned to Carol who stood there as if Ann Marie was still planning to tell her more about her private life.

Ann Marie arched a brow, stuck her arm out and dramatically examined her watch.

Carol finally got the hint. Ann Marie rolled her eyes in earnest and went to her cubicle.

The real estate office that she worked for was truly a high-end office, dealing only in luxury
condos, commercial properties and brownstones, which had become the crown jewels of the marketplace. They had state of the art equipment, a designer’s lounge area for clients, light refreshments and all of the agents had their own glass cubicles on two levels. The commissions that she raked in from sales put her solidly in the six-figure income bracket each year. If she wanted, she could leave New York at anytime and start a fresh life without a financial worry in the world.

Maybe that’s what she needed to do—start over. Just pick up and leave all this crap behind. Go someplace where no one could find her. Maybe even change her name. There was nothing holding her here. She had no family—now with Raquel gone. She had no man. And…you could always make new friends.

She thought of Barbara, Stephanie and Ellie. They’d been her family, putting up with her bull for years. But even they couldn’t give her what she needed.

Her desk phone rang. Absently she picked it up.

“Ann Marie speaking.”

“Did you get my message from our daughter?”

Her stomach did a slow somersault. “Yes,” she choked out. “What do you want now, Terrance?” She gripped the edge of the desk.

“Nothing more than to hear your voice. Is that so wrong?”

“Very expensive call just to hear someone’s voice.”

“Money is not an issue. Never was. We had other problems—you and I.”

“Oh, so you remember?”

“I was a fool, a young arrogant fool. But I’ve changed, Mari,” he said, using his pet name for her.

Heat rushed to her head at the sound of the endearment. “Old dog as they say.”

“I’m going to prove the saying wrong. You can teach this old dog new tricks.” His voice lassoed around her. “I want you to teach me.”

“It’s over, Terrance.”

“You’re still my wife.” The last two words tightened the rope around her neck, cut off her breathing.

“I’m busy Terrance. No time for your word games.”

“It’s not a game, Mari. I’m coming back for you. Believe that if you believe nothing else. And I will make you remember how good it was between us.”

She slammed down the phone. Her hands were shaking. For several moments she sat there with her hand still locked on the receiver, unable to move. Her gaze rose upward and Carol was standing outside her cubicle staring at her.

Ann Marie drew in a breath, stood and tugged the hem of her waist length jacket then went to her door. She pulled it open.

“Yes!”

“Here are the files you asked for,” she said, inching them toward Ann Marie as if handing off explosives.

Ann Marie swallowed. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“Are you all right, Ms. Dennis?”

Ann Marie looked into Carol’s eyes, and was stunned by what appeared to be real concern etched onto her acne-prone face.

Slowly Ann Marie nodded. “Yes, I’m fine,” she said in a softer voice. “Thanks for asking.” She took the files and turned away.

Ann Marie returned to her desk and eased her way down into her seat without collapsing.

How could she ever explain to anyone what Terrance did to her? Just his voice alone made her weak. Seeing him in her mind’s eye made her hot with a need that had never been fully satisfied since she’d left him.

Yes, she’d played the role of the big woman in front of her friends. But with Terrance she was sixteen again, young, vulnerable and terribly in love with a man who only knew how to love himself.

He said he’d changed. She couldn’t imagine that. But what if he had? What if he was the man she’d always wanted him to be? What then?

You’re still my wife
. The words echoed in her head like a shout tossed into the Grand Canyon. She had to make it stop. She couldn’t lose her soul to Terrance Bishop again.

B
arbara, Ellie and Stephanie reviewed the write-up they’d put together to recruit staff. The day had been exhausting to say the least.

“Personally, Steph, I think you did too good of a job,” Ellie moaned. “There was another write-up in the Style section of the
Times
today. And I got two calls this morning for a radio and a television interview.”

“We could be moaning that the business was a flop,” Barbara said, always practical. “So we really shouldn’t complain.”

“True, but we definitely have to get some
trained staff in here or they will be scraping us up off the floor,” Ellie said.

“Not to change the subject from our successful endeavor, but has anyone heard from Ann Marie?” Stephanie looked at Barbara then Elizabeth. They both shook their heads no.

“In all the years I’ve known Ann Marie, I don’t ever think I’ve seen her cry. She’d rather cut someone first,” Elizabeth said, tongue in cheek.

“Yeah, me either,” Barbara concurred. “I’m worried about her. She put on a good face about Terrance but she’s truly shook. He must really be something to have put the mojo on Ann Marie.”

“Not to mention the blowup between her and Raquel,” Stephanie added. “I really thought they were going to make a go at it.”

“Hmm,” they murmured.

“So, what are we going to do?” Elizabeth asked.

“Sounds like our girl needs some sisterly intervention,” Barbara said. “But first let’s get this posting listed as soon as possible before
we
need the intervention.”

“I’ll put it up on
Craig’s List
and see how that pans out,” Stephanie said.

“And I’ll post it on the hospital bulletin board,” Barbara said.

They stood.

“So what time do we make this intervention?” Elizabeth asked.

“I’ll make dinner and we can take it over to Ann Marie’s,” Barbara offered.

“I have a better idea. I’ll call Dawne and Desiree and have them whip up something. No need for you to do any more work today, Barbara,” Elizabeth said.

“Works for me.” Barbara grinned.

“So let’s meet at Ann Marie’s about eight,” Stephanie said.

They disbanded to handle the final business of the workday then headed out.

Ann Marie stuck her key in the lock of her apartment door and stepped inside. For a moment she expected to see Raquel sitting in the living room or to inhale the scent of dinner simmering on the stove.

The house was empty, silent and the only smell was the lingering fragrance of her body oil.

She shut the door, oddly disappointed. She didn’t realize until that moment how accustomed she’d become to finding her daughter home when she arrived.

A sharp stab of angst caught her unawares. Maybe there was something she could have said to make Raquel stay, get her to understand.

On leaden legs she moved across the showcase
of a living room then on into her bedroom. She closed her door as if she half expected someone to suddenly walk in on her undressing. There was no one. The muscles of her throat tightened.

This was so unlike her, these bouts of tears and feeling sorry for herself. She was not some weak thing that could be bandied about by circumstance. She was the one who took circumstance by the balls and squeezed until she was satisfied.

Hadn’t that been the way? Hadn’t her resiliency, tough as nails, take no prisoner attitude been the ever recurring conversation piece at the weekly girls’ soiree? She was the one who put the starch in Barbara’s, Ellie’s and Stephanie’s backs. And now, she felt weak as a newborn, unable to stand on her own. And why? Because of a goddamn man!

She pulled her jacket off and tossed it haphazardly across the bed then stepped out of her shoes and left them right in the middle of the floor. She took off her blouse, unzipped her skirt and tossed both on top of her jacket.

What she needed was a stiff drink, at least that would have to suffice in lieu of something else stiff. She walked back into the living room in her Victoria’s Secrets and fixed her herself a tall glass of Jamaican rum with barely a splash of Coke.
She gulped it down like a desert refugee left to bake in the sun then poured another. By the time she was halfway through her third drink and had moved away from the bar, the world had acquired a soft, warm, fuzzy feel around its edges.

Ann Marie smiled, stumbled over to the couch and plopped down with a flourish.

“The hell with you Terrance Bishop. You won’t run your magic on me no more. Ya hear!” She jerked her glass into the air splashing some of the contents on her forehead. She giggled as she licked the sweet liquid that ran off the tip of her nose down to her lips.

She was thoroughly looped by the time her front doorbell rang. For a while she thought it was her ears ringing and she laughed. But the ringing continued followed by banging and yelling of her name.

She pressed her hands to her ears in an attempt to block out the offending noise that was infringing on her high.

But threats of breaking down her door filtered through the sludge in her brain. Weaving and using the furniture and wall for support she made it to the door.

Through bleary eyes she was able to make out the six bodies that stood in her doorway—maybe it was three. She braced herself against the doorframe.

“You’re drunk!” the trio sang.

“And you’re half-naked,” Ellie added.

“Yep,” Ann Marie slurred, her lopsided grin making her look even more ridiculous.

“Come inside,” Barbara ordered, taking Ann Marie by the arm and ushering her into the house.

“Damn, smells like a still in here,” Stephanie said, wrinkling her nose as she sniffed the air.

“Yep,” Ann Marie agreed and nearly fell on the couch.

“I’m going to make some coffee,” Barbara said, setting down the bag of food she carried.

“I’ll get her something to put on,” Ellie offered and headed to Ann Marie’s bedroom.

“I’ll join you for a drink if ya don’t mind,” Stephanie said.

“Pull up a drink…I mean a chair.” Ann Marie giggled.

Stephanie sat down but didn’t fix a drink. “What’s going on with you, Ann?” she asked, so gently it tugged at the noose around Ann Marie’s heart.

Her bottom lip trembled. She and Stephanie had been at odds for years, making a habit of rubbing each other the wrong way. But recently they’d begun to tiptoe across the divide that separated them, discovering that what set them apart were the very things that made them so much alike.
Had this been a year, even six months earlier, the last person she would have turned to in confidence would have been Stephanie.

“I feel so shaky and unsure of myself. Weak like a baby.” She looked at Stephanie with such anguish in her wide eyes that Stephanie actually felt her pain.

How well Stephanie knew feelings of helplessness, to have your life and emotions controlled by forces stronger than you. It had cost her dearly over the years and she was still in the throes of relinquishing the hold her past had on her present.

“Is it Terrance?” Stephanie asked softly.

Ann Marie nodded her head and the room did a slow spin.

“Did he contact you again?”

“Yes.” She swallowed. “Something I never told no one.”

“What?”

“I’m still married to the bastard. Him say him coming back for me.”

“Damn,” Stephanie said in a hush. “What are you going to do?”

“Don’t know.”

“You need a good lawyer. Maybe you’re not really even married anymore. It’s been so long.”

“I should be so lucky.” She leaned back against
the couch cushions and closed her eyes just as Barbara emerged from the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee.

“But Ann, don’t you think it’s time that Raquel met her father and let her make the decision for herself?”

Ann Marie jumped up so fast and the room spun so quickly she fell back down onto the couch before the words could get out of her mouth. She breathed in deeply through her nose until her stomach settled. “He’ll just twist her around his finger; charm her into believing that he’s the injured one.”

“Is that what you’re really worried about?” Barbara asked and handed her the cup of coffee.

Ann Marie took the cup in two hands and sipped the steaming black brew. “Always cut to the chase with you,” she murmured.

“Everyone deserves to know them pops. True. But me t’ink once him back in Raquel’s life, him be back in mine.”

“What did this man do to you?” Elizabeth asked. She knew what it felt like to have a philandering husband. She’d just gotten rid of one herself. But this definitely sounded more serious that than. “Did he beat you?” she eeked out, shuddering at the thought.

She looked from one face to another. “He sexed me up so good that I haven’t been right for another man since.”

“Ooooh,” they sang.

“We should all be so lucky,” Stephanie said drolly.

“You don’t know what it’s like to have someone have that much control over you,” Ann Marie said. “To need and want someone so badly you put up with every retched t’ing they do to keep ‘em.”

“Maybe he’s old, bald and fat now,” Stephanie offered.

“Even old, bald and fat Terrance Bishop would be more than the average woman could handle.”

“Damn,” they sang in harmony.

“What you need is a unified front,” Barbara said and stood. She began to pace. “Once he sees that you have support, he won’t try anything. You don’t be alone with him. No late night dinners, no private lunches.” She turned to Ann Marie and wagged a finger at her. “And don’t let him in the front door. If he wants to see Raquel let them make arrangements to meet. You stay out of it. Put your foot down girl. You did it once, you can do it again.”

“And get a lawyer,” Stephanie said.

“For what?” Elizabeth asked.

“They’re still married,” Stephanie said.