Saving Scotty (23 page)

Chapter 42

I woke up later on that day, and called down to Nick to help me to get downstairs. I heard Jack in the living area, so I was anxious to tell him about what was going on.

Nick came up and helped me to get downstairs. I got down there, and Jack was sitting on the couch. “Well, hello there, dollface,” he said. “What happened to you?”

I looked at Nick, and he shrugged his shoulders. This told me that he didn’t tell Jack what had happened.

I took a deep breath and said “Oh, where do I begin?” So, I told him about the miscarriage and how I was feeling very ambiguous about it.

Jack sat there with his mouth open. “Oh, my god. That’s so awful. I’m so sorry. Is there anything that I can do?”

I looked at Nick and then again at Jack and said “Yes. There is something that both of you can do for me. And that’s just to sit down and listen to me. Because I’ve made a decision. A firm decision.”

Jack said “Okay. But I have a feeling that this is going to require a cocktail. What would you like?”

“A glass of wine would be good,” I said. “And whatever Nick wants.”

Nick looked at Jack and said “the usual. Scotch rocks,” he said. He was looking at me expectantly. I think that he knew what I was going to say, but, at the same time, wanted me to come right out and say it.

Jack got drinks for all of us, and sat the wine and cocktails down on Nick’s marble coffee table.

“Okay,” Jack said, sitting down. “What decision did you make?”

“I’ve decided that that man. That horrible man. That sick perverted man who has haunted my life
. He’s going down. Yesterday.”

Nick’s face lit up, but Jack looked skeptical. “Okay,” Jack said. “Heard it before. How do we know that you’re really going to do this now?”

“Because I’ve reached my tipping point. Having him impregnate me, and then having that life ripped out of me, has finally made me realize how much he has taken from my very soul. How much damage he has done to me. I don’t know, when I found out about those babies, something inside of me cried out that I needed justice. I needed justice for myself, and for everybody else that he might be attacking. And for those poor innocent babies. They never were meant to be, but that doesn’t matter. They did come into existence, and they never would have if it wasn’t for that monster.” And then I paused. “And I’m going to say something that is going to sound really weird, but please bear with me.”

Nick looked at me, compassion in his eyes. “Go on, love. Whatever you say isn’t going to be weird, or any weirder than what everybody thinks about at one point or another. So, please go on.”

I just looked at Nick and Jack and took a deep breath. “Well, here’s the thing. Those two babies had a soul. I really believe that. And, well, I don’t know if this was their only chance to live. I’d like to think not. You know, that they’ll have another chance at life, with somebody else. But I don’t know. Anyhow, if this was their only chance, well, then, it doesn’t seem fair that Mr. Lucas would have deprived them of that. Because they never would have come into existence without his despicable actions. I know that what I’m saying doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t necessarily make a lot of sense to me, either. But I feel that I need to seek justice for them as well.”

Jack and Nick were both looking at me like they actually understood what I was saying. Neither had a look on their face that told me that they were befuddled by my existential ramblings.

Nick put his hand on my arm. “That makes perfect sense, Scotty. I mean, nobody really knows, for sure, about all of that. So, your theory about their souls being denied a chance to exist because of Mr. Lucas does make sense.”

“Yes,” I said. “And so, I have finally decided, once and for all, that Mr. Lucas is going down. I won’t rest until I know that he’s behind bars for life.”

“Okay,” Nick said. “Let’s do this. Let’s do it tomorrow. I don’t have any meetings tomorrow, so I’ll take some time off of work to take you to see the police department.”

“Thanks, Nick,” I said. “Thank you so much for doing this for me. For standing by me. I love you so much I can’t stand it. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He smiled. “Love, you will never have to find out.”

Chapter 43

As it turned out, I wasn’t able to go and see the detectives the next day. I had to deal with the fallout of something that I had completely forgotten about, in the chaos that was my life ever since my rescue from the house of horrors on that island.

I was not sure why it took so long, but, somehow, someway, my mother got the letter that I wrote her. And she called Jack and left several frantic messages.

So, when I woke up on Monday, eager to get rolling, I, instead, was treated to Jack telling me about the desperate messages.

“Scotty,” he said. “Your mother thinks that you’re dead. She said that she got a suicide note from you.”

My mouth flew open. The letters! I had given Helen those two letters that explained why I was going to kill myself. “Oh, crap,” I said. “Crap.”

“What?” Jack said. “I don’t understand what she’s talking about. I thought that it was the
Popov
talking, but is there anything to it?”

“You…have you checked your mail lately?”

“Not since last week,” he said. “Why is that important?”

“Uh, well, if my mom got a letter, then you will too. I, uh, sent both of you letters when I was on the island with Mr. Lucas.”

“What were the letters about?” Jack asked.

“Uh,” I said, and then Nick came into the room. He was in the shower when Jack confronted me about the letters.

“You ready, honey?” he asked me. He had a light jacket for me in his hand. “It’s going to be chilly today, so you need to wear this.”

“I, uh, uh…
you’re going to kill me,” I said. “But I can’t go today.”

Nick’s eyes flashed anger. “I’m sorry?” he said. “What do you mean you can’t go?”

“Well, I, uh…I, I, I need to see my mother. Today. Right now.”

“Your mother?” he said. “I don’t understand. You promised me that you would go and see the police today. You can’t back out like that.”

I started to feel a little bit desperate. I needed to see my mother, to let her know that I was alright. I had no idea how she was able to call Jack, because she didn’t have a cell phone or a land line anymore. I could only imagine that she found a pay phone somewhere.

But how would I tell Nick that? I would have to admit to my suicidal ideation, which was something that I had chosen to keep from him. He would be so angry with me.

“There’s something that she believes that isn’t true. I, I, I…”

Nick was looking like he was losing patience with me. Finally, I thought. It was only a matter of time before he lost patience with my wavering butt.

Jack chimed in with Nick. “Scotty, you have to go and see the sexual assault division of the NYPD today. You can’t back out.”

“I’m not going to back out,” I said. “I just need to-“

Jack was standing there, his hands on his hips. “Listen here, Missy, you’re going to see that cop today and that’s that.”

“I can’t, Jack.” And I really couldn’t. All I could think was that my poor mother thought that I was dead. I couldn’t take that. That wasn’t fair to her. She couldn’t go for one more hour
thinking that I had killed myself. She was so fragile anyhow. That would surely throw her over the edge.

Jack and Nick were just standing there staring at me. I could see in Nick’s eyes that he was angry, but he didn’t say anything.

Finally Jack piped up. “Is this about that letter to your mother?”

I shot Jack a look. He smirked at me. He obviously had no idea that I hadn’t told N
ick about the letters. I felt my face flush scarlet.

Nick looked at me expectantly. “Letter to your mother, Scotty? What’s Jack talking about?”

I took a deep breath. “Uh, well, uh….”

I was intimidated by the two men, who were just staring at me. This was one of the most embarrassing things to talk about, but, more than that, it was an awful admission to make. I had no idea how I could tell the man that I loved how close I really came to killing myself.

Finally, I hung my head. “I didn’t want to tell you about this, Nick. Ever. But I guess that jig is up now.”

Nick’s face went immediately from pissed to concerned. “What? What did you feel that you couldn’t tell me?”

“I, well, uh. When I was on the island, I, well, I felt, well, I was desperate. I really didn’t think that anybody would be able to find me. And I remembered the awful feeling of being in that man’s clutches for years at a time. He, he, he even threatened me. He said that he would keep me chained up in  his apartment. I was hopeless, and…”

I felt like I couldn’t continue. That I couldn’t admit to exactly how desperate and hopeless I was. But, Nick was staring at me, clearly wanting me to continue. Even Jack had
finally shut his mouth and was wordlessly watching me. So, I felt that I needed to go on.

“I was hopeless,” I continued, “and, well, Mr. Lucas promised me that if I married him that he would take care of my mother. He would make a trust in her name, and the trust would be made conditional on her getting help. And I wanted that more than anything. Because I still love her. She’s been a terrible mother, but she’s my only mother, and I want nothing more than to see her get better.”

Nick looked like he was starting to get it, but he still just looked at me and urged me to “go on.”

“I, well, I decided to go through with it. I decided to marry him, and then, well, I decided to kill myself. And make it look like an accident.”

I wasn’t looking at either Nick or Jack as I was talking. I was just so ashamed that I was willing to give up so easily. I was sure that Nick was thinking about how weak I was.

Nick kneeled down so that I was forced to look at him. “Scotty, I don’t know what to say. I can’t say that I’m not shocked, because I am. At the same time, I’m extremely upset to know how close I came to losing you permanently. Why would you just want to give up like that? And how could you not have faith that I would try to find you?”

I sighed and looked at Jack. For once, he didn’t have a smirk on his face, nor did he have his
bitch, please
look. He looked sad and concerned and more than a little bit bemused.

I turned my attention back to Nick. “Well, I thought that you didn’t care. I caught you with Portia, and I thought that you couldn’t care less about
me. So, I figured that I couldn’t count on you. And, no offense, Jack,” I said, turning my attention back to Jack, “but I knew that you couldn’t afford to go traipsing around the world to try to locate me. And my mother can’t afford it, either, nor would she stay sober for long enough to take something like that on. So, yeah, I felt pretty hopeless.”

Now Nick was looking more pissed. His face was contorted in a grimace and there was anger flashing in his eyes.

I put my hand on his cheek. “What is it?”

“It’s you,” he said. “Listen, I didn’t want to say anything before, because you had just gone through such an ordeal, and you didn’t need me piling on. But now it needs to be said. I don’t know what it is that I have to do to show you that I’m absolutely crazy about you. Completely. I mean, you saw Portia and me together, and you immediately assumed the worst about me. Not
about her. About me. Despite the fact that I have always been the one who has had your back and protected you, and she has always been the one who has treated you like shit.”

I sat there looking at him, feeling helpless and like there was a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. He was angry, angrier than I had ever seen him, and, truth be told, Nick’s anger was the last thing that I needed on this particular day. Not that I didn’t earn his rage, but, still, I started to feel as if I wanted to just crawl somewhere and try to get away.

He started pacing the floor. “So, you somehow thought that, despite the fact that I repeatedly told you that I was in love with you, and that I would never betray you, I betrayed you anyhow by fucking another woman. And not just any other woman.
That
woman. I mean, how stupid are you?”

I tried very hard not to cry, but I felt the tears coming anyhow. I wiped them away, and Jack silently got a Kleenex for me.

Nick was on a roll by then. “So, you get abducted and taken to an island, and you have so little faith in me that you thought that I would just, what, go on my merry way and forget that you ever existed? ‘Oh, well, Scotty’s gone, what’s on TV tonight?’” He shook his head. “Was that really what you thought? What kind of a person do you think I am?”

By then, Jack was trying to intervene a little bit. He put his hands on Nick’s shoulders and tried to talk to him. But Nick just brushed him off.

“I just can’t believe you, Scotty. You were not just giving up on yourself, but giving up on me, too. I thought that you were stronger than that. More of a fighter. I figured that you would try to give that man hell. Instead, you just make plans to die. You aren’t the woman that I thought you were.”

“Now, Nick,” Jack said, seeing me sitting there with tears streaming down my face, “be fair to her. She was the captive of that horrible man while she had a broken leg. There was only so much hell that she could have given him in that condition. Not to mention the fact that he probably has about 100 lbs on her. I think that you’re expecting just a little bit much.”

Nick looked at Jack, and, for a moment, looked like he was about to punch him.

But then he looked at me, and, just like that, I saw the anger melt off of his face. He shook his head. “You’re right, Jack. Scotty couldn’t have possibly given that man a run for his money
.” And then he went and sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

I wheeled myself over to him and put my hand on his arm. I so wanted him to look at me and tell me that he understood why I was going to kill myself. That he took back all the hurtful things that he said to me just now, about how I wasn’t the woman that he thought that I was. That he still loved me as much as he ever did.

Instead, he just said “okay, Scotty, I guess I need to call Charlie to take you to your mother’s apartment.” He looked at Jack. “Jack, are you okay going with her?”

“Of course,” he said. “But I think that Scotty would rather you go with her.”

Yes,
I was silently pleading.
Please go with me. I can’t bear to think that you feel differently about me.

He
took a deep breath. “Okay, then, Scotty. I’ll take you to your mother’s. But I’ll be honest with you. I’m not sure about our future. You need to trust me a lot more than you do, or we won’t work in the long-term.”

Those words stung me more than anything else ever had. Suddenly, all my tragedies involving Mr. Lucas faded in the background. I was on the precipice of losing the best thing, by far, that had ever happened to me. And I had no idea how to prevent Nick from leaving me. How I could show him that I trusted him.

Or, really, how I could learn to trust him. Because he was absolutely, 100% correct about something – I shouldn’t have assumed the worst when I saw him and Portia together. I should have trusted him enough to know that Portia was up to no good. I should have, but I didn’t, and that spoke volumes to Nick and to myself. And I should have had more faith that Nick would find me once I was abducted. I shouldn’t have given up so quickly.

“I, I, I don’t know what to say, Nick,” I said. “I love you so much. And I’ve learned to trust you.”

“I don’t think that you have,” he said. “Not really. I think that you still see me as I was before I met you. And you didn’t even know me then. You just heard about how I was. Yet, you seem to think that I’m the same feckless man who cared about nobody but himself. That person, that Nick, probably wouldn’t have went through hell to find you. But I’m not that guy, and you can’t see that.”

I looked into his eyes and saw hurt, not anger, in them. I wounded him deeply by my lack of faith in him.

Finally, he just said in obvious frustration, “well, come on, then. Let’s go and see your mother, and then let’s go to the police station. I don’t want to make any decisions about us right now. I want to have a cooler head.”

I started to panic a little. It sounded bad. Like he might break up with me. I felt my heart racing, and I bit my lip to stop the tears from coming.

He called Charlie to meet us downstairs.

“Jack,” I said. “Can you come too?”

“I’d like to, Scotch, but I think that you and Nick need some alone time right now. I’d just be in the way.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” I said, thinking that Nick was so hurt and angry right at that moment that I didn’t think that we’d have quality time together anyhow. “Please come with us.”

Jack looked at Nick, and Nick motioned him to come along. “Yeah, why not, the more the merrier,” he said.

“Okay, then. Let me get my coat. What the hell, it’s been awhile since I’ve been treated to the sight of Loretta in all her glory.”

So, Jack got his things and the three of us made our way into the waiting limo to go and see my mother.