Savory Deceits (8 page)

“But,” she started to say, when I held up a hand, to stop her.

“Look, my bad. I should not have come here. I can't do this.” I said to her. Agonizingly, I shook my head at myself, regretting that I let this go as far as it did. After fastening my belt, I straightened my shirt. “You’re sexy as hell Alana, and under different circumstances, I probably would have, but my wife means the world to me. I'm sorry, I have to go.” Within a few short seconds, I was out the door.

~CHRIS~

After several unanswered phone calls to Naima, I began to worry. She left so quickly, and it was pouring down rain, yet I did not attempt to go after her. When in fact, a part of me was relieved she was gone. Although my feelings for her were no longer a factor, I still hoped she was all right. I looked towards my balcony, and up at the gray skies above. The weather forecast called for a severe thunderstorm, which was evident, by the flashes of light in the sky. Hitting the TALK button on my cordless phone, I decided to call Nena, when I heard a light tap at my door. Then, I rushed towards it relieved.

“Nai?” I said as I flung the door open. To my surprise, I found Nena standing there instead.

“Hi. Nai sent me to get some of her things. I hope this is not a bad time, because I can come back later if you'd…” She started to say.

“No, no. Come in. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting you that's all.” I said, moving aside to let her in.

“Thanks.” She said coming inside.

“Can I get you anything?” I asked her.

“No thanks. Nai's a wreck, so I better get back soon. She shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“I understand.” I said, observing her. She seemed anxious, and hastily moved past me, towards the bedroom.

“It was crazy of her to run out into the street like that. Good thing I showed up when I did.” Nena said from inside my room, graciously putting some distance between us. I found her actions so transparent, because she avoided making eye contact with me, the moment she walked in.

“Yeah,” I replied, following her into my room anyway. “We kind of got into it and…” I started to explain, but stopped to look at her, when I realized something. “What were you doing out here anyway?” I asked her.

“What do you mean?” She said, averting her eyes once again.

“You said good thing you showed up when you did. Showed up where? Here?” I asked inquisitively.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I was actually on my way to see you. You know, so we could talk. I was up the block when I saw her.” She explained.

“Oh. Well, you're here now, so what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked, coming towards her. She nervously moved about the room, continuing to bag a few of her sister’s clothes.

“Um, it can wait,” she said without looking up, “I have to get back to…”

“Can it?” I questioned, raising my brows. Then she finally looked up at me. Our eyes locked, and I knew that she knew, I was not going to let her go that easily. Accepting defeat, she set the duffel bag on the floor, and then sat at the end of the bed.

“No. It can't.” She admitted, and I joined her.

“Then talk.” I said, trying to hide my amusement. The fact that I seemed to make her so on edge, was adorable to me. When she turned to me, our eyes met again. She was so beautiful, that when she began to speak, I suddenly could not help myself. Right away, I covered her mouth with mine, stealing the unspoken words. We kissed deeply and passionately. I moved my tongue in her mouth with such dominance, and to my astonishment, she gave in to the kiss. With my hand on the side of her neck, I slowly started to move it down to her breasts. Thereon, I heard a slight moan escape her throat, and then she suddenly pulled away. Seemingly enthralled, by our kiss, she quickly stood up.

“I can't do this.” She said shaking her head.

“Nena, I…” I tried to say.

“No,” she said, cutting me off, “please don't.” She begged, reaching down to retrieve the bag of clothes. Then, I watched her anxiously move about the room, gathering more of her sister's things; wanting to touch her, wanting to feel her, and hold her, but I had to respect her wishes. I continued to look on, as she quickly zipped the bag, and left without a word.

~NENA~

“What took you so long?” Naima asked me, when I walked through the door.

“Traffic,” I lied.

“Did he say anything to you?” She asked me.

“Who?” I asked, setting the bag down in front of her.

“Chris. Who else?” Naima replied.

“Oh. No. He was just worried about you. I told him you were fine. I'm going to go lay down for a while, okay?” I said to her. I needed to escape to my bedroom. I felt overwrought with guilt.

“You okay hon?” Naima asked me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I replied staring at the lampshade. I could not look at her.

“I'm sorry to get you involved in all of this, Nena. I know how much you and Chris are good friends. It must be awkward for you to be caught in the middle like this.” Naima explained. I rolled my eyes at the irony of that last statement.

“Oh no, you're fine. I'm just tired that's all. We'll talk later, okay?” I replied, making my way towards my bedroom again.

“Okay.” Naima replied picking up her bag, and turning to go to the guest bedroom.

While in the refuge of my bedroom, my mind, riddled with thoughts, kept wandering. I kissed Chris. The reality of that made me very tense. I cannot believe that we kissed, but most importantly, I cannot believe that I liked it. How could I? I loved Tony, and would never do anything to hurt him. So why now, Chris was all I could think about? How his lips touched mine, and how his thick tongue explored my mouth. How his big strong hands against my skin, made my insides feel warm and fuzzy. Maybe I was vulnerable to his touch, because Tony has been gone for so long. Maybe I was desperate for affection, desperate for passion, or even sex. Yes. That had to be it. It could not be emotional; purely physical, I reasoned. He was my friend, and nothing more. The kiss was just that, a kiss, and nothing more; an honest mistake. I thought, easing my guilt. Then why did I like it? I thought again. Why did I feel myself wanting more? Why did my body react so strongly to him so? At that point, I knew I could not deny it any longer. I felt it. How could I not? Though I loved Tony, Chris was the one I was falling in love with.

7

Over the next few weeks, I kept my distance from Chris, and eventually my sister. I did not like the way being around them made me feel. Maybe, that was my guilt talking. Why should I feel guilty anyway? Nothing happened. It was just a kiss; a stupid little kiss that never should have happened. I reasoned with my conscience. Besides, Chris and Naima were no longer together anyway. Still, you know how much she loves him, a little voice inside my head said to me.

It was nightfall again, and I lay awake in bed, looking up at the moonlight through my bedroom window. I have always been an advocate, for the love between two people, and now I began to resent the fact that I had to hide my feelings for Chris. I should allow myself to embrace my true thoughts and emotions, instead of denying them. I loved Chris. How could I not? He was so gentle and kind, sweet and understanding. And that kiss… I began to smile at the thought, but then quickly shook my head, wanting to erase that memory.

“No!” I yelled at myself. This is wrong, I argued in my head. He’s Tony’s best friend. I closed my eyes, willing the memory of that kiss away. How could I let that happen? What was wrong with me? I tossed and turned all night, trying to free my mind of what I did not want to face. Exhaustingly, I inadvertently looked over at the clock that read 5:30AM. I desperately wanted Tony to call. I needed to hear his voice. If anything, to put everything into prospective, and remind me that he was the only man for me. Then, I turned towards the window again, and watched as night turned into day, waiting for a call that never came.

It was Saturday, and I could not stand hiding out in my room any longer. I waited until Naima was in her room, before leaving. “Nai! I'm heading out for a while.” I said, on my way out the door.

“Where’re you going? You want me to come with you?” Naima asked me, coming out of her room.

“No, that’s okay. I’m just going to run a few errands. Call me on my cell if you need me.” I said, and then left. It was high noon, and the sun was blinding. I put my shades on, and drove down the interstate, not knowing where I was going. I had to clear my head, to make sense of what I was feeling. How could I love Chris? I could not. I should not. But, I did. Maybe I have been all along. What I knew for sure was that I cared a great deal for Chris.

“Could I really be in love with him?” I asked myself. I was deep in thought when my cell rang. Glancing at the screen, I saw that it was an unknown number calling, and I quickly answered.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey baby.” Replied a voice I knew too well.

“Tony! Baby, how are you?” I asked with a sigh of relief. I had to take my mind off Chris.

“I’m fine. How’s everything?” He asked. Though I was happy to hear his voice, something about his tone was different.

“Everything’s okay. Are you all right?” I asked, concerned.

“Baby,” he started, “you know how much I love you, and how I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. You know that right?” He asked me. Immediately, I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I knew all too well, where this was headed. I hoped with all my might that I was wrong, and that he was not about to say, what I thought he was going to say.

“What is it?” I said, practically holding my breath.

I proceeded with caution, preparing myself for the unthinkable. Then, I heard him take a breath before continuing, and my heart started pounding hard.

“I love you to death baby. That is why I cannot keep anything from you. You’re so good to me, and sometimes I think I don’t deserve you.” He said, sounding as if his world was about to come crashing down on him. My eyes filled with tears, because I knew, I just knew.

“What is it?” I repeated calmly. Tony paused for a moment, and then he explained what happened in the hotel room in Italy. I listened to his confession with tears streaming down my face. My mind seemed to zone out at certain parts of his story. All I heard were the parts that involved the hotel room, the girl, the kiss, and the part where he
almost
had sex with someone else. I could not believe that he was doing this to me, again. Despite my reservations, I had trusted him.

“Baby, I’m so sorry to tell you like this. I wanted to wait until I got back, but keeping this from you was killing me. Sweetheart, nothing happened. You have to believe me. I love you so much and…” before he could finish, the line went dead.

~CHRIS~

“Nena, hey are you okay? Come in. What’s wrong?” I asked all at once. Her face, damped with tears, alarmed me. When she called a little while ago, and said she needed to talk to me, I was not sure what to expect. Judging by her tone over the phone, I knew something was wrong. I led her to the couch, and sat her down. Then, I made my way back to the kitchen, filled a kettle with water, and placed it on the stove to boil. I took out the necessary ingredients I needed for chamomile tea, and placed them on the counter. Leaving the kitchen, I made my way back to the sofa, and sat next to her.

“What happened?” I asked her.

“It's Tony. He cheated on me. Again.” She said, barely getting the words out through her sobs.

“What? I don't believe this! How do you know?” I asked her.

“He told me.” She said sniffling.

“Man, Nena. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I mean, Tony's my boy and all, but I can't believe he would do some shit like that again.” Shaking her head, Nena buried her face in her hands, and cried. I started to put my arm around her, when she suddenly stood, with hands balled into fists.

“I can't believe that son of a bitch! He is one goddamn week away from coming home, and he does some stupid shit like that! How could he do this to me again?” She screamed, shaking and crying uncontrollably. I quickly went to her, placing both hands on her shoulders.

“Calm down, Nena. I know you are angry, and you have every right to be, but I hate seeing you do this to yourself. C'mere.” I drew her closer to me, and she rested her head against my chest. She cried so hard that my heart broke for her. I hated seeing her hurt like this, but all I could do right now was comfort her, and be there for her, as I have always been. Therefore, I continued to hold her close, while she cried. We stood there for several minutes, which only felt like seconds, because she was in my arms. I waited for Nena to stop sobbing, before I spoke.

“Are you all right?” I asked her. Then, she looked up at me, with weary eyes.