Savory Deceits (4 page)

“If anything, I’ll call you. Thanks sis. Love you.” I leaned over, and gave Nena a hug.

“Good luck.” She said, squeezing my hand. I gave her a half smile, and climbed out of the car. Then, I watched Nena's car pull away, before walking up to the building's entrance. Slowly making my way up the stairs, to the fourth floor, I contemplated what I would say to Chris. I was undoubtedly nervous, and my stomach felt like it does while waiting for the results of an STD test. I longed, but also feared to see him. When I finally reached his door, I took a deep breath, and lightly knocked on it. Chris immediately opened the door, and the sight of him left me breathless. He had gained quite a bit of weight, but it was all rock hard, solid muscle. I noticed the way his thin white T-shirt clung to his enormous biceps. Then, he eyed me up and down, just the same. We stood there, for what seemed like such a long time, when he finally stepped out of the doorway, to let me in.

~CHRIS~

“Want something to drink? I have raspberry tea.” Naima looked at me, and smiled.

“You remembered.” She said hopeful. I gave her a slight smile, closing the door behind her.

“Yeah, I remember a lot of things.” I said, and looked her up and down. She was still as sexy as I remembered. Man, that dress, and those thighs… I quickly shook my head at the memories, when I caught Naima blushing. Then, I opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle, and handed it to her. She followed, as I made my way into my living room, and motioned for her to sit. Then, she sat on the couch, and I sat in the chair across from her. I needed to be able to think straight, and I could not do that sitting next to her, smelling as good as she did. Then, silence thickened the air. I watched her put the bottle to her shiny red lips, and sipped, while I drank in the sight of her. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. She always had sexy legs. The way the silky smooth surface of her skin, had felt beneath my hands made me want her again. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, and then I realized she was nervous. All the same, I could not help but wonder, if she still felt as good as I remembered, in between those thighs of hers. At that instant, I felt a slight bulge began to rise beneath my shorts at the thought, and I quickly snapped out of it. I brought myself back to the present, and was prepared to let all the animosity, I now felt towards her, spill out.

“I only have one question,” I began, and waited for her to look at me, before I spoke again. “Why?” I asked her. First, Naima looked away for a moment, and then turned her attention back to me.

“I was afraid.” She said softly.

“Afraid of what?” I snapped, unwilling to mask my contempt for her.

“Of change, I guess.” She replied, with her head down.

“No, don't 'guess,'” I demanded, voice rising. “I want you to be real with me Naima. I loved you, and I thought you loved me!”

“I did love you Chris! I mean, I do love you, but...” she tried to say.

“So why the hell did you just end it like that!” I shouted, cutting her off. Clearly, this was going to be a losing battle for her. She, like many women, had no idea that when a man finally lets his guard down, and lets her in, and she betrays him for whatever reason, there is usually no coming back from that. Naima was crying now, and I could care less, for what might as well have been crocodile tears. I was too angry to give a damn about her feelings, as I remembered what had transpired between us, five years ago.

I had come over to tell her the news about my joining the Navy, but I did not know at the time, that she had already heard it from Nena.

“Hey baby. You okay? What’s wrong?” I had asked her, when I came to her apartment one evening. I could always tell when something was bothering her, usually she would tell me what it was, and we would work it out somehow. However, this particular time was different.

“Nothing.” She lied.

“Are you sure?” I asked her, unconvinced.

“Yes!” She replied, with a bit of an attitude. I shook my head at her, and continued with the purpose of my visit.

“Well, as you know, today’s our two-year anniversary, and I got a little surprise for you.” I said with a smile, daringly trying to gauge one from her too. Little did I know at the time, there was nothing for me to smile about. Naima looked away, and rolled her eyes. Then, I reached into my pocket, to give her what I could not wait to show her, hoping that it would lighten her mood a bit.

“Chris, I…” she tried to say, but I cut her off.

“Wait. Open this first.” I held out the small box I got from Kay Jewelers. She sighed, and reluctantly took the box, and opened it. Inside, laid the gold, heart-shaped locket that I noticed she now wore around her neck. The outline of the heart was in diamonds that sparkled under the light overhead.

“You like it?” I had asked her, certain that I would get a yes.

“It’s beautiful.” She said, none too enthusiastic. Then to my surprise, she shut the box, placed it on the nightstand, and stood up from her bed.

              “Chris, I can’t do this anymore.” She had said.

              “What do you mean? What’s wrong?” I asked confused.               “What I mean is that I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” She responded.

“What? Why? I thought everything was going good between us.” I said, confused.

“I just…I don’t know. Just go. Please.” She said turning her back to me.

“What? What are you talking about? What the hell is your problem, Naima?” I asked frustrated.

“I don’t feel like getting into it right now. I just know that it’ll never work between us.” She tried to explain, without really explaining.

“Never work? What the hell! Where’s all this coming from!” I yelled. Then, I stopped and stared at her, but she avoided my eyes. I was getting tired of always begging her to talk to me, and tell me what was wrong. I had enlisted into the US Navy less than two weeks prior, and ever since then, she has had a stick up her ass. I had not told her I enlisted yet, but had planned to on our two-year anniversary today, surprising her with the necklace, and asking her to move to Virginia with me. For a while, I had thought that her mood swings were due to PMS or something, but then realized, they ran much deeper than that. Maybe she was not feeling me as I was feeling her.

“Look Chris, I’m sorry. This is so hard for me to explain but…” she had tried to say again.

“You know what? Save your fucking explanations. I’m out!” I said to her, and walked out, slamming the door behind me. That was the last time we saw each other, until now…

“Chris, please let me explain.” She now said.

“Go ahead. I'm listening.” I replied, glaring at her. I could tell my fixed stare made her uncomfortable. Good, I thought. I was not about to make this easy for her.

“When you came to me that night, I had already known that you had joined the Navy, and at the time, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. When Nena told me that you and Tony signed up together, I did not know what to think. I did not know what would become of us. I was afraid of getting hurt.” She explained.

“What?” I leaned forward. “You thought I’d hurt you?” I asked again, shaking my head. “I fucking loved your ass! Why the fuck would I want to hurt you!” I yelled.

“I don't know!” She yelled back, seemingly desperate to fix this. Good, I thought again. “It's just that I knew you were leaving, and I knew where you were going. I started thinking about how we could possibly make our relationship work, with you living so far away. It just didn’t seem like…” she tried to explain.

“Didn’t seem like what?” I cut her off again. “Like it would ever work, with my living here, and you up there?” I questioned.

“Yes.” She replied, finally able to look at me, for more than two seconds. I chuckled at her answer, and shook my head again.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I’d ask you to come with me? That maybe I loved you just that fucking much? And that every minute I spent away from you, made me miss you like crazy, and want to be with you that much more? Huh, Nai? All that damn thinking you were doing! Did you ever stop to
think
about that?” I screamed at her. She began crying even harder now. Good. I wanted her to feel bad.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” She said softly.

“Well newsflash Nai!” I said, rising from the chair, not giving a damn about her tears. “I would have! I loved you just that fucking much! And instead of trusting in that love, instead of trusting me, you decided to do what
you
thought was best, and end our relationship without even telling me how you really felt!” I continued, getting even louder than before. “I don’t know. Maybe you thought you didn’t have to,” I speculated. “Maybe you just didn’t give a fuck about me, or us!” I shouted, looking down at her.

“How could you say that?” She screamed.

“How can I not!” I bellowed back. “I have never loved any woman as much as I loved you! You should have at least come to me, and told me how you felt, when you learned I enlisted. You should have trusted me! I loved you more than anything! I would have done anything for you! And yes, if that meant marrying you, so you could move here with me, I would have! You should have known that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you! But obviously, you had no idea who the fuck I was, or else you would have never thought I’d do some shit like that, and leave without you!”

“Don't you think I know that now?” She cried, rising from the sofa.

“Oh. It took five fucking years for you to realize that shit!” I barked back. I began to pace back and forth, because I was too riled up now. I kept this in for five years, and now I was letting it all out. “I wrote you, and you never wrote back. I tried calling you, and you never returned my calls. Now, what was I supposed to think, huh? It's like you disappeared. You say you loved me, and that is how you showed it? By feeding me a bunch of bull, with a side of fuck you!” I stopped in front of her, waiting for her to say something else that could possibly excuse what she did. So far, I was not hearing it. Then, her eyes softened.

“Look, I don't expect you to forget about what I did to you, but...” she said sniffling.

“Then why the fuck are you here? What do you want?”

I know that was harsh, but I did not give a shit. She deserved it. Then, Naima looked in my eyes and said, “You.” I sighed in frustration, not knowing what else to say. I certainly did not want to make this easy for her, but her humility was not making rejecting her, any easier on me either.

              “The biggest mistake I made in my life was letting you go,” she began, “and I know that all the 'I’m sorries’ in the world, is not going to make the pain that I caused, go away. But, I truly am sorry Chris. I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me.” She said, placing her hand on the side of my face, and drawing me to her. Yet, before her lips could touch mine, I stopped. Then, I pushed her hand away, and took a step back.

“Show yourself out.” I said, walking past her into my bedroom, and then slamming the door. Although still very much angry, I felt somewhat bad. I did not want to bug out on her, but once I started, I could not stop. Then, I listened carefully for the front door. When I heard it open and shut, I walked out of my bedroom. Subsequently, to my dismay, Naima was still standing there, and I frowned. Then, she walked up, and stood directly in front of me. Agitated, I took a step to the right, and she stepped to her left, blocking my path. Then, I stepped back to my left, and she stepped to her right again, stopping me from going around her.

“What are you doing?” I asked, looking down at her, resisting the urge to push her out of my way.

“I’m not leaving.” She said.

“You need to.” I replied.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because,” I started.

“Because what?” She countered. “You’re afraid of what might happen if I don’t?” She finished. She took a step closer, and I did not move. When her breasts brushed against my chest, I stiffened, and she searched my eyes.

“Please forgive me.” She whispered. When I said nothing, she reached up, and pulled my face to hers once more. When she lightly brushed her lips on mine, I pulled back to look at her. Her determination was a turn on, and the anger I felt towards her, began to dissipate. I used my thumb, to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, and drew her closer. Then, I wrapped my arms around her, and kissed her intensely. She gave in to the kiss with a fresh onslaught of tears. As she kissed me back, with the same level of intensity, I moved my hands from her waist, and down to her ample bottom. When I heard her moan against my lips, I held her tighter. Then, I abruptly broke the kiss, to look her in the eyes again. Whatever I felt for her then, was very different from what I feel for her now. A lot has changed over her five-year absence. For I knew, that I was not the same man, she still wanted me to be.

“Baby, I missed you,” she began. “I never stopped loving you. I tried, but I couldn't.” She said, blinking back more tears. Next, she kissed me again, pressing her body even more against mine. I could feel my dick growing hard against her, so I pulled her dress up, caught her waist, and hoisted her up. Then, she wrapped her legs around me, and met my mouth with hers again, as I led her to my bedroom.