Say Forever (23 page)

"Stay close." He turns his back and holds his hand out behind him. "Those snow banks can get deep. I don't want to lose you in a corn flake avalanche."

We walk farther away from the lodge and then off the beaten path. I gasp when the frozen fluff reaches the tops of my shins. It's not compacted like the snow close to the lodge, but it's still thicker than I was expecting and it takes a lot of energy just to trudge through it. I don't know why I thought snow would be the consistency of clouds. Luckily, I'm able to walk in Andrés's footsteps, but it feels like forever before the mass of hanging branches thins and we reach a clearing.

The snow is even deeper here, and some of it reaches to my knees. Andrés takes me to what looks like a plateau. The afternoon sun beats down on us as I survey our surroundings. It's breathtaking. Even though Andrés says these mountains are small in comparison to the ones he's seen in Afghanistan, I've never seen real live mountains before, and I'm in awe of the Sierra Nevada's tall pines and snowcapped peaks. There are barely any clouds in the pale sky, and I can hardly believe they had a winter storm here a few days ago.

Andrés tugs on my jacket sleeve, pulling me toward him as he bends down on one knee. "Lie down with me. We'll make snow angels."

A refusal is already forming on my lips, and the sad thing is I don't even know why. When I catch a glimpse of that boyish smile, I can't refuse.

I follow him down to the ground, and a chill races up my spine as I'm enveloped in snow. I've made sand angels at the beach, so I think I already know what to do, but I soon discover there's a big difference between the two. My head feels numb from frost by the time we're finished sweeping our arms and legs up and down. Unable to stand another minute of the hard, cold ground, I sit up, and Andrés dusts off the back of my head. I'm glad he convinced me to wear that knit hat, even though I protested that it plastered my hair to my head.

I look over my shoulder, at the two angels touching wingtip to wingtip. I smile when I see the impression of us, but then my smile fades when dark thoughts invade the moment.

I look into Andrés's eyes as he brushes crystals off my cheek. "Do you think our baby is an angel?"

"I know it." He taps my nose, flashing a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "No more sadness, mija. Okay?"

I swallow what feels like a wad of cotton and nod. "Okay."

He leans closer, until our lips are nearly touching, his minty breath tickling my skin. "And no more sad faces, or you get an ice wedgie."

I sway toward him, like the branches of a pine bending beneath the weight of heavy snow. Something inside me tells me I should resist. I should hold back. But why? Why have I been trying to put distance between us this past month? Why have I been fighting our desire? Our love? Am I trying to punish Andrés or me or both of us? That small voice inside of me grows louder, telling me it's okay to feel again. It's okay to stop torturing us.

I cup his chiseled jaw in my hand and brush frozen flakes off the two-day stubble. "What's an ice wedgie?" I ask with a playful smile.

"Something my cousins used to do to me when we'd go skiing. You don't want to know what it feels like." Andrés leans back, smirking.

I sigh, missing his body's warmth. I have no idea why, but this evil plan formulates in my head, and I act on it without thinking. I imagine that little devil on my shoulder is doing a victory dance while the angel on the other shoulder is sleeping on the job.

"Does it feel like this?" I press a hand against his chest and brush my lips across his. My mouth is so frozen, I can barely feel what I'm doing, but when he presses deeper into me for a kiss, instinct takes over and I welcome his mouth's invasion. I pick up a handful of snow and dump it down the back of his jacket.

He yelps and swats my hand away. I jump up with surprising speed when I see him grab snow. I try to run back the way we came, but my feet get stuck in the frozen quicksand before I have time to dodge his snowball. He tumbles into my backside, bringing me down with him. Somehow, he manages to spin me toward him, so he breaks our fall. I land on his chest, and we both burst out laughing.

How long has it been since we've laughed so hard? Since we've pushed aside all of life's problems and just enjoyed each other's company? When his lips find mine again, I don't push him away, and I don't reach for another snowball. I moan as his frozen lips soften and form against mine, thawing as he deepens the kiss. Our lips meld together, two parts to a whole, and for the first time in a long time, I feel complete, body and soul.

My extremities are numb from the cold, despite the warmth from Andrés seeping into me. I shudder and squirm on top of him.

Andrés pulls away, his eyes darkening, and I can't tell if his hungry gaze is fueled by lust or something more.

He stands and pulls me up, then wraps strong arms around my waist. "I want to take you back to our room, mija, and make love to you all day long."

Some part of me, whether it be instinct or guilt, tells me I should resist. But I'm tired of pushing him away. I'm tired of suffering all alone. I need Andrés. I need his love to chase away my sorrow, if just for one day. I answer his request by wrapping my arms around him and ever so softly kissing that hollow point on his neck.

***

We take off each other's clothes, slowly, gently, savoring each touch and caress as if it will be our last. When Andrés finally pins my nude body beneath his, he lavishes kisses across my collarbone and breasts before trailing kisses of fire all the way down to the juncture between my thighs. He kisses me tenderly there, as if my body is an altar and he is paying homage. He licks my folds with long, languid strokes before delicately suckling my swollen clit with agonizing tenderness. I arch my hips against his mouth, running my fingers through his thick hair and grasping it by the roots. It has been too long, and my willpower is weak. I know I will not last long before I fall apart. As if Andrés senses my needs, he pulls back, releasing my bud before lapping up my wetness once more. He trails kisses back up my abdomen, stopping to worship each breast, then my neck and an ear. Finally, he presses his mouth against mine, coaxing my lips open. I taste my essence on his tongue as it darts inside my mouth, spearing me in conjunction with his thick erection, as he drives it inside me.

Instinctively, I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist as he slides deeper. He groans into my mouth as he buries himself to the hilt. My throbbing core is just a breath away from exploding in a cataclysmic orgasm. My need for release is strong, and yet, my need for Andrés is stronger. I hold tightly to him, relishing the feel of our joined bodies, wishing this moment where we are both hovering on the precipice of bliss could be suspended for an eternity. Andrés deep inside me, holding me close, is my nirvana, my spiritual and physical perfection.

And then he begins to move again. Slowly and torturously, he slides in and out of me, my slick channel molding around him like a wet, tight glove. I let go of that last thread of control, arch my neck and cry out toward the ceiling when the rhythm of his thrusts increases. He latches onto my neck with his lips, holding me still with a gentle tug of his teeth as he drives in harder. And then I unravel, surrendering to euphoric ecstasy as it washes over me.

He grunts through a groan and I can feel his throbbing head bathing me in fluid as he presses into me and then stills. We lie like that for several heaving breaths, our bodies locked together tightly. I feel my body sinking into the soft mattress as my insides continue to pulsate against him.

Andrés finally rolls over, pulling me with him, refusing to let me go or pull out of me. He holds me close, lavishing my forehead and cheekbones with kisses while we lie on our sides. He speaks words of love softly to me in Spanish, and I heave a sigh of contentment while snuggling against him, burying my nose against that light patch of hair on his chest.

I'd forgotten how wonderful making love to Andrés was. I've missed this. I've missed us. And as I wrap my arms tighter around his neck, I realize how badly I want our love back.

Chapter Twenty

Christina

"Where are we going?" I ask as Andrés navigates our rental SUV up the narrow, windy incline. I force myself to stop looking out the window. The drop off the narrow rails is so steep, it's making my chest tighten with anxiety. I've never liked heights much. I'm hoping Andrés doesn't see how much my nerves are frayed as I clutch the door handle, though I'm not sure how holding onto a door will help me if we were to skid off the road and go careening off the cliff.

"The guy at the front desk said there's a lodge at the top of the hill," Andrés says as he, thankfully, keeps his eyes on the road ahead.

I'm wishing I would have gone along with Andrés and stayed in bed all day, but since it was still afternoon, I had this crazy idea I wanted to go outside and play some more in the snow.

When we turn a bend, we leave the drop behind us, and both sides of the road are now flanked by blessedly solid ground and snowy pines that stretch toward the heavens and spread out as far as I can see.

I heave a pent up breath as that knot in my chest slowly unwinds. "It's beautiful here. This isn't what I was expecting when Grace said we were going to Vegas."

He clenches the steering wheel, as a shadow falls over his face. "Is this okay?"

My heart bubbles with joy when I think how wonderful this trip has been so far. "It's more than okay. Thank you."

We drive past what looks like a big Bavarian lodge. Several cars are parked out front. "I think that's the place," I say as we continue up the road.

Andrés flashes a sideways smile. "Not there. You'll see."

We drive for about another mile and pull to the side of the road beside a few trucks.

When we get out of the SUV, the crisp, cool air assails my senses and chills my windpipe. I can hear screaming and laughter coming from beyond a copse of trees. Andrés lifts open the hatch in back and pulls out a long, bright yellow plastic rectangle with a rope tied to one end.

"What is this?"

"It's a sled." He drops it on the ground, and I watch it slide across the slick surface as if it's got invisible wheels.

I narrow my eyes. I sure hope he doesn't expect me to get on that flimsy contraption. "Where did you get it?"

"I bought it off some teens in the parking lot. I probably paid three times what they paid for it." His wide grin practically stretches ear-to-ear. "But it looks like fun, right?"

I grimace and take a step back as Andrés kicks it toward me. "You're not expecting me to ride this thing."

"Do you love me?"

Andrés's question catches me off guard, and even though his tone is playful, I sense an underlying desperation in his rigid shoulders.

"You know I do."

He bridges the distance between us in two strides, cupping my chin in his gloved hand. "Then make memories with me." He swallows and then fixes me with such a penetrating stare, I feel like I'm drowning in the depths of his dark eyes. "Happy ones."

Unable to speak through this tightening noose around my throat, I silently nod.

I take his hand and follow him as he drags the sled behind us. He helps me navigate a ditch beside the road. We walk toward the sound of laughter, and I am comforted knowing other people are nearby. After we walk through a copse of trees, I see the long slope rising at the end of the wide clearing. I watch as people climb up the side of the slope, mount their sleds, and then slide down the center, laughing and screaming all the way.

When we reach the base of the hill, my limbs ice over, and not from the cold, but from fear. I guess I've lived a sheltered life, because as I watch a kid on an inner-tube barrel past me, the notion of racing down the hill on an object without breaks terrifies me. I blame my fears on my adoptive parents, who were always too drunk or pissed off at each other to take me anywhere, with the exception of the few fishing trips my dad took me on, but even on the boat he usually drank a twelve pack.

I'm wishing I had a beer or two right now, so I can get up the nerve to get on that sled. Two kids on what appears to be a garbage can lid fly by us, nearly taking out my kneecaps before Andrés jerks me out of the way.

"Watch out for crazy drivers, mija," he gently scolds before he starts leading me up the slope.

Why I follow him, I have no idea. I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending dream as I trudge up the steep incline. By the time we reach the top, my chest is heaving and I'm straining for breath.

Andrés turns to me with a smirk. "It's a good workout."

"I'd rather be drinking rum at that lodge."

"This will be fun," he says with a wink. "I promise."

I only manage to slip and fall on my ass once as he's trying to help me get onto the sled. I don't know why my feet have to be so uncooperative before my butt finally makes contact with the plastic. Andrés tells me to fold my legs in and I stifle a scream when the ground slides beneath me. I don't even have a second to change my mind before he mounts the sled behind me and we are off. I'm so terrified, I think I forget to scream. Or maybe I do scream, but nothing comes out. Wind slaps my face, biting into my skin and chapping my lips as we zip down the slope at what feels like jetliner speed. That same kid who almost took out my kneecaps jumps out of the way as we careen toward the plain. We hit a bump and catch air before landing on the hard ground with a thud. I moan as pain winces up my tailbone, and this time I do scream as our little plastic rocket of doom continues its downward ascent. Even when the ground levels off, our sled propels us forward. I gasp when I see the tree line ahead. Andrés sticks out his leg, and we're spinning, over and over, until we come to a stop and topple to the side.

Andrés lands on top of me, clutching my back to his chest, and laughing hard in my ear. I'm too stunned to make a sound, but then Andrés is pulling me up against him, asking me if I'm okay. I turn to him with a slackened jaw, and see his eyes are wet with happy tears.