Say You'll Stay (5 page)

“I don’t know, Pres. I don’t know what to think.”

That makes two of us. “We’re completely maxed out on all our credit cards, and the bank is already starting the foreclosure process.”

“Oh, my God.”

“He lied to me. He told me we were fine. He went to work every day for Christ’s sake! I’m fucked. I can’t afford this house. I can’t even pay the utilities.”

She steps forward and grips my shoulders. I can see the fear splayed across her face. “You can live with me. You and the boys come live at the apartment.”

I close my eyes while holding her arms. “We can’t.”

“I’ll take out a loan. I’ll do something.”

“Angie.” I sigh. “You can’t do any of that. Your apartment is a one bedroom in downtown Philly. You’re in as much debt as we are. The bakery isn’t making us any real money.”

With each ounce of truth that falls from my lips, there is a bit of knowledge of what’s going to happen that falls with it. The life I fought so hard to escape is going to become my reality again.

“You can’t go back to Tennessee. You can’t leave here.”

“Trust me, I’d rather cut off my arm than go back to Bell Buckle. I have maybe a month or two to figure out how to dig us out of the hole we’re in before I can’t find a way out.”

She nods. “We’ll figure it out. I can’t lose you, too.”

I sure as hell hope so, because if I can’t magically produce a large sum of money, the life I’ve known for the last eighteen years is about to become a distant memory.

“I’m very sorry, Mrs. Benson. At this time the bank isn’t able to offer any more extensions,” the slender woman explains to me again.

I’ve exhausted all my options. I was able to borrow some money to get one month caught up, but now we’re back to square one. There won’t be enough funds to make another payment. No more help is available.

“So, I have no other options?”

“I’m afraid not.”

My mind can’t process all that’s happening. I continue to suffer loss after loss. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to find a way to make ends meet. I start to make progress, get one thing paid off, only to learn about a half dozen new credit cards that he took out in my name. Thanks to online accounts, all he needed was my social and date of birth. I’m legally responsible for all of it. It’s a never-ending nightmare that I can’t wake from.

I stand, grab my purse, and walk out without another word. Nothing I can say will change anything. My kids and I will be homeless, we’re broke, and we have no other option. I can’t get a loan with no income and ruined credit. And I don’t have time to explore other options.

Once I arrive back home, I look around feeling conflicted. I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want to be here. The boys don’t understand why I sleep on the couch most nights. But being in that king-size bed reminds me that he left.

Slowly, I climb the stairs to my bedroom. I remove the pearl earrings, which Todd bought me on our wedding day, and clutch them in my hand, feeling the prick from the backs before I launch them across the room. “Damn you!” I scream as I grab the photo of us that sits on my dresser.

“Lies! You lied! You broke me!” I yell at the man in the photo. “I loved you! I believed you when you said you’d never hurt me.” My voice cracks. “You didn’t hurt me! You destroyed me. You destroyed the boys because you’re selfish! Selfish!” I throw the photo to the ground and the glass splinters into tiny shards. “You!” Tears fall. “You did this. You couldn’t stick it out, so you leave us to deal with it? Is that it?” My head falls back as I talk to the ceiling.

I’ve tried so hard to keep myself together. Each day I gather enough strength to get Cayden and Logan to school before I crawl back to bed. I’ve lived my entire life with someone taking care of me. I don’t know how to be this woman. My father,
him
, and then Todd have defined who I am. Now, I’m the widow.

I’m the girl whose husband tragically died.

If they only knew.

My eyes close as I try to get my emotions in check. The boys will be home in a few hours, and I need a plan.

The doorbell rings before I have a chance to even think.

“Jeff,” I say quietly. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Can I come in, Presley?”

I open the door and wave my arm, inviting in Todd’s old boss. “What can I do for you?”

He looks at the mess, and for the first time, I see it all. Dishes stacked, clothes in piles, and open chip bags. I cringe. Chips are all I’ve been eating for two weeks.

“How are you holding up?”

Jeff and Todd were extremely close. They helped turn the investment firm into what it is. Each of them were promoted around the same time and handled top accounts. For their ages, the money they made was remarkable.

“What do you care?” I ask with disdain dripping from each syllable.

He lets out a heavy sigh before his hands grip the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to the funeral. I couldn’t believe he . . . I mean, I never thought he would . . .”

Only Angie and my in-laws know it was suicide. His words now tell me that he knows as well.

My lips part as my chest aches. “You knew this was possible?” I struggle to intake air. “You knew he was thinking about this?”

“I didn’t think he was serious, Presley. Not him. Not like this.”

Each breath is labored. I step back, the backs of my knees hit the couch, and I sink down. “You could’ve stopped him.” My vision becomes blurred with tears. “You could’ve told me or anyone. If you had, maybe this wouldn’t be my goddamn life.”

“If I thought for one second he was serious, I would have,” he explains. I look at him as he crouches in front of me with a pained expression. “I swear.”

My body shakes as I feel everything come rushing forward. It’s as if I walked in on him all over again. All I can do is sit here in disbelief. He went to Jeff and didn’t come to me. But Jeff didn’t tell us. All of this is so fucked-up. I fight back the urge to scream. Why couldn’t he trust me?

Jeff grips my hand. “He came to the office and begged me to rehire him. I explained that I couldn’t. The investors didn’t want to work with him after the money he lost on a bad tip. No accounts were going to trust him, but he begged still. He told me he was desperate and he hadn’t told you he was fired,” he pauses, drawing in a deep breath. “I explained that my hands were tied, but if I could help—I would.”

I can tell he wants to say more. I squeeze my eyes as the beads of moisture fall down my cheeks. “Go on,” I murmur.

“He said he probably wouldn’t see me again but made me promise I’d check in on you and the boys. I had no idea why the hell he would say that, so I asked him, but he said he’d be leaving.”

A howl comes from my throat as I fall apart. My hands cover my face and Jeff’s arms encircle me. “Why?” I ask again, trying to make sense of this.

“I thought he meant leaving town, not this. When I heard, I couldn’t face you.” He rubs my back. “I’m so sorry. I never thought he was serious. I didn’t think he meant this.”

Jeff sits with me for the next hour as I process everything he says. He’s struggling with guilt, and I’m battling to get through another minute. We talk about how bad off I am financially, and Jeff offers to help, but when he hears the numbers, his face says it all. There’s no way to fix this. It’s not just a simple cut, it’s an artery ripped apart. The utilities will be off soon, the bank will take the house, and there’s no way to stop it.

It’s clear that from this day forward, I have to leave the dependent girl I was behind and stand on my own feet.

Three Months Later

“I’
M NOT GOING.” CAYDEN STANDS
at the door with his arms crossed. “I don’t want to move. I hate this.”

He’s not the only one. I feel the same way. Logan has been the only one handling it somewhat well. Since being told that we had to vacate our home within sixty days, our lives have fallen apart. I’m barely keeping us together with Scotch tape and bubble gum.

“I know you don’t want to go. But we have nowhere to live, Cay. Nana and Papa have a big home, and as soon as we have enough money to get out of there, we will. This is temporary.”

At least that’s what I’m deluding myself into believing. Last night I spent two hours sobbing as I packed the rest of our things. I had to sell all our furniture and anything we couldn’t fit in the small trailer. Basically, we’re bringing nothing but clothes and personal items.

“You’re making us go! This is where we lived with Dad! This is where he was. Why are you trying to make my life miserable?”

“Yes, Cayden. That’s my goal, to make you miserable. We have no choice. We have nowhere to live.”

He grumbles under his breath before he puts his headphones back on. This is the new normal with him. All he does is watch videos or listen to music. He’s angry, while Logan is depressed and clingy. At times, I wish I could behave like them, but there’s been no time for me to feel. I’ve spent hours trying to find a way to avoid having to go back to Tennessee.

But, it’s inevitable. I have to live with my parents, work on the ranch, and face every person who told me I’d be back. The only good thing is that
he’s
not there. It’s going to be bad enough, at least I won’t have to face the boy I ran away with.

Angie grabs the last box as Cayden and Logan reluctantly get in the car. I stand in the doorway with conflicting emotions. This is the home we brought the twins to. It’s where they took their first steps, learned to ride bikes, it’s where so many memories were made and where I saw our future, but it’s also filled with pain. I haven’t used the master bathroom since I found my husband there. I can’t go in there. I see his body, even though I know it’s not there. My heart races from simply touching the doorknob. Instead, I use the one in the hallway, where no memories haunt me.

I close the door with tears in my eyes. No matter what the last few months have brought into our lives, this was home.

Angie leans against my car door with her sunglasses over her eyes, even though it’s overcast. “Hey.” She attempts a smile.

“This isn’t forever,” I say the words with such conviction I almost believe them. “I’ll be back.”

Angie steps forward. “I know.”

“I swear I will. I want updates on the bakery, even though I’m not an owner anymore.” It was the first thing I had to sell. Since we aren’t really profitable, there wasn’t much to make off the deal, but it got me through until now.

“It will always be part yours!” she admonishes me.

“Tell Patty to lay off the extra sugar. Remind Beth that she has to make smaller batches for the banana cupcakes,” I ramble, trying to avoid saying goodbye. “Oh, and get a dog or something so you don’t become a recluse.”

She smirks and wipes away the tears under her glasses. “I remember when you showed up from bumfuck Tennessee. You had your cowboy boots, painted-on jeans, and your hair was . . . well.” We both laugh. “You had the year we don’t talk about, and then you met Todd. I remember wishing we could be sisters. I never knew it would come true. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I would give anything to keep you here. You’re my best friend.”

A tear falls from behind her glasses and I step closer. “You’re my best friend, too. You’re my sister. And I know you want us to be here. Lord knows I don’t want to go back there. But I don’t regret anything. Even if I knew it would’ve been this way . . . I wouldn’t change anything.”

Her arms wrap around me as sadness falls around us. The blanket of despair has been covering us for too long. “Promise me that you’ll call once a week. And that I can come visit.”

“I promise.” A tear falls from my eye. “And I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Anytime you need to come here, I’ll make room. Who needs a living room?”

We both giggle, and it hits me . . . I may not see her for a long time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford to make the trip. I have enough money to get to Tennessee and that’s about it. There’s so much to tell her. Things I never got a chance to say.

“Listen.” I wait until she looks up before I continue, “You need to open your heart. I know that dickhead broke it, but let it heal. Don’t work too hard, take some time to enjoy things. Also, your hair looked better brown. Fix that.” I wink.