Saying Goodbye (34 page)

Adam checked the time
, s
till at his desk, working through emails and sending audition notices to his clients
. He
had an empty carton from Chinese food still sitting on his pile of paperwork
.
H
is mug was half-filled with coffee, cold, and he’d been drinking caffeine since eight that morning.

Natalie glanced into his office. “You need me?”

“Go. Thanks, Nat. See ya in the morning.”

“Bye, Adam.”

Adam heard the outer door to their office close. It was nearing seven. He tapped the keys on his computer and scanned for more auditions for one new client in particular. Then he noticed a few calls for actors for a feature film and sent them to Keith and Carl. Since Alex had made the crossover, both of the men from
Forever Young
wanted to as well.

Adam heard the
outer
door again and figured Natalie forgot something. He kept typing until he noticed someone standing at his office door.

Adam ignored him and finished his email.

“You don’t even call to let me know you’re not c
oming f
o
r
dinner? You ignore my text messages?”

Adam noticed Jack glance behind him.

The two dozen roses were on Natalie’s desk. Adam didn’t want them.

Clearing his throat, Adam kept working, but the distraction of having Jack in his office; the big brawny, blue-eyed blond gym junkie
…
who he loved so much he ached, was making working hard.

“Adam.”

Jack’s deep voice made Adam’s skin prickle.

“I have to know. Either we get through this or tell me to move out.”

Adam completed his email to Keith and Carl and sent it. He stared at the computer screen for a moment, gathering his thoughts,
and
then swiveled in his chair to face Jack.

The usual sharp attorney looked like pure hell.

“I think we need a break.” Adam interlaced his fingers on his lap. “I need time to digest this bullshit.”

Jack, looking devastated, said, “I’m sorry.”

Adam nodded.

“It will never happen again.”

Adam didn’t nod this time, just stared into Jack’s eyes.

“Are you this angry at Mark and Steve? Or just me?”

“Does it matter?”

Jack stepped closer, looking torn in two. “I fucked up.”

“Ya think?” Adam stayed calm but could see Jack’s eyes well up.

“We can move on from this. Just you and me. Can’t we?”

“That’s what I need time to think about.”

Jack bit his bottom lip and struggled for control for a moment. “So
…
you want me to move out.”

“For now.”

Jack opened his arms in a helpless gesture. “Where am I supposed to go? Huh?”

The sarcastic comments began building in Adam, and he was deciding whether to unleash them.

Jack held the back of
a
chair across from Adam’s desk. “My parents are in Florida. You think Mark and Steve will let me stay there? The two of them have enough trouble.”

“Gee, why not go to Rome?” Adam sneered.

“Adam.” Jack interlaced his fingers. “Forgive me.”

Adam felt apathetic at the moment, saying nothing.

“You have to forgive me!” Jack began to weep. “Adam! You have to!”

Adam knew he didn’t ‘have to’ do anything. “I hope that sex with Alexander was memorable.”

Jack wiped at his eyes. “Adam, please. I’m sorry. I am forever sorry.”

“Goodbye, Jack.”

Jack appeared stunned. “Temporarily. Right? Like you need a break. We’re not
gett
ing
a
divorce—”

Adam turned to his computer and continued working. When Jack lingered
,
Adam glanced at him. “Anything else?”

“Adam
…
please.”

Adam tapped keys on his keyboard.

After a moment, Jack left, quietly, no slamming doors.

Adam stopped what he was doing and stared at the words on his document until they were a blur. Tears ran from his eyes.

He covered his face and wept, hating the fact that in Jack’s eyes, he was so low in the pecking order. Even lower than Alexander. How sad was that?

~

Mark had a bag of carrots at his feet as Steve drove him to Glendale. Vague memories of coming here after the afternoon with Billy began to come back to him. It was as if he had gaps in his memory and it frustrated him.

Steve slowed down on the rutty lane and Mark looked at the horses which were in the pasture
;
serene, eating the grass, yet perking up at the noise of the car.

A few other vehicles were in the lot, since other owners boarded their horses here.

Steve said, “Is that Jack’s jag?”

Mark took notice. “It looks like it, yes.”

“It’s his. The plate says, ‘RAINBWLAW’.”

Mark picked up the bag of carrots and waited as Steve parked. He exited the Mercedes and made his way dire
ctly to the stable
. When he spotted Jack, getting Shadow of the Knight saddled up, Mark called to him.

Jack looked over his shoulder.

“He-man.” Mark approached him and noticed Jack’s attention move behind Mark, to Steve.

“I brought carrots for my beloved steed,” Mark teased. “Word is he saved me. His big brawny size showed the two cops where I lay.” Mark looked back at Steve. He and Jack had locked gazes.

Mark’s smile dropped. “If you two begin
to
reminisc
e
about
your tryst with Alex
ander
,
I shall scream.”

Jack said to Steve, “How did you get Mark to forgive you?”

Mark blinked
at Jack’s question
and
then
heard banging, like a heavy hoof on a stall door. It was then he could see Piccadilly had seen him, and was growing anxious to get to Mark.

Shadow blew out a loud snort and tugged at the lead that had him tied to a ring. The big black horse shifted uneasily.

Steve said, “We worked it out.”

Mark
walk
ed to his horse. Piccadilly nodded
his head
up and down anxiously, kicking his front hoof into the stall door. “Yes, love. I am here.” Mark looked back at Jack
,
who was now having to control an irritated black stallion.

Seeing Jack and Steve speaking quietly together upset Mark. Mark ignored them and stepped into Piccadilly’s stall. “I have something for you, lovely.”

Piccadilly rubbed his head all over Mark’s chest, nearly shoving Mark into a wall and knocking him over. “You brute. Calm down.” Mark tore open the bag of carrots and fed Piccadilly one. The horse broke the carrot in two and chomped noisily. “Thank you, my pet. You, I hear, were helpful in bringing the cops to me. You silly beast. Standing with me? Why?”

Mark fed Piccadilly the rest of the carrot and left him to get a brush to tend him. When he did, Shadow was rearing up and Jack was struggling to tame him, while Steve stepped back
in fear
.

“Jackie!” Mark called out. “Bring him here.”

“Mark, he’s going crazy.” Jack held the rein.

Mark stormed over and stood before the big black stallion. He held its long muzzle. “Calm down, you crazy horse. Let me bring you to your lover.” Mark untied the lead and walked Shadow towards Piccadilly’s stall. The two horses connected over the door, which was open on top, and closed on the bottom half. Instantly
,
Shadow calmed down.

Mark picked up a brush, entered the stall, leaving the door open and allowing the two horses to interact. “You stole a carrot?” Mark asked Piccadilly, looking at the bag on the straw at his feet. “I hope you did
n’t eat plastic, you silly plonker
.”

Mark removed a carrot, fed half to Shadow, who chewed it with the bit in his mouth, and the
n he gave the
other half to Piccadilly. He placed the bag out of reach
of both horses
.

Mark began brushing his horse and then noticed Jack and Steve standing with Shadow at the open stall door.

“Adam kicked me out.”

Mark cringed
,
but didn’t answer. He brushed the white horse’s mane and then tail.

“How…” Jack asked, “How did you work it out?”

No one answered.

Finally
,
Mark glared at Jack. “Because both Steven and I share the blame. What act has Adam done to harm you?”

Jack winced and turned his face away.

Mark was so angry at Jack, he didn’t know why, but even more so than with Steve.

“Do
…
do you forgive me, Mark Anto
n
ious?” Jack asked, tears threatening.

Mark moved around Piccadilly, brushing his right side. The two horses were calm now, together, noses close to comfort each other.

When Mark didn’t answer, Jack asked Steve. “So? He knows all the gory details?”

“Yes.” Steve leaned on the wooden door.

“I asked you not to tell him.”

Mark became furious. “Why, Jack? Because it was you who continued the charade when Steven backed down?”

“You told him that?” Jack’s voice broke.

“Well?” Steve asked, “I wanted to get
the fuck out of that hotel room.
You should have stopp
ed it. I should have stopped it before it went that far.
”

“You idiots!” Mark yelled, making Piccadilly jump. Mark caressed him. “Sorry, love. Sorry.” Mark held the horse and rested his head against him to calm both himself and the animal.

Jack held onto Shadow’s rein and leapt onto the saddle.

The horse protested slightly, making noises and shaking its head up and down. With Jack’s power, the horse had to obey. He walked Shadow away.

Steve raced after him.

Mark held Piccadilly, whose impulse was to follow. He shut the door to prevent his horse from leaving the stall and continued to brush him.

Within moments,
Mark began to feel sick and weak. He sat on the fresh hay in the corner of the stall and took out his phone
and dialed
.

“Adam. It’s me.”

~

“Jack, wait.” Steve tried to keep up with him.

“You used me like a scapegoat? Are you fucking kidding me, Miller?”

“
Mark overheard our conversation. I wasn’t going to tell him. But he called Adam while we were still on the phone. He asked Adam and that’s how he knew.”

“Yeah, but you explained it to Mark as if it was all me? All my idea?”

“
No. But I said I didn’t want to do it,
remember? A
nd you had Alex naked in two seconds flat
when I came out of the bathroom
.”

“
Well, great. Guess what?
Adam kicked me out
.
”

Steve grabbed Jack’s leg. “No!”

“Yes!”

“Where will you stay?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Jack held the horse back.

“Jack, stay with us.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Mark hates my fucking
guts! Why doesn’t he hate yours?
What am I not getting here?”

“Mark
is not Adam,
” Steve
sai
d
,
then lowered his voice. “Mark fucked Billy. What did Adam do? Huh?”

“Let me go.” Jack tried to steer the horse out of the stable.

“I’ll make sure the guest room is ready for you.”

Jack nodded. “Thanks.”

Steve stood back and watched Jack gallop the big horse down a trail. He wondered if it was the same trail Jeff and Mickey had found Mark on.

He looked back at the parking lot, the cars,
and
the pickups with trailers
…
Sighing,
Steve wished
he could go back in time and prevent his involvement in the harassment of Randy Dawson, when all this bullshit had begun
. But
Steve knew he could not.

And now? The worst part was, Adam saying goodbye to Jack?
No.
That can’t happen
.

Steve took his phone out and called him. It went to voicemail. Steve left a message. “Adam, it’s Steve. Don’t blame Jack. It’s my fault. I egged him on. Blame me. I invited him to stay with us while you two work it out. And you have to work it out, Adam. Please. Jack is a g
ood man. We both just fucked up.
” Steve stared at the phone and disconnected the call. He leaned against his car and tried to get control of his emotions. There was never a time in his life that he recalled being so
stupid
.

And very few things made Steve cry.

He stared up at the
darkening
California sky and wished everything could be right again.

But they never would be. Trust
; i
t was shattered. And gaining it back could be nearly impossible.