Saying Goodbye (31 page)

~

Steve ran the soap over Mark, even though Mark had already washed and rinsed. “I
…
I gu
ess I’m a little surprised you’
re still talking to me.”

Mark took the soap from Steve and began washing him. “Why? Hm? Tell me why you should be surprised.”

Steve watched Mark’s hands as they ran over his chest. Steve could see how thin Mark was
. H
is mother was right
, t
his time Mark appeared too thin. Steve used his index finger to run down every visible muscle in Mark’s abdomen.

“Steven Jay?”

“Should you eat? Lay down? I forgot what the doctor asked me to do.”

“I am fine. A little off, but all right.” Mark set the soap aside and picked up the shampoo. “Shall I wash your hair?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Steve asked.

Mark’s expression changed. “Why don’t you tell me why I shouldn’t be?”

Steve opened he shower door and staggered out, grabbing a towel.

A moment later the water stopped running in the tub, and Mark slid the doors to the opposite side, looking at Steve. “You had better tell me your version.”

Steve wished he knew what Adam had said. He left the bathroom, trying to dry himself and not go crazy at the same time. He glanced at the walk-in closet where he kept his gun. After Billy had taken it from him, he didn’t know where it was.

Wrapped in a towel, Mark exited the bathroom and stood in front of him. “Steven.” His tone grew
sterner
.

Steve sat on the bed, the towel on his lap. “What
…
what did Adam say?”

Mark used the towel to dry his hair. “Are we playing some kind of game? Fine.” Mark returned to the bathroom. A second later Steve heard the blow-dryer.

Sitting still, his hand clenched to the towel, Steve glanced at the cordless phone. He looked back at the bathroom and then reached for it, leaving the bedroom, walking down the hall to Alex’s old room. He called Adam.

“What?” a weary Adam answered.

“Did
…
did you tell Mark about what Jack and I did?”

“No.
But he knows you two went to Rome. I didn’t think he needed the gory details.
”

Steve exhaled in relief and closed his eyes. “Thank fuck.”

“You think I am going to be responsible for his next breakdown? You asshole! I hate both you and Jack for this! Hate you!”

Steve blinked. “Adam?”

“You two are a couple of douche bags! What you did was pure maliciousness
.
Mark said no to Billy
.
He told that LAPD bastard no
. But he fucked Mark anyway.
Ya know what? All three of you can go to fucking hell!”

Steve was stunned by Adam’s fury.
“Adam! No. It’s not like that!”

“It is fucking like that, ya prick! What
the four of us had
wasn’t enough? Huh? You had to go to Rome while Mark was missing, dying on a horse trail? Go to Rome to do what? To fuck Mark’s son to get even with Sharpe
? Fuck you.
”

“Adam! I’m sorry! Adam, I know it sounds bad
…
hello?” Steve looked at the phone. The line had gone dead.

So Mark did not know
anything more than he and Jack went to Rome?

He heard the blow-dryer shut off. Steve sprinted back to the bedroom and replaced the phone, panting
nervously
, trying to get over Adam’s fury and wondering what the fallout was between Adam and Jack.

Mark emerged from the bathroom, his hair shining and flowing, almost
looking like his old
self. He entered the walk-in closet and said, “Why
the devil
is your police gun on the floor?”

Steve rushed towards Mark.

Mark removed a pair of pants from a hanger and put them on. “What on earth? Steven! You are exasperating me!”

Steve picked up the gun and
made sure the
magazine
and
the chambered round
had been removed,
and then crouched down to place it back in the lock box.

“Don’t answer me. Fine.” Mark slipped a sweater over his head and left the bedroom.

Steve heard the sound of Mark’s footfalls receding down the stairs. Next he could hear Mark putting water into the kettle, most likely making tea. Steve closed himself into the bedroom and called Jack.

“Steve.”

“Jack
…
I just spoke to Adam. Christ, he’s enraged.”

A breath of exhaustion came from Jack,
and
then Jack said, “You have no idea. He’s ready to kick me out. And
…
for good reason, Steve. What the hell were we thinking?”

“Mark doesn’t know
that we screwed Alex
?
He just
thinks we went to Rome to see him? Is that how you understand it?
Jack, if Mark
knows what we did I
…”

“Oh God! Do not
tell him! Do you understand me?
I don’t think he knows what we did. I mean, actually did.
”

“Jack
,
I’m going to hell for this.”

“We both are.”

Steve looked around the room in confusion. “What do I do?”

“Shut the fuck up about it. Just forget it happened.”

“Can we do that? Won’t Mark wonder why Adam is going crazy?”

Silence
lap
sed then Jack asked, “How is Mark?”

“He showered. Now he’s making tea.”

“Fuck. Steve
…
what did we do?”

“Adam and Mark both told me Billy pushed Mark into the sex. That Mark tried to resist.”

“Fucking Sharpe. I believe it.”

“Then
…
then who did we take our revenge on, Jack?” Steve peeked out of the bedroom to make sure Mark could not hear.

“Adam. That’s who. He’s on the verge of booting me out.”

Steve sat on the foot of the bed and rubbed his eyes. “Oh, God
…
I can’t believe we were that stupid. And for what?”

“I know. I know, babe.
We fucked up. We fucked up so badly, I’m ready to hear goodbye from both Adam and Mark.”

“Tell me what to do! I can’t think!” Steve stifled a wail
of agony
.

“Don’t even think of breathing a word of this to Mark. Do you understand me?”

“And Adam? What about Adam?”

“He needs space. Time. And I am going to beg for his forgiveness.”

“He hates me
,
too.”

“With good reason. We’re a couple of stupid
,
selfish assholes.”

“Steven?”

“I have to go. Mark’s calling me.” Steve cupped the phone.

“Do not tell him!”

“Okay.” Steve hung up, replaced the phone and put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. He headed down the stairs.

“Do you want tea?” Mark asked
, a strange expression on his face, suspicion.

Steve wondered if he had overheard some of the conversation he had with Jack.
“I should be making you food. Sit.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sit
.
” Steve point
ed
to the kitchen table.

“Flamin’ hell, Steven
.
No need to overreact.” Mark sat down, blowing on his cup of tea.

Steve sat beside him. “Okay. I’ll tell you what happened.”

Mark met his gaze.

Steve cleared his throat. “While you were in the hospital
…
I thought you were going to die, or were already brain dead.”

Mark touched Steve’s arm.

Steve glanced down at
the contact
and
then sighed. “So
…
so, I got my gun out of the closet…”

“No. Oh, love…”

Choking up, Steve said, “Without you? What am I? I’m nothing
.
” He sobbed and covered his face.

“Steven.” Mark tried to draw Steve close.

“Billy and Jeff came here. Billy was the one
wh
o took the gun away and tossed it into the closet. And he told me you had moved, pulled the tube out of your throat.”

“Oh, Steven
.
” Mark reached for him and crawled on his lap, holding him, his arms around Steve’s neck. “My one love.”

Steve hid his face in Mark’s hair. “I don’t deserve your love. I don’t.”

“Shh. Baby. Oh, my copper. Not only do you have a heart of gold to forgive me, you are the love of my life.”

Steve crushed Mark in his arms. “You know…” Steve struggled to speak through his guilt and the lies. “No matter what you do, I will always be here
and f
orgive you. No matter
what.
”

“And you think you don’t deserve me?” Mark leaned back to see Steve’s eyes. “I thought once you found out about Billy, you’d be so cross with me you’d leave me. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t. Not life without you. Not with you hating me.
Alex hating me.
”

“Never.” Steve’s eyes kept overflowing. “My Mark Antonious…”

“Okay, copper. Okay. The worst is behind us. Yes?”

Steve knew, no. The worst was yet to come.

If Adam said goodbye to Jack, Mark would surely have to know why. And then?

Then what?

Steve squeezed Mark tighter, feeling Mark’s heart beat, his breathing. “I lose you, I die.”

“I don’t know if that’s romantic or mad.” Mark tried to make a joke.

But nothing was funny to Steve at the moment.

“We’re taking time off. You and me
,
” Steve said, gaining control.

“Should we go to Rome? See Alex filming?”
Mark’s gaze made Steve shiver. Did Mark overhear what he said to Jack?

“No.” Steve felt sick, like throwing up. “I want to take you away from everyone. Just you and me, sand, sea, warmth…”

“That sounds lovely.”
Mark still appeared as if something was wrong.

Steve gazed into Mark’s green eyes. “I love you.”

“And I love you
,
too, copper. So much.”

They kissed
as
Steve battled with his conscience. Who was he kidding? Telling Mark would serve one purpose. Pain.

~

Alex carried his small overnight bag with him to his hotel room. The flight from LAX to London was long and boring. Leslie and Harry both slept the entire way and he watched movies on a laptop. The Learjet was equipped with Wifi so Alex was able to email Billy, who was home, instant messaging him back.

Leaving Billy, not to mention the ‘situation’ with Jack and Steve hidden from his dad, left Alex more than uneasy.

The stopover at Heathrow was quick. This was no commercial airline. His grandmother gave him a stiff hug, Harry shook his hand, and off Alex went to Rome.

Here he was, alone again, at the Regis, exhausted and more than a little preoccupied.

Alex entered his suite and a ton of paperwork had been left for him. He was to begin filming again at eight the next morning, and Alex had to get over the mess of his dad’s suicide attempt, his husband cheating on him
with his own father,
and the sex with Jack and Steve
, all
within one night.

He tossed his bag on the floor and sifted through the paperwork.

Before he even finished reading the work he had to do for tomorrow, there was a light tap
on
his door.

Alex, papers in hand, walked to open it.

Randy Dawson was there.

“Hi.” Alex
never was told the extent of what his father had to do to keep Randy from kicking Alex off the production. But did it matter now? After what Alex had done?

“How’s your dad?”

Alex opened the door wider and gestured for Randy to come in.

Randy did, but stood by the door.

“He’s okay. Back home. Thanks for asking.”

“How are you? Are you ready to dive into this?”

“I have to.”

“You were only gone a short time. We filmed the scenes you weren’t in. Don’t worry. You didn’t miss a step. Just try to get back into character.”

“The accent will be the toughest thing.” Alex brought the paperwork to
the
desk and ran his hand through his hair.

“Have you eaten?”

“I snacked on my grandmother’s plane.”

“Come on. Let me buy you dinner.” Randy gestured to him.

“Really?”

“The restaurant in the hotel is superb.”

“Thanks.” Alex made sure he had his room key and phone.

He followed Randy out and closed the hotel door behind him. “I had no idea making a feature film was so tough.”

“Tougher when your family needs you home.” Randy poked the elevator button.

“Dad is okay.” Alex nodded, having to convince himself.

“I adore your father. I was sickened to hear he tried to take his own life.”

Alex looked up at Randy just as the elevator doors opened. They stepped on and Randy pushed the lobby button.

“How do you know?” Alex asked.

“The tabloids. They knew he overdosed but there was no reason why.”

Alex nodded, having no intention of airing dirty laundry.

They rode quietly to the ground floor and Randy gestured for Alex to go first. He did,
knowing
where the restaurant was. Randy told the host, “Two for dinner.”

“Yes, Mr Dawson. Right this way.”

Randy let Alex walk first. They were seated
at
a table beside the window, overlooking the beautiful city and pedestrian traffic.

“Shall I get you anything to drink?” the host asked.

“Wine for me. Alex?”

“Just water.” Alex was handed a menu.

“The waiter will be by soon.” The host bowed and left.

Alex didn’t know how hungry he was. But he did want to eat something.

Randy set the menu down and when Alex looked up, he found the handsome man staring at him.

“Any recommendations?” Alex asked.

“Everything is good.”

Nodding, Alex decided on a dish and placed the menu down.

“So
…
this suicide attempt…”

“Randy…” Alex shook his head.

“I just want to make sure it had nothing to do with your father wanting you to get this role.”

Alex tilted his head curiously. There were some suspicious comments made about just what his dad had to do for Randy
to smooth out the mess Billy and Steve had made
, but no one had gone into detail. “Why
would you think what he did had
anything to do with you at all?”

As if Randy had heard what he needed to hear, he said, “The desserts are fabulous too. So leave room.”

Alex looked out of the window,
sens
ing there were so many secrets being kept hidden, he knew focusing on the film was going to be a challenge. His phone hummed with a text. Alex said to Randy, “I hope you don’t think I’m being rude, but with Dad just out of the hospital…”

Randy gestured for him to not worry.

Alex looked at his phone. Billy had asked if he ha
d arrived safely
.

Alex texted, ‘
Yes. You okay?
’

‘
Missing u
’

Alex
text
ed
a heart to Billy and
put his phone away.

“Everything all right with Mark?”

“Yes.” Alex leaned on his elbows to speak quietly. “You really care about my father?”

“I care about a lot of things.” Ran
dy put his napkin on his lap as
his wine was served.

The waiter asked
, “Are you
ready to order
?”

Again
,
Randy gestured for Alex to go first. He did, a
nd waited until the waiter left.
Once he had,
Alex leaned closer
to Randy and
on a hunch, he said, “I know w
hat happened between you and my father
.”

Randy appeared surprised. “He told you?”

That immediately confirmed to Alex the extent of the ‘deal’.

“Yes.” Alex tried not to hate Randy. But it was a tough pill to swallow.

Randy appeared uncomfortable, shifting on his chair and adjusting his cuffs. “I’m sorry, Alex. But you can see why I was so concerned about why your father tried to harm himself.”

“Why do you pretend to be straight?” Alex was ready to kill.

Randy glanced around the area. “I don’t need to explain it. You know why.”

Alex put his napkin on the table. “I have lost my appetite. Please excuse me.” He stood and left the restaurant, not looking back.

As he rode the elevator to his room, Alex thought about the sacrifice his father had made for him. And what Alex had done to repay his dad? Sleeping with
Steve
and Jack?

Alex entered his hotel room, took his laptop to the bed with him and booted it up. He immediately tried to get Billy on Skype.

Billy answered.

“Hey! I thought you were having dinner.”

“Billy?”

“Yes, babe?”

“
Did y
ou kn
o
w Dad had to sleep with Randy to fix what you and Steve did?”

Billy’s expression darkened.

Alex
realized
he did know. “Jesus! I am the son from hell!”

“Alex! Stop i
t. Let it go. Let everything go.
”

“I am so glad
Randy and my
love scenes are behind us.” Alex showed his teeth. “Because I can’t stomach the thought of touching that ass.”

“Alex.”

“What?”

“Do you want me to come
there
?”

“You can’t!” Alex cried and bit his lip.

“I fucking can. And I will. I’ll put in a request.”

“But…”

“Alex.”

Alex nodded.

“I don’t care what they say or do to me. My place is by your side.”

“Oh, Billy!” Alex choked up and touched the screen.

“How long will you be filming
?”

“I don’t know? Another three weeks?”

“You got it.”

“Really? Billy, really?”

“Fuck yeah. I’m going to be with my man. Let them stop me.”

Alex covered his face and started crying. “Thank you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Are you kidding? After what I did?” Billy laughed at the joke. “I’m lucky you’re even talking to me.”

Alex wondered how lucky Billy would feel if he knew
just how kinky the sex was when he screwed
Jack and Steve
at the same time
. “I can’t wait.”

“I love you, Alexander.”

“And I love you
,
too, Captain Sharpe.” Alex threw kisses at Billy and he caught them.