Sean's Reckoning (4 page)

“I’m sorry,” she said at once, shaken by the raw pain in his voice. “What happened? Did she die?”

“No,” he said tightly. “She and my dad walked out on me and my brothers. My brother Ryan was eight. I was six. And Mikey was four. As far as I know, they took the twins, who were only two, with them. We never saw them again.”

“Oh, God, how awful,” she whispered, trying to imagine a six-year-old having his entire family torn
apart. What could possibly have driven his parents to do such an awful thing? Hadn’t they understood the permanent emotional scars likely to be inflicted on the boys they’d left behind?

Even when she’d been at the lowest point in her life, when Kevin had been screaming all through the night with colic, and she hadn’t known where their next meal was coming from, Deanna had never once considered walking away from him. He was the reason she’d had for going on. She wouldn’t have allowed anything to split them up.

She started to reach out to touch the clenched muscle in Sean’s arm, but after one look at his shuttered gaze, she drew back before she could make contact. “I really am sorry.”

“I don’t need your pity. I only told you that so you’d realize that I know what I’m talking about. Don’t shortchange your kid on what really matters.” He shoved the envelope back at her. “Keep the money until you really do have it to spare.”

Years of stubborn pride told her to refuse to take it, but the look of despair in Sean’s eyes made her relent. She put the envelope back in her purse. At the same time, it took every bit of restraint Deanna possessed not to reach out and hug the man standing beside her. He looked as lost and vulnerable as if his mother had walked out days, rather than years, ago.

“Just so you understand that Kevin’s situation is not the same as yours. I’m not abandoning him,” she said softly. “I would never in a million years walk out on my son.”

“If he hardly ever sees you, it’s the same thing,” Sean insisted, clearly still drawing comparisons with his own background.

“I love my son.”

“I’m sure you do. I even believe my mother loved me. That doesn’t change the fact that she was gone.” He regarded her with sudden urgency. “Please think about what I’m saying. I was only a year older than Kevin when my folks walked out. It’s not something a kid ever gets over.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” she promised. “And I’m not just saying that. I really will.”

Sean’s intense gaze held hers. Finally he gave a nod of satisfaction. “That’s good, then.” But, as if he feared he’d given away too much, his expression suddenly went blank. “We should probably try to catch up with Hank. I imagine he’s wondering what happened to us.”

Deanna laughed at that. “I doubt he or Ruby even realize we’re missing.”

Sean’s lips twitched, and then a slow grin spread across his face. In that instant the last of the tension between them was finally broken. “All the more reason to catch up with them,” he said. “They’re liable to forget that they have an impressionable kid tagging along.”

“Does Kevin strike you as a boy who allows himself to be ignored for long?” she asked. “He’s probably boring Hank to tears with a million and one questions about being a fireman. Ever since the day of the fire, it’s all he’s talked about. If he could sign up now, he would.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth than the siren on one of the engines split the air with its loud wail.

“A call?” Deanna asked worriedly, glancing around for signs of men rushing to pile onto the trucks.

“Nope. I think Hank just showed Kevin how to turn on the siren,” he said, leading the way to the truck in the next bay.

Instead of Kevin in the driver’s seat, though, it was Ruby. Kevin was sitting next to her, giggling.

“Told you that would get them over here,” he said, pointing to his mother and Sean as they approached. “Can I do it now?”

Hank turned and winked at them, then returned his gaze to Ruby. “If Ruby’s willing to give you a turn, go for it, kid.”

Ruby didn’t budge. “I don’t know. I kind of like it up here. I understand why you guys get off on this kind of thing.”

“It’s not driving the truck that does it,” Hank explained patiently.

Ruby regarded him doubtfully. “So you don’t get some macho kick out of making all that noise and tearing through the streets?”

“I never said that. But we make noise and tear through the streets to get to the fire faster,” Hank said. “It’s not some macho game. We’re trying to save lives and property.”

Ruby nodded solemnly. “Then it’s the danger? You like putting your life on the line?”

“It’s not as if we deliberately risk our lives for the fun of it,” he retorted, his genial expression suddenly fading.

“No, for the thrill of it,” Ruby corrected.

Hank regarded her with obvious exasperation. “It’s about doing a job. If we do it right, there’s only a tiny, carefully calculated risk involved.”

Ruby grinned. “Then all those medals for bravery I heard about inside, you didn’t really deserve those?”

“Oh, brother,” Sean muttered. He turned to Deanna. “Want to grab Kevin and go out for a soda or something? My shift’s over, and I have a hunch those two will be arguing about this for a while. Ruby’s pushing all of Hank’s buttons. His wife left him because she thought he was a danger junkie.”

“Ouch,” Deanna said. “Maybe I ought to warn her.”

Sean shook his head. “Don’t. His ex was right, and so is Ruby. He needs reminding occasionally.” He met her gaze. “So, how about that soda?”

Deanna knew the smart thing would be to refuse, but she couldn’t seem to make herself say the words. She simply nodded, then added, “But you’re not going to get Kevin away from here till he gets to turn on that siren.”

“Good point.” Sean climbed up on the opposite side of the truck, whispered something to Kevin, then helped him to reach the button to turn on the siren. Ruby looked vaguely startled, but she never tore her gaze away from Hank. He looked equally captivated, despite his apparent frustration at the turn their conversation had taken.

“We’re leaving now,” Deanna announced.

“Whatever,” Ruby said.

“I’ll get Ruby home,” Hank said absently.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting home on my own,” Ruby shot back. “I walked over here, didn’t I?”

Hank shot a bewildered glance toward Sean. “Was that offer an insult? I thought I was being a gentleman.”

“Don’t ask me,” Sean said. “Everyone knows I don’t understand women. You’re the expert.”

“Hah!” Ruby muttered.

“I heard that,” Hank said.

“I meant for you to hear it.”

Sean chuckled. “Okay, children, play nice. The grown-ups are leaving now.”

He scooped Kevin up and settled him on his shoulders, then beckoned to Deanna. “Let’s get out of here before we get caught in the crossfire.”

“I don’t get it,” Kevin said. “Ruby really, really likes guys. How come she’s been fighting with Hank the whole time we’ve been here? She hardly even knows him.”

“Sometimes people just don’t hit it off,” Deanna said.

“Then how come she’s staying here instead of coming with us?” Kevin asked, his expression puzzled.

“He’s got you there,” Sean said, amusement sparkling in his eyes.

Deanna frowned at his obvious reference to the sizzling sexual chemistry between their friends. “I don’t think there’s an explanation that’s suitable for a five-year-old, do you?”

“How come?” Kevin asked.

“You’ll understand when you’re older,” Sean told him, winking at Deanna.

“But I need to know now,” Kevin persisted. “My teacher says you gotta ask questions if you’re gonna learn stuff.”

“Hard to argue with a teacher,” Sean agreed. “Deanna? Care to give it a shot?”

She frowned at him. “Ruby is staying because she wants to,” she told Kevin, hoping it was the kind of simple explanation that even a five-year-old could grasp and accept.

“But why?” Kevin glanced back toward Ruby. “Look. They’re still arguing. What fun is that?”

“Some people think a lively argument is stimulating,” Sean said. It was apparent that he was barely holding back a laugh.

Deanna regarded him with exasperation. He was clearly enjoying her discomfort with the entire topic. “Care to find out if we’re among them?” she asked testily.

He did laugh at that. “Nope. I’m a nonconfrontational kind of guy.”

Kevin peered quizzically at both of them. “I still don’t get it,” he said, sounding disgusted. His expression brightened when they reached a drugstore with an old-fashioned soda fountain inside. “Can I have a chocolate milkshake?”

Deanna would have let him have anything he wanted if it would take his mind off the byplay between Hank and Ruby that had evidently been building to some sort of sexual crescendo all evening long.

“A milkshake’s fine,” she said.

“What about you?” Sean asked, regarding her with continued amusement. “Something nice and tame, like a vanilla cone?”

It was obvious he was deliberately taunting her. Instantly an image of provocatively licking that ice cream just to torment him flashed through her mind. “Yes, as a matter of fact. An ice-cream cone would be lovely.”

The three of them slid onto stools at the counter, with Kevin strategically set up as a buffer in the middle. Sean ordered two milkshakes and the vanilla cone.

When the order came, Deanna deliberately swiveled her stool around until she was facing Sean. He was
just responding to something Kevin had asked when he caught sight of her slowly swiping her tongue over the scoop of ice cream. He literally froze, his gaze locked on her. Satisfaction and a hint of something far more dangerous swept through her.

How long had it been since she’d felt that kind of power over a man? How long since her blood had heated to a delicious sizzle under an intense gaze? Too long apparently, because panic promptly set in.

What was she doing? Was she crazy? She didn’t play this kind of game. Games were Ruby’s territory. Deanna didn’t even understand the rules half the time.

“Mom!”

Kevin’s urgent tone shook her out of her daze. “What?”

“Your ice cream’s melting,” he said.

Little wonder, she thought since her temperature had obviously shot into the stratosphere in the past two minutes. Instead of licking at the dripping cone as she might have done scant minutes ago, she swiped at the drips with a napkin, trying not to notice Sean’s knowing expression.

“Hot night,” he observed mildly.

“Yes,” she agreed, her voice oddly—annoyingly—choked.

Kevin looked from one of them to the other, then shook his head. “You guys are as weird as Ruby and Hank.”

Deanna was very much afraid her son had gotten it exactly right.

S
ean wondered what the hell had ever made him think that Deanna was innocent as a lamb? The woman was a temptress, possibly even more dangerous than the incomparable Ruby, because Deanna’s seductiveness came from out of the blue.

Ever since she’d played that little game of hers with the ice-cream cone, the image had been locked in his brain. Granted, she’d looked a little rattled by the episode and had backed off almost instantly, but she’d definitely known what she was doing when she’d gazed straight into his eyes and run her tongue slowly over that melting ice cream. Even now, just thinking about it made him go hard as a rock.

He’d been working out at the gym practically nonstop on his days off, but it hadn’t relieved the sexual tension one iota. There was probably only one surefire way to deal with it, but the thought of going out with
some other woman—using her—to forget about Deanna was too crummy a notion to even consider. Sean tried never to behave like a complete jerk where the women in his life were concerned, no matter how willing they claimed to be to take whatever he was interested in offering.

He’d been deliberately avoiding Hank the past couple of days, as well. He didn’t want to hear about any conquest that involved Ruby. Part of that was some ridiculous sense of loyalty to Deanna and her friend, part of it was self-serving. Hearing about Hank’s sexual exploits would only remind him of the self-imposed drought in his own life. Moreover, he wasn’t ready for the kind of probing questions Hank was likely to ask about him and Deanna. Not that there was anything to tell.

Sean finished his workout, showered and changed into comfortable jeans and a gray department-issued T-shirt. He was already thinking about the pizza he was going to order while he watched the Red Sox game when he ran smack into Hank coming in the door of the gym. His partner was unshaven and looked as if he hadn’t slept a wink in days. The stubble on his shaved head was longer than he usually allowed it to get, too.

“Hey,” Sean said, dragging him back outside and studying him with concern. “What’s up with you? You look like hell.”

“No sleep,” Hank muttered, avoiding his gaze.

Sean was relatively certain he knew why. Ruby, no doubt. Dammit, just for once, why couldn’t Hank have behaved in a less predictable way, maybe shown Ruby a little respect, instead of jumping her bones the first chance he got?

“Yeah, well, that’s never been a problem before,” he said, careful to avoid any mention of his suspicions.

“I’ve never been in a situation like this before,” Hank said, his expression grim, rather than gloating. “Look, I need to get in there and work out for a couple of hours. Maybe if I’m exhausted enough, I’ll get some sleep.”

“No date tonight?”

“No,” Hank said in a tone that didn’t invite further questions.

“Want to come over and watch the game when you’re done?” Sean asked. “I’m going to order a pizza. I’ll even let you get anchovies on your half.”

Hank shrugged without enthusiasm. “Sure. Why not? I’ll cut it short here and be there by seven-thirty.” His gaze narrowed. “No prying questions, though. Are we clear on that?”

Sean bit back his disappointment, but he nodded. Since he was no more interested in talk than Hank appeared to be, he could hardly complain about the embargo. “See you then,” he said, staring after his friend as Hank trudged into the gym with all the energy and enthusiasm of a man walking toward the gallows.

Something wasn’t quite right here, but Sean couldn’t put his finger on it. However, given Hank’s edict about keeping all his questions to himself and his own determination not to discuss Ruby with Hank, he was at a loss.

He thought about all the possible explanations for Hank’s mood on the drive back to his apartment. No matter which way he looked at it, it all came back to Ruby.

Of course, there was one subtle way to get some
answers, he concluded, picking up the phone before he could change his mind. And didn’t he owe it to his friend to try to pinpoint the problem? Indeed, he did, he thought nobly. He had a duty to make the call.

At the sound of Deanna’s voice, his mouth went dry. What the hell was wrong with him? No woman had ever rendered him tongue-tied before.

“Um, Deanna, this is Sean.”

“Hi. How are you?” she said, not even sounding particularly surprised to hear from him, much less shaken by the sound of his voice.

“Fine. Just fine. You?” he asked irritably.

“Fine.”

“And Kevin?”

“He’s fine.”

Sean nearly groaned. Could this be any more awkward? He couldn’t imagine how. “Look, I wanted to ask you about something. It’s probably none of my business, but I have to admit I’m a little worried.”

“About?”

“Hank,” he blurted before he could think better of it. “Oh?” she said, a wary note in her voice. “What about him?”

“Has he been seeing Ruby, I mean since the other night at the station?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Good question, Sherlock. “Because I’m asking you,” he said, unable to keep a testy note out of his tone.

“I’m not really comfortable discussing Ruby’s social life with you,” she said.

Sean could hardly blame her. He’d known when he picked up the phone that he was crossing some sort
of line and that he was asking her to do the same. “It’s just that I’m really worried. I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Like what?”

“I can’t explain it. I ran into him at the gym about a half hour ago. He’s not himself. He looks as if he’s been on a two-day bender, if you want to know the truth, but Hank doesn’t drink more than an occasional beer, so I know it wasn’t that.”

“You really are worried, aren’t you?” she asked, sounding surprised.

“Yeah, I really am. It occurred to me that it might have something to do with Ruby, and that if it did, you would know about it.”

“The truth is, I don’t know what’s going on between them,” Deanna admitted, her own frustration plain. “Ruby hasn’t said much since the other night. She’s been going out as soon as I get home, then getting in late, but she hasn’t said who she’s with. I don’t like to pry. Usually I don’t have to. She pretty much tells me whatever’s going on.”

“Sounds like Hank.”

“Sean, they’re both adults,” she said reasonably. “I’m sure they can handle whatever’s happening between them without any interference from us.”

He hesitated. “You don’t think maybe we should get together, see if we can figure out what’s going on? They’re our friends. We pretty much threw them together.”

She laughed at that. “Please. Those two flew together like magnets. They’re not our responsibility, though I must say I’m impressed by your concern.”

Her words echoed, annoying him.
Impressed by your concern?
Now wasn’t that just about the most
boring compliment any woman had ever paid him? Sean was absurdly offended, despite the sincerity in her voice.

He sighed. What reaction had he been expecting? Had he hoped that this ridiculous excuse he’d dreamed up just to hear the sound of her voice was going to set off all sorts of bells and whistles that would have her swooning over him?

Maybe he ought to switch gears, focus on her for a change. “Okay, let’s forget about Hank and Ruby for the moment. What about you? You’re not working too hard, are you?”

“I imagine that depends on who you ask,” she said wryly.

Sean could hear the smile in her voice. “What if I asked Ruby?”

“I thought we just agreed to leave Ruby out of this conversation.”

He laughed. “Ah, then she would say you’re still working too hard, wouldn’t she?”

“More than likely,” Deanna admitted.

“You’re home early tonight.”

“Joey insisted on it. I suspect Ruby got to him again. I honestly don’t know how she does it, but if I ever find out, I’ll put a stop to it.” She sounded annoyed.

“Good for Ruby,” Sean enthused. “Tell me about this restaurant. Is it any good?”

“The food’s filling, and there’s plenty of it. Actually the meat loaf isn’t bad. And everyone seems to love the spaghetti special.”

Sean pounced on the mention of his favorite food. “What night is that? I love spaghetti. My mom’s was
the best,” he said, a wistful note creeping into his voice.

There were only a handful of things that could drag him right back to his childhood. Spaghetti was one of them. Ironically, when he’d first gone to his brother’s pub, he’d noticed that spaghetti wasn’t on the menu there. Of course, it was an Irish pub, but still, spaghetti had virtually become a universal menu item. Ryan had claimed it wasn’t on the menu because he hated it. He’d also sworn that he didn’t remember their mom making it. Either Ryan was lying or he’d suppressed the memory. Since Sean had done his share of that, he’d kept silent.

“You still remember your mom’s spaghetti?” Deanna asked, her voice suddenly soft.

“Yeah. Silly, isn’t it, when I’ve forgotten just about everything else about those early years. But when it comes to spaghetti, I’ve never had any that was better.”

“Then, by all means, come by and try Joey’s sometime. It’s the Thursday-night special.”

He thought about his schedule. “I’m on duty Thursday,” he told her. “But maybe I can talk the guys into coming by.”

“You can leave the station?”

“As long as all of us go and take our gear with us,” he said. “We have to be ready to roll if there’s a call.”

“Well, you’ll probably run into Ruby and Kevin, if you come. It’s their favorite night, too.”

“I imagine if I tell that to Hank, no one will be able to keep us away.”

“Unless they’ve had a fight,” Deanna said, sounding thoughtful. “They could have.”

“Then this will be one way to find out,” Sean said.
“He’s coming over in a few minutes. I’ll mention Thursday to him.”

“Okay, then. Maybe I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Good night, Deanna.”

“Bye.”

Sean hung up the phone, then sat staring at it as if it somehow still connected them. It was an odd sensation, one he wasn’t especially happy about. It had been a very long time, decades in fact, since he’d allowed himself to feel connected to anyone. Since he and his brother had hooked up, he had felt a renewed bond with Ryan, though it was still a bit on the uneasy side. And he and Hank were pretty tight, but that was it. Even the connection to his foster parents was tenuous. He still saw the Forresters from time to time, but he told himself that was because he owed them, not because he harbored any sentimental feelings toward them. The fact that there seemed to be some sort of invisible pull between him and a woman he barely knew was disconcerting.

He tried to dismiss it but knew he was only lying to himself. Why else had he called Deanna in the first place? It wasn’t like him to poke around in his friend’s life behind his back. It had been an excuse, pure and simple, designed to let him off the hook emotionally. He could tell himself the call had nothing to do with a ridiculously fierce longing to hear the sound of Deanna’s voice.

Lies, all lies. Filled with self-disgust at the pitiful ruse, he forced himself to face facts. He was drawn to Deanna Blackwell. He shouldn’t be. It was completely unwise and out of character, but there it was. He liked her. He liked her son. He was worried about the two of them.

Deanna needed a friend, he concluded. Okay, she had Ruby. But who couldn’t use more than one friend? He could be that friend. And he could hang out with the kid from time to time, sort of like a big brother. It didn’t have to go beyond that. He wouldn’t let it go beyond that.

Satisfied with his decision, he called and ordered the pizza. But as he waited for Hank and their food to arrive, he thought of the spontaneous combustion Deanna had set off the other night simply by licking an ice cream cone, her gaze locked with his.

Friendship?
That’s
all he was interested in? Yeah, right. The lies just kept piling up.

“I’ll drop Kevin off at Joey’s around six-thirty, and then take off,” Ruby said casually as she and Deanna ate breakfast on Thursday morning.

Instantly suspicious, Deanna stared at her. “You’re not having dinner? I thought you looked forward to Joey’s spaghetti all week long.”

Ruby shrugged. “I’m not in the mood for spaghetti.”

“And at 7:00 a.m. you know that’s how you’re going to feel in twelve hours?”

“Yep. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to change my mind. I’ve been thinking about cutting back on pasta for a while now. Too many carbs.”

Deanne peered at her intently. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I mentioned Hank and Sean might come by, would it?”

“Why would that matter to me?” Ruby asked, studying her cereal as if she’d never seen a bran flake before.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Deanna said.

“Leave it alone,” Ruby said, pushing away from the table and dumping her cereal down the garbage disposal. “I’ve got to get to work.”

Since Ruby’s job was only part-time assistant in the same neighborhood law firm where Deanna worked days as a receptionist, something was off here. Deanna could have let it alone, but it wasn’t in her nature. She might not pry into Ruby’s social life, but she did pay attention when her friend was behaving weirdly.

“We never leave the house before seven-thirty,” she pointed out. “We’re not due at the office till eight. It takes us five minutes to walk to work. What’s the sudden rush? Are you trying to avoid talking to me?”

Ruby evaded Deanna’s direct gaze. “I’m filling in for Cassandra this week, remember?”

“So?”

“I’ve got a lot of typing piled up. I’m not as fast as she is, and I still need to get out so I can be home when Kevin gets here after school.”

Deanna’s gaze narrowed at the mention of her son. “Is baby-sitting Kevin getting to be a problem?”

“Of course not!” Ruby said, staring at her indignantly. “Don’t you dare think that. You know I love that kid as if he were my own. Heck, I’ve been around since the day he was born.”

“Well, something’s going on here,” Deanna said, studying Ruby thoughtfully. She decided to go for broke and throw her suspicions on the table. “You haven’t been yourself for days now, not since the night you got together with Hank at the fire station.”