Sean's Reckoning (9 page)

She felt Sean’s warm, steady gaze on her and finally lifted her eyes to meet his.

“Where’d you go just then?” he asked.

“Back in time,” she said wearily.

“Obviously not a happy time.”

“No,” she said succinctly.

“Will you tell me sometime?”

“Probably not,” she said.

“Because you can’t talk about it?”

“That’s one reason.” There were others, though. She didn’t want his pity, and she certainly didn’t want him realizing what an idiot she was for being taken in so easily.

“Did you love him that much?” Sean asked quietly.

She had. That was the worst joke of all. She had really loved Frankie, at least the man she’d thought he was. She’d had some sort of Romeo and Juliet fantasy about the two of them defying all the obstacles in their path to live happily ever after.

“Truthfully?” she said wearily. “I didn’t even know him.”

Sean couldn’t forget what little Deanna had revealed about her relationship with her ex-husband. Nor could he keep himself from speculating about all that she’d left unsaid. It was just one more mystery to be unraveled, one more facet to add to this fascination he couldn’t seem to shake.

And despite all his promises to stop hovering over her, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from worrying about the almost driven way she continued to live her
life. It went beyond survival instinct. It had something to do with the past. He was sure of it.

Despite her boss’s promise to help her win a settlement from her landlord, as far as Sean could see, Deanna was still working herself to death. He was damned proud of the fact that he managed to keep from butting in, hauling her home and barring the door until she got at least twenty-four straight hours of sleep. But every time he saw her, the circles under her eyes were darker, the weariness in her shoulders more evident.

Even though he’d resolved to keep silent, he couldn’t stop himself from doing what he could to keep an eye on her. Something told him she was nearing the end of her rope, and he intended to be nearby whenever possible in case she needed him. What had begun as a resolution to make sure Kevin was well looked after became an obsession to do the same for Deanna.

“You know, Sean, I like Joey’s food as well as the next guy, but do we have to eat there every night?” Hank inquired as they left the firehouse.

“Yes,” Sean said tersely. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair as he regarded the whole group of firefighters apologetically. “Look, I really appreciate the fact that you guys are willing to go there.”

“Not a problem,” the others chorused. “Especially if you keep paying.”

Sean winced at the reminder. He figured if Deanna found out about that, she’d be furious that he was wasting his money just to keep her under surveillance.

As the other men drifted away, Sean faced Hank. “The truth is, I’m worried about Deanna.”

“Why? What’s up?” Hank asked, his expression
instantly filled with genuine concern. “Her ex isn’t stalking her or something, is he?”

“No. But she’s tired and on edge. She can’t keep up this pace forever.”

“And this is your problem because?” Hank asked, though his eyes were dancing with undisguised amusement.

“Because I’ve made it my problem,” Sean returned. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. Tonight is spaghetti night. You’re bound to run into Ruby.”

Hank looked decidedly uncomfortable at the reminder. Sean studied him intently. “Is that a problem?”

“No,” Hank said tersely.

Even though his expression warned against further questions, that didn’t stop Sean from asking, “You sure about that?”

“Leave it alone, okay? My relationship with Ruby is none of your business.”

“That can cut both ways, you know. I can tell you to butt out of my relationship with Deanna, as well.”

Hank’s laugh held little mirth. “As if you two actually have one.”

Sean’s gaze narrowed. “Relationships aren’t just about sex, you know.”

“Is that so?” Hank retorted sarcastically. “Enlighten me, then. What are they about?”

“I’m not surprised you don’t know,” Sean said. “Since you’ve always been a wham-bam kind of guy.”

Hank threw up his hands. “Forget it. I ask a serious question and I get wisecracks. Who needs it?” He
walked out of the station and slammed the door behind him, leaving Sean staring after him.

Well, well, well, he thought. Hank was neck deep in water and floundering. He recognized the signs because he was pretty much in over his head himself.

Sighing heavily, he went after his partner to make amends. He found Hank sitting on the running board of the fire truck, looking despondent.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize she was really getting to you,” he told Hank.

Hank scowled up at him. “I never said—”

Sean cut him off. “Save it, okay? Just save it. If you can’t tell me the truth, who can you tell?”

For a minute he thought Hank might stand up and throw a punch, but he finally shrugged. “Okay, I’m falling for her,” he admitted. “There. I’ve said it. Are you satisfied?”

Sean grinned. “It’s a start.”

“I don’t hear you admitting that you’re crazy about Deanna,” Hank said sourly.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m not as in touch with my feelings as you are.”

“Like hell. Everyone around here knows you’re Mr. Sensitive.”

Sean laughed. “Tell that to Deanna.”

“Why waste my breath? I’ve seen the way the woman looks at you. She already knows it.”

“Actually, at the moment she thinks I’m an interfering, pushy man, and I’m not too sure which part of that she considers to be the worst crime.”

“Then by all means let’s get over to Joey’s so you can reinforce her opinion,” Hank said wryly.

“You think I should stay away, give her some space?”

“If that’s what she says she wants, yes,” Hank told him.

Sean considered Hank’s advice. It wasn’t as if he was doing anything more than satisfying his own overprotective instincts by sitting at Joey’s watching Dee work.

“Maybe we should eat here at the station tonight,” he said, just as a call came in for an ambulance. Though he wasn’t involved in the call, he instinctively listened to the dispatcher.

He and Hank recognized the address at the precise same moment. It was Joey’s.

Panic swept through Sean, even as he ran for his gear. He frowned at Hank. “You coming or not?”

“It’s not our call. Let the paramedics take it.”

“Are you crazy?” Sean demanded. “Get the rest of the guys. We’re going over there. It could be Deanna. Or Ruby, for that matter.”

“More than likely, it’s one of the seniors who eat there every night,” Hank said reasonably, then shrugged when Sean refused to back down. “I’ll get the guys.”

“I’m riding with the EMTs. I’ll meet you there,” Sean told him, shoving his way into the back of the departing ambulance. His scowl kept the paramedics from arguing with him.

The instant they reached the restaurant, he was bolting for the door, scanning the cluster of people gathered over someone stretched out on the floor for some sign of Deanna.

“Please, let her be in the kitchen,” he muttered as he raced across the room. But something in his gut told him he wasn’t going to find her in the kitchen. When Kevin wiggled through the crowd, his eyes
filled with tears, Sean knew even before the boy charged at him.

He scooped Kevin into his arms. “What happened?”

“Mommy fell down,” Kevin sobbed, clinging to his neck. “She won’t wake up.”

Sean held him tightly and rubbed his back as sobs shuddered through him. He would have given anything to put Kevin down and rush to Deanna himself, but he understood that the EMTs knew what they were doing. “It’s okay. The paramedics are going to take real good care of her,” he promised, saying the words aloud as much for his own benefit as for Kevin’s.

When the customers recognized him, they parted, making a path so that Sean could get closer. Ruby caught his eye.

“I think she just fainted,” she said, her voice tremulous, her cheeks pale. “We wouldn’t have called nine-one-one except she didn’t come to right away.”

“Can you take Kevin for a second, so I can check on her?” Sean asked, surprised to hear the husky sound of his voice.

“Of course.” She reached for Kevin. “Come here, buddy. Let Sean help your mom.”

Sean sucked in a breath when he saw how pale Deanna was. Add to that the bruise already blossoming on her forehead from slamming into the floor facefirst and she looked pretty awful. He managed to find a spot next to her that wouldn’t interfere with the EMTs and took her hand in his. Hers was icy cold.

“Hey, darlin’, wake up,” he murmured. “Let me see those pretty brown eyes of yours.”

Her eyelids fluttered and a sigh seemed to wash over her.

“Come on, Deanna, you can do it,” he coaxed. “Wake up.”

She stirred restlessly. “No.”

The word was barely a whisper, but it had him grinning. “Why not? You enjoying this Sleeping Beauty routine?”

“Not that,” she said, her eyes still clamped shut.

“What then?”

“Don’t want to listen to you saying you told me so.”

The EMTs regarded him with a grin.

“I think she’s back with us,” one said. “Or at least she will be if you don’t terrorize her into sinking back into oblivion.”

“Her vitals are strong,” another confirmed.

“You taking her to the hospital?” Sean asked.

Her eyes did snap open at that. “No,” she said very firmly. “No hospital. I just fainted, for goodness sakes.”

“A trip to the E.R. wouldn’t hurt,” Sean said, still holding her hand. “Get you checked out. Have someone take a look at that bump on your head.”

Her gaze clung to his. “No hospital, please. I’m fine. See?” She started to sit up, then clutched her head and sank back.

“Whoa, darlin’, how about staying real still till your head stops spinning?”

“Where’s Kevin?” she asked.

“He’s right here. Ruby has him.”

“I need to see him. He must be scared.”

Sean heard the anxiety in her voice and knew she was worried about more than Kevin’s state of mind. She was worried that Sean was going to view this incident as one more example of her not being a good
parent. Good parents didn’t fall on their faces in front of their kids.

“Kevin’s a little worried about you, but he’s doing just fine. No harm done,” Sean reassured her, hoping that she understood the underlying message. “Hey, Ruby, bring Kevin over here. Somebody’s asking for him.”

Once again Deanna struggled to sit up, this time making it with Sean’s arm to prop her up. When Kevin raced toward her, she enveloped him in a hug that Sean found himself envying.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“I am now,” she assured him.

Sean watched the two of them clinging to each other, and for the first time in years, he felt like an outsider again. What had ever made him think that he could fit into their tight little family circle? They had each other and that was all that seemed to matter to either of them.

The loneliness that crept through him now was even worse, somehow, than it had been years ago. He’d gotten used to it then, but lately he’d started to let himself dream. He was an idiot, no question about it.

Satisfied that Deanna was going to be fine, he stood up, took one last look at them, turned on his heel and walked away. Some people just weren’t meant to have their dreams come true. It looked as if he was one of them.

D
eanna was home, tucked beneath the sheets in Ruby’s bed with a tray of scrambled eggs, toast, raspberry jam and tea in front of her, by six-thirty. No one had listened to her protests that she was perfectly capable of finishing out her shift. She grinned ruefully. Maybe it had something to do with Joey’s liability insurance. He probably wasn’t covered for waitresses fainting into people’s dinners.

Ruby and Kevin sat beside the bed watching her intently, as if they weren’t so sure she wasn’t going to pass out again.

“Eat,” Ruby finally ordered, when Deanna had yet to pick up her fork.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah, right. That’s why you fainted, because you were so overstuffed from chowing down all day.”

“Very funny,” Deanna said, pushing the eggs
around on the plate. She lifted the fork to her mouth, then put it down again.

“Nice try, but you have to actually put the food in your mouth for it to do any good,” Ruby commented. She studied Deanna worriedly, then glanced at Kevin. “Kiddo, I knew we forgot something. How about going into the kitchen and getting your mom a glass of juice?”

Deanna started to protest, then caught the forbidding look in Ruby’s eyes and clamped her mouth shut.

As soon as Kevin was out of the room, Ruby frowned at her. “Okay, you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Really.”

“And I’m first lady of the United States,” Ruby retorted in a tone heavily laced with sarcasm.

“Okay, it’s Sean,” Deanna admitted reluctantly. “He just took off. One minute he was there watching me with that worried frown on his face. The next he was gone.” She noticed that Ruby didn’t even try to deny that there was anything odd about Sean’s behavior. Evidently she’d noticed it, too. “Did you see him go? Was he upset?”

“A woman he cares about keeled over while serving spaghetti, what do you think? Of course he was upset,” Ruby retorted impatiently. “When he walked into Joey’s and spotted you on the floor, I thought he was going to pass out right beside you.”

Deanna recalled the gentle, coaxing tone in his voice as he’d tried to draw her back to consciousness. She also recalled something else, the quick glimpse of a totally bleak expression on his face when she was holding Kevin. Then she’d been concentrating on re
assuring her son, and by the time she looked Sean’s way again, he’d gone.

She was still puzzling over that memory when the doorbell rang.

“Eat your dinner while I get the door,” Ruby said. “Unless it’s a tall, handsome man, I’m sending whoever it is away.” She regarded Deanna with a stern expression and added, “As for you, drink the juice when Kevin brings it.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Deanna said with a salute that mocked her drill sergeant manner.

After Ruby had gone, she toyed with the now totally unappetizing eggs, then sighed. She couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that something just wasn’t right about the way Sean had disappeared.

“That’s no way to get back on your feet,” a disapproving voice chided her.

Deanna’s gaze shot to the doorway, where Sean stood regarding her uneasily.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Isn’t that how you landed in bed in the first place?” He crossed the room, took a look at the plate of cold, congealed eggs and dry toast, and made a face. “Give it to me.”

She held tight to the tray. “Why?”

He rolled his eyes. “Do you have to argue about everything?”

“Pretty much. Otherwise, people tend to steamroll right over me.”

“This could be one instance when you should let them,” he said, gently disengaging her fingers and taking the tray. “I’ll be right back.”

She stared after him, more confused than ever. He didn’t seem angry or even upset, just a little sad.

It was twenty minutes before he returned, carrying the same tray with a plate of steaming French toast with a dusting of sugar and cinnamon. He set the tray across her knees, then stood scowling down at her.

“Now, there are two ways we can do this,” he said. “You can eat that like the intelligent woman we both know you are.”

Deanna had to fight to hide a smile. “Or?”

He grinned, looking surprisingly eager for her to test him. “Or I feed it to you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” she muttered, but she picked up the fork and began to eat. After a couple of bites she stared at him in surprise. “This is really good. You made it?”

“With my own two hands,” he acknowledged. “When you live on your own, you learn a thing or two about cooking or you live on frozen dinners. And at the station, we all have to take a turn at kitchen duty. Believe me, none of us are slackers. Hungry men take no prisoners.”

She grinned at the image. “What else can you cook?”

“Give me a cookbook, and I’ll try anything.”

“You’re going to make some lucky woman a wonderful husband.” She’d expected the teasing remark to draw a smile, but instead, that bleak expression darkened his eyes again before he turned away to stare out the window.

“Sean?”

“Yeah?” He turned back slowly.

“Thanks for coming to Joey’s tonight. I know it wasn’t your call.”

“No big deal.”

“It was a big deal to me,” she insisted. “I heard you.”

He turned to face her. “What?”

“When I was still pretty much out of it, I heard your voice. I think it pulled me back to reality.”

He shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “You said something like that at the time.” A smile tugged at his lips. “You said that was why you wouldn’t open your eyes, ’cause you didn’t want to have to face me when I said I told you so.”

She vaguely remembered saying that. “But you didn’t say it, did you?”

“Nope. I figured you’d gotten the message anyway.”

“Why did you take off without saying anything?”

“You were in good hands. You didn’t need me around anymore,”

Deanna heard the casually spoken words, but she was also almost certain that she heard something more, something that sounded an awful lot like pain.

“Sean?”

“Look, I’ve got to get out of here,” he said abruptly. “I shouldn’t have left the station, but I wanted to check on you.” He bent down and brushed a quick kiss across her forehead. “Finish every bite of that food. If you don’t, I’ll hear about it.”

“You’ve got Ruby tattling on me again?”

He grinned. “Ruby
and
Kevin. You’re not going to get anything past me.”

There was something oddly comforting about that, Deanna thought as she finished her meal and slowly drifted off to sleep. Not that she’d ever tell him that.

Something had changed between them, Sean concluded on his way back to the station. He couldn’t
quite put his finger on it, but he’d left Ruby’s with the sense that he and Deanna had a new understanding. He wasn’t sure yet whether that was a good thing. He wasn’t crazy about the distinct possibility that she was starting to see through his defenses.

Nor was he nuts about this need he had to check up on her, to reassure himself that she was all right. Hadn’t he learned anything from that moment at Joey’s when he’d been an outsider looking onto the tight-knit world of Deanna and Kevin? Apparently not, because just a couple of hours later, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from going back for more.

As it had turned out, he’d been right to go. Deanna evidently hadn’t learned a thing from that fainting episode. She hadn’t touched the food that Ruby had fixed for her. The woman needed a keeper.

Was he prepared to be that? An image of Kevin flashed through his head. If ever a boy needed a dad, it was Kevin. But he deserved one who was going to be around for the long haul. Sean wasn’t convinced that he was that guy. Maybe if it were just Deanna and him, he could take that leap of faith his brother had talked about when he’d married Maggie, but not with a kid involved, a kid who didn’t deserve to be let down if things didn’t work out.

Sean sighed heavily. Things were getting too damned complicated. He was almost relieved when a call came in not ten minutes after he got back to the station. He dragged on his gear and headed out, eager for the distraction, eager to be doing something he knew he was good at.

Of course, a fire could be just as unpredictable as a woman, no question about that. What should have
been a quick run turned into an all-nighter with two more companies involved. A fire that had started on a kitchen stove spread to nearby curtains before the old lady living there realized anything was amiss. She’d run screaming from the apartment rather than calling 911, which gave the fire a few extra minutes to blaze out of control in the old wooden structure.

“What the hell happened?” Hank muttered when they arrived to find flames shooting from several windows on the third floor. “I thought somebody’s dinner caught on fire.”

Sean latched on to one of the residents. “Is everybody out of the building?”

The man was clearly shaken. “I’m not sure. I just moved in last week. Second floor.”

“How many apartments are there altogether?” Sean asked.

“Six, two on each floor.”

“Okay, your apartment’s accounted for.”

“And Mrs. McGinty, it started in her place,” he said. “She’s right over there. And that’s her third-floor neighbor with her.”

“That leaves us with three more apartments we don’t know about,” Sean said, looking at Hank. “One on the second floor, two on the first.”

He saw their lieutenant trying to get similar information from the weeping old lady and her neighbor. “What do we have, Jack?” he hollered as he hauled hoses toward the front of the building where the flames were beginning to shoot through the roof.

“Everyone’s accounted for except an old man who lived on the second floor. He’s hard of hearing. Neighbors tried beating on the door on their way down, but they couldn’t wait. It was too hot.”

“I’m on it,” Sean said at once.

“You can’t go in there,” Jack protested. “The third floor’s engulfed. It could cave in any second. You’d be trapped.”

“I’m not leaving the man in there to die,” Sean said, not waiting for permission before scrambling over equipment to head inside.

The heat came at him in waves, accompanied by thick smoke that blurred his vision and made him choke.

“Dammit, Sean, are you crazy?” Hank said, on his heels.

“It’s one flight of steps. I can make it,” he insisted, dropping down to feel his way up the stairs. “You go back.”

“No way. I’m not living with guilt for the rest of my life if something happens to you while I’m standing around in the fresh air twiddling my thumbs. Now, stop arguing and move. Let’s get in and out while we still can.”

When Sean reached the second-floor landing, the smoke was so thick he couldn’t see his hand in front of his face. He heard the crackling of flames just over head and the sizzle of the water trying to douse them.

“Come on, guys. Five minutes. Ten, tops. That’s all I need,” he muttered to himself. Thank God there were only two apartments. The door to the one on the right was ajar. More than likely that was the one the man outside had fled. That meant the old man was probably trapped in the apartment on the left.

He crawled across the landing, reached up and twisted the doorknob. The metal was hot to the touch, but not unbearable. No flames inside the apartment,
not yet, anyway. Unfortunately, though, the door was locked.

Sean muttered a curse. “Hank, we’re going to have to knock it down.”

“Stand back. I’ll do it. You be ready to go inside. On the count of three. Ready?”

“Ready.” Sean stood up as Hank counted rapidly, then slammed his foot into the door just below the lock. It shattered on its hinges and he was inside, shouting, feeling his way through the thick smoke, coughing despite the gear meant to protect them from smoke inhalation.

He found the old man in the bedroom, next to the window. He’d passed out before he could get it open to call for help. Sean scooped him up and was about to turn around and head back the way he’d come, when wood splintered overhead and flaming beams crashed down around him, blocking his intended route of escape.

“Hank?” he shouted.

“I’m okay, but we’re not going out the easy way. Open the window. I’m right behind you.”

Despite the confidence of Hank’s words, Sean knew his partner better than anyone on earth. He heard the faint hitch in his voice that no one else would have been able to discern.

“Dammit, Hank, what’s wrong? Now’s no time to lie to me!”

“Just get out of here,” Hank shouted back.

He wasn’t nearly as close as Sean would have liked. He put the old man down long enough to get the window open. In seconds there was a ladder against the side of the building, and he was able to hand the vic
tim to one of the other firefighters. Still there was no sign of Hank.

Sean looked back through the flames, wincing at the sting of smoke that blurred his vision. Hank was on the far side of the burning beam, on the floor, not moving. Sean had to fight against the wave of panic that crawled up his spine. He was not leaving Hank in here to die, and that was that.

He met the gaze of the firefighter at the top of the ladder. “I’m going back for Hank.”

“Dammit, Devaney, there’s no time.”

“I want you out of there now,” the lieutenant shouted up at him.

“No way in hell am I leaving Hank in here.” He glanced at the firefighter at the top of the ladder. “Move it. Buy me some time. Two minutes. That’s all I need.”

The man seemed about to argue, but then he was moving, shouting at the firefighters down below. Water began to splatter down through the destroyed roof. Flames sizzled and sputtered, but didn’t die. The smoke grew even thicker and more acrid, the way a doused campfire did just before it died out.

Sean dodged another falling beam engulfed with flames to reach Hank’s side. He didn’t waste time on questions about his friend’s injuries. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if Hank was conscious. Sean just picked Hank up as if he weighed nothing and pushed his way back toward the window, oblivious to the heat, just totally focused on getting his partner to safety.

He handed Hank’s limp body through the window to another waiting firefighter, then crawled out behind them. On the top rung, he ripped off his gear and
sucked in a lungful of fresh air, coughed, then gasped for more.