Sebastian: The Complete Series (21 page)

W
hen my eyes drifted open and the confusion over what happened filled me, I sat bolt upright in bed, my head swinging again. Questions ran around my tired brain. Was it a dream? Did I really wake up at all?

“Hey… hey. Lay down.”

Nope not a dream. I daren’t turn around. Just hearing Robert’s voice made me freeze up faster than a cat getting caught with their nose in the Sunday roast. I let him stroke my back behind me, but he must have felt my body tense up because he paused, then removed his hand.

Harry moved beside the bed, kneeling before me and helping me lay down. I could see the anger and worry etched all over his easy to read features. “Lay back, Seb. You passed out.”

“No shit! Talk about stating the obvious.”

“And he’s back.” Harry flicked my nose and smiled.

A cold compress was laid over my forehead and I could feel the breeze from the open window passing over me. For some reason, the main thought in my head was that the room smelled like some homeless wino had spent the night in it, and I didn’t want Robert in there while me and my room were in such a state. I just wanted out of there and fast.

“I'm fine. I want to get up.” I wanted to get me and Robert out and away from the bed at all costs.

“You're not going anywhere, Sebastian.” I felt the bed dip behind me as Robert sat on it. “He needs fluids. Water.”

“I’ll get him some.” Leigh’s voice came from near the door, but I just let my head relax on the pillow and closed my eyes, attempting to shut out everything again.

“You okay?” Harry stroked my hair back before placing a soft kiss on my head.

I nodded, taking his hand, anchoring myself to him and clinging on for dear life. I felt like I was hanging off a cliff and he was the only person who could stop me from falling thousands of feet to the ground.

“Want me to call a doctor?” His words made me chuckle softly into the pillow. “Oh yeah.” Harry sighed heavily. “Is he okay… Doctor?”

“He’s not okay. No.” There was that familiar frustration in Robert’s sexy voice.

“Is that your professional or
personal
assessment of his condition?”

Robert sighed and I dug my face further into the pillow.

“How about some space?” I don’t know if Harry meant me or Robert to answer, but it was Robert who spoke up first.

“I’ll be outside. Just… just keep him lying down and call me if you need anything?”

When I heard the door close, I groaned into the pillow. “Why is this happening to me?”

“Because, you fucking idiot,
you
caused it to happen by calling him up. You drunk dialled him after I put you to bed. I heard you talking, thought you were just drunk and talking to yourself, but when I came into check on you, I found you slurring down the phone to him. So I took the phone off you and threw you in bed. I had no idea you’d told him where we lived. How could you do that? I live here too. I don’t want clients turning up on my doorstep and demanding to be let in.”

I kissed his knuckles and he groaned. “I love you.” I was going for pity, or some sort of familiar feeling which would just make him shut the hell up. “Please, my head hurts so much.”

“Your fault.” He kissed me again then sighed. “Seb, what are you going to do? Do you want him to stay?”

“Even if I did, like you say, this is your home too. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to stay.”

“Seb…” Harry slipped onto the bed and rolled me over onto my back so I was looking into his eyes. “He’s very… protective over you. Okay, stalker is maybe too strong a word, but… I'm concerned about him. He must have driven up here like a bat out hell to get to you.” Harry looked off into the distance, obviously thinking things through for me while I was unable to string a single thought together. “But he’s a doctor and you need looking after.” Harry let go of my hand and rubbed his face. He looked tired out and I felt bad for keeping him up all night.

“I'm sorry. You look so tired. Did I keep you up all night?”

Harry let his head hang back and he stared at the ceiling. “No. That wasn’t
all
your fault.”

If I had been sober I would have jumped on the look of guilt all over his face, but I let it slip. “Do I look like I feel?”

Harry cast an appraising glance over me and nodded. “You smell too.”

“Thanks, fucker.”

“You do.” He reached into my gym bag discarded by the window and pulled out my deodorant then waved at me. I lifted up my arms and he sprayed me then smiled. “You need a shower, but that will help.”

“I'm still really dizzy.”

“You didn’t eat at all yesterday, did you?”

I shook my head. “I did plan to, but then things got out of hand.”

“Want me to go to McDonalds and bring you back a Big Mac and a large milkshake?”

A long cooing sound, or maybe eeeeep flew from my lips. “I've told you already I love you, right?”

“Yeah.” Harry stood up. “I’ll get you a large meal with extras.” He looked at the closed door and folded his arms over his chest. “I'm not happy leaving you alone with him, but I'm not going to leave him with Leigh while you're in here either. I’ll take him with me.”

“Favouritism already. I see.” I stuck my tongue out at him. “Leave me behind, but take the new boy.”

“That's not… Sebastian!” Harry was changing his mind about going and I really wanted that burger.

“I'm fine, honestly. I'm okay, Harry. I need to talk to him.” It wasn’t a need, I desperately wanted to talk to Robert.

“Okay.” Harry passed me my phone from his back pocket. “Just in case.”

“Thanks. Bring lots of food. Lots!”

With a roll of his eyes, Harry left my room. “He’s all yours.”

“Thank you.” Robert must have been hovering by the door because he was right there, filling the doorway with his tall, broad frame and staring right through me with those deep brown eyes of his.

I sat up, resting my head against the headboard and blowing out a big breath. “I don’t remember anything we talked about. So I apologise in advance for anything embarrassing I may or may not have said.” I was hit by a train of hesitation and panic when I wondered if I'd slipped up and told him too much.

Had I voiced how I felt?

Robert made his way into the room, not closing the door completely, but leaving it ajar. It made me smile because, not only was he trying to comfort me, he was trying to make Harry feel better about his presence here too. “You kind of left things in a… you were drunk, I knew that, but you were upset.” Robert hovered by the bed, chewing on that bottom lip while he thought. “Then the phone went dead mid talk and I worried more about you. I left voicemails, I just… I knew this wasn’t the best idea, coming up here when your invitation was delivered while you were paralytic.” He smiled softly. I moved my legs over and tapped the edge of the mattress. He joined me, taking hold of my hand in his with a heavy, world weary sigh. “Sebastian, why?”

“Why what? Why get drunk? Why pass out? Why not eat?” I closed my eyes and shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about all those whys. “I'm tired.”

“You're bound to be.” He pressed his palm to my forehead and I noticed he wasn’t just holding my hand, he had his fingers pressed against my wrist and was checking my pulse, occasionally glancing at his wrist watch.

“Are you here as my doctor or…” I met his gaze and smiled at the obvious annoyance in them.

“Or?” He lifted a brow, the corner of his lips twitching from the strain of not frowning more than he was doing and a serious look on his gorgeous face. One I'd missed so much since we last saw each other.

I paused, not knowing what else to call him, then something miraculous happened.

“Hey.” There was a quiet tap on the door and Leigh poked his head through the gap. “I brought you a bottle of cold water and some sweet tea. There’s also some crackers and cheese to put you on till we get back.” Leigh moved quietly into the room and placed the tray beside my bed.

“Thanks, Florence.” I went for the water first.

Leigh looked good. It made me feel even worse. Why did he get to look like he had ten hours sleep and just stepped off a catwalk?

“Why do you look so nice?” I laughed. “I mean, you always look nice, but…” I narrowed my eyes. It wasn’t the clothes or how he’d got through the night unscathed and obviously slept. It was something different, something shining from the inside out.

Like… happiness, or contentment, or… sex.

He’d done something with Harry. I knew the look. I'd given him that look.

I opened my mouth and pointed at him. “I have to know everything.”

Leigh’s bright green eyes opened so wide in shock and his pouty lips fell open in a comical gape, even Robert chuckled. “There's nothing to tell.” He was lying.

“O.M.G. You're so bad at lying, sugar lips, just stop, okay.”

Leigh looked everywhere but me, then he found Robert’s eyes. “Would you like some food bringing back?”

Robert paused and I jumped in. “Just bring back enough for like ten people.”

“Okay.” Leigh laughed, and then passed me the tea. “We’ll be back soon.” He kissed me quickly on the cheek then nodded at Robert. He didn’t have that apprehension or mistrust like Harry did with him. Leigh was at ease with him. “See you both soon.”

I watched him leave, and then turned to Robert. “I want a shower.”

“You’re not moving until you’ve eaten those and drank the sweet tea.”

“Fine. If you can put up with my stink for that long, I’ll do it.”

Robert rolled his eyes. “You don’t stink. It smells like booze in here, but you’re not horrible smelling.”

“You’re lying. I can tell.”

Robert handed me a cheesy cracker. I opened my mouth and he slipped it inside for me to take a bite. My stomach hurt when it growled. “Why didn’t you eat yesterday? All day you couldn't find the time to have something? Just some toast, a sandwich? You were too busy for that, were you?”

I grabbed the plate from the bedside cabinet and stuffed a full cracker and a big slice of cheese into my mouth, refusing to join in the conversation.

“Sebastian…” Robert sucked in a big breath, and then took my hand. “I was talking to Leigh earlier…” He met my angry gaze.

“And? Oh, and bear in mind, he doesn’t know me, okay. He’s kinda new.” I stuffed yet more cheese and crackers into my mouth, washing it down with the water.

“It’s not so much what he spoke to me about, it’s everything.” Robert calmed himself and smiled in that way all doctors do when they're about to tell you bad news. “How long have you had an eating disorder, Seb?”

My whole world fell apart in that one moment. It was like I was on a merry go round and I had to get off.

The next thing I really remember was when I reached the bathroom. I was on my knees hovering over the toilet while he stroked my back. When I’d vented the crackers and cheese, and any remaining alcohol in my system, I took the bottle he was offering me and rinsed my mouth out. “I want a shower.”

“A cool bath would be better, at least you’re laying down. Sebastian, please listen to me. Has it just been one day? Did you eat anything the day before?”

“I don’t remember.” That was a lie and he knew it.

“When you're stressed, does it cause you to stop eating?”

“That happens to us all.” I turned from him, flushing the toilet before closing the lid and sitting on it.

“You never answered my question?”

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to tell you jack shit about me.”

“How long, Seb?” Robert turned me to look at him, but I brushed his hand from my chin.

“Since I was ten.” I turned away from him and his understanding look.

I'd fought anorexia for years, occasionally changing my preference for not eating at all to stuffing my face and purging afterwards, going for the option of bulimia. I'd been through so much therapy, and by the age of fifteen, me and my mum thought things had gotten better, but I've never been a good eater.

“Things just… I got better, but I can't… I can't deal with all this.” I was angry when I felt tears stinging my eyes—angry at everything, and I pointed my rage to Robert. “How’d you know? Did you check out my personal files too?”