Sebastian: The Complete Series (25 page)

“And what about you?” I was behind him holding onto him tightly.

“I quit. It’s over.”

Robert was behind me, holding me tightly. “We’ll go tonight. Sort everything out when we get to my place. I can make some calls, sort out your courses, your parents. It will be okay.”

I felt like my life was spiralling out of control. Like I’d been pushed down a huge black hole and I could only rely on other people to guide me. I was blind and I hated it. I needed control and I was far removed from any semblance of it. “I can’t just leave with you. I can’t just run away, leave everything in the air like this. I can’t… I have to… need to…” I looked into Robert’s eyes and saw a soft, understanding smile on his face.

“I know, Seb. I know what you need, and we’ll get there. We’ll get the control back, but right now…” He and Harry shared a look. “We need some distance between you and the job, the people in it.” Robert was right, but it still felt like a cop out.

Harry smiled. “Go pack some stuff while your boyfriend here sorts my face out, will you?”

It was an excuse, a bad one, but I nodded, letting Robert kiss me softly as I walked past. Things were bad, much worse than I thought they could ever get, and I had no idea if the future would become better in time or if the shit would continue to hit the fan.

As I stood beside the bed, looking at my neatly folded clothes waiting to go in my overnight suitcase, the thought suddenly hit me. I was leaving with Robert. I was heading to his home, to his real life. I had no idea what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t be with him. Maybe he wasn’t taking me home. Maybe I was going to a hotel. I grabbed my hair in my hands, a wave of nausea ripping through me and I had to run to the bathroom and throw up.

Robert was beside me as I stopped venting. “It’s okay, Sebastian. Everything’s going to be okay.”

But it wasn’t. Nothing was okay.

Nothing had been okay since he first found me.

Since he paid for me.

“This is all your fault,” I spat out, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I glared at him. “It’s all you. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You made me into this.”

“What?” Robert tried to touch me, but I shunned his touch and sat back on the tiles, wiping the salty, angry tears from my cheeks.

“It’s all your fault. All of it. Every moment since we met has been a step I would never have taken if I hadn’t met you. You changed everything. I was never a whore until you turned me into one. It’s all you. It always has been. I was never… this.” I waved my hands over the wreck of my body and sniffed. “Before you, before the Hilton, before I became this person, I was just Seb Knight, student and part time bartender. I had no money, no fancy clothes and all I cared about was partying and passing my courses. Then you turned up with your sexy attitude and your money.” I wiped my eyes, not looking at him. “Everything changed.” I turned from him, stilling my tears and calming down, regretting my angry words instantly.

“Sebastian…” Robert halted, his hand pausing above my arm as he took in what I just told him. “You weren’t an escort before we met?”

“No.” I choked back a sob. “You just presumed I was one and I stupidly went with it. I wanted you. I saw the money as a bonus, that it would just be one night and fifty quid to pay off the car being clamped. Then it was more money, more great sex, more excitement. You gave me the escort’s number… I had to call them. Why wouldn’t I?”

Robert slumped onto the floor beside me and held his head in his hands. “Why, Seb?”

“Because I’m stupid.” I wiped my eyes again. “I’m sorry.” I tried to touch him, but this time he was the one standing up, dragging me with him.

“Get your stuff. Even if you don’t want to be with me in my house, you’re going down south. We can book you into a hotel, whatever you want. As long as you’re safe.”

“I want to be with you.”

“Why?” Robert stopped, turning to look at me “Why would you possibly want to be with me, after what happened?”

“Because… because everything happens for a reason.” I reached up and kissed him. “I want to be with you, Robert, if you want me to be with you, that is. Don’t feel like—”

“I want you with me, Seb.” Robert’s gaze hardened and he held my shoulder that little bit tighter.

“Then you got me.”

“Or at least part of you.” He smiled down at me.

“I could say the same about you.” I kissed him softly.

I wanted that to change. I wanted him. All of him. And more than that, I wanted him to have all of me too.

I had no idea what was going to happen, or what life would throw at us, but I was prepared to do it for the chance of being with him. I just hoped he felt the same way.

R
obert’s sleek, dark blue BMW was sexy and beautiful. Its big leather seat wrapped around me, keeping me safe and secure as he began to speed up, entering the motorway and heading down to London. His car felt like him, powerful and strong, but comforting.

After packing, saying goodbye to Harry, and Leigh—who appeared just as we were leaving, with a suitcase I noticed—Robert and I made our way to his car parked a few streets away in silence, both of us deep in thought about the situation, both probably worrying about different things. I didn’t try to guess what was on his mind, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to talk about anything. I just wanted to put as much of this shit as I could under the rug and pretend it wasn’t happening.

“You okay over there?” Robert slid his eyes to me as he changed gear, the shiny metal of the round head on the stick crushed in his grip as he spoke. “This is the first time you’ve been conscious and not spoken. It’s concerning.” A soft smile played on the corners of his lips as he tried to lighten the mood a little.

“I'm okay. Thanks. Just… stuff.” My eyes felt like they had a tube of glue squeezed into them, they were itching and aching as I rubbed them roughly with my palms. “Long night, bad hangover, crazy stalker, leaving Leeds… You. Us.”

Robert eventually removed his hand from the stick, placing it instead on my thigh before gently squeezing. “Lots of water will help the headache. Sleep should sort out your fatigue. We have a couple of hours. Get some rest in the car.” He removed his hand from me and rubbed the back of his neck while he weaved in and out of the traffic.

He had these two cute little creases as he concentrated right near his eyes, and I wanted to reach out and gently touch one, but instead, I folded my arms across my chest and just watched him, studying him up close and having no reason to feel strange about it.

You can do that in a car, but don’t do it on a train, and never with a stranger. It freaks them out. Trust me on this, it’s happened to me.

Loosening his collar a little more, Robert then undid another button before stripping off his tie and throwing it behind him on the back seat. The vision of his once pristine navy suit was still affecting me in ways no normal person should be, not in this situation anyway, but I couldn't help myself. I’d seen men in suits before, but Robert, plus a good suit, plus a confined area… It had my breath stopping and my heart pounding.

“You’re not leaving Leeds forever. Just for a short time while we sort out a couple of things.” He sighed a little, then glanced at me before looking back out at the lanes of traffic surrounding us. “Me? Us? I want to have a plan, a list we could work from so things improve for you… for both of us, but no matter how much I try, I don’t know what to say, to do. The only thing I can suggest is to talk, and this is a golden opportunity to do it. One which I wish we were doing under a different situation, but whatever’s caused you to be beside me and going home with me, I'm going to grab it and run with it.” His phone interrupted us, the radio cutting out as it came through the speakers. “I'm sorry.” Robert glanced at the display before giving me a weak smile. “It’s work related. I have to take it.”

“I’ll sit here and be quiet. No one will know I'm here, I promise.” I zipped my lips and watched Robert frown in his now familiar pissed off way.

I could tell he wanted to continue the discussion, but he’d already answered the call and now there was a deep voice spilling out from the speakers. The caller had a sexy, barely there, Scottish accent. So throaty and rumbly I could just imagine the guy looking a big bear or something, tall and well built, hairy, a beard possibly, red hair to go with the accent—because Scots always have red hair, right? Maybe I also had visions of him in a kilt—because Scots always wear kilts, right?

My gaze drifted to the speakers, as if by some magic I could see through them and watch the guy on the other end of the phone speaking. Keeping my mouth firmly planted shut and my crazy thoughts to myself, I tried to not listen into his private conversation, but… we were in a car! That’s truly impossible to do no matter how hard you try. I soon cottoned on to the fact this was the same guy who called earlier. You know the one, the one who was on the phone while I sucked off Robert. Yeah, that one.

I was playing one of those addictive free games on Facebook when my head snapped up and I stared at the speaker. The guy was talking about me, and I didn’t know if I wanted to hear what he had to say. I’d no idea what Robert had told him, so I glared at him as he changed lanes before poking him in the shoulder.

“I have to go, Jay.” Robert was already going to end the call when his friend spoke up.

“I'm guessing you’re not alone, huh? So… am I right?” The deep baritone of his voice rumbled heavily through the speakers and I couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on my lips. Dolby surround sound at its best. “Do we get to meet—”

“I'm going now.” Robert hit a button and the music came back on quietly in the background. He could tell I was pissed off, about what, he could only guess, but it was the fact I already felt like he was hiding me which lit my body on fire and burned through me like an inferno. “He talks too much. He doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter most times.”

“He a good friend of yours then?”

“We work together.”

“I’m not stupid. I understand that. Plus, you already told me he was covering your case this afternoon.” Covering for him while he rushed to be with me. I was a bitch at times and I felt instantly bad for it. “I'm sorry.” I took a long drink of the not so cool water and looked out of the window. “You shouldn’t have come. You have responsibilities which you’ve messed up because of me, and you shouldn’t have chosen me and my stupid dramas over someone who needed you.” My eyes slid to him with a soft sigh.

“Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t have done, Sebastian. I’m old enough to make those decisions myself.” He tapped the steering wheel while he paused, then glanced at me. “Are you angry I took time off work or angry because I stopped him from talking?”

“Talking about me.” I huffed out with narrowed eyes. “Does he know about me and you? About what I do? How we met? That you pay for it with me?”

“Lots of questions.” Robert smiled, dragging his fingers through his salt and pepper dark hair. “Yes.”

“Yes to what?”

“All of them.”

“Oh… and?”

“It’s none of his business.” A dark look passed over his face, one which I’d seen before but still didn’t get.

I got the feeling his friend wasn’t too happy about the whole escort thing. I mean, I guess I wouldn’t be either if one of my friends came to me last year and told me they were paying for sex, not only paying for it, but now wanting more with said escort. “It’s okay, Robert. I understand not everyone is going to be okay about this. I don’t expect you to tell everyone what I do. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don’t want you to tell anyone what I do. It’s not like your job. I can't be proud of what I do. I don’t want to shout it from the rooftops. It will be better if I'm just a student.”

“Jay would understand.” He gave a low chuckle, reliving some private joke perhaps which I couldn't join in while he looked at the cars surrounding us.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Nothing about the lies, it’s just… Jay’s… It’s complicated.” He clammed up, speeding up and weaving around someone sitting in the middle lane and blocking us. “Drink more of the water and relax.”

I took that as a signal to shut up, so I drank the water then turned on my side, staring out of the window with my back to him. My plan was to pretend to be asleep, but it quickly became reality, and I was out cold until the car stopped God knows how long later. I was stiff and aching like a bitch when I moved, and Robert gently rubbed my shoulder while I woke up and looked around us.

It was dusk, but in the dimming light, I could make out a beautiful double fronted, red brick and white plaster, Mock Tudor house in front of us. It had dark wooden beams running up and across it and on one side there was a circular tower which looked very fairy tale like. The big bay windows on either side of the house were glowing softly in the darkness. It gave the whole place a welcoming, homely feel to it. It also felt very… What’s the word I'm looking for? Oh, yeah. Grown up.

It brought home just how different me and Robert were, not just in our roles, but our ages. Again, the thought I was just starting my life where as Robert was there already, settled and comfortable, ran through my sleepy mind. Even without the job and the other complications in my life, i.e. the stalker, could things ever work out between two such different people?

“Hey,” Robert whispered as he stroked back a strand of hair from my eyes. “You awake enough to get out? Or… do you want to change your mind and go to a hotel?” He had that cute little lost boy voice going on again, and I smiled lazily as I met his gaze—big brown puppy dog eyes staring down at me and silently asking me to stay.

“I’ve not changed my mind. I'm just not good first thing.” I yawned and tried to stretch out, the car too small for my legs to complete the much needed exercise. “This is nice.” I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn't really be all, hey, you’re sooo grown up and all adult-like. It shouldn’t have been a shock. I knew what he was on the first date, I should’ve been more prepared, but obviously I wasn’t.

“Thanks.” He smiled at me, opening his door and watching as I moved to open mine. “It’s been a work in progress since I bought the place over fifteen years ago. You should have seen it then.” He whistled quietly. “I bought it from an old lady whose knee I replaced. She was going into a residential home for the elderly and was really upset about having to sell it. I fell in love with it before I even saw the place. She offered me a good deal and I snapped it up.” He watched me as I closed the car door, the beep confirming he'd locked it echoing slightly in the quiet—quiet I wasn’t used to living in the city centre.

“Where are we?”

“Hornchurch in Essex. About seventeen miles from London and Whitechapel where I work in the Royal London Hospital.”

“It’s so quiet.”

His hand was on my elbow, cautiously leading me to the front door, because for some reason, my feet had become cemented on the ground and I’d stopped moving on my own.

“Not all the time.” Robert played with his keys while we stood outside the glossy black, wooden door. “This street’s full of people who work too many hours and don’t have much home life. I don’t know much about my neighbours, except they’re like me—out of the door at six in the morning, coming home after dark.” Robert slipped the key into the lock then turned to me. “You know you don’t have to be here.”

“Don’t you want me here or something? You keep saying I don’t have to be here. I thought
you
wanted me here.” Hugging myself tightly, I accidently—not so accidently—shrugged off his hold on my elbow and looked at my trainers, tapping my feet on the fancy brick paving underneath them.

“I do.” Robert’s thick fingers took hold of my chin, tilting me to face him again before he placed a barely there kiss on my lips. “I know what I want, Seb. It’s what you want which I constantly question.”

“I want to be here.” Our lips were so close, too close for me to stop leaning up and claiming another harder, deeper kiss from him before I pulled back, not wanting his neighbours to get an eyeful of him getting off with some random man on his doorstep.

Robert dragged his fingers through his hair and nodded slowly. He had the look of a world weary man deep in thought, messed up with questions and thoughts he wouldn’t or couldn't share with me. “I'm sorry.” He sighed quickly. “Whatever the reasons you have for wanting to be here, I'm glad of them.”

Reaching out to him, I took hold of his hand in mine before smiling. “You’re the reason I want to be here. You think I'm just using you for a safe house while all that shit happens at home? I'm not using you.”

I’d got it right. I could tell by the way his eyes opened that little bit wider and his mouth gaped slightly.

“I could have gone anywhere, but I'm here with you, because that’s right where I want to be. I don’t care where we are, being with you is the only reason I have for standing outside your house right now. The
only
reason. Okay—” I sighed. “Yes, I'm here because of the shit happening around us, but even if you’d turned up and everything was okay, I'm pretty sure we’d still be here right now if you’d asked me to stay over. Which… okay, maybe you wouldn’t have done that. Maybe we’d be in my bed. Maybe not.” I gave up.