Second Chances (2 page)

The worst part of it all though is that Chase lied to me. I never heard from him again after the three of us watched his family's car drive away from us down our street. He never wrote like he said he would. He never called and he hasn't been back. None of us had heard a single thing from him and he had
promised
me. My best friend lied to me and I miss him terribly. I had been so angry and hurt for so long and then when I lost my dad, I couldn't hold onto all that anger anymore. We all tried to contact him but his family left so quickly, we didn't have his new address or phone number. We were waiting for him to send us something, e-mail, anything! I try to force myself to move on and forget about Chase; he has made his choice clear. I still think about him every single day though.

“Stop it, Haylee,” Griff's firm but gentle voice pulls me back to the here and now, and I realize that the boat has stopped and we are just bobbing in the waves. I spin around to face him with a guilty smirk on my face. He knows me too well. He knows when I am living in the past and need a lifeline back to reality. “
The past is the past for a reason,
” he always tells me. “
You can't go back. It's time to move forward.
”

Griff is the one who was by my side as we grieved the loss of my dad, and Chase before that, and for all intents and purposes, Brynn and my mom as well. Griff makes it seem so easy. He can reflect on the past and smile about the happy memories instead of getting sucked in and pulled down in a vortex of sorrow the way that I do. “You ready to shred?”

“I was born ready,” I tell him as I stand up and toss my hoodie at him. Sam barks softly at me from where he lays along the back seat. He's like our babysitter, always barking a warning at us when we start messing with each other the way we usually do. Griff has trouble when he brings girls home. As soon as he touches or kisses a girl, Sam will start barking at them. I personally find it hysterical. His own dog is a cockblock!

“That's my girl,” I hear Griff mutter as I set my board down in the water beside the boat and slide my life vest on over my head. 

“I'm not your girl, Griff,” I call out to him as I step off the back of the boat with the rope in my hand. 

“Whatever you gotta tell yourself, Haylee,” Griff keeps the banter going as the boat motor strums to life. Everyone we know is used to our relationship by now. Early in high school most people thought we should be dating, but it isn't like that for us. Griff is my best friend, might as well be my brother, so we don't see it that way. Just another reason why the girls at school did not like me. Chase and Griff had easily been the best eye candy our school had to offer and I was their friend. Girls didn't like that and didn't like our relationships. When Chase left, it eased up some. I think everyone pitied me then. Plus they'd watched Griff and I date other people throughout high school, though him much more than me. I am so closed off emotionally that dating hasn't really been an option.

Once I have my feet in the boots of the board and Griff has moved the boat slowly forward until the rope is taut, I holler, “Ready!” My board pops up onto the surface of the water and I'm doing what I love. The rush of adrenaline that I crave so much washes over my body and I'm able to relax for a little while. The sounds of the engine, the wind racing past my ears, and the slap and slice of the water as I work over it are a balm to my frazzled nerves. My muscles are sore from dance already but I push them farther and relish the burn and the exhaustion that will later ensue. There is a fair amount of traffic on the lake, being that it is the first Saturday of summer vacation, but that doesn't stop me from jumping and flipping around the lake until I'm sure that my arms and legs won't even be able to pull me back into the boat. 

Griff circles the boat back around after I've finally let go of the rope and grins down at me while he shakes his head and smiles. “Damn girl. I think you just used up an entire tank of gas in this beast.” He's joking. It would take a bit more than that to drain the enormous tank on the Master Craft, but I guess I had been out there for a while. He drops the ladder down for me as I pass him my board to hang back up on the uprights on the side of the boat. I place my hands and feet on the rungs of the ladder but my muscles aren't cooperating.

“I'm gonna need a hand here,” I call up to him. I don't like asking for help, especially with something as mundane as climbing a ladder, but the fibers in my muscles have taken a break just a little bit too early.

I hear him chuckle as he leans down over the back of the boat and lifts me up by the shoulders of my life vest as though I weigh no more than a toddler. We had to do that sort of thing quite a bit when we were all first learning to board and our muscles weren't used to the abuse, but it's been a while for me. 

“You're about ready for a new board, aren't you?” Griff asks me. I shrug as I glance up at my old Ronix board. My dad got it for me as a Christmas gift the year before he died. It's a little small for me now, but it has sentimental value and I certainly don't have the money to buy a new one anyway.

“Someday,” I tell him absently as I dry my face off with a towel and sit down behind the wheel.

“You need a rest,” he tells me as he slides his board out on the water off the back of the boat. “Sit down up there and drive me around for a little bit while you give that pretty little body of yours a break.” He's laughing even as he flips off the back of the boat and splashes down in the water. I don't like being treated any differently out here because I'm a girl and he knows that. I sit down in the captain's chair and flip him the bird over my shoulder.

I climb behind the wheel of my rental car, an ugly, green box of a Ford Focus. Guess I need to be a little more specific than just checking the box for a compact car next time. I turn on the navigation system that I had requested, just in case. Four years ago when I'd left North Carolina, I'd been just shy of turning seventeen and we didn't travel to the airport a whole lot so I wasn't sure if I'd remember the way. I type in my old address in Wake Forest and take a deep breath as I pull the car out of the Raleigh-Durham airport rental car lot. It's only about a twenty-five minute drive, and though I've been flying for hours and I'm a mess of nerves about coming back here, none of that compares to these last twenty-five minutes. It's after 11:30 at night and pitch black out. 

This trip isn't something I planned out, obviously. My life has been crashing down all around me, and, on a whim this morning, I'd thrown some stuff into a suitcase and taken a cab to LAX from my apartment. Hadn't even told anybody I was leaving. I'd wanted to come back here ever since I'd left but time and circumstances had gotten away from me. I guess it takes hitting rock bottom to wake my ass up. I wonder if I had done this a long time ago if things wouldn't have spiraled so far out of my control. Shoulda, woulda, coulda . . . story of my life the last few years. 

I have no idea what I'm going to do when I get there. I've run through a million different scenarios on the plane ride and layover in Atlanta but each of those scenarios could go in a million different directions and I'm afraid that if I really think it through too far, I might turn the car around and drive all the way back to LA.

As I get closer to Wake Forest, things begin to look familiar to me even in the dark. Seeing the town again and realizing how little has changed starts to pull at my heart. This is where I'd spent the first sixteen years of my life. This is where I'd had to leave my three closest friends and all of our amazing memories behind. I slow down in town and roll my window down. The smell of the lake hits my nose and floods my mind with flashes of memories from my childhood. I drive past the ice cream stand we used to ride our bikes to, the grocery store we terrorized, my neighbor and friend's father's veterinary clinic. I smile as I think about all the animals that I'd helped Haylee take to Dr. Michaels to fix up. At least I know Griff's family is still here. 

I pass the high school where Griff and I attended our freshman and sophomore years together. Haylee and Brynn had been about to start high school when I left. I daydream all the time about what it would have been like those last two years if I'd stayed here. The four of us together in school again. I'd wanted nothing more than to ask Haylee to my prom and wait to see how long it took her to realize that I wanted to be more than just her friend. 

That was the hardest part of it all. We'd all been friends since Haylee and Brynn were in kindergarten and we'd grown up becoming even closer. Haylee and I had always had an even more special bond. It didn't take anything away from our friendship with the other two, it was just there and it grew right along with us. From about the time I turned fourteen I began to feel differently toward Haylee. She was my very best friend, but there was something new there just under the surface. I was young though and didn't want to freak her out, so I never said anything about it. Those new feelings grew fast each day though. I thought about her when I woke up, when I went to bed, and far too frequently in between. I didn't want to scare her and I didn't want things to change with Griff and Brynn, but it had gotten difficult to keep my feelings under wraps. Then my parents dropped the bomb on me about moving to California. There hadn't been time to tell Haylee how I felt and I couldn't stand to see her hurt any more than I knew she already was, so that was how we'd left things. 

I lay awake for months after we left wondering if she felt differently about me too and what it would have been like if we'd stayed. Hell, I still wondered. 

I realize that I've stopped the car along the side of the road in front of the house that I grew up in. I hadn't needed the navi after all. I turn the car and lights off so I don't freak anyone out. It's almost midnight. I sit there with the window open just smelling the familiar air and looking down the driveway to my old home. I wonder who lives here now. Do they have a kid around my age who has stepped in and filled my shoes with my friends? Do my friends still live here? Do they wonder about me as often as I wonder about them?

Without even realizing I've done it, I step out of the car and close the door quietly behind me. I won't walk down to my old house because I have no idea who lives there now, but I walk down the gravel drive toward the Michaels' place like I have no control of my own movements anymore. Their place had been my home just as much as Haylee's house and my own had been. The wraparound country-style porch comes into view through the trees and I can picture all of us setting up a lemonade stand one summer to earn money for boat fuel since we used up so much of it. I smile as I remember Griff and I soaking the girls with a hose unexpectedly when we all got too hot.

There are no lights on inside the house and I'm not ready to go walking up to the door just yet anyway. I walk as quietly as possible along the grass, avoiding the crunchy gravel and past the house until the lake comes into view. The quiet beauty of Falls Lake at night and the sound of the gently lapping waves steals my breath for a moment. I stand there just looking around and remembering for I don't even know how long. I close my eyes briefly and realize that I can almost pretend that I've stepped back in time. Almost. I finally glance up at the back of the house, but there is no light on in Griff's room either. I wonder if he even still lives here with his folks. It leaves an uneasy feeling in the pit of stomach not knowing where they all are anymore. I would guess that's how they'd all felt after I left as well -- hollow.

My feet move me of their own accord down to the edge of the water and I glance over to the right to see the dock jutting out at my old place. A couple of jet skis are tied up to the side of the dock. I sit down in the grass and just enjoy the peace that settles over me from being here. It has been a long time since I felt at peace. Sitting here looking out at Griff's dock I have a sudden memory of this one really cold winter when I was nine.

There was no school that day due to the fact that the wind chill was below zero. That hardly ever happened here. We had about six inches of snow and the edges of the lake were frozen over, another rare treat here in North Carolina. Haylee and Brynn were in first grade and Griff and I were in third. We were thrilled to be off of school and all bundled up to spend a whole day outside in the snow. We were playing with the animals in the barn and Griff's Chocolate Lab had recently had a litter of pups, so this was the first place that Haylee went every morning.

The pups were seven weeks old and almost ready to go to their new homes, so Haylee was holding and cuddling them all she could. They were bounding around out in the snow and the four of us were chasing them all around. One of the pups dashed out to the end of the dock and kept right on going over the newly frozen surface of the lake since he couldn't tell the difference. Haylee panicked, so afraid for the wandering pup that she stepped right out onto the ice to grab him. It was like time moved in slow motion when the rest of us realized what was going on. We were shouting for her to walk back to the dock but she was almost to the pup. She bent down and grabbed him just as we heard a loud cracking sound. Haylee screamed and tossed the pup toward the dock as the ice gave way and her pink-clad form disappeared beneath the surface.

I was almost to the end of the dock when she went in. I gave the pup a shove behind me and shouted for Brynn to grab him. She was hysterical behind me. I could see Haylee splashing and gasping in the icy water in front of me. I knew I should not step out onto the ice. Our parents had drilled it into our heads, especially this winter. There was no one else close enough to help, though, and there was no way I was going to leave Haylee in there. I stepped cautiously off the dock and paused for a second to see if I could hear any cracking. I just needed to get close enough to grab her hand. I inched slowly closer and my heart ached when she made eye contact with me. I'd never seen fear like that in anyone's eyes before.

“I'll get you, Hayles,” I told her trying to sound strong as I got down on my knees and slid just a touch closer. I reached my arm out, avoiding the broken edges of the hole that she was trapped in. She grasped for my hand while trying desperately not to get pulled beneath the surface by all the bulky winter clothing she was wearing. I could hear Brynn shrieking like some kind of wild animal on the dock behind me and that was not helping anyone. Griff had run up to the house to get help.

Haylee tried to pull herself up but she was getting weak fast. Without even realizing I was doing it, I was inching closer again so that I could get a hold of both of her hands. I kept my eyes locked on hers and she immediately reached her other hand up. Somehow I was able to drag her out of that hole without falling in myself. Her teeth were chattering uncontrollably and the skin of her face already looked blue. I hefted her soaking wet body up into my arms the best I could and got her up to Griff's house.

I had never been so scared in my life. Luckily Mrs. Michael's was quick to get Haylee out of the wet clothes and warmed up again. We could have gotten into some deep shit for that one but I know our folks had all been so relieved that things had turned out the way they did that they'd gone easy on us. Leave it to Haylee to put the well-being of an animal above her own.

I sigh and stand back up again. I walk through the grass past the barn and the house and find myself standing beside my rental car once again. It's as though I'm being pulled by some kind of magnetic force as I walk around the car and across the street. I have to just look . . .

I make my way up the short driveway to what had been Haylee's house and stop in front of the cottage-style two-story. It looks about the same: light blue siding, small covered porch with a swing that looks a little rusty now. If they still live here, her dad must be busy with work lately because there are slight aesthetic things that could use some touching up. Mr. Weston had always been on top of the little things that needed to be fixed up as well as the bigger things. He'd built that porch on the front all by himself the summer after Haylee had fallen into the frozen lake. I remember because I liked to help him out with that kind of stuff. My own father sure never lifted a hand that way.

I can't bring myself to walk around back and look up at her bedroom window. There had been a massive tree close by and I used to climb in through her bedroom window that way all the time. It had been innocent, just tweens hanging out. Her dad had known though 'cause one time he caught me climbing back down the tree and didn't seem surprised at all. He hollered over to me from his garage where he stored his boat in the winter, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“You're gonna fall out of that tree one day and break your leg, Chase! Is it worth it when you can just use the front door?” Yeah, it had totally been worth it and I'd only ever sprained my ankle.

Again there are no lights on inside and it is eating me up not knowing if her family still lives here or not. If
she
still lives here. There are two cars in the driveway up beside the house, but I don't recognize either of them. Haylee most likely has a car by now; she's eighteen. So if there are only two in the driveway, does that mean she doesn't live at home anymore or is she out on a date? Man, that thought tears me up inside. I can't stand the idea of her out with some douche of a guy. Is he touching her? Is he kissing her? Does she live with him? Gah! This is not helping. She isn't my Haylee anymore. Never had been, really.

I hurry back to the rental and let my head fall forward onto the steering wheel when I get in. It's late and I need to get back into town and see if there's room at the motel for the night. I can come back in the morning and see if I can find Haylee or Griff or Brynn. Beyond that though, I have no clue.