Secrets over Sweet Tea (33 page)

“I’m sorry, Zach. I am. I’m so sorry.” She didn’t even try to hide her tears now. “Today, when I saw you with Grace and the way you responded to me—you’ve never responded to me like that. And it just made me realize how much you’ve changed. You’re like . . . like you were when we first got married. All opinionated.” A little laugh bubbled out through her tears.

He couldn’t help but laugh himself.

“I’ve missed that,” she said.

Now he was confused. “How could I have known that?”

“I know it’s crazy because I just seemed to take over.”

“It was your way or no way. That’s how it got to be with you. And my sin was that I let you. Well, one of my many sins. I just shut down and hid and let you do whatever you wanted to because
I didn’t want the conflict. But I’m getting better with handling conflict, Caroline, even if it is with you.” He laughed again.

“I don’t know what this means for us, Zach.”

But he could tell by the way she was speaking to him that she wanted to know. In her own way she was asking him to lead her. Maybe she had wanted that all along.

He scooted closer to her and took her hands in his. “Babe, I’ve done such a poor job of loving you well, and I’m so sorry about that. I’ve tried, in some seasons harder than others. But you’re a strong woman, and you don’t like to hear no. In fact, you fight pretty hard against it.”

She gave another little laugh. “I know.”

“We can’t always do things your way, Caroline. And when you don’t respect my opinion about what needs to happen, it clearly communicates that you don’t respect me.”

She hesitated, and a tear ran down her cheek. “Zach, this is how I’ve been for a long time. I don’t know how to do life differently or even how to figure it all out. But I can see I’ve hurt you, and I really am sorry for that. And I have no idea what comes next, but I’m telling you I’m willing to do whatever we need to do to work this out.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You are?”

She nodded. “Yes. I am. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want the girls to grow up without you in the house.”

“What if it means making changes—changes that won’t be easy?”

“Like standing up to my mother?”

“Or allowing me to—whichever works best.”

Her tears fell harder. “I don’t know how to do that. I can’t imagine doing that. I love her.”

“I’m not saying she has to be out of our lives or that we want to hurt her. I’m saying we need some boundaries. And you have to let me lead you in this because that’s one way I can love you. And I do love you, Caroline. I do. I always did, even though there were days I forgot how much. But the love has always been there.”

She wiped the tears from her face, her words coming out as vulnerable as a child’s. “Even when you were with Elise?”

He shook his head. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about that. And honestly, that affair wasn’t about love or even sex. Not really. It was an escape from what we had become. I was just trying to get as far from our reality as I could. And my heart was so closed off by then—that was the only way it could have happened. But I’ve done a lot of work these last few months while we’ve been apart. When I look back at my choices and see the progress I’m making—I’m just not the same guy. I would have to really shallow myself out to go back there again. I’m not willing to do that.”

“And what about Grace?”

He hadn’t really expected that. He thought he had settled it. But he wanted to be truthful. Finally he said, “Grace is a wonderful woman. I know her entire story, and I’ve walked with her through a lot. But like I told you this afternoon, nothing is going on between us, and nothing is going to happen. I really hope you can believe that because it’s true.”

Caroline was watching his face closely. He watched hers too. Finally she gave a cautious little nod, and he continued. “Grace has been fighting desperately to heal, and she’s come so far. Watching her has shown me what it looks like to come back to life. And honestly, seeing how much she’s changed, how happy
she is, is what convinced me we could do that too. She’s shown me what we could have together.”

She bit her lip. “I don’t know how to do any of that.”

“Me neither. But I’m learning. And if I could pick anyone in the world I’d want to do it with, it would be you. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. We’ve lived this way for a long time, and I am certain we are going to prick each other’s painful places a lot.” He emphasized those last two words. “But I’m willing to work on it if you are.”

“Should we start with you coming home?” she said, the emotion in her voice almost more than he could stand.

He leaned over and kissed her on the head. She rested her head against his mouth.

“How about we do a little dating first? Maybe remember what it was like to fall in love and why we did it in the first place.” He thought for a minute. “I’d like to pick you up tomorrow morning after you drop the girls off for school and before you open the store and take you to breakfast. How is that for a date?”

She sat up, and he saw the heaviness that had sunk into her brow release. “Actually, the girls are sleeping over at the Conners’, so I’m free a little earlier. Do you still like to go running in the mornings? Maybe I could join you.” She gave him a soft smile. “I’ve taken up running too. Does wonders for stress. Now I know why you did it so much.”

He laughed. “Running would be good. And breakfast afterward.”

He walked her out to her car, kissed her again softly, then shut the car door. And reflected that a much bigger door had been opened tonight.

The door to his wife’s heart.

He hadn’t known that would ever happen. But it had. And he had no idea what was on the other side of it, but he was going to walk through.

Yeah, he was going to walk through.

“You’ve got to get home and get some rest.” Rachel rubbed her eyes as she stood in the doorway that separated the restaurant from the kitchen.

Grace wiped the checkout counter. “You want me to do that so
you
can get some rest.”

“Absolutely. Us beauty queens need sleep.”

“You won the Miss Watermelon Seed Spitting title. Does that really qualify?”

“Hey, sassy, I had a sash and a crown. If there’s a crown, then you are a queen.”

“Yoo-hoo, girls! Scarlett Jo is here.” The last word came loud and in multiple syllables from the back door.

“Oh, brother,” Rachel mumbled.

Scarlett Jo pushed against Rachel as she barreled through, depositing them both in the center of the restaurant. “I am alive, and I’m all yours.” She clapped her hands together. “So what do you want me to do tomorrow?”

“Retire,” Rachel offered.

Scarlett Jo punched her and snorted.

Rachel looked at Grace. “Slap me for saying I missed her. Please. I deserve it.”

Grace slapped her on the shoulder.

“That didn’t help. She’s still here.”

Scarlett Jo moved past her and toward the other side of the counter. “Yes, I’m still here, and I am ready to work.”

Grace walked over to give her friend a big hug. “And we are so glad you are. This has been waiting for you.” Grace pulled out a hot-pink apron with the Sweet Tea logo on the front and stood on her tiptoes to pull it over Scarlett Jo’s head of blonde curls.

Scarlett Jo looked down and immediately got emotional. She fanned her hands in front of her eyes and bounced lightly on her toes. “Oh, Grace, I love it. It’s my favorite color.”

“Who would have guessed?” Rachel retorted, eyeing the hot-pink jumpsuit under the new apron.

Grace ignored her. “I want you to be my hostess, Scarlett Jo. I have to help cook, at least for the next few months, and we need Rachel to facilitate orders and run the register. Besides, I think you’ll do a wonderful job greeting our guests.”

Rachel cleared her throat. “Grace, first impressions are everything.”

Scarlett Jo looked at Rachel and stuck her tongue out. Rachel reciprocated.

“Yes, they are,” Grace answered, “and Scarlett Jo makes wonderful first impressions. She will keep everyone smiling and happy.”

Rachel frowned. “Well, remember that they are here to eat, not for a Scarlett Jo therapy hour.”

“Sounds like someone didn’t take her happy pill this evening.”

Rachel muttered and reiterated her position. “Seriously. They don’t need a therapist. They need to be seated, and then the servers and I will do the rest. You are the hostess. A hostess seats them and leaves them.”

Scarlett Jo’s wheels were turning. Grace could tell by the contortions her face made. “Seat and leave,” she said solemnly. “I can handle it.”

Grace patted her broad back. “Of course you can. I am confident of it. Now, breakfast starts bright and early. Then we have lunch and afternoon tea, so it will be a long day. So you two need to go get some rest.”

When they had all the lights turned off, Scarlett Jo ran back into the kitchen, claiming she’d left her purse—though a bag big enough to stash a small child dangled from her arm. She reappeared with a petit four crammed in her mouth.

“I’m taking that out of your salary,” Rachel informed her.

Scarlett Jo stopped midstride. “I’m getting paid?” The words came out along with small flecks of cake. That led to an entire song-and-dance routine.

The whole way home, Rachel kept lamenting that she’d even mentioned it. She hadn’t known she had free labor. Grace just laughed as they walked down the streets of Franklin together. It was that deep-down kind of laugh that only alive people could do.

Grace walked into her tearoom and looked around. It was almost seven, and everyone was ready. The food was prepped. The staff was in place. Scarlett Jo was practicing her greetings, and Rachel was critiquing her. Every detail she could think of was about to find its place on the stage of her new life.

In less than a year, everything she had known, all that was normal to her, had disappeared. Her old life was over. Closed. And over the last few months, each day she had taken another step into her new life. Back to the heart that she had once shut down. Given away.

She went to the front door and leaned against the doorframe. The sun had yet to fully rise, so people were still more shadows than faces. But she recognized Zach as he walked down
the street in workout clothes. The woman next to him, dressed as if she’d also been running, was clearly Caroline. He reached over and took her hand as they strolled quietly in the direction of the square.

Grace felt a slight twinge of pain. Not because Zach and Caroline were together—that was as it should be—but because they would have what her heart desired, what she had yet to fully know. Yet even with that pang came the quick realization that it was out there for her somewhere. So much was out there for her.

She reached up to the sign Zach had given her and traced the
O
and then the
P
, followed by the
E
and finishing with the
N
. Then she turned it over slowly. Sweet Tea was open for business. And Grace Shepherd’s life was now fully and completely open too.

I thought of the title
Secrets over Sweet Tea
about five years ago. I even attempted to write another novel with the same name. However, I was in such a broken place at the time that all I could write were miserable, lifeless characters, and the book was rejected multiple times. That was the season when I was walking out my personal healing and learning the revelation of what it meant to reclaim my own heart.

I had spent years telling people that college was the best time of my life—basically implying that “Life right now stinks. Oh, how I wish I could go back.” But when life hit me square in the face with my deepest, most personal pain and shame, I was confronted with a choice. I could stay in my broken place with this fractured, malfunctioning heart, or I could fight with everything I had to reclaim it. I chose the latter. That is why you hold this book in your hands and why I wrote its nonfiction counterpart,
Reclaiming Your Heart: A Journey Back to Laughing, Loving, and Living
.

Reclaiming my heart was one of the most painfully beautiful
things I have ever done. I had to go into some of the darkest places of my own soul, confront some of my poor choices and broken patterns of behavior, and begin to understand why I had operated the way I had for so long. Then I had to start breaking those patterns and learn to engage life in a new and healthy way. The journey was at times excruciating. The joys, however, have been breathtaking.

I always count it a privilege to share stories with you. This one is more personal than any we have shared together. May it challenge you, encourage you, and remind you how valuable your heart is, that it needs to be guarded “above all else” (Proverbs 4:23,
NIV
).