Seth's Broadway Diary, Volume 1: Part 1 (3 page)

I'll never forget the first time I played
Kiss of the Spider Woman
with Chita Rivera. I was a nervous wreck! Ted Sperling was the conductor (he later won the Tony Award for orchestrating
Light in the Piazza
… one of the few Tony winners who doesn't upstage me on my birthday), and after a few songs he told me that a crazy vibrato was coming out of my synthesizer. Vibrato? Was my synth possessed by The Merm? Was she a poltergeist protesting the electronification of Broadway? I didn't know what was wrong, but it kept happening. Every note I played had vibrato. As the show progressed, a slew of technicians tried to fix the keyboard. Suddenly, during "Dear One," I realized that I was so nervous that my left leg had been shaking the whole time — on the volume pedal! The sound wave of vibrato was in direct correlation to the shaking of my gam. I gingerly lifted it off, and Ted suddenly looked my way and told me the vibrato had stopped. I shrugged my shoulders and chalked it up to a shoddy electrical connection, never 'fessing up that it all could have been prevented with a hefty dose of Valium.

Last Monday, I knew this was the final week of
The Producers
and assumed I had played it for the last time a while ago. While I was lamenting its loss (especially to my wallet), I interviewed John Treacy Egan for my radio show. On Broadway, he has played Franz Liebkind, Roger De Bris and was closing the show as Max Bialystock. What's encouraging for everyone struggling out there at horrible cattle calls is to know that John got cast from an open call. That's right, ye olde 16 bars. So haul out your cut-to-the-end versions of "Anthem" and "Ice Cream" — it could get you a lead on Broadway! John also told me that one of his first roles was at a community theatre where he played Che and Christine Pedi was Evita. An Irish redheaded Che and a dark-haired, comedic Eva from Scarsdale. Hmm, maybe I
will
get to play Effie one day.

Back to subbing at
The Producers
. Even though I thought I had played it for the last time, I wound up being asked at the last minute to sub this week. Patrick Brady, the conductor, told me that I was the first sub to ever play the show on Broadway, and now, I was the last sub. As Justin Timberlake sings, "What goes around, comes around." As Christine Ebersole sings, "Around the world…" And as that guy in the ‘80s sang, "You spin me right round, baby, right round."

This weekend I flew to the West Coast to play for Jennifer Hudson. I spent the plane ride re-reading Charles Busch's moving yet hilarious
Whores of Lost Atlantis
. The book is a fictionalized version of how he started his theatre company, Theatre-in-Limbo, and how
Vampire Lesbians of Sodom
(called
Whores of Lost Atlantis
in the book) became an Off-Broadway smash. What's so inspirational about the book is, not only did he make
his
dreams come true, but he put all of his friends into the shows he wrote and made all of their dreams come true as well.

Busch performed "Bill" in my
Broadway 101
show last week, and I used him to prove that you don't need crazy high notes or an elaborate set to move an audience. He sang it with just a piano, some strings and a stool and the audience was riveted. You could hear a pin drop… or a leg shake. He showed everyone that you just need a connection to the words to draw an audience in. So many people told me that his rendition made them cry. And my Long Island mother told me that it made her "croy."

On Friday, I arrived in Palm Springs and met up with Jennifer, who was performing for a bunch of lawyers who were having their annual conference and hired her to belt up a storm. Ever since I started playing for her, she hasn't been allowed to sing "And I Am Telling You" in performance because the studio wanted to keep that special in the movie. But now that the whole Oscar season is over, she's finally allowed to do it! She sounded amazing, and the only disappointment I felt was not being able to do the whole fight scene leading up to it. I didn't get the impression though that she wanted me to sing the other roles of Jimmy, Curtis, Deena and Lorrell. Was she afraid of being out-riffed? You decide.

It's so fun accompanying Jennifer because she
always
sounds amazing. Totally full-voiced and nary a click track in sight! Also, the night we performed was the anniversary of her being kicked off
American Idol
, so it was extra poignant. She always does "Weekend in New England," which is the song that got her ixnayed, and if you ever hear her do it, you will feel ashamed that you didn't stay up all night voting for her when she was on
Idol
.

After the show, I drove to Los Angeles with my good friend Jack Plotnick. The drive became so tedious, and our conversation topics so scarce, that I was forced to sing all of "The Worst Pies in London" a cappella. Again, I say, if John Treacy Egan can do Che, why can't I do a Cockney charwoman?

Okay, this week I'm doing
Androcles and the Lion
for the Shaw Project and the Easter Bonnet Competition, and I’m seeing
Legally Blonde
. As one show closes, so another opens…

Shaw, Shindle and the Missing Glasses

May 1, 2007

First of all, Monday afternoon, I went to the East Side. Yes, that gets its own sentence because as a West Sider, it is a momentous occasion. For those of you who don't live in New York, it's akin to traveling from Paris to Leningrad and takes just as many train transfers. Also, it has streets and neighborhoods I've never heard of and have no idea the location of. I had to go to Gramercy Park South. Where in the world is that? I panicked and took a cab. I found out Gramercy Park South is actually East 16th Street. Why couldn't it be called that? I could have taken the R train to 14th Street and just walked. Who's going to pay me back the $14 for the cab? Who's responsible for that cryptic name? Do I bill the Robert Moses estate?

Well, the reason I trekked to that foreign land was because the sweet and talented David Staller asked me to be in
Project Shaw
.
Project Shaw
was founded by Staller, and the intention of it is to put on every single one of Shaw's works — sketches, one acts and full lengths. I played Androcles in
Androcles and the Lion
, which is about Christians being thrown to the lions. Since that's sometimes what it feels like for an actor on critics' nights, Staller decided to cast the show with critics to give them a taste of what actors go through. David decided that me being a deejay on Sirius made me critic-y enough to be in it. I played opposite Bruce Vilanch's lion, and I must say that for a role mostly full of stage directions ("the lion moans mournfully"), Bruce was hilarious! If they finally do revive
The Wiz
, have I got a lion for you… albeit, a white one.

I began the evening with the cockiness of "Bruce and I are the only professional actors on this stage," but by ten minutes in, I was in a fierce battle for laughs with Michael "comic genius" Musto and Michael "bring down the house" Riedel. The only thing that saved me was Musto only being featured in Act One and Riedel being unceremoniously eaten by a lion at the beginning of Act Two. Basically, I was surrounded by more laugh whores than you'd find at a Mario Cantone family reunion. Bravo, critics! And remember my shout outs to you when a Rudetsky extravaganza opens and you put pen to paper.

Tuesday was the Easter Bonnet Competition and
Legally Blonde
's Laura Bell Bundy and I got to tell the audience who the judges were. Remember the old theatre adage "Never share the stage with children or animals"? Let me amend that to, "Never share the stage with a Chihuahua and a blonde in a pink bunny suit." I had to pull out all my shtick just to get anyone in the audience with a wandering eye to fix one of them on me. But the show was faboo as usual — the
[title of show]
folk (best show ever) and Chris Gattelli created the opening number, which was a hilarious stream of consciousness that had moments like Jeff Bowen considering whether they should have
Wicked
star Julia Murney belt out the opening number (cue Julia Murney on elevator in sexy gown rising to the stage, mic poised as she’s about to sing) and then Hunter Bell remembering that she has eight shows a week and should probably save her voice (cue elevator with Julia Murney lowering under the stage while Julia angrily mouths "
Son of a
…").

Also, it was great to see Jo Anne Worley in the
Drowsy Chaperone
sketch. She featured her twirling pearl necklace bit, which has to be seen. She starred in my
On the Twentieth Century
concert for the Actors Fund and told my friend Charlie Schwartz that it's very important to "travel with your own props." What an old-school specific tip! Who even
has
their own props, let alone travels with them? I love it!

Thursday, I had Karen Ziemba on
Chatterbox
. She first talked about the ‘80s and her final audition to take over the role of Peggy Sawyer in
42nd Street
. She had to stand next to Jerry Orbach and was so nervous she'd be too tall that she wore rickety-rackety flats, but thankfully, he was a taller drink of water. She got the part and told us that Jerry was old-school and therefore never missed a performance. Attention members of various ensembles: aspire to be Jerry! She also talked about the first time she went on as Cassie in the national tour of
A Chorus Line
, and it was in an outdoor theatre. During the moment where she was yelling at Zach that she'd be proud to be a member of the chorus, she had been dancing so much that her body temperature was hotter than the air, so steam was rising off of her. The audience must have been like "Cassie must be right! After all, she is a wizard."

Friday, I saw
Legally Blonde
. First of all, shout out to Laura Bell Bundy for singing and dancing up a storm and doing it eight shows a week. I was winded from watching her by the "I want" song. Secondly, yay Orfeh! I was so obsessed with her in
Saturday Night Fever
. Whenever I played in that pit, I always turned my earphones way up whenever she was lending her signature riffs to "Jive Talking." Yes, I played keyboard for the song "Jive Talking." We all need rent money. Thirdly, so proud to see Jerry Mitchell graduate to directing. We used to create the production numbers on
The Rosie O'Donnell Show
years back and I was always miffed that, after assisting Michael Bennett
and
Jerome Robbins, he hadn't yet directed a Broadway show. Finally! And lastly, brava to Kate Shindle. Because of my obsession with high belting, she told me in advance that she hits some crazy notes in the show. I was psyched waiting for it and heard her belt some delicious E flats in Act Two. I was duly impressed, but I had heard her belt even higher before (an F) when she'd sing "See What I Wanna See" in various benefits. Suddenly, near the end of the song, she hit an E Flat, started sliding up and had the chutzpah to land on an A flat! And hold it! With vibrato! Unbelievable!

All right, this week I'm one of the judges in the
Mr. Broadway
pageant, and I'm then going to Albany for lobbying day! I love long car rides because I can blast all my favorite CDs —
Closer Than Ever, Ain't Misbehavin'
and
Evita
(with Patti! How dare you even ask!).
Remember traveling with a bunch of CDs? Remember CDs?

See ya next week and peace out!

Austin, Derek and Mr. Karp

May 8, 2007

Whadda week! The last seven days had more beefcake in 'em than a
Naked Boys Singing
open call. Monday night was the first
Mr. Broadway
contest. It benefited the Ali Forney Center, which shelters homeless gay kids. Shockingly, in this day and age, many gay kids are forced to live on the streets because their families reject them. I was asked to be a judge alongside the six-packed Scott Nevins and the high G belting Nancy Opel.

Now, I love doing benefits, but this one had the essence of a probable stinker. A male beauty pageant? I smelled a drunken cat-calling audience. A talent segment? I had a vision of having to sit through everyone's audition song ("Anthem," "She Loves Me" and "Sara Lee"). A swimsuit competition? Hmm. I didn't have a bad feeling about that. In fact, that's what got me to the theatre. Anyhoo, Nancy, Scott and I waited backstage with trepidation, but from the moment the opening number started, we were severely pleasantly surprised. It was great! There were seven contestants: Mr.
Wicked
, Mr.
A Chorus Line
, Mr.
Mamma Mia!,
Mr.
Curtains
, Mr.
Hairspray
, Mr.
Tarzan,
and the title Nancy Opel thought was the most awkward one to have, Mr.
Mary Poppins
.