Shades of Honor (38 page)

“You’re going to kill us,” Kyle said, but he lifted Amelia off the saddle, settled himself behind her, then let her bottom slip back into the cradle of his thighs. He pulled her against his chest then folded the sides of his jacket around her shivering body. “Hold on,” he said, then kicked his horse into a full gallop out Liberty Street.

Amelia didn’t know if Kyle meant she should hold on to his coat or the horse, but the feel of his strong arm around her made her head reel. She felt trapped but oddly protected by the warmth of his hard body. Still, Kyle’s arms didn’t keep her from falling apart. She wept hard as they raced past Kyle’s sawmill in
Laona
and turned onto the road leading to Jamestown. Thankfully they would only travel a little over a mile to
Shumla
Road. Her teeth chattered and her shoulders quaked despite the warm nest Kyle provided with his body.

“We’ll be there soon,” he said near her ear as the rain and tears stung her eyes.

“What happened?” she asked between sobs. When Kyle didn’t answer, she thought he couldn’t hear her over the rumbling thunder and rushing wind, or perhaps he hadn’t understood her tear-drenched words. “Were you with Papa?”

“Yes.”

Although Kyle had to raise his voice to be heard, his grief was apparent. She felt the tightening of his arm around her waist and wished she could bury her face in his shoulder and escape the pain that lacerated her heart. Instead she let the rain slash her cheeks and mingle with her grief as she clung to the thundering beast beneath her.

As he turned onto
Shumla
Road, Kyle flung up his arm to flag her father’s head sawyer who was driving the oncoming carriage. “Ray!” Kyle yelled. “I’ve got Amelia with me!”

Ray Hawkins pulled the carriage to the edge of the road and Kyle slowed his horse. Amelia crushed Kyle’s hand around the reins. “Don’t stop. It’ll take forever in the carriage.”

He hesitated then waved Ray back in the direction from which he’d come. “I’ll take her the rest of the way,” he yelled, then nudged his horse back into a gallop and left the carriage behind.

“Papa started the fire for me this morning.” She needed to tell Kyle that her father had been perfectly alive that morning and none of this made any sense. “His chest hurt, but he thought he was getting a cold.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

She heard the apology in Kyle’s voice and knew he was hurting, too. Her father had spoken of Kyle with pride on many occasions. Now her beloved father would never speak again. His arms wouldn’t hug her anymore and keep her from feeling alone in the world. She would never hear his laugh or watch him slap his thigh when something struck his funny bone. He wouldn’t knock on her door and break the monotony of her silent evenings by sitting at her too small table drinking her awful coffee.

Stinging rain streamed across her face and neck, but Amelia couldn’t close her mouth against the sobs erupting from her throat. Kyle’s arm tightened around her shuddering waist. She felt his cheek brush hers, but it didn’t bring her comfort or stop the shattering of her heart.

His lips touched her temple as he spoke. “Your father said to tell you that he loves you. He wanted you to know that.”

Her throat ached and she choked on her tears. How like her father to spend the last minutes of his life thinking about her. He’d continually pushed her to find a man who would make her happy, even though he knew no decent man would want a soiled bride. Amelia had reminded him each week that she wasn’t allowed to marry while under contract as a teacher, and that her father’s love was enough for her. Despite her chronic loneliness, it really
had
been. She’d adored him.

Feeling her sanity eroding in the rain, Amelia sought something solid to hold on to. She found Kyle’s hand at her waist and laced her fingers with his, praying his warm grip, and the lights in the distance, would help her face what was waiting for her.

The rain had stopped during the night, but the day dawned as gray and dismal as Kyle’s mood. Regrets consumed him while he sweated through a long, grueling afternoon at the mill. He’d wanted to clear his conscience last night and tell Amelia the truth surrounding her father’s collapse, to express his regret and apologize, but it would have increased her distress. So Kyle had given Amelia over to Jeb’s keeping, offered his condolences to her mother, and escaped into the blowing rain before Amelia could take his hand again.

Seeing her look at him as if he were a hero for whisking her through the storm to her father’s side had twisted Kyle’s gut. He wasn’t a damned hero. He was an idiot!

With an oath, Kyle slammed his hand maul against the grapple hooks that bound a drag of maple logs. If Tom hadn’t changed so much, it would have never crossed Kyle’s mind to doubt him. But Tom had stopped swapping business news with Kyle and the other mill owners, then he’d started cutting his prices and hoarding jobs. What else was Kyle to think? Even though Tom was an admirable man, his erratic behavior had shaken Kyle’s faith and planted doubts in his mind. Kyle had been justified in confronting Tom.

“Come on,
dammit
!” Kyle whacked at the metal links then gave them a yank. Panting in the scent of wood and earth, he struggled to pry the metal clasps loose, but couldn’t dislodge their grip in the bark.

Whether or not he’d been justified in confronting Tom, Kyle regretted it more than any mistake he’d ever made—and he’d made some blunders in his life.

More irritated with himself than the stubborn hooks, Kyle raised his arm and channeled his anger through the hammer. Iron struck iron and sparks flew. The hammer ricocheted off the hooks and drove straight into his leg.

With an oath that would have reddened Lucifer's ears, Kyle heaved the hand maul across the yard.

“Red rip
roarin
' bastard!” He clamped his hands over his throbbing shin and plopped down on the rough bark of the maple tree that he’d been unchaining. “Good for nothing piece of rubbish! Stubborn hunk
o'junk
hell-minded hammer.”

He rocked upon the tree trunk in excruciating pain while he tried to think of other appropriate expletives to curse the wretched thing. His head reeled and his stomach heaved. Feeling his shin swelling beneath his hand made him grit his teeth. He didn’t need this on top of everything else! He rocked in pain for several minutes, then with a final oath, he launched himself off the maple log and limped across the field toward home.

Until today his house had seemed conveniently close, but the ache in his leg and the humid air made the few hundred yards seem like miles. Knowing he had to attend Tom Drake’s funeral and face Amelia within the hour merely added to his misery.

As soon as he'd washed, shaved, and clothed himself in a suit, Kyle retraced his limping steps across the field to the barn. It was set well away from the mill in consideration of the horses, but close enough to house his bay-colored gelding and the heavy-muscled
Percherons
that moved the timber.

“What happened to you?” Duke asked from the open doorway.

As Kyle spun to face his younger brother, pain ripped through his shin and his leg gave out. He crashed into a stall and grabbed the half-wall to stop his downward plunge. “
Dammit
, Duke! One of these days I'm going to bust your head for sneaking up on me.”

“That’s how I catch the bad guys.” Duke folded his arms across his thick chest, his biceps straining the sleeves of his full dress shirt that was devoid of his sheriff’s badge. “I saw you limping in here and thought I'd better see how seriously you were wounded.”

Kyle's lips twisted with disgust. “I hit my shin with that rotten hammer again. It feels like it shattered my leg.”

“Do you think it's serious?”

Kyle grimaced as he flexed his foot. “Feels like it, but probably not.”

“I've got the carriage. How about a lift to the funeral?”

“I doubt I could make it otherwise.” Kyle hooked a hand over his brother's shoulder and limped from the barn. He glanced up at the dreary sky and sighed. “This is one rotten day.”

“Any day you bury a friend is a bad day,” Duke said, his voice somber. “I still can’t believe Tom’s dead.”

Neither can I
, Kyle thought miserably.

Duke tried to assist Kyle into the carriage, but Kyle smacked his hands away. “I can manage without your coddling.”

“All right, hardhead.” Duke climbed in and waited. “God help the woman who ends up with you and your lovely disposition.”

“At least she won't be coddled to death.” Kyle heaved himself aboard. “How do you manage to stay alive? You’re too softhearted to be a sheriff.”

Duke slapped the reins and set the carriage in motion. “Just because I wear a badge doesn’t mean I can’t talk nice to a woman and give her a little affection now and then.”

“Am I supposed to be gleaning some mystical wisdom from those words?” Kyle suspected Duke was alluding to his past blindness with Evelyn and Radford and he damned well didn’t want to talk about it.

Duke glanced at Kyle as though he were an idiot. “
Sweettalking
a woman and coddling her is common sense.”

“It’s nonsense and a waste of time.”

“Well, you can’t treat them like one of our crew. You can’t just snap out orders and expect them to jump for you.” Duke snorted. “Women want affection, Kyle. They want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t, so save your philosophizing for someone who needs it.” Duke shook his head and chuckled, but he kept silent while Kyle spent the balance of the trip thinking about
sweettalking
a woman like Amelia Drake.

 
 
o0o

A wave of grief washed over Amelia and she placed her palm on her father's chest. He'd given her all she desired, encouraged her education, and taught her to speak her mind with conviction. Every day he had been a shining example of integrity and honor. Instead of condemning her for making mistakes, he’d stood by her through one of the most humiliating times of her life. Now he was gone.

The only man who’d ever loved her was lying in a casket, dressed in a Sunday suit, his hair slicked back with pomade oil. This was not the man she had called father for nearly twenty-one years. She wanted to remember him standing beside a pile of hewn maple trees directing the transfer of logs to the sawing tables, his graying hair ruffled by the breeze and his shirt sleeves rolled to his forearms.

Amelia adjusted the lapel on his coat then pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll miss you so.”

“So will I,” her mother said, startling Amelia as she came up to the casket and ran her hand over her husband’s chest. Her gaze swept the ornate house, her green eyes dull, her lovely oval face strained with grief. “It’s unbearable here without him.”

Worse than unbearable. Amelia’s heart ached so deeply it pained her to breathe. She clasped her mother’s cold hands. “Papa would tell us to be strong and to look for the blessings in each day God gives us. We have to try to do that for him.”

“Your father would also want you to find yourself a man who deserves you.” Amelia blinked in surprise, but her mother didn’t pause. “You should marry, honey.”

Amelia would have married years ago, but Richard hadn’t wanted her. “I don’t need a husband, Mama. I have you.”

Disappointment filled her mother’s eyes. “Don’t you ever want to marry?”

Yes,
Amelia’s soul whispered, but she shook her head, knowing she never would. “I’m proud of being a teacher.”

“I know, honey, but you’re missing something very special. Marriage to the right man is heaven.” Her gaze shifted to the coffin. “Living without your father is going to be hell. Absolute, unbearable hell.”

Amelia’s eyes welled up at the pain in her mother’s bereft expression, but she had no words that would offer comfort for the depth of grief she and her mother shared.

“The mill would make a nice dowry, you know. There are plenty of men who would covet a good business and a beautiful bride. And you need a man to lean on. Especially now. Find one while you’re still young and beautiful.”

“How, Mama? I’m barely able to walk to town without an escort from the school board,” Amelia said, pushing the words from her aching throat. “I’m sorry if it disappoints you, but I’m going to remain a teacher for the rest of my life.”

“Then I’m going to have to sell the mill.”

“What?” Amelia’s heart jolted. “Why? Jeb and Ray can run it for us.”

Her mother shook her head. “We have no ties to your father’s crew. They could leave us tomorrow. If I can’t make the mortgage payments, we’ll lose the mill
and
the house. I can’t risk our only security.”

“But I remember everything I learned during the summers I spent with Papa. I can help Jeb.”

“You would lose your teaching position the instant the board got wind of you being there.”

“Well, we can’t just sell something Papa spent his whole life building!” For Amelia, losing the mill would be like losing her father a second time. She couldn’t bear it.

“Then use it as a dowry. Find a man you can depend on, one who’s smart enough to make the business thrive without sacrificing his life or your marriage to do so.”