Shadows in Me (3 page)

Caitlin

I felt so conflicted!  On one hand I was excited for this new part of my journey, but on the other I was leaving.  I woke up this morning with a tightness in my chest and heaviness in my heart. How could I just pack up and leave Vincent, could our love survive this distance?  

Just before we left home, I had gotten the call, I had been given the opportunity to go work with Chef Nathaniel in San Diego, and it would be a six month apprenticeship.  Although San Diego was not that far away, commuting with the hours I needed to work would just be stupid.  So I would need to rent an apartment for the time I was there.  I wasn’t too sure how Vincent was going to feel about it, we had been spending so much time together, when I wasn’t at school I worked with him at Simplicity, designing menus and trying out new recipes.  It was going to be hard being apart, but it was only for six months and I believed we could do it. 

Heather and Cole had been together for 2 ½ years now, and they were such a power team. With Coles’ marketing skills and Heathers’ sharp mouth, they had taken Simplicity to new levels, and with Vincent and I working on the menu and expanding that side of the business, Simplicity was a force to be reckoned with in the health world. 

Our focus had been on creating a self-sustaining restaurant/heath bar.  We grew our own produce in our green house and all the waste products were re-integrated into the compost we used to grow the produce.  It was all very exciting but hard work. That’s why I was so excited to work with Chef Nathaniel; he was one of the first chefs to start a restaurant and health centre of this sort. 

It was already 6:30am but it was dark in the room, I climbed out of bed and walked towards the patio. It was cloudy and a soft rain was falling.  I walked out into the rain; I closed my eyes and just stood there, letting the rain wash over me.  I could feel his presence even before I saw him.  Vincent placed his arms around my waste and his lips on the back of my neck.  He kissed me so gently.  The tears were streaming down my cheeks by then.  How could I leave this? How could I be away from him for just one day?  Since our engagement we hadn’t been apart.  Waking up in his arms every morning was the best part of my day, to smell him on me even when we weren’t in the same room.   But now I was leaving. San Diego wasn’t that far away, but with both our work schedules being so hectic, our time was going to be limited. 

I turned into his arms and placed my hands on his face.    I was going to miss this, the love in his eyes.  I could just hope and trust that we were strong enough for this to work, but something in my gut was telling me it wasn’t going to be easy. 

He ran his finger over my cheek, gently wiping away the tears that were rolling down my face.  “Why are you crying, my angel?”  He bent down and kissed away my tears. 

“I’m scared…of leaving home and leaving you.  I’m scared of what might happen to us while I’m gone. With our work schedules there will be little time for us.  Six months is a hell of a long time to be without you.  I don’t know if I can do it.”  I bent down and rested my head on his chest. 
OMG I’m going to miss his so much, I am being such a baby. 

I could feel his lips on my head.  “You will be fine, we will be fine.  I can’t say that I am happy about being so far away from you, but we’ll make it work, I promise.” 

He bent down, scooped me into his arms and carried me back to his bed.  My clothes were soaked from the rain.  He lay me gently on the bed and stripped the wet clothes from my body.  I was shivering, not only from the cold, but from the anticipation of what was to come. The look in his eyes told me this was not going to be gentle. 

My body was heating up just from that look in his eyes.  I could feel a tingle between my thighs.  I closed my eyes for just a second. I could feel the bed dip under me, I opened my eyes to find Vincent crawling, almost stalking up towards me.  He lowered his head and started nibbling, biting his way up my body.  Without being asked I opened up to him, I gripped his shoulders, digging my nails into his skin.  The feeling was overwhelming; my body was hot with lust. He took his time licking, spreading me open.  I could feel his hands trailing up the back of my leg to my butt.  Cupping my cheeks he lifted me up into him, I arched my back holding on to him.  It didn’t take long for me to find my release, my orgasm ripped through my body.  He growled as he continued his onslaught. 

He softly whispered as he trailed kisses over my belly, “You are so beautiful…and you’re all mine.”

I was still wet from my own juices which made it easy for him to slip into me.  We made love as if this was our last time. 

I awoke with the smell of coffee lingering in the air.  I turned to find the bed empty.  Our clothes lying in a wet mess on the bedroom floor; I grabbed the sheet off the bed and made my way towards the kitchen.  Vincent was standing butt naked in front of the stove cooking breakfast.  Oh my god…an instant hot throb started between my legs, my mouth watering at the sight of him.  The thought of him taking me right then and there took over my body.  I walked towards him, ready to surrender myself to him again, when the front door was flung open.  I startled and jumped in his direction, with the sheet perfectly draped around me. 

“YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS AWAKE YET, IT’S ALL ….”  Heather stopped dead in her tracks, with Cole walking slam bang into the back of her, making her stumble a few steps forward. 

By now Vincent turned around and was facing them.  I finally came to my senses after seeing Heathers eyes drifting downwards. 

I jumped in front of Vincent to protect what was mine. “Don’t you two knock first?  Heather!! Eyes up here please!!” I blurted out, in embarrassment.

Heathers’ face went red; Cole started laughing so loudly I’m sure the neighbours on the other side of the road could hear him. 

“Oh fuck, sorry!” Heather turned around and hit Cole over the head. “I told you we should have phoned first!”

Both Vincent and Cole thought this was very funny, only men could see the humour in a situation like this. 

“I guess I had better get dressed then. Come darling, I need your protection from you friend’s hungry eyes.” Vincent started walking towards our bedroom, not waiting for me; I rushed to keep up with him, not once taking my eyes off our guests. 

“Oh piss off, I wasn’t checking out your junk if that’s what you were thinking. I was hoping there was some breakfast left over for us.” Trust Heather to jump back from a sticky situation so quickly. 

Vincent and I had a quick shower before having breakfast with Heather and Cole.  We decided that Vincent would drive my car up, and then come back with Cole. 

I had found a fully furnished apartment close to where I would be working.  It wasn’t very big but it was comfortable.  One bedroom, a bathroom with a shower and an open plan kitchen onto the lounge.  The colouring throughout the house was white, even the furniture, it was all very stylish.  The bedroom had a large vintage French canopy bed, a thick shaggy carpet and an antique wall mirror standing in the corner. White shutters adorned the big bay windows. It had a beautiful crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling.  Oh wow, it was amazing. 

I could have sent Heather and Cole home then and there, just to spend the rest of the afternoon in there with Vincent.

As if reading my mind, Heather blurted out, “Get your head out of the gutter, bestie; I’m not going home till I’m ready to let you go.  Your Hulk can come and visit you another time to christen that bed.”  Grinning, she put her arm around me and hugged me tight. 

As an outsider you would have thought that we were never going to see each other again.  Both Heather and I stared crying and hanging onto each other.  The past three years had been really hard on both of us, and there wasn’t a day that we didn’t see each other.  I would not have made it through my hell if it hadn’t been for Heather.  She got me back up, when my brain seemed to shut down, not accepting what had happened to me.  And when she needed a time out, she would make sure Vincent or Cole were nearby.  I didn’t think she could ever understand how much she meant to me. 

Heather helped me to unpack and make my bed.  After we were done, we went looking for the boys, but they were nowhere to be found.  I phoned Vincent’s phone, it didn’t take him long to answer.  They had managed to find a pub that was open for lunch. 

It was a rustic looking, almost like an old vintage home nestled in between a tall building.  It was a two storey high building.  It had large double wooden doors with heavy solid handles, on either side of it; huge windows with florescent lighting above.  Right at the back was the pub, with dark wood finishes and brass foot railings.  There were dining tables scattered to the left of the room, but the right side was set up with a stage, dance floor and a few high tables with barstools. 

Walking into Duke’s felt so inviting.  I loved it immediately.  There was just something about the place that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

We found a table close to the window. The weather was starting to change, dark clouds were rolling in from the sea and it turned cold. I was staring out the window totally oblivious to what was happening around me.  It was as if Mother Nature knew the state of my heart and my head.  In no time at all, everyone who mattered to me would be driving away, leaving me there in that big city on my own. 

I had never been alone before.  How could I leave Vincent, even if it is was just for six months?  We should’ve been planning our wedding! Was I doing the right thing for us?  Could we survive this?

Lunch was amazing; I would definitely be spending my free time here.  Cassy, the owner’s daughter, came over to chat to us, such a stunning person and very friendly. What I liked the most was that for the first time, the waitresses wasn’t hitting on my boyfriend.  I thought we would get along just fine.

The weather was getting worse and it was time for my friends to go.  It was a short walk back to my apartment, I had both my arms wrapped around Vincent’s, and we didn’t talk much.  We were both so wrapped up in our own thoughts, and the fact that it would be at least two weeks before we would have a chance to see each other again. A soft rain was starting to fall, I was grateful for it, it hid my tears well.  But I needed to be strong.  

Cole’s car was parked right in front of my building.  I didn’t want them to come up, it was hard enough.  But we had said our goodbyes at Duke’s.  Heather and I were hanging on to each other crying for god knows how long.  Poor Vincent and Cole didn’t know what to do. 

All that was left was for me to say goodbye to Vincent.  Heather and Cole kissed and hugged me and then got into the car. 

The pain in my chest was overwhelming, I couldn’t do it.  I needed him to stay with me, always and forever.  It was as if he could feel my anxiety.  The tears by then were streaming down my face, not even the rain could disguise it anymore.  Vincent pulled me tight against him, as I placed my head on his chest, I just sobbed.

“I love you Caitlin, you are my everything. I promise you we will make it through this and our relationship will be stronger after all this.  Trust in us and our love.”  

Vincent

Thinking back to the day she told me about San Diego, I had just asked her to marry me a few hours earlier.  We had had the most amazing evening, but I could feel she was holding something back.  I needed to get her home so we could talk.  

We got home late afternoon, the sun was already starting to set, I got my housekeeper to prepare a special dinner for us and set it all up on the deck outside.  The red and orange from the sunset was reflecting off the pool.  It was just perfect; I had been so worked up with a need for her.  Sleeping in her parents’ home for a few weeks and not being able to share a room was torture.  Although her parents knew we were having sex, her father was adamant that we would not share a bed under his roof.  How some people could still be so old fashioned was beyond me. 

I wasn’t prepared for what she told me. I was hoping to be married within six months.  I had waited far too long for a love like ours.  I needed her to be my wife.  I knew it was selfish, but I couldn’t help myself. 

Driving away from her felt like the hardest think I had ever done. Seeing her cry like that, just broke me.  If I was the one driving the car I would have turned it around, but Cole was behind the wheel, and with Heather watching my every move I had no choice. 

“You know she’ll be fine, she’s come a long way.” Heather said, softly.  “She needs this…she needs to prove to herself that she’s strong again.  I know this is hard on you but you can do it. ” Heather put her hand on my shoulder squeezing.

“Yeah, you’re right, I just don’t like seeing her like that.”  I looked at Heather and as I looked back to where Caitlin was standing, she was gone. 

The ride home was quiet, none of us spoke, we were all wrapped up in our own thoughts.

Tomorrow would be back to work, and without Caitlin there I needed to employ someone.  We had opened two more outlets and there were plans to add one more before the end of the year.  Cole has lined up three potential candidates; he had done the initial interview while I was away, so I just needed to decide which one I preferred so they could start.  With Cole and Heather working on the marketing and plans for the new branches, the new person would be working closely with me to learn the menu’s and run the shop.  It was in times like these I wished Rebecca was still around, she knew the ins and outs of the business. But after what had happened I would never able to forgive her.  She was arrested the day Hunter was killed, but she had hired a good Lawyer that had gotten her off on some bullshit technicality.  She did come back to try talk to me about a year later, but I just couldn’t stand being in the same room as she was. 

So now I was faced with having to train a new employee. 

It was after dark by the time we got home, Cole dropped me off first before heading off to Heathers place.  Caitlin had decided to lease her beach house to them, seeing as though she wouldn’t be staying there when she came back.  She had agreed to move in with me, which was at least something to look forward to during these dreaded six months.

I already missed her so much, it had only been a few hours but what I wouldn’t give to have her in my arms right then. 

It’s funny how you take the little things for granted when someone is with you all day every day.  The way she always has her music playing, her dancing and twirling around the house.  Now walking up to my room I long to see her standing in my doorway naked, her arms lifted above her head holding onto the doorframe.  She would tease me by crossing her one leg in front of the other.

Her breast lifted and peaked, ready for me to nibble on.

Fuck, I needed a shower and damn cold one.  I had never been one for jerking off in the shower, but I could see Mrs Palm and her five daughters were going to be my best friends for the next six months. 

After relieving myself from a serious case of blue balls, I headed to bed.  It was only 8pm, she should still be awake. My phone was charging on the table next to my bed. The little red light was flashing, indicating that there was a message, please god let it be from her! It was. 

Caitlin:  You there?

It was sent more than ten minutes before, while I was in the shower. 

Me:  Yes babes, sorry I was in the shower, it was lonely without you.

I didn’t have to wait long for a response.

Caitlin:  I miss you like crazy, please come and fetch me?

Me:  You give up so quickly, mmmmh not the little stubborn bombshell I’m used to. 

Caitlin:  You don’t miss me?  You haven’t told me you miss me?  Are you happy I am gone?

Oh fuck! How could I be so clueless?  I should have started with that first.  Now I’m in shit, and too far away to fix it properly. 

Me:  I MISS YOU MY DARLING

Caitlin:  I don’t believe you. You crap me out before you tell me you miss me. Don’t think you even love me anymore, out of sight out of mind? 

I didn’t bother responding, I dialled her number.  It took her four rings before she picked up. 

Music was playing in the background, and when she spoke there was a hint of laughter in her voice. 

“Hello, my darling Vincent, do you still love me?”  I could just picture her sitting on the floor with her feet tucked in underneath her bum, her index finger twirling her hair while talking on the phone. She was having me on, she wasn’t serious. 

“You little Vixen, here I am stressing for thinking I had upset you, and you’re laughing at me.”  I let out a sigh of relieve. 

The only response I got from the other side, was a sexy giggle. 

“You know that little stunt of yours deserves a spanking of note.” Just the image of Caitlin draped over my knee made me hard all over again. 

“Ha ha, you are too far away to give me a spanking, although a spanking would be kinda nice.” 

“You know San Diego is not that far, granted it would take me a few hours to get there, won’t guarantee I would get back to work in time, but it would be worth it.  You’d have to deal with Cole though.”  I settle back on the pillows. “You know the bed still smells like you?  I wish you were here my angel, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.” I said softly into the phone.

“I know, it’s hard for me too.  I feel like such a horrible person for doing this to us, we should be planning our wedding and now I’m so far away.”  A soft sob escapes her throat. 

“Sorry my Angel, I didn’t mean to upset you.  Shit, now I feel like crap for the second time in a matter of minutes.”

“It’s not you, it’s just this situation.  I love being able to take this opportunity, I just wish I could have found a place closer to home, you know, then I wouldn’t be away from you. Vincent I’m sorry.”

“Caitlin, enough now.”  I said, quite firmly.  “This is an amazing opportunity, and in the end it will be great for both of us and the future of Simplicity.  This is a good thing, and we will make it work.  I’ll come and see you as often as I can and you can drive home when you have time off. We can do this.  Don’t stress.”  I tried my hardest to sound strong and confident, but deep down I had my own fears. 

“You’re right, I just … never mind, I will be ok.  I need to go now, tomorrow is going to be a long day and my nerves are getting the better of me.”

“Ok, Angel you go sleep now I will give you a call in the morning.  Sweet dreams, and remember how much I love you.” 

“I love you more, Vincent, I miss you.”

That click felt so final.  I didn’t sleep much the rest of the night; I missed having her in my arms. 

At 4:45am the buzzer on my alarm clock went off, I quickly took a hot shower before heading off to the market.  Cole had given me a list of all the produce we needed, and I promised to get it first thing this morning.  It gave him a little more time to sleep in, not that I thought they did a lot of sleeping when they were together.

The day started off with a bang, it was great to get back into the swing of things.  I got everything sorted before opening time so it gave me some time to think.  I would never forget the moment our eyes met for the very first time, it was the day of the Volleyball Tournament. 

Early that morning I spotted her going on her run.  I watched her from a distance I knew in my heart then already that one day I would marry her.  She was so sexy in her pink and black outfit, with her running shorts fitting just right, and her tank top clinging in just the right places.  I could feel things stir inside of me and was turned on from the very first moment. 

Rebecca pitching up at work early that day was just perfect, I could go take out my frustrations at the gym and then a cold shower, before heading back to get the day started.  I was happily surprised when Cole and I turned up later to find that my Blonde Beauty and her friends had decided to take part in the tournament. 

The best moment for me was when we first met, and from the look in her eyes I could see that she was just as affected as I was.  I knew right then that I had met my soul mate.  

I was still day dreaming about Caitlin when the buzzer on the front door went off.  It had only just turned 7am, the clients had started early.  I got up and made my way to the front door, I may as was well open on up. 

Standing in front of the door was a very sexy little red head.  She was dressed in white shorts and a black top, her hair tied up and an oversized white bag draped over her shoulder.  As I opened the door, she pushed her sunglass onto her head and looked me straight in the eyes. 

“Good Morning, I’m Alexis Green; I’m here for my interview.” She smiled and extended her hand to greet me. 

“You’re very early, I only expected you at eleven.  Oh sorry, that was rude of me, Good Morning, I’m ……” I lifted my hand to greet her. 

“Vincent, I know.” She squeezed my hand and smiled again, a little too seductively. 

My brain was telling me to run, trouble had just walked into my shop, but the devil on my shoulder had other plans. 

“I was hoping to make a good impression on you, so you would let me start today”.  She let go of my hand, resting her hand on her hips. 

“You’re overly confident.  I think we should have your interview first before we make any assumptions.”  I pulled out a chair at the table closest to the door and indicated for her to sit.  I walked around and sat down opposite her. 

The interview went well, hell she was perfect for the position, and it didn’t hurt that she was damn good looking.  I texted Cole to cancel the rest of the interviews.  We’d found our girl.  

Not long after I texted Cole, he and Heather walked through the front door.  Heather took one look at Alexis and I knew I was in shit.  Fuck, I could just imagine what she was going to tell Caitlin.