Shadows of Glass (30 page)

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks.

“Nothing,” I say, blushing furiously.

“Did you find Alcide?”

“Yes.” I wave behind me. “He’s over there.”

Levi stares over my shoulder into the darkness. “If you say so,” he says, squinting.

“Trust me, he’s there.”

“I do trust you, Wren.” Levi leans his rifle against the tree. “How’s the view of
the road?”

“I can see it,” I say as I look toward the east. “It’s a straight run for a good while,
then it curves to the north.”

“Which is the direction of their settlement,” Levi says.

“What if they don’t come down the road?”

“They’d have no reason not to,” Levi says. “Logic dictates that they wouldn’t spread
out until they get closer to our encampment. We’re a good ways away. If there’s a
small party, we could even trap them between us and pick them off.”

I look in the direction of our encampment. It is far enough away that I can’t see
it, and the lamps are nothing more than pin pricks in the distance like the stars
in the sky.

I shiver. “You talk about killing so easily, Levi,” I say. I keep my eyes on the road.
I know why I am here. I have a job to do. Yet I can’t help seeing the last seconds
of the rover’s life as his blood splattered all over me. “It seems to come easy for
you.”

“I value my life and the life of my family,” he says. “Just because I talk about it
doesn’t mean that I think it’s easy. It’s never easy, Wren. You already know that.”

I realize that even though I’ve only known him a short time, Levi knows more about
me than the people whom I’ve known my entire life. He knows more about me than Pace.
I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, or bad. “Maybe it’s because you talk about it like
it is part of a plan.”

“It’s my plan to keep us alive,” Levi says. “Just like today. Where would we be if
we had not killed those rovers? All of us. Just like it’s your plan to stay alive.
Why else would we be out here?”

“I guess I didn’t think about it that way,” I admit. “I just thought I was helping.”

“Helping protect all of us,” Levi says. “Which might involve killing.”

“I don’t want to talk about killing,” I say. “I’ve been lucky before, but now, if
someone was to come at me, I don’t know what I would do. I’ve proven I can’t use the
bow, and I’m afraid that my luck will eventually run out. I guess I could try one
of the branches again.” I was trying to make a joke because all of the talk of killing
is making me feel morbid on top of my guilt over my fight with Pace. I failed miserably
at that also I think, until Levi answers me.

“Take your pick,” he says and sweeps his arm out to show the ground. “Of course a
branch is only good in hand-to-hand combat. Hopefully it won’t get to that.” I look
around the ground, debating in my mind which branch would serve me best. Levi takes
his crossbow from his back. “Or I could teach you to use this. As long as we’re out
here we might as well do something.”

“I would like to be useful,” I say. “If we are attacked I’d rather be able to fight
than have you worrying about having to protect both of us.”

“I never doubted your self-sufficiency, Wren,” Levi says. “I have no doubt that if
we were attacked at this very minute you’d find a way to survive. Because that’s what
you are. A survivor.”

His ability to see so much about me scares me. “You presume to know so much about
me, Levi, yet we only met a few days ago.”

“We would not have met at all if you weren’t a survivor,” he points out.

“That could have had more to do with luck than anything else,” I say. “If I had been
in the village, or on the bridge, I’d be dead right now, like most of our village.”

“Then call it fate if you want,” Levi says. “Whatever it was, I’m glad you survived
it.”

I don’t know what to say to that. To say thank you would make it seem like I’d done
something to deserve it. To say I’m glad too would make it seem like I wasn’t sorry
that other people had died. I am at a loss, so I say nothing and instead stare off
into the darkness as if I see something.

“Is something there?” Levi asks as he stands beside me and tries to see if there is
anything on the road.

“No,” I reply. “It’s just the wind.” The wind has picked up, fluttering the leaves
on the trees and sweeping across the grass. A few tendrils of my hair that were left
down dance against my cheek. Levi slowly smiles and hooks the lock of my hair with
his finger and pulls it down beside my ear where it belongs.

Maybe Pace was right. Maybe Levi is interested in me. The way he looks at me with
his warm brown eyes …

“Your eyes are amazing,” he says, and it makes me remember that Pace said the same
thing to me when we first met.

“You only think that because they are different than yours,” I say and turn away because
looking at him is dangerous to my soul. Pace was right. I shouldn’t be here with him.
Levi is too tempting. Yet I cannot leave. To do so would put all of us at risk.

Why do you fight it?
The little voice in my head surprised me. I don’t ever recall it sounding so mischievous
or being so insistent before.
You are not married to Pace,
it says.
There are no vows between you. He wants to control you like James wanted. Didn’t he
just prove it by the way he acted? Levi wants to kiss you.
The excuses come to me rapidly until they fill my mind and I forget why I shouldn’t
kiss Levi.

Not that he has tried. Or that I expect he will try. But if he does …

What is wrong with me? Once again I have let my mind race away to things that are
impossible and improbable.

“Do you want to learn how to shoot?” Levi asks.

“Shouldn’t we watch?” I ask.

“I see no reason why we can’t do both at the same time.” He slips the flare gun sling
from my shoulder and hangs it on a tree branch where it is close at hand. “We’ll just
aim in that direction,” he explains. “That way if someone does show up we’ll be looking
right at them.”

“It scares me that it actually makes sense,” I say and Levi grins.

“I want you to get the feel of a gun in your hands,” he says. He pulls one of the
pistols from the holster on his hip, turns it to the side, moves a switch with his
thumb, and then extends his hand and peers down the line of his arm. “I put the safety
on so there will be no accidental shooting. No need to let them know where we are
if we don’t have to.”

“I completely agree,” I say.

“Hold it like this,” he says and wraps my hand around the handle. The weight of it
is familiar, like holding a small pickax or hammer, yet it is more balanced in my
hand than either ever felt. Levi stands behind my shoulder and lifts my arm. “You’ve
got strong hands and arms.”

“I
did
work,” I say.

“Really?” I feel the flex of his grin beside my ear and his breath tickles me. “Imagine
that. Now brace the butt with your other hand.”

I do as he asks. “Imagine that,” I echo.

“Just sight down the barrel,” he says. “Put your finger against the trigger. And then
you just give it a squeeze. It will jump in your hand so be prepared. Do you think
you can do it?”

I imagine a rover coming at me out of the darkness, or a filcher, or one of the bluecoats
who chased me through the street. “I can do it,” I say. “If I have to.”

“You might have to, Wren,” Levi says. “You won’t have time to think about it.”

“I can do it.”

“Good. Now let’s try the rifle.” He takes the pistol. “This is the safety by the way.
It has to be here for the gun to work. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Levi holsters his pistol and picks up the rifle. “This one is a bit different,” he
says. “Heavier and awkward at first.”

“But it works at a longer distance.”

“Yes. The pistols are more effective up close. The rifle’s for farther away, when
you have time to aim. You always want to aim for the biggest part of the body, so
aim for the center of the chest. That way you have a better chance of hitting something.”

“Makes sense,” I say.

He holds up the rifle. “This is how you hold it. Brace it against your shoulder. Same
rule with the safety here.” I watch him carefully and do as he tells me when he places
the rifle in my hands. “Pick out a target and see if you can keep it level.” I look
off in the distance and pick out a knot in a tree. “Do you have something?” Levi asks.

“I do.”

“What is it?” I point and tell him my target, which is a bit of broken branch sticking
out from a tree trunk. Levi stares off into the night. “Your eyes really are quite
remarkable,” he says with a grin. “I don’t think it will shoot that far, Wren. You
might want to try something closer. More attainable.”

I nod and try again. The rifle feels awkward in my arms. I’m not so sure I could do
as well with it as I could a pistol. My arms are starting to cramp from keeping them
in the same position.

“You’re getting a little shaky, Wren,” Levi points out.

“It feels strange,” I say.

“That’s because you’re not used to it.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”

“You’ll be glad of this if we’re attacked.”

“Something to look forward to?”

“Depends on the company,” Levi replies. “Let’s try the crossbow. You know the basics
of this and hopefully it won’t ever come down to that.” Levi takes the rifle from
my hands.

“Hopefully,” I say as I let out my breath.

“This one you can actually shoot.” Levi picks up his crossbow. “Aim for that tree.
The one with the branch that’s hanging on the ground. Then I’ll show you how to load
it.”

The crossbow is heavier than I expected. “You’ve got to balance yourself.” Levi moves
behind me. “Brace your body against mine,” he says as he sidles up against my back.
He puts his arms around me and guides both my arms up and into the proper position
to hold the crossbow. I feel him pressed against me, my spine against his chest, and
his legs right behind me, all hard muscle and silent strength that he wears as easily
as his clothes. “Hold it just like the rifle,” he instructs. “Spread your legs a bit.”
He pushes my left leg forward with his foot. “Now set into your stance.” I settle
into a more comfortable position. “That’s it.” Levi says quietly into my ear. “Now
sight down the line of the arrow and gently squeeze the trigger. Don’t hold your breath,
let it out as you squeeze it.”

I listen to Levi’s instructions and follow them as best as I can. The arrow leaves
the crossbow with a whoosh and hits the tree with a satisfying thunk. Jonah turns
his head at the strike and meows questioningly.

“I did it!” I say and turn to smile at Levi.

His face is right next to mine. “Brilliant!” he says and his eyes dance with delight
at my accomplishment. I cannot tear mine away from his handsome face, which comes
closer and closer until his lips touch mine. I should turn away. I should stop, but
I cannot. I am captured by the feel of him, by the taste, by the fact that Levi Addison
wants to kiss me.

Pace …
I shouldn’t be doing this. Especially not after my fight with Pace, but I can’t seem
to stop myself. My heart and my mind are at war while my body enjoys the fact that
Levi deepens the kiss, moving around until he’s in front of me, taking the crossbow
from my hands, dropping it to the ground and putting his hands on my upper arms and
then around my back until I’m pressed up close against him.

I am aware of Jonah pawing at my leg and meowing. I feel the wind pick up and twist
my hair against my cheek. I hear the night chorus around us, and it sounds as if it
is getting louder, as if the entire world has centered around this tiny dot on the
map.

I shouldn’t be doing this, yet I cannot find the will to stop myself. It is Levi who
pulls away and stares down at me with a bemused expression on his face.

“So much for Pace,” he says with a grin.

“Don’t,” I say. “That doesn’t make this any easier.”

“Nobody ever said love was easy.”

“You don’t love me, Levi,” I say. “How can you? You don’t know me. You just met me.”

“When did you meet Pace?” he asks.

So much has happened, I have to count the days in my head. I’m not even sure of what
day it is. “Two weeks?” I guess. “What does that have to do with it?”

“It has to do with the fact that you made up your mind about him pretty quick, so
why can’t I do the same with you?”

“Maybe that is the problem,” I say. “Maybe because everything happened so quick I
can’t really be sure about either one of you.” I pick the crossbow up from the ground.
“Show me how to load this.”

“I think you deserve more than this life,” Levi says as he puts the end of the crossbow
on the ground, places his foot on it, and pulls up until it ratchets into place. He
takes an arrow from the supply and places it in the chute, pressing it back. I watch
carefully as he works so I’ll know what to do. “What does Pace or anyone here have
to offer you but hard work trying to survive?” Levi slings the crossbow over his back
and turns to me, placing his hands on my upper arms. “Why don’t you come with us when
we leave and let me show you the world?” I fight the urge to shake him off. I know
Levi won’t hurt me, but it seems as if this is happening to me a lot. I don’t want
to be trapped. I’ve been trapped enough.

“Are you serious?” I ask. “Why? Why me?” The thought of leaving here and sailing away
on the Quest is certainly a dream I’ve considered, but the knowledge that it is entirely
possible is almost frightening. Would I have the courage to choose that future and
turn my back on everything that I know? Would doing it be any different than anything
else I’ve done so far?

Levi’s eyes on me are serious, yet his face breaks into a smile. “Can’t you see how
special you are?”

“Why does everyone keep telling me that?” I twist away from him and turn to the tree
where Jonah has once again taken up residence. I scratch his head in an absentminded
way while Levi speaks.