Shadows of Glass (31 page)

“Because it’s true.”

I shake my head in denial. “I’m just a girl trying to survive. Just like everyone
else.”

“Oh, Wren.” Levi shakes his head. “What will it take to convince you how exceptional
you really are?”

“Did you ever stop to think that I don’t want to be exceptional? Because being exceptional
means you do things that get people killed.” The sudden rush of emotion charging up
from inside my body surprises me, and I have to take a moment to beat it into submission.
Still I find it hard to speak. “I don’t want all that responsibility. I didn’t ask
for it. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s life but my own.”

Levi moves behind me and puts his hand on my neck where it is bare. I feel his heat
against me, and I almost sigh against his touch but I can’t. I am too confused, too
torn, and every part of me is conflicted. “My poor Wren. You really think you are
responsible for all those deaths?” he asks.

“I’m not yours, Levi,” I say. “I’m not anybody’s.”

“I felt your kiss, Wren,” Levi says. “You don’t kiss somebody like that if you don’t
feel something for them.” I cannot deny it. I turn to look at him and his hand drops
away from my neck and touches my cheek. “I can see it in your eyes,” he says.

“It’s not that easy,” I return. “I can’t think clearly, especially when I feel like
Pace is pulling me one way and you are pulling me another. I won’t be the cause of
a battle between you two. We have to work together or we’ll never survive this.”

Levi grins at me. “Those words are why you are special, Wren.” He kisses my forehead
and toys with the curl by my ear. “I won’t cause trouble with Pace, I promise. But
I’m not going to give up on you either. I’ve never felt this way about a girl before.
And as you get to know me better you will find that I don’t give up easily.”

I nod. Even though he kissed me, I trust Levi. Just like I trusted Pace when everything
happened with us. Which makes me ask myself a very important question. How can I know
what I feel for Pace or Levi is real when it seems that I am so easily torn. If my
love is real, wouldn’t I really know? Would I be this confused?

Just like Levi, I’ve never felt this way before. Or maybe I’ve felt this way too much.
I need answers, and for the life of me I have no idea where to find them.

21

“
You should see
the moon from the sky,” Levi says. I sit on the end of the branch, in the place where
it curves upward once more. Jonah is on a branch above me, and Levi leans against
it beside me with the rifle in his arms. I keep my eyes on the road, watching and
waiting for something that may not happen. I have to fight to keep my eyes open. Maybe
my body clock has shifted, or maybe it’s just the inactivity that I’m not used to.
Whatever the cause, I’m glad for the distraction of Levi’s statement.

The moon is now overhead and its light shines around us, casting short shadows on
the ground and giving the entire area a magical glow. I look up at it, amazed that
the path of my life has allowed me to see it, yet disappointed because I haven’t really
taken time to appreciate it. I never want to take my freedom for granted, yet I find
myself just as trapped as I was before, only this time it’s in the battle to stay
alive.

I chose this course. I wanted the freedom to choose, so I have no regrets. I just
didn’t know it would be this difficult.

“What’s it like?” I ask as I glance at Levi. His face is all shadow and light, yet
his hair glows golden with the radiant moon.

“Some nights it’s so big you think you might sail right into it,” Levi says. “On nights
like that, it’s amazing, especially if you’re over the ocean. It’s as if everyone
on board is holding their breath and afraid to break the spell. It’s magical and thrilling.”
He shrugs. “Words can’t really describe what it’s like, it’s just something you have
to experience for yourself.”

I peer up through the canopy of leaves. “How far away it is?”

“Thousands of miles. Ten of thousand miles. Maybe even hundreds of thousands. Technology
has yet to figure out a way to measure it.”

“A lot,” I say, not really knowing what a mile is. I imagine the distance around the
outside of the dome. Jon said it took him a day of walking and he didn’t make it around.
So I think about a thousand days of walking and it’s unimaginable. My world has always
been so small, so contained.

“It’s not as big as the earth but a lot bigger than you think. Dr. Stewart says it
controls the tides.”

“So it’s not just there to be pretty?”

“Everything in the world serves a purpose and is part of the circle of life.”

I shake my head at his analogy. “Just like in the dome.”

“What?”

“Everyone inside served a purpose. That purpose was to make life better for the royals.”

“Everyone needs a purpose, Wren. It just shouldn’t be at the expense of your own well-being.”

“So what’s our purpose now that we’re out?”

“To learn about the world. To build a better society than the one you left behind.
To live life to the fullest.”

“By going with you on the Quest?”

His bright grin flashes. “You’d be amazed at the things you would learn about this
world.” Levi looks up at me. “You have a wonderful opportunity here, Wren. You don’t
have to repeat the mistakes of the past. You’ve got a clean slate. You can take the
best the world has to offer and use it to build a new society.”

“How can I do that if I’m out flying around the world with you?”

“Does that mean you’re considering it?”

I can tell by the tone of his voice that he is teasing me. “It depends on how you
answer the question,” I reply.

“How else will you learn what works and what doesn’t?” Levi says. “Experience is the
best teacher of all.”

I laugh as I nod in agreement. My experiences of the past few days have taught me
much, the foremost being that I do not want to make the same mistakes again. “There
are no guarantees that anyone will listen to what I have to say.”

“What makes you think they won’t?” he asks.

“Experience,” I reply with a self-satisfied smile.

“Wren…” Levi shakes his head.

I ignore him. I don’t want to have this conversation again. I look across the way
at Alcide who is busy flexing his bow and aiming it at imaginary targets. The forest
is quieter now, the earlier chorus having given way to the occasional hoot from a
bird called an owl. I wish I had pictures to go with all the new words I’ve learned.
I envy both Pace and Levi for all the books they’ve been able to read and experiences
they’ve had. The things they’ve learned. While I do not have access to books, I do
have access to Levi, so I ask him the question that’s been burning in the back of
my mind all day. “How did you get those scars on your chest?”

“You saw them?”

“I noticed them this morning. Zan wouldn’t tell me when I asked her.”

“Should I be flattered that you were looking?”

“It was kind of hard not to,” I exclaim and Levi laughs. “Are you trying to distract
me from the question?” I ask as I realize that boys are basically the same, no matter
where they come from. They like it when girls pay attention to them.

“Why do you want to know?” he asks.

I study him in an attempt to decide if he’s playing with me or being serious. “They
look painful and tragic,” I say. “I can’t imagine what caused them.”

Levi is quiet for a long moment and then he quietly says, “Wiwanyag Wachipi. The sun
dance.”

“How can a dance cause scars?”

“It’s not actually a dance. It’s more like a ritual.”

“Zan said you lived with the Sioux Indians for a year? Your grandmother’s tribe? Is
that where it happened?” I try to imagine what kind of ritual would cause scars like
that, and why his grandmother would permit him to be hurt.

“Yes.” Levi glances up at me. “Are you sure you want to hear about this?”

“Only if you want to explain it to me.”

“It’s not something that we normally talk about outside the tribe.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’ll tell you, because I want you to know how diverse the world is. How many
different types of people there are. People who do things that you can barely imagine.
Some things are good, some are horrible. Some have a distinct purpose, and some are
just because there is evil in the world.”

What has he seen that is so evil? I think about the filchers, about what almost happened
to me, and about Jon’s friend that was traded to the rovers by my father. Surely that
was evil enough. Are there worse things than the rovers out there? If there is then
why would I want to go? Yet I am curious about everything, the good and the bad. I
should be watching the road but I can’t. I keep my eyes on Levi because I’m fascinated
by what he is about to say.

“It happens during the summer solstice. That’s the longest day of the year. The day
that the earth is closest to the sun.” I nod my head at the notion, not really sure
about it, and place it in my mind to ask about at another time. “It celebrates the
regeneration of life. Kind of like a rebirth. Everything is a circle and all of life
is intertwined and dependent on each other. Everything on the earth is equal. The
grass, the wind, a snake, a human. We all serve a purpose, down to the tiniest insect.
So the sun dancer is symbolically reborn through the ritual.”

“And the scars, are they part of your death?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the reason
why
you got them, but I still don’t understand how you got them.”

“The scars are part of the process of saying thank you for my life to the world. My
giving of thanks requires a sacrifice. The only thing I have to give that is worthy
enough and humble enough is myself. So my skin is cut in four places. Here and here.”
Levi draws his hands across his chest where the scars are. “A piece of bone is inserted
and rawhide strips are tied to both ends of the bone. Then the strips are attached
to a tree that has been spiritually prepared. And then you tear free.”

My stomach flips into my chest. “You tear free? Intentionally?”

“It’s not as easy as it sounds,” Levi says and his voice sends a chill running down
my spine. I wrap my arms around myself and realize that the entire world around us
is deathly quiet, as if the trees themselves are listening. “It took four days before
I was finally able to do it.”

“Four days?” I stare at Levi in wonder. How did he do such a thing? “Four days tied
like that? Without food? Without water? Without sleep? You were only fifteen? Why
did you do it?”

“It was important to my grandmother that the tribe accept me as one of their own.
And because my father and my brother did it. I wanted to prove I was worthy.”

“You shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone Levi, especially yourself.”

I feel the impact of his gaze. “Words to live by, Wren.”

I realize what Levi has done. He’s shared a deep secret with me. A very private part
of his life. I feel privileged that he did so, yet more confused about how I feel
about him than ever. He is much more complex than I thought. Deeper, bigger, mysterious,
yet open and honest to a fault. And once more I have to ask myself, why does he want
me?

A whistle rings out, and I immediately recognize it as the one the boys use in the
tunnels. I look at Alcide, who points down the road, and I turn my head in that direction.

“Someone is coming,” I whisper to Levi. Before I can take a breath he puts his hands
on my waist and lifts me down to the ground.

“Take cover and tell me what you see,” he says quietly.

I move behind a wide tree and peer around it. I see several figures darting between
trees yet still coming our way. “More than twenty,” I say. “I think two are women.
They are all carrying weapons except for one. His hands are tied behind his back.
I think he’s one of your men.”

“It must be Stone. He went down behind me,” Levi says. He looks in the direction of
Alcide and then behind us where we know James, Adam, and Peter are stationed with
their partners and weapons. I can easily see his mind at work, thinking and planning.
“How far out are they? Do we have time to set up a trap between us?”

“Ten, fifteen minutes,” I say as I watch them approach. They are being cautious, darting
from tree to tree instead of walking down the road. They move as if they have a plan.
Two go forward, watch, and then motion the rest to follow until they’ve all caught
up and then they repeat the process with the woman with Stone bringing up the rear.
Alcide’s call rings out again louder this time and everyone stops. “Alcide just let
everyone know that someone is coming,” I say as I hear three returning calls. I keep
careful watch as the rovers freeze in place, trying to identify the call, which I
always thought sounded like a bird until now. Will the rovers know it is not real?
I hold my breath until they are on the move again.

“Can you tell him to take cover?” Levi asks. “Up a tree so we can let them go past
us and then attack?”

“I’ll see if he understands what you want.” I wave at Alcide when he turns our way.
I point up the tree, move my fingers as if they are walking and with my other hand
jab my wrist. Alcide nods and immediately turns to his companion.

Levi searches the trees around us. “This one will do,” he says in reference to the
one I stand beside. The lowest limb is out of my reach, but I know his decision is
the right one. We would be far enough up that they shouldn’t notice us unless they
were truly expecting us to be there. Our height would give us a great advantage and
plenty of cover. “Here’s a boost.” He cups his hands together so that I can put my
foot in it and he shoves me up to the lowest branch. I grab on and quickly pull myself
up. Levi hands me the crossbow, and I sling it over my shoulder before throwing my
arm over a branch and extending my other arm down to help him up. I have to hang close
to upside down before Levi is able to clasp my hand and walk his way up the trunk.