Shampoo (22 page)

“
So you want to do
something tomorrow night?”

“
Meh.
Maybe.”

“
Go to a
movie?”

“
Yeah. See how I feel
tomorrow after work.”

“
You could come here
and we’ll just get drunk. What we do best! Drink vodka on the back
patio.”

(like the good old days, I heard
his implication)

“
Yeah, I mean, that
sounds good, I just don’t know what time I finish work
tomorrow…”

(can’t he tell I’m fucking making
excuses!!)

“
Doesn’t matter what
time, just come here whenever you finish.”

Sigh. Can’t he take the hint that
I’m trying to hold out to see if I can make plans with a man that
will actually have sex with me?? I need sex!!! Not male best friend
bonding.

Now I just feel completely wrong
for doing that to Rich.

I should know Evvy won’t fucking
call!!!

Although he did do something with
me last Friday night…

No. No hope. No more
dreaming.

Stop being so delusional all the
time.

So now I’ve decided I’m going out
straight from work, just to prove a point

(I don’t know what it is, but a
point)

and make sure I’m not
home.

Work was good. All the state
managers were up, so that was fun, having them all in the office to
muck around with, gossiping with us, Daryl Agnew was of course in
(being Qld state manager and all). I love him! The days are the
funniest when he’s there.

Everything he does is funny, even
when he’s mad.

Friday 15 September
2000

7.11pm

I just got home from
work. I stayed after work for after work drinks…Only me, Renee,
Matt and Lachie stayed. Was SUPER FUN. The four of us just sipped
drinks and sat

around the office and laughed and
laughed. Lachlan and Matt are really quite funny!

Now I’m undecided what to do for
the night. Seems wrong staying in on a Friday night.

I rang Rich at lunch
and told him I’m exhausted, I’m going home…now I’m kinda raring to
go!

Dan rang me in the
arvo at work, my direct line, bypassing Nat, and asked me to come
over to theirs (ours) for a piss up. Nat, with her super sonic
boyfriend hearing, stood up

on the other side of our cubicle
wall and said, “Is that Daniel?”

“
Yeah, he’s asked me
over to yours. Ours.”

(shouldn’t have let them move in
first, cause now it is forevermore THEIR place)

Nat just rolled her eyes and sat
down. “You should come over,” she said though.

(begrudgingly)

They pike so early though!!
They’re like old people.

Plus, this is my last
night in my little pink home! Feels sacrilegious to not enjoy my
last night of peace before I live with two other people.

Saturday 16 September
2000

5.21pm

I ended up going over to Nat and
Dan’s

(I just give up calling it my
place),

and got REALLY fucking smashed
with Dan.

It was so fun.

Nanna Nat ended up going to bed
early, so Dan and I decided to cab it into the city.

(soon as Nat’s back is turned,
we’re out getting wasted)

Then Nat must’ve
gotten pissed we’d gone out without her, cause she ended up meeting
us in the city.

I had such a good night. I was
SOOOOO drunk.

(my favourite state)

We stumbled home about
4am, then Nat and I were up mere hours later and at Mum’s by 8am. I
was still drunk and swaying.

We took Mum shopping at
Inala

(Nat driving…she hadn’t consumed a
whole bar),

then I drove boxes back and forth
from the flat to the house, for HOURS. I was like a little mouse,
going back and forth over and over again, like in some rodent
maze.

No prize at the end for me though,
like cheese. Just a massive hangover.

I stopped at 4pm.

Since it wasn’t finished, I’m
staying here one last night. It’s nice, getting my last,
quiet

night to myself. I’m in bed
already, have been since 5pm, with Giz, just relaxing.

Reading and watching tv
shows.

It’s like heaven. I am so buggered
after my performance last night.

No missed calls from
Evvy.

I’m kinda numb to it
tonight. Think my body’s going into shock from last night. Too much
partying!! I fell over at one stage, drunk.

I was pissing blood
everywhere, from my knee, sprawled on the ground, thanks to this
fucking hole outside Mary St that must claim many a drunk, being
right outside a nightclub and all.

Dan just like picked me up,
carried me to this ledge that runs outside the Mary St

building, and sat me on
it.

Nat just shook her head at me.
Sisterly concern!!!

Once we staunched the blood, they
carried me to a cab.

Work was good Friday.
Renee and I organized a girls’ night out for next Friday night as
we drank champagne after work together!!

I can’t wait!!

We were cracking up
all afternoon. For some reason, she was finding me and my ways
particularly hilarious Friday.

(before she started
drinking!!)

She kept telling me to do things,
then laughing madly when I did them. And all I was doing was
typing, or filing, or bringing her paperwork. I was all, “What??
What!!” and she’d laugh harder and go, “I don’t know, you’re just
being really funny with everything you do!!” and she was off again,
laughing.

Renee’s pretty cool for a boss!!!
How’d I get so lucky??

Next weekend is Matt’s
21
^st
, too.
Oh, I love weekends like that! Plans galore!!

I won’t have to think
of Evvy all next weekend, because I will be too busy!!!! Thank
God!!

Bummed I can’t get to the coast
this weekend.

Moving tomorrow!!!

Rang Rich this afternoon before I
collapsed in bed. It was like, do everything I have to or should do
now, before I fall into bed and remain there.

He’s upset cause I’m not going to
this party with him, Julia and Michael tonight. Someone from the
cinemas. But I am so fucked tonight, I could not move if I wanted
to.

Which I don’t!!

I probably would have still made
myself get up and go if I hadn’t been given this last night of
peaceful, pink tranquillity in my alone sanctuary!! It’s too good
not to take it, especially feeling like this. I’ve had such a busy
week, too, late nights every night.

And I didn’t go to bed at all last
night!!!

Sunday 17 September
2000

9.50pm

Well, Giz and I are in the house.
Feels kinda weird. Feels like I’m just staying at Nat and Dan’s.
Doesn’t feel like my place.

I sneakily left the unit without
saying goodbye to Sharon. Not sure how I managed that, but I did. I
gave her cat a pet goodbye though.

I need sleep. Been non-stop all
day.

Monday 18 September
2000

9.49pm

Another long day. Only just
crawled into bed again.

Maybe tomorrow night I’ll get a
night of rest in bed straight from work.

I went over to Evvy’s tonight.
Glutton for punishment, I am.

I had given up on him,
too.

Today at work, I drove to Cannon
Hill on my break, and as I was driving, Celine Dion’s ‘It’s All
Coming Back To Me Now,’ came on and I burst into this sobbing fit,
while trying to hold a can of Coke in one hand and drive with the
other.

I was devastated in that moment,
my heart full of Ever.

But then he rang and asked me to
come over, and I was like, “Okay!”

But, I don’t know…maybe I’ve
pulled back. Maybe I’m just over all his crap. But I didn’t really
feel it tonight. I didn’t feel insane over him like I usually
do.

We had sex for like 50 minutes
too, and the sex was awesome!!! But I’m just a bit “meh” over him
right now.

Nick came into work at five
o’clock tonight, as I was finishing up typing. His parents DO work
downstairs (Faye and Gordon), but he came upstairs to talk to Katie
for some reason

(are they back together?? What’s
going on!! I need the goss!!)

and I could feel someone’s eyes on
me (thought it would be Matt). I did a double take when I saw him,
since I haven’t seen him since Dicey Riley’s at Garden
City.

He was all, “Hey Stranger! Haven’t
heard from you in ages!!”

Katie did NOT look happy he was
talking to me.

They continued their conversation
while I typed and tried not to eavesdrop.

All I thought was YUM at the sight
of Nick.

He looked GOOD.

He would make an awesome boyfriend
(if he’s not Katie’s again), like Richie would.

For some reason, I freak out at
the boyfriend types, and go for the fuckers.

WHY??!!!

My eternally restless
spirit??

Watch out, I’m a free spirit?? No
time for real boyfriends!!

Sigh.

I just can’t seem to go that extra
step with the boyfriend types.

Anyway, VERY TIRED. Last night, we
had a BBQ here with Mark and Josie. Tonight I went to Evvy’s (and
got it ONNNNN)…I need a night of rest soon. I can feel my body
shitting itself. Or working up to shit itself, one big
meltdown.

Like a used car.

(a Ford. Holdens would never go
caput).

I appreciate all this social life
I suddenly have, but I need to appreciate my bed again.

Tuesday 19 September
2000

7.47pm

Feeling much better tonight. I was
so worn out last night.

Work was pretty good today. Graham
emailed me today, asked to catch up, so we’re going out Thursday
night.

It’s been AGES since I’ve seen
him. I can’t believe all these boys all of a sudden. – seeing Nick
last night, and he asked me to come over to his while Katie tried
to kill me with her eyes, then I hear from Graham.

And of course, there’s
Richie.

He rang me today, and asked me to
come round to his tonight, but the baby’s basically running on
empty, I only have enough petrol to get home (I pray). Nat’s
driving us to work tomorrow (bonus of living
together!!).

Rich was disappointed, I could
tell.

Sigh.

There’s only so much of me that
can go around!! My social life could be a full time job at this
rate.

8.24pm

Dan just made dinner for us all.
God, it was good. It’s so nice having a beautiful home to live
in

(with a toilet and shower inside
the house),

and home-cooked meals every
night.

No nuggets or 2 minute noodles in
sight in this house!!

It’s dreamy.

Work’s been good. Been training
Melissa most of the time.

It was Matt’s
21
^st
today, and his mum brought in all these beautiful cakes
she’d made. One of them was a pink cake.

(I’m confused by this…a pink cake
for her son turning a manly 21??)

As Matt was cutting the cake, the
entire office and warehouse all crowded into the kitchen, Matt says
in his happy/goofy way (that is so adorable), “Karina would love
this!!”

I thought that was so sweet – his
big moment, and he mentions and thinks of me.

Gave me goosebumps.

I don’t know about Evvy and I any
more. He can barely do what he’s doing now. Although, the last
three weeks, we have seen each other once a week…

I want more, though. I’m a woman,
after all. It’s genetically in me to want more, more, more, than a
man is offering.

It doesn’t feel like enough,
anymore.

I want all that other stuff
already. The hands on

(and I mean, HANDS ON)

boyfriend…