Sharing Our Stories of Survival: Native Women Surviving Violence (32 page)

36
  Andrea Smith, “Not an Indian Tradition: The Sexual Colonization of Native Peoples,”
Hypatia
18, no. 2 (2003): 13.

Questions

1. What are the colonial roots of the prison system and prison labor in California? What early California legal policies affect how California Indian women are treated today?
   
2. How did the abuse that Ogden experienced as a child and young adult put her at risk for ending up in the prison system?
   
3. Why are the numbers of Indian women in the prison system so high as compared to the population of Indian people? As compared to non-Indian people?
   
4. Why are Indian women held for such minor violations? Is it hypocritical that Indian women are fighting for their identity within prisons on their ancestral lands?
   
5. What can be done to prevent Indian women from entering the prison system? How does the incarceration of Indian women affect their children and tribal communities?
   
6. Why is it important for Indian women to understand the Indian Child Welfare Act?
   
7. Do you agree with Ogden that the experiences of Indian women in prison and the numbers of Native women imprisoned represent an extension of colonialism? Why?
   

In Your Community

1. How does the prison system affect your community? Are there unusually high numbers of your tribe’s members who have been in prison?
   
2. After reading this chapter, do you see any connections between personal history, the history of relations between colonial powers and your tribal community, and the people you know in the prison system?
   
3. What interventions can be performed in your community to assist women victims of sexual assault and domestic violence so they do not end up on the path towards prison?
   
4. What can be done at the community level when women are in prison to ensure a connection to their children and culture?
   

Terms Used in Chapter 9

Indenturing
: Binding one person to work for another.

IUD
: Intrauterine device—a form of birth control.

Paternalistic
: Like a father; benevolent but intrusive.

Rehabilitate
: To restore someone to a useful place in society.

Suggested Further Reading

Abril, Julie C. “Native American Identities among Women Prisoners.”
Prison Journal
83, no. I (2003): 38.

Archambeault, William G. “Imprisonment and American Indian Medicine Ways.” In
Native Americans and the Criminal Justice System,
Jeffery Ian Ross and Larry Gould, eds., p. 143. Boulder, CO: Paradigm Publishers, 2006.

Luna-Firebaugh, Eileen M. “Incarcerating Ourselves.”
Prison Journal
83, no. I (2003): 51.

Lecturing in Indian Studies on the Eve of the Millennium

Floored by the student’s question,
I try to see myself through His eyes
But cannot get past the woman in the mirror.
Scarred lip and eyebrow
Remnant, overly casual
Stance and drawl of an
Ex-bar fighter.
I clear my throat,
“I can tell you
How to get good at nine ball,
What bars in North Eastern Oklahoma
Offer you a glass with your beer,
Or I could talk about weaving, today’s lecture topic.
But if you want Indian wisdom
About peace
You should avoid asking those
With scars on their knuckles.”

Kim Shuck (Tsalagi, Sauk/Fox)

Chapter 10

Living in Fear

KARLENE

W
riting this chapter is terrifying for many reasons. First and foremost, I have not been totally “out” since I moved back to my hometown, which is small (approximately 35,000 people). There is a mixture of conservatism and liberalism in my hometown. Many people, including former co-workers, friends, and acquaintances, have not been very accepting and have often been hostile to me because of their own fear, ignorance, and hatred caused by homophobia. I lost so many friends after I told them that I am two-spirited. It was painful to lose them because my friendships are an important aspect of my life. Some of my family members who know are accepting, and some don’t want to talk about it.

Another reason why writing this chapter is terrifying is because I am sharing some of my experiences from when I was in a violent relationship with another woman. Although this happened years ago, it is hard to talk about it today. I am still afraid of her. For this reason I will not disclose her name or share the name of the city where we lived. Furthermore, I will write not only about my personal experiences, but I will try to give objective information regarding this issue. By sharing my personal experiences, I hope readers will come away with the understanding that we must accept everyone regardless of their sexual orientation. It is equally crucial to hold abusers accountable for their actions and provide a safe place for their partners.

The following important definitions will be helpful for the reader:

Sexual orientation
: How a person identifies sexually, physically, and emotionally in the way he or she is attracted to someone of the same gender, another gender, or both genders.

Lesbian
: A woman who is gay; loving other women.

Gay:
A term for someone who forms physical and emotional relationships with a person of the same gender. Gay can be used to talk about both men and women, but commonly refers to men.

Bisexual:
Someone who is physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to persons of the same and different genders.

Queer:
“Umbrella term” for the social/political/intellectual movement that seeks to encompass a broad range of sexual identities, behaviors, and expressions.

LGBTTQQ:
Acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, two-spirited, queer, and “questioning” folks.

Questioning:
Someone who is questioning his or her sexual orientation. This can often be an exciting and terrifying time because often we thought we were heterosexual and then we notice certain feelings have surfaced for another from the same gender, which sometimes causes confusion.

Coming out:
Coming out of the “closet,” acknowledging who we are as LGBTTQQ individuals. Coming out is a form of being true to ourselves and is often terrifying because of rejection from those biased and phobic against LGBTTQQs. It can also be exhilarating to accept oneself.

Out:
To “out” someone, to tell others about their sexual minority status—to bring that information out into the world without the individual wanting it known. Although “coming out” usually involves voluntarily doing so, “outing” someone is generally not done in a positive way.

Homo/Bi/Trans/Queer-phobia:
Fear and hatred of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and the transgender and queer community. The fear and hatred usually comes in forms of prejudice, discrimination, harassment, threats, and acts of violence.

Heterosexism:
The assumption that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual and that heterosexuality is the only normal, natural expression of sexuality. It implies that heterosexuality is superior and, therefore, preferable.

Transgender:
Self-identifying term for someone whose gender identity or expression differs from “traditional roles.”

Two-spirited:
A term sometimes used to identify First Nations/Native Americans/Alaska Natives who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Before white European intrusion, many tribes treated two-spirited folks with respect. The term “two-spirit” evolved out of a Native American gay/lesbian international gathering in Minneapolis in 1988. Today, many LGBTTQQ First Nations/Native Americans/Alaska Natives use the term “two-spirited” to identify their sexuality/gender.

Intimate partner violence revolves around power and control and is one form of oppression. Other forms of oppression (such as racism, homo/ bi/trans-phobia, heterosexism, ageism, sexism, ableism, anti-Semitism, or misogyny) are all connected, because they involve fear, ignorance, hatred, and threats of or actual violence.

I first began to realize I was lesbian/two-spirited when I was fifteen, but I think I always knew. I used to wonder why I was “different” from others; why I wasn’t attracted to boys when so many of my girlfriends were discovering that part of themselves. I kept waiting and waiting but realized the excitement wasn’t about discovering attraction to boys but to
girls
. It was terrifying yet exciting to me.

I was around twenty when I had my first relationship with JT. I felt so excited to know that there was a mutual attraction between us. I always looked up to her because she took care of me when I was younger and living on the streets because of certain conditions in my home. The emotional abuse started almost immediately after I moved in with JT. We used to go out partying a lot to get away from her parents who disapproved of our relationship. When we went out, she would become angry and accuse me of paying more attention to friends than I did her. She would yell, scream, and call me names. I remember thinking that her rage scared me but that it meant that she must really love me. I thought jealousy was a part of loving someone. Because of JT’s jealousy, I started to distance myself from my friends and family. She made sure that my world centered on her and only her. I was still caught up in the excitement of my first relationship with a woman.

The emotional abuse included putting me down for being Indian, which always surprised me since she was part Indian herself. The abuse also included name-calling, insults, criticism, and withholding medication. She threatened me and my family. She would often say I could never do anything right. Her hateful words ate away at my self-esteem and self-worth.

I don’t know exactly when the abuse crossed over from emotional to physical and sexual violence. I do remember one of the earliest times. I was sleeping, when suddenly she slugged me in the face, then threw me off the bed and started kicking me. The physical violence escalated in severity and frequency, including hitting, punching, kicking, choking, pulling my hair, and other forms of violence. Often she would withhold affection or accuse me of sleeping around with both men and women. She would force me to have sex with her even when I said, “no.” One of the most painful, humiliating, and degrading incidents was when she let one of her male friends rape me. She was paid cash and drugs for it. Afterwards, we went home and she beat me up, accusing me
of actually liking it and then she raped me too.

I felt trapped in the relationship. I was so ashamed. Often I would think about getting away but didn’t know where to go. I was isolated from family and friends. There wasn’t a battered women’s shelter in my town at the time. I had nowhere to go. The police weren’t helpful. Most Alaska towns and villages are surrounded by mountains and/or water, and the only way out is usually by boat or air (and, of course, you need money to be able to do so). And, in spite of the emotional, physical, and sexual violence, I still loved her. She had a tender, charismatic side that was attractive to me in the first place.

I finally fled the relationship when she tried to kill me. She severely beat me and shot at me with a gun. The bullet missed me by inches. I was bruised and bloody. As I ran outside I could barely walk and was gasping for breath. Later I found out I had broken ribs, a shattered eardrum, internal injuries, and a hairline fracture under my eye. I often looked behind me when I was walking to see if she was nearby, afraid that she was stalking me. To this day I still get severe headaches from the trauma.

It was painful for me to accept that I was in a violent relationship. I thought I deserved it or that I must have caused it. I felt so much shame and guilt. Because of my internalized homophobia, the shame was deep and profound. This was my first lesbian relationship, and I was shocked to find out women could hurt other women that way. I struggled with the fact that I fought back in self-defense, because I thought that meant I was equally violent. I tried talking to some of my friends, but for the most part they didn’t want to hear it—or they blamed me for the abuse. I felt totally alone, so I numbed myself with drugs and alcohol.

Statistics about same-gender intimate partner abuse are difficult to find, but many believe it occurs in similar frequency and severity as it does in heterosexual relationships. The Los Angeles STOP Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence Program states that:

Partner abuse/domestic violence is not a matter of losing control or managing anger. It is not a communication problem or relationship issue and is not caused by stress. Rather, partner abuse/domestic violence is a deliberate and systematic pattern of physical, sexual, psychological, financial, and/or verbally abusive behaviors used by one person in an intimate relationship to gain and maintain power and control over the thoughts, beliefs and/or actions of the other. It may include threats, intimidation and covert harm as well as life threatening acts of violence. The pattern of abusive behavior usually occurs within a cycle that escalates and grows in severity over time.