Shattered (20 page)

“KiKi, just relax,” said Gorilla Zoe in a low voice. “You look like something’s wrong.”

I glanced over at Smurf, who made a face that let me know he would kill me if something ain’t go right. Gorilla Zoe handed me my personal information cuz customs was asking for it from some people. I bit my lip and tried to deal with my feelings. We crept closer toward the customs officials. I thought about that tiny room we stayed in, in that warehouse. The foul smell. The tubes those sick men forced down our throats, and the needles they stuck in our arms to numb us while they did it. I remembered Yenee’s warnings and the unnatural sounds of her crying all day after Skinny Man raped her. I thought about Nakeeda and her heartbreaking story about what she did in that Pennsylvania motel room. I thought about how hard she tried to keep the peace and make us believe that we was gonna be okay, when in the end she wasn’t. I thought about Rich and Mommy and about being home. I was ashamed of my coke habit, but I was never doing that shit again. Knowing that girls were picked off the street, kept in hidden rooms, starved, and poisoned…that they had to actually shit it out of their bodies. I ain’t want no part of that.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Jacylyn said.

“Fuck that,” Green Mile said. “You’re gonna stand right here.”

Jacylyn rolled her eyes and locked her arms across her chest. We crawled toward the front. The closer we got, the better I was able to see the faces of the officials. There was two people running our line, one black woman and one white man. They seemed like two intense people nobody would ever want to fuck with. I watched them asking questions and going through bags like catching crooks was a competition for them. They batted off small talk, funny vacation stories, and other distractions like they was flies.

And then that’s when I noticed the woman with the tapered haircut wore a hearing aid. Not just any hearing aid, but the kind that I knew was for advanced hearing loss. The more I watched her reading lips, the more I knew the woman probably knew sign language. It was my chance to be brave like the other girls was. Jacylyn was brave just by finding the nerve to ask Smurf who planned it. Nakeeda was brave by admitting she made a terrible decision and by confessing what she did to her daughter. Even Yenee was brave, fighting Skinny Man off and for fighting for what she believed.

Now it was my turn. There was three people ahead of me in line. I thought about what I was gonna do over and over. Which words could I sign without making Smurf or his dumb-ass goons conscious of what I was doing? I wanted them to take me seriously right away cuz I might only have one chance. I had to choose my words just right. I knew
help
wasn’t enough. With all the thoughts flooding my mind, I couldn’t believe how quickly it had become our turn in line. My hands felt sweaty. Jacylyn went first. I glanced over at Smurf, who gave me a stern look, then back to Jacylyn, who was answering questions. Soon she was walking through the other side. Then Green Mile was next, answering the questions they asked and showing his ID. I wiped my forehead nervously as I waited. Then it was my go.

I took a step forward. Before the woman could say anything, I signed, “Drug dealers in line put drugs inside us.” I waited to see if she understood. When she just stared at me without an expression on her face, I got scared. I signed, “Help us,” but the woman’s eyes grew big, like she was confused.

The woman said, “You don’t have any luggage?”

“Um…it’s right here,” I said. I couldn’t believe I was wrong. What had I done? She ain’t understand me, now Smurf was gonna kill me. I looked over to where he had been in line, and he was gone. The woman asked me several questions about my trip: Where did I stay, what did I buy, and if it was business or pleasure. Then she clicked a few buttons on the computer.

“Did you enjoy your trip?” she asked as she typed.

I nodded, but of course I didn’t. I wanted to tell her just how fucked up it was, but Gorilla Zoe was breathing down my neck.

“Good. Happy holidays,” she said. “You can go.”

I had failed. As soon as I took two steps, I heard a lot of commotion behind me. I looked up and watched the police heading my way, K-9s and all, surrounding me and Gorilla Zoe. Green Mile rushed the customs man who had just handed him his bags. Jacylyn screamed.

“What? What I do?” Gorilla Zoe shouted as the TSA dude pushed him.

I couldn’t believe it. The woman had understood me after all. I noticed Smurf walking through glass doors. He looked over his shoulder once before disappearing into the crowd. The surprised look on his face was priceless. I exhaled for the first time in four days. It only lasted a short minute cuz I knew that wasn’t the last of Smurf.

A
fter hours of questioning from the TSA, the DEA, and even D.C. police, a trip to George Washington Hospital where they X-rayed me and Jacylyn to see the packages inside our bodies, and laxatives, we quickly found out that shitting the packages out was the safest way to be done with it all.

Doctors monitored us, making sure none of them burst. Just in case they did, the doctors had something ready to keep us stabilized. I couldn’t believe I actually had to stand in a bathtub and push the bags out. It hurt so bad, and standing in that tub was the most humiliating thing I ever had to do in my life, and I had done a lot of shameful things before. This took the cake. The police stayed there until they recovered all twelve packages. The process was so gross and disgusting. I couldn’t believe the street value was worth over a hundred thousand dollars alone. Smurf was looking to bring in half a million dollars using all four of us.

I wanted them to catch Smurf’s ass so he could spend the rest of his life in jail. I ain’t hold back telling the police everything about what happened to Yenee and Nakeeda and even Elena. I described to them the old tire and car part warehouse in San José that had the name Meliano’s on the outside. I ain’t have a problem testifying about what happened in that tiny room, but Jacylyn said she ain’t want to testify. When they started talking about putting us in witness protection, I got nervous and wanted to back out. I had heard how that works before—that you get a new identity, a new place to live in a random city, that you lose touch with your family and friends. With Smurf still missing and wanting to kill me for snitching, it seemed like something I might have to do.

A couple hours had passed by with the nurses feeding me through a tube before an agent rushed in the room to tell me that Elena had been rescued. It made me feel good that I had the courage to do something on my own. It paid off for me, Jacylyn, and Elena. I was proud of myself for the first time in a long time. When I was finally alone, I called Mommy’s house. I ain’t care who answered the phone but was relieved and happy that it was Yodi and not Ryan. She told me that the police had already called and told them about me.

“Toya’s about to bring us up there,” she said.

I smiled. “I can’t wait to see y’all.” Even Toya.

“Hey, Yodi, ask Mommy to make Christmas dinner for me again since I missed it,” I said.

“Okay, I will. Mommy said she love you…Hey, Shakira…um, I love you, too,” Yodi said.

Now that was something none of us hardly ever said to each other in my family, and even though I knew they loved me, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

“I love you, too, Yolonda Scott,” I said playfully.

“See you in like an hour. It shouldn’t take her long to get here.”

After I hung up, I laid down. I was so close yet so far from home. I wanted to call Rich but ain’t know what to say to him. Where was I supposed to begin? How did I tell him all the psychotic bullshit that had happened since the day we went our separate ways in Costa Rica? I stared at the phone for a while, then back at the TV where the station was on the local news. I picked up the phone. What was I gonna say to him? Would he even believe me? I hung the phone back up, rolled over, and closed my eyes, wishing that when I opened them, I’d know what to say about what happened to me.

I dreamed about Yenee’s bloody wrists and Nakeeda’s blank gaze again. Only this time, they was in the same tiny room on that bloody, filthy mattress. I woke up sweating and shaking.

“You all right?” said a nurse, standing over me. She was switching the bag connected to the tube in my arm. I took a deep breath and tried to erase the thoughts from my head.

“Here, swallow this,” she said, holding a tiny paper cup with two pills inside.

I drank some juice and chewed the ice until the nurse left. I ain’t wanna fall back to sleep this time. I watched TV and waited for Mommy to come. A few minutes later, I heard Kamau and Chrissie before I saw them, and it was the most beautiful sound I ever heard. Mommy, Yodi, and even Toya walked in the room. They rushed me with hugs, except Toya, who waited until everyone had let go of me, and then she said, “I’m glad you’re okay. Here’s some clothes and stuff you might need while you’re in here.”

“Thank you, cuz all I got is a too-small T-shirt from Costa Rica, and it’s freezing outside, ain’t it?” I asked, giving her a small smile. I knew it was gonna take time to work on our relationship, but I was willing to give it a try.

“Mommy said she’s gonna fry another turkey for New Year’s,” Yodi said.

“Good, cuz I’m starving!” I said. I had lost seven pounds in that short time frame. “Hopefully, I can eat real food by then, too. I’m surprised they let all y’all in here.”

“They knew I had to see my baby,” Mommy said and kissed my forehead. “I don’t cur about dem police people. They better quit playing with me…You gotta tell me what happened!”

I tried to fill them in on everything. Mommy cried as she listened to me remember every detail. Toya shook her head and walked over to the window. It was sick for me to even hear my own voice say the things that happened to me. When I told them about Yenee and Nakeeda, Yodi even teared up a little.

“Well, how long you gotta be here?” Mommy asked.

“I don’t know. I’m waiting for the doctor to tell me. Plus, they want me to go testify against the two fools they caught.”

“You gon’ do it?” Toya asked.

“I think so. I’m just worried about the one who got away,” I said in a low voice. “He has my license…with your address, Mommy.”

All three of them froze. I knew I had put everybody in danger.

“I don’t know what to do,” I cried.

Mommy pulled me to her chest and shhhed me the way she used to do when I was little. “We’ll figure it out. God has a plan, sweetie.”

It was quiet for a while. I guess we all was thinking about what plan God must’ve had. The doctor came in to check on me and do a quick look over my blood work.

“You seem to be doing well. Everything looks normal, too. You should be able to leave here in another day or two,” he said.

“I guess you can come stay with me,” Toya said when the doctor left.

As surprised as I was at her offer, I was more concerned about Yodi, the kids, and Mommy.

“Thank you, but if anything, let them stay with you. I don’t want nothing to happen to them. I can stay with one of my friends or something.”

Toya shook her head. I ain’t know if it was cuz of the situation or cuz of something I had said. With her, you never knew.

“How they gon’ find this dude? Do they have any clue where he at or where he could be?” Yodi asked.

“I have no idea. I told them everything I knew. I even told them about the house I knew he had in Upper Marlboro,” I said, wiping away another tear. This was so fucked up.

“’Kirwuh, look, don’t weery about me. I learned a long time ago, what’s gonna happen is gonna happen and God will proteck us. Do you understand?”

I nodded even though I ain’t feel that way for real. Just as she said it, one of the agents who had been working with me walked in and introduced hisself to my family. He made the offer again for the Witness Protection Program. Mommy told them she ain’t wanna be a part of it. Yodi and Toya agreed, too. The detective said they could at least move them to another apartment. Mommy said she’d consider it and let him know. He gave Mommy his card. How could I consider the program if they disagreed with it? I told the agent I was fine and that I would stay with my family. He said that he would make sure agents and local police was looking out for us until the trial. How certain that was, I wasn’t so sure, but after all I’d been through I was willing to take my chances. The agent left us alone.

“Oh, before I forget…Rich called a couple times,” Yodi said.

“He did?” I asked, excited. “What did he say?”

“Um, the first time he wanted to know if you was there. And I was like, ‘Ain’t she with you?’ He was like, ‘We got into a fight and now all her luggage gone.’ I was like, ‘Well, she ain’t come back here.’ Then he was like, ‘If she comes, could you please call me.’”

“For real?” I said.

“Yeah,” said Yodi. “He called like a couple days later to see if you had showed up, and then that’s when we started getting scared cuz you never called and you never came home.”

“The next time you leave the country, Shakira, please leave the place you staying, your room number, call somebody to let them know you all right,” Toya said. “It’s not fair to us to be wondering and worrying every step of the way. Mommy was too scared to even eat the whole time until she finally talked to you today.”

Even though I hated to admit it, Toya was right, and I felt selfish for being so careless. I was having too much fun to even think about doing any of that. “I’m sorry” was all I could say.

“Well, you’re hur now,” Mommy said, squeezing my shoulder. “And the cops and God will proteck us.”

“I’m sorry, family, but visiting hours are over,” a nurse said, poking her head in the door.

“Are y’all sure you gon’ be okay? I can’t believe I put y’all in this mess,” I said.

“We got Ryan’s rockhead ass and his stupid-ass friends to watch us,” Yodi said, scooping Kamau up.

Was he any better than Smurf?

“We’ll call you in the morning,” Toya said, easing out the door.

“Toya?” I called behind her. “I really appreciate what you doing for me. I wanna say…I’m real sorry for what happened that day. At the Kennedy Center. I was being a bitch.”

A tiny smile crept across Toya’s face. “Yes, you was…but don’t worry about it. It’s behind us. Just promise me you’re gonna try and take care of yourself for a change.”

I closed my eyes and let her words sink in. I knew Toya was talking about everything, not just what I had been through in Costa Rica. I nodded, then said, “I promise.”

I felt so ashamed of how what I had been doing was now affecting them. Maybe I should’ve left everything alone at the airport and my family wouldn’t even be in this bind. As soon as I was alone, instead of calling Rich like I really wanted to, I dialed Peaches’s number.

She seemed so excited to hear from me. It took awhile for me to get to the end of my story. I wanted her to hear about all the good parts. The first three days of my trip. I skipped over a lot of the bad parts that happened in the room, except for what Smurf made us do and why I was in the hospital. Peaches went through a roller coaster of emotions in a five-second span. When she finally calmed down, I asked, “Should I call Rich?”

“You haven’t called him yet?” Peaches said. “Why not?”

I bit my lip nervously. “I’m worried about what he might say.”

“KiKi, after all you went through, you think that nigga not gonna care? He had no idea where you disappeared to, right? Anything could’ve happened to you. Hell, anything and everything
did
happen! He might be going through a lot of shit worried about your ass. Girl, Rich deserves a phone call.”

I thought about what Peaches said long after we got off the phone. Maybe I was overreacting. I felt like such a different person since I left that warehouse room. So much had happened, and I was worried about what Rich might think of me. In a way, Peaches was right. I picked up the phone, then dialed Rich’s cell phone number. It rang for a while, then went to voice mail. Listening to his voice on the recording telling me to leave a message made more tears fall down my face. It was the first time I heard his voice in days. Then the beep sounded.

“Um…hey, Rich. It’s me. I’m back in D.C. I’m in GW Hospital, though. I should be going home tomorrow,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I, um…miss you, and I got so much to tell you. My number is 202-555-7987.”

When I hung up, I felt better about calling. I’d figure out what to say to him whenever he did call. I watched TV again and tried not to go back to sleep cuz I was too scared I would have another nightmare. As much as I wanted to forget about what happened less than twenty-four hours ago, I ain’t wanna forget about Yenee or the promise I made to Nakeeda. It was easier to watch TV and let my mind drift with whatever was on than to think about the mess I got my whole family into with Smurf.

When the doctor discharged me two days later, I was so happy to be going home with Toya, even if it was blistering cold outside. I stared out the windows, trying to soak in every detail of the city, like I was gonna find something new and out of place. I wanted everything to be just like it was when I left, so I could feel like I hadn’t missed anything being away. The people leaned forward against the wind as they rushed down the street and ducked into stores and office buildings to get out of the cold. I couldn’t believe it was New Year’s Eve and I made it back in time to celebrate the new year with my family. There was still Christmas lights, white wire snowmans, and reindeer decorations up in people’s yards and in windows. Once we got to Fourth and W Streets, Ryan’s ass was the first person I saw on the corner. He was smoking in front of the apartment building with two other no-life-having dudes from the neighborhood. I saw him flash a smile when he saw us pulling up. I saw Skinny Man’s creepy face flash in my head. Ryan walked toward the car.
Please, let him fuck with me today. Please do it.

“Hey, KiKi! Back from your trip, huh?” he said, smiling. “Heard you had a ball. Bring me something back?”

I rolled my eyes and climbed out the car.

“You can’t speak, KiKi?” he said.

I was so hot. I refused to hold my tongue this time. “No, I’m not speaking to your ass, you sick muthafucka!”

“Wait, what’s wrong?” Toya asked.

“Yeah, what’s your muthafucking problem?” Ryan said, giving me a look that was supposed to make me scared.

I shook my head cuz now wasn’t the time. Me and Toya squeezed in the elevator with some other people. I was so heated. As soon as we got off, I could smell fried turkey and all the fixins. When Mommy opened the door, I went straight to the kitchen and opened the tops on the pots.

“It smells delicious, Mommy. Thank you,” I said, kissing her cheek.

“See wot you been missing all dese holiday meals you keep skipping,” she said, stirring the gravy.