Shattered (22 page)

"My dad. He was killed in almost the exact spot, almost exactly the same way that this scene seems to be unfolding in front of us."

Grayson put the truck in park and took my hand in his. "I'm so sorry, Dallis."

I looked at him and felt the tightening of his hand over mine. "What are you apologizing for?" I snapped. I wasn't sure why I was suddenly angry with him, but his apology annoyed me.

"I'm apologizing because I'm sorry you're hurting. Damn, learn to accept compassion." Grayson pulled his hand from mine and ran it over his spiky, dark hair. He blew out a long, deep breath and threw his head back against the headrest. "You should try to go back to sleep. I'll wake you up when we get there."

I looked over to find exasperation on his face. I didn’t say anything in response to his suggestion, but, instead laid my head back to fall asleep. I didn’t want to stare at the sight in front of me. I didn't want to feel anything about it either, because the feelings that came with it tore at my heart like a rabid dog tears apart a piece of meat. Rather than see and feel, I opted for sleep. Surprisingly, it took me quickly.

Feeling the truck come to a stand-still and the low rumble cease, I awoke to find that we were in downtown Bellingham. I looked around to find that we were sitting in the parking lot of B-Ham Bistro. Confusion hit me as I wondered if Grayson had made this long drive just to grab sandwiches at this small, mom and pop shop.

"B-Ham Bistro?" I asked.

Grayson unbuckled his seat belt with a smile on his face. I watched him jump out of the truck and come around to my side, opening my door and pulling me out.

A petite brunette greeted us as we walked through the door.

"Hey, Grayson. Long time no see."

"Hey, Kelly." He briefly hugged her. This is my girlfriend, Dallis." I quickly turned my head to face Grayson at his title for me in his introduction, but didn't say anything.

"It's nice to meet you, Dallis," Kelly said, holding out her hand with a genuine smile on her face.

"Nice to meet you, too," I replied, taking her hand in a firm handshake.

Grayson took my hand and walked me to a small booth near the back of the restaurant. My eyes scanned the room, but I found nothing special or out of the ordinary about the place. I had been to B-Ham Bistro plenty of times, so the enthusiasm for the place was lost on me.

"You're wondering why I brought you all the way out here, aren't you?"

Grayson was very adept at reading me. It seemed a bit ridiculous to take an entire day off work and drive two hours to come to a small, local bistro to have lunch.

"See that picture right there?" Grayson asked, pointing to a picture that hung on the wall a couple of booths away. I nodded my head. "That's my mom with the owner, Tony. She worked tirelessly with him, pulling every trick in the book, and working overtime to help him secure the loan for this place. When everyone else gave up on him, she put all of her energies into helping make his dream come true. He was so grateful to her that he made me and her lifetime diners here, and even named her favorite drink after her, The Adanade.

I looked into Grayson's eyes and watched as pride beamed through them. I stood and walked closer to the picture so that I could get a better look at it. As I glimpsed at the picture and then back to Grayson, I could definitely see the resemblance. The tattoo over his chest emerged in my head and I quickly realized, this was the exact picture that had been used to draw it. I soon felt Grayson's warm breath on my neck as he stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist.

"It was helping Tony get this place that made my mom push forward with her dreams of opening the coffee bar."

"That's so awesome, Grayson." I turned to look up at him. "How long ago was this?"

"Um, Tony was mom's first client when she started at the bank in Seattle, and I was fresh out of high school, so I'd say, like 10 years ago."

I had been to B-Ham Bistro plenty of times. I just never realized that it had been around for that long, or that the woman on the wall had any great significance to the place.

"Grayson. It's good to see you, kid," an elderly man said, patting him on the back. I instantly recognized him to be Tony, the owner.

Grayson turned and grasped Tony in a full on hug. "This is my girlfriend, Dallis. I wanted to bring her and show her around the place."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Dallis. Any friend of Grayson's is a friend of mine."

"Nice to meet you, too," I said, trying to match Tony's enthusiasm.

"You kids hungry?"

I nodded as my stomach rumbled, answering the question for me.

"We'll have two clubs and two Adanades."

Tony winked and turned for the kitchen. Grayson led me back to our booth.

"This place means a lot to you, doesn't it?" I asked.

Grayson nodded his head. "It's where a lot of my ideas for Ada's came from. I picked Tony's brain and he helped me figure out ways to incorporate my mom into the place, all while keeping with my flair."

"I think that's awesome. I can see so much of your mom in you. She'd be so proud of you."

"I had my rough days, but Tony really helped me pull through. I owe him so much."

I was just about to ask what he meant by that when Kelly returned with our club sandwiches and Adanades. I couldn't wait to dive in. I was curious to know what the drink consisted of and why it was so popular. I had to close my eyes as I took a long sip from the straw. It was a mango-flavored lemonade, laced with a few too many scoops of sugar. The sweetness of it reminded me why I had never tried it, but it was the number one selling drink at B-Ham's and it was for Ada, so I drank all of it.

Grayson told me a little more about his mom over the course of lunch. When we finished, he left a tip on the table and asked Kelly to get Tony so that we could see him and say goodbye before leaving.

"Thanks for lunch, Tony," Grayson said, shaking his hand and then pulling him in for a hug.

"Of course, kid," Tony replied. "Take care of him, Dallis. I love this guy like he's my own son."

"I sure will," I answered back, allowing Tony to take me in a hug.

We exited the sandwich shop hand in hand. Before Grayson opened my door, he kissed me softly.

"I'll drive back," I said. "It was a long drive for you. I got enough sleep."

Grayson helped me into the truck, then went around to the driver's side and hopped in. "We aren't leaving yet. We have another stop to make."

"Where?" I asked, eying him curiously.

"You'll know soon enough. Sit back and relax," he said as we pulled out of the parking lot.

I sat back, but not without first huffing out my frustrations. By this point, Grayson was well aware that I didn't like surprises, but he didn't seem to care. Landmarks ran through my mind, but I couldn't pinpoint another location that would have significant meaning for him. As we drove, I soon realized where Grayson was taking me. I looked over to him with piercing pain in my eyes. "You're taking me to the cemetery?"

Grayson slowed at the entrance, but didn't say anything. The further in we drove, the faster my heart beat and I felt like I was choking for air-- it was beginning to suffocate me. I hadn't been back to the cemetery since my mom's death, and I wasn't entirely sure that I was ready to face the horror again. "I thought since we'd be out here that you could lay some flowers at your parents' graves." He parked the truck and took my hands in his. "Dallis, this is good for you. You can tell your parents everything that's on your mind, lay some flowers, and leave. We don't even have to stay long."

Sweat began to coat my skin as I failed to slow my breathing. For some reason, facing the reality that my parents were gone was a sickening feeling for me. Grayson opened the back passenger side door and pulled out two bouquets of flowers before helping me out of the truck.  

 We walked hand in hand up the grassy path until we were standing in front of my parents' plots, side by side. Looking down and finding their names on the stones brought a nauseating feeling to my stomach. The queasiness it brought along made me subconsciously throw my hand over it. My mouth instantly went dry, making it difficult to swallow. Grayson latched onto me and held me tight.

"You can do this, Dallis. You can do this," he whispered in my ear.

I stood holding on to him for a few minutes more before turning and facing the stones once again. I had no idea what to say or how to say it. I wasn't sure if I wanted Grayson around for it, but I also didn't want to be alone. Confusion turned to frustration as I stood there seething, unsure of anything anymore.

Chapter 14

Staring at my parents' plots brought a dark cloud over me that I had been desperately trying to keep away. I'd had no desire to come back to their graves until I absolutely had to, and right now didn't feel like much of a necessity. Grayson handed me the flowers and stepped back. I looked back to him with frustration and confusion etched painfully into my face. I wanted to lash out at him for forcing me to face something that I was quite content with leaving in the back of my mind.

I walked closer to the stones and placed the flowers down on each one. I stood and stared blankly down on them, having a million and one things to say, but unable to formulate any of it. A part of me felt foolish for wanting to speak to an inanimate object, especially with Grayson standing not too far away from me, so before I could feel anything more, I turned and walked back to the truck.

Grayson caught my hand just as I was passing him. Sadness and frustration spread across his face, and anger filled me once again as I realized that he wasn't going to let this go so easily.

"What?" I barked at him, staring daggers into his eyes.

"That's it, Dallis? You've got nothing to say?"

"What do you want from me, Grayson?" I yelled. "You bring me out here and expect me to pour my heart out when I don't even think I can."

He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me back around. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath to keep the anger that was beginning to boil inside of me contained.

"I want you to open up, Dallis." He leaned over my shoulder as he spoke. "You think by hiding from this that you'll be okay, but I know you won't. I need you--all of you."

"What the fuck do you know?" I angrily shouted at him. "You think I'm giving you pieces of me? You're getting far more than I ever wanted to give."

"And I'm thankful, but it's not enough for me!" I turned and looked Grayson in his eyes. Although he was shouting, there was no trace of anger, only compassion. "You've opened me up, Dallis. I feel for you in a way that I thought I would never feel again. But I know that I need one hundred percent of you, and until you face this and open up about your true feelings, there is a part of you that is missing."

I stepped away from him, never breaking my intense stare that I had locked on him. We glowered at one another for a few seconds longer, our chests moving up and down in unison before I finally blinked out of our gaze.

"You think it's so easy for everyone to be like you, Grayson. You lost your mom and became the model for mourning." I paused briefly. "I'm not you. I don't have that ability."

"You think my mom passed and I instantly knew how to go on living?" he shouted as he moved closer to me. "Quite the opposite, Dallis." I narrowed my eyes at him. He seemed so sure of himself and seemed to have all of his ducks in a row. The thought that he had suffered after his mom's passing never crossed my mind. "When my mom passed, I lost myself. I hated the world because the one person who knew and understood everything about me was taken away from me. I cut my friends off -- I cut everything off." Grayson shut his eyes, seemingly reliving the pain that had consumed him after the passing of his mother. "You think I'm the model? Well, if being the model means drinking half of my mom's insurance money away, gambling away another chunk of it, and not giving a flying fuck what became of myself, then yeah, I'm a model mourner."

I remained quiet. I could feel the rage emanating from Grayson as he recalled a terribly troubling part of his seemingly well put life. Never would I have guessed that he had gotten to that point. From my own experience, the sadness that came with losing a parent was a given, but to hear that Grayson had damn near bottomed out, was a shocking revelation that made my breath hitch.

"I'm nowhere near rock bottom, Grayson. You forcing me here is so unwarranted," I bit back.

"That's the point, Dallis," he said, running his hands over his face. "I wish someone had gotten to me before I got to that point. I was just like you. I tried so hard to go on living a normal life as if my mom's death was something that had happened, but that I didn't necessarily need to acknowledge." He began to walk, rubbing the back of his head. "It's a ticking time bomb, and when it explodes, it will take every bit of you with it."

I turned to watch Grayson as he walked. He stopped and turned back to me, then dramatically pulled his shirt over his head and marched back over in my direction.

"You see this?" Grayson asked, pulling my hand up and placing it over his heart. His heart was beating so fast that it startled me. "I didn't get this tattoo of my mom until well into my grieving period. I felt the agony of losing her every single day; yet, I couldn't face her or talk about it. I lost my girlfriend because I had shut off a part of me… much like what you're doing now."

I breathed hard, taking in everything that he was saying. My anger was beginning to subside, but the anxiety that came with what Grayson wanted me to do was filling me root to tip. "Our situations are completely different, Grayson," I muttered through clenched teeth.

"How so?"

"They just are. You wouldn't understand."

"How the hell can I when you won't tell me? I'm in your corner, Dallis. I think more than anyone else, the bond that we share should melt away the iciness, and you should feel okay with talking to me."

"Fine. You want to know why I'm such a dark hearted bitch?" The wrath in my voice caught Grayson off guard.