Shelter You (22 page)

His hands ball into fists and I can almost see the rage rolling off of him. “That’s why you were trying to leave yesterday? You were trying to protect me?”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t let him hurt you and I couldn’t let them take Lily so I tried to run. And I should have told you when you everything when you caught me. I should have told you what happened because he told me that Lily was a connection between us that couldn’t exist, and that if I didn’t get rid of her he would.”

“You’re
lying
.” I look up to see my father standing in the doorway like a statue, looking angry and dumbstruck. My mother stands behind him with tears in her eyes, but he continues to talk. “Nick would never do the things you’ve just accused him of. He would never take advantage of you like that, let alone kidnap a child.”

“Michael!” My mother calls to him, grabbing his arm to signal for him to stop.

He turns to his side to face her. “Do not tell me you believe this, Melinda. She’s lying.”

“She’s not. Look at her.” She demands. She looks at me somberly, guiltily. I’ve never seen her look at me with any emotion that wasn’t anger. “I said look at her. Look at your daughter.”

He turns around to face me and looks at me, I mean really looks at me. His shoulders sag and he stares at me with a tortured kind of pain in his eyes. “Mia. I…I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing you can say,” I reply. I turn back to Logan. “I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to take in. I screwed everything up, and I should have told you from the beginning. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore and I can live with that but please, please help me get Lily back.”

“Mia, I love you, that doesn’t change just because something bad happened to you. You were a minor, you trusted an adult and he abused that trust. I still want you and I still want Lily. We will get her back, you have to believe that.”

“I don’t know, Logan. I’m scared.”

“I know,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “We’ll get our girl back.” He turns his face towards John, the officer who had been listening in, the officer I’d forgotten was here. “Do you have enough?”

“I have what I need. I’m going to get to work on this.”

Logan moves to stand up, but John shakes his head.

“You can’t be involved man. I need you to stay here, but as soon as I know anything I’ll let you know.”

“This is my family. I need to do something.”

“Take care of her,” John replies, motioning to me. “She needs you. I’ll keep you informed every step of the way, but you have to play it cool. You’re too emotionally involved and I can’t have you out on the streets like this. You’ll just get yourself killed.”

He walks away, leaving us both standing there unsure of what to do next. The level of helplessness I feel right now is overwhelming.

“Mia, what can we do? The police came to the hotel to question us. We came as soon as they left,” my mother says, coming to stand in front of us.

“
You
sent him here. You sent him right to me when you told him where I was. How did you know where I was anyway? Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?”

“Your old boss Sarah called us. She told us that she had just fired you. Said that you were getting into trouble and that she was scared of what might happen to Lily if we didn’t come get you both.”

“Son of a bitch.” I turn just in time to see Logan pick up a glass vase and hurl it across the room. His face is fuming with anger as it shatters into a million tiny little pieces. He walks away and pulls one of the remaining police officers aside, I assume to tell him of Sarah’s involvement.

I slump my shoulders in defeat and go grab the broom out of the kitchen. I return and start sweeping up the broken glass. A set of firm hands pulls me back by my shoulders and pulls me into a hesitant embrace.

“I’ve never been a very good father to you,” my dad says, pulling the broom out of my hands. “Let me at least do this for you.” He releases me and starts sweeping up the mess. I look at the shards of glass lying on the floor like every single piece is a shattered piece of me, a representation of how my life has fallen apart and without Lily it’s not even worth it to try to put it back together again.

I walk over to Lily’s play yard and pull one of her blankets out of it. I hold it tightly and raise it up to my nose inhaling her scent, I picture her in my arms sucking on her little pacifier while I rock her back and forth in my arms as she falls asleep. I want to stay strong, to hold it together because I need to be able to think clearly but I can’t help how fragile I feel. How on the verge of a complete breakdown I am and clutching this empty blanket is the thing that’s about to push me over. I start to cry, unable to fight the tears that overpower me.

“It’s okay. Let it go.” Logan says, wrapping me up in his arms. I clutch his shirt and hold on tight as if holding on to him is the only way for me to stay upright. I need his strength and light right now, need him to convince me that everything is going to be alright. He scoops me up and carries me up the stairs, with each step he takes I hold onto him tighter, needing him to be my lifeline in this nightmare.

He lays us both down on the bed positioning us so that we’re facing one another. My body trembles on its own accord, I get that I need to keep my strength, keep myself together but every moment that I’m here and Lily is not is pushing me closer and closer to a breaking point.

“Shouldn’t we be downstairs?” I question softly.

He strokes my cheek and I take in the sight of him. He’s trying to be brave, to be solid for me but I can see the fear in his eyes. “It’s better if we’re out of the way.”

“What if John calls?”

“I have my phone with me.”

“I was in the house, I was right here.” I say, my voice cracking as I try to keep from crying. “How did this even happen?”

“From what we can gather he broke in through an unlocked window downstairs after I left, snuck upstairs, and grabbed Lily while you were still asleep.”

“This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not.” He attempts to reassure me but I’m beyond that point. Kind words can’t change the facts and the fact is that I created this situation.

“There’s so much that I should have done differently, starting with telling you the entire truth from the beginning, but I was ashamed and scared, and when I started to feel things for you, started to really fall for you I knew I could never tell you because I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me anymore when you heard about how things went down. How I stopped fighting and just let him take what he wanted from me.”

“You did the best you could, Mia. In a lot of ways you were fighting, you were trying to protect your parents and keep yourself alive, you didn’t know what the outcome would be.”

I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. “Sometimes I wonder if she wouldn’t have been better off with the adoptive parents, if they could have given her more, a better life.”

“Look at me.” He demands. His voice is firm and the deep timbre resonates through me. I open my eyes and our gazes lock. “Don’t say that. You’re her mother, and you’ve done an amazing job with her baby. She’s perfect.”

“She’s also gone.” I wince at my own words, my chest tightens with the type of pain that is indefinable. It’s the type of pain that only comes from having your heart ripped out.

“We’ll get her back.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just have faith. I know it.”

I wish for sleep to come and claim me, to take me away from this moment in time. I wish to wake up and have it all have been a terrible dream but sleep never comes and pretending that this isn’t reality isn’t going to help Lily.

“I need to do something, Logan. I can’t just lie around and do nothing, this isn’t helping.”

“I know how you feel, but there’s nothing that you can do right now. Everything that can be done is being done,” he states calmly, almost too calmly for me.

I’m not sure how long we lie there pretending that falling asleep is actually a possibility, hoping that any minute the phone will ring and it’ll be news of Lily. I wonder how Nick is treating her, if he’s feeding her, if she’s crying, and the thoughts running through my head consume me. After some time I get up and sit on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t lay here anymore,” I say.

“Let’s go downstairs. I’ll call John and see if he has any updates for us.”

We walk down together hand in hand, I think staying connected is helping us both right now. Him needing to take care of me and me needing to draw from his strength because all I currently feel is weak and scared, and when I don’t feel that I’m just numb.

Logan speaks to John, but the only update he has so far is that Nick checked out of his hotel early this morning, most likely before he came for Lily. There’s been no sight of him since then.

We know he hasn’t gotten on a plane, and the police now have people at the bus depots and nearby train stations. My parents sit on the couch across from me, staring at me, watching me clutch Lily’s blanket as if they’re terrified of me or what I might do.

They’re trying to be supportive, to say all the right things and I know that I should be the bigger person, be the better person and forgive them. Perhaps one day I will, but right now I don’t really care what they think or how they feel. They may as well be a pair of strangers sitting in front of me. In fact, they
are
a pair of strangers sitting in front of me and their feelings have no relevance.

“Mia?” My head snaps up at the sound of my name being called, and I see Logan’s parents Carol and Steven walking into the living room.

I jump out of my seat and run into Carol’s open arms and begin to sob uncontrollably again.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry,” she says, holding me tightly while Steven squeezes my shoulder.

She holds me for a few moments, then she cups my face in her hands and gives me a sad smile. “She’ll be fine, you’ll see. She’ll be back with you and Logan before you know it.”

I nod my head, wanting so desperately to believe in her words, wishing upon all wishes for it to be true, for any second to have anybody walk through that front door carrying Lily. I glance towards my parents who are looking at my interaction with Logan’s parents with mild annoyance and with what I can only describe as envy.

I jump when I hear Logan’s phone ring. I must have dozed off on the couch somehow after spending the majority of the day pacing around the house and crying. Mandy and Chris both stopped by to offer their support. Carol and Steven have gone to buy food which I can guarantee I won’t be able to touch. My parents have remained a constant presence in the house but have surprisingly stayed out of my way.

“He’s been spotted heading southbound on Park Avenue. I’m going down there to see what I can find out,” Logan says.

“I’m coming with you.”

“No. I don’t want you anywhere near that area. I’m not even supposed to be there. Keep your phone on you and I’ll call you.” He places a quick kiss on my forehead and before I can argue he’s gone, leaving me behind. I look around me at this house that’s become my home. I look around wondering what it would be like to live without the two people that make it just that, a home. Logan and Lily are my home and without them I don’t want to be in this house. I can’t sit here, not even one second longer waiting for news on my daughter, waiting to see if Logan will come back unscathed. Not one more second of playing the victim.

I grab my keys and make a run for the door, ready to plow through anyone who tries to stop me. I can hear my parents calling for me but I keep going, never pausing, never looking back because the truth of the matter is that without Logan and Lily I have nothing. And if there’s even a small chance that my presence can make a difference in what’s about to go down, I have to be there. I have to try to bring my family back intact; I couldn’t live with myself if I sat back and did nothing.

I jump in my car and peel out of the driveway heading toward Park Avenue; it’s not a far drive, ten minutes tops. I speed through town praying that I’ll make it in time, that Nick hasn’t hurt Lily.

I make it onto Park but there’s no sign of them and the street is eerily quiet, I pull over to the side of the road and contemplate calling Logan but he’ll never tell me where he is, not if he knows I’m out looking for them. Where would they go? What would be the next logical direction to head? Suddenly it hits me. From this point, there’s only one way out of town—one way to get away, and that’s by crossing the Bay Street Bridge.

I throw the car into gear and drive. I glance in my rearview mirror and see that my parents’ car has now caught up to me but I make no moves to slow down or stop. All I care about is getting to my family, my
real
family. Not parents who never gave a damn about me, who never saw or heard me or cared about my feelings. As far as I’m concerned, they can keep driving forever.

It’s then when I reach the entrance of the bridge, then when I see the dramatic scene unfolding right before my eyes. I drive as far as I can onto the bridge and come to a screeching halt.