Shiver (2 page)

Chapter 2

“I
can’t believe I let you talk me into this!” I yelled over the noise of the bar crowd.

Steph’s hazel eyes widened as she took in the amount of people crammed into the small space. “It’s Tuesday! I’m sorry! I didn’t know it was gonna be a… a thing!”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming out.” I slumped down in an open chair. “Fuck you. I look like an idiot.”

“Oh, you look badass. You have two broken arms! And all that”—she gestured at the external fixator that protruded from my left arm—“I wouldn’t wanna meet you in a dark alley!”

“Um, I’m exactly who you’d want to meet in a dark alley. What on earth would I do to you?”

“Okay, true story,” she agreed with a nod, pulling up another chair.

My right arm was wrapped in a splint from my fingers to my armpit to protect my elbow. My left arm had metal screws through the skin into the bone from my hand to my forearm. A titanium rod connected the two. It was so awesomely grotesque I had to cover it with a wrap for fear of causing innocent bystanders to pass out. The whole thing was a great excuse to drink. Alone.

“And now you owe this badass a drink to make up for bringing me out to be gawked at by the entire town.”

“Are you gonna sit and sip wine the whole time? ’Cause that’s distinctly not badass,” she said pointedly.

“Yes. Yes I am. Otherwise I’d look even stupider when my drunk ass falls down and breaks my arms even more.”

I had a history of being a huge dork. Hard alcohol made me real drunk, real quick. Typically I did regrettable things, would fall asleep, and then wake up to gaps in my memory. Wine was safer.

Fortunately, here in town, no one cared about IDs, so we got our drinks and sat back to chat while multiple people came up to ask what happened to my arms, how it happened, did it hurt. I’d been out of the loop for a while since I’d been holing myself up at home, watching soap operas and reading pretty much anything with sex in it. I might have been living a bit vicariously. So that night I was just catching up on the latest gossip and hoping it wasn’t about me.

The front door of the pub swung open and in walked Brett, the bane of my existence. I heard his voice carry over the crowd as he greeted friends. British accent. Makes girls stupid. Let’s face it, it had been a huge draw for me. Otherwise he was cute, but a tad on the short side, which made me uncomfortable. As he walked farther into the room, we made eye contact: his wide, mine narrow. Just then I noticed the girl behind him. Cute, red-haired, noticeable baby bump. This was the gossip I’d been worried about, and it was walking straight toward me. A slight hush fell over the crowd as they approached. I plastered a smile to my face and leaned back in my chair.

“Hello, Brett.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Lissa. How are you? I haven’t seen you since your fall.”

“I’m great,” I said, plastering a sweet smile on my face. “It’s been a super fun few weeks.” I leaned around him to look at his baby mommy. “You must be Alexis. I’m Lissa, an old friend of Brett’s. And this is my friend, Steph. She’ll shake hands for me since it’s a little difficult right now.”

Alexis giggled as she greeted Steph. Brett looked pretty uncomfortable, which made me happy. We girls all chatted a bit, and Alexis actually seemed sweet. Don’t those nice, innocent ones always get knocked up and marry cheating losers? Something to remember. I knew everyone in the bar was trying to eavesdrop, but there was really nothing to hear. It felt like talking to two cardboard figures who wouldn’t leave. At yet another awkward lull in the conversation, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, which was somewhat of an event for me. I shot Steph an apologetic look for abandoning her and then scooted out of there.

The bathroom was down a back hallway through a set of swinging saloon doors.

As I passed through into the hallway, I leaned back against the wall for a moment. That whole situation in the other room was weird and draining. Poor Alexis had done nothing wrong, and I was the other woman who’d slept with her boyfriend. Or I guess we were both the other woman, but the baby put her higher on the totem pole than me.

Dear God, thank you for having kept me low on the totem pole!

One thought the mess drove home was that my current life was not what I wanted. It was apparent I didn’t have much of a future or any sort of a plan. And I could have gone a long time without having to see Brett and his growing family. I probably could have gone back to Texas and found a job at a riding stable or something. Or gone to college. That probably would have made my parents pretty happy. I wasn’t sure, but I’d do just about anything to make a change for the better and start a real life, and that change needed to happen immediately. With a renewed sense of mental fortitude, I headed to the bathroom to start the arduous task of shimmying my pants down… and then back up.

After an embarrassingly long amount of time, I came out to find Brett leaned against the wall in the same spot I’d been in earlier. His head was down, his hands in his jean pockets. He looked up as I walked slowly toward him, his pale blue gaze meeting mine. I settled my back into the wall next to him. I figured I might as well get a little closure.

“So,” I said expectantly.

“Yeah. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Truly sorry. I wish things had happened differently. I wish we’d had a chance together.”

He turned and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. I let out a long breath, not denying the connection we’d briefly had and the regret that lingered just a touch.

“This thing with Alexis. It was a mistake. But I have to make it right, with her and her family. I owe her that. But it’s not real. It’s not like us.”

He leaned in to kiss me, but my laughter stopped him an inch from my lips. I let my head fall back against the wall with a thunk. He stepped back, staring at me like I was a little crazy. Which was possible, because I was full-on laughing then.

“Holy. Shit.” I tried to catch my breath. “I don’t even know what to say. You really are an asshole! I’m actually so glad this happened now.” I met his eyes, my voice rising. “You’re right. We did have something between us, but you ruined that pretty easily and without any thought whatsoever, for me or for Alexis. That’s a nice girl in there, and you knocked her up. Now you deal with it, but don’t drag me along for the ride.”

“For fuck’s sake, keep your voice down.” He grabbed my elbow to pull me closer. As he did, it pulled my arm in a way that made me gasp as pain shot from my fingers up to my forehead. He let me go with an abruptness that left me just as breathless. I stumbled back and bumped into a chest. A tall, hard, hot, male chest. I could feel the heat through his T-shirt sear my bare shoulders, and it actually made me shiver.

Wow.

I felt strong hands come up to gently steady my shoulders, which I was grateful for because I was definitely not steady.

“Oh, shit. Lissa. I’m sorry. I… I just forgot for a minute.” Brett was holding his hands up with a stricken look on his face.

But I have to confess I actually forgot he was there for a minute.

“Hey, man, I think you need to give her some room.”

Holy. Ethan. Rex. Swoon. The sound of his voice alone could do that to a girl. An American voice. I’ll admit I was feeling patriotic. I’d rented a room from Ethan a few years back, which was a typical thing to do in the equestrian world. It was usually a short-term, low-commitment option when you’re moving around a lot with your horses and don’t have a lot of money. I’d done it a couple of different times with varying degrees of success. The best-case scenario was that you’d hole yourself up in a ten-by-ten room and no one bothered you. But with Ethan, we were more like roommates; actually hanging out and being… friends. However, when I moved out to rent my own place, we’d slowly lost touch as we got busy with our own lives. It might have been a bit of self-protection on my part. I’d always harbored a crush on Ethan, but he never seemed to reciprocate. I didn’t really want to be that girl, so I made myself move on from even the idea. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in several months.

I stepped away and turned to look at both men, immediately feeling the loss of heat. Ethan stood well over six feet tall, with short dark brown hair and dark eyes. His scruff-covered jaw was strong but not too chiseled. Swirls of tattoos in muted tones ran down both his arms, but it wasn’t easy to make out the distinctions. His dark-wash jeans were slung low on his hips, and his gray T-shirt clung lightly to his abs, which I’d had the pleasure of accidentally seeing and could attest to their perfection. Next to all that maleness and sin, Brett looked a bit less than manly. And short. I wondered why on earth I’d ever been involved with him, and it occurred to me I needed to work on my self-esteem.

I blinked to bring myself back from my musings to realize the two men were glaring at each other.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I turned toward Brett. Speaking would have been so much easier if I could have made hand gestures. “You, go back to your wife. We are so beyond done, and there is nothing left to say.” I turned my back on Brett, facing Ethan. “Ethan, thank you for intervening, but I’m good. Brett just accidentally knocked my arm, which happens all the time. No damage done.”

Ethan nodded and took step back, but Brett leaned into me again.

“We are not done, Lissa. I need to talk to you. I don’t want to lose you,” Brett whispered harshly.

I moved away, shaking my head. “You’ve already lost me. And it won’t matter soon anyway. I’m moving,” I added impulsively. “You and your family won’t have to worry about me at all.”

“What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“It’s really just none of your business anymore.” I looked at him expectantly and nodded in the direction of the bar. He gave me one more long look before he turned around and walked away with a shake of his head.

Ethan had been silently watching the exchange and now stepped up to me. “Are you really moving?”

I nodded slowly. “I think so. I don’t know where. What I do know is that I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to turn into one of those old townie horse ladies who are all bitter and haggard. Look at me: burned out, broken, and busted at twenty years old. By the time I’m back riding, I don’t even know how well my arm will work! The surgeon said I’ll never have full range of motion again and it’ll always bother me. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to hold on to a racehorse, and where’s that going anyway? Am I going to be an exercise rider for the rest of my life? I need… I need to grow up, I guess… Shit, that sucks.”

He chuckled a little at the word vomit coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t help it. He was one of those people who just drew everything out of me. He would stay quiet until everything I was thinking and feeling came spewing out.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. He’d spoken so quietly I wasn’t sure if I’d heard correctly.

“I don’t think you should go. Why should that douche bag run you out of town?”

That got a smile out of me. And he was right. Brett was a douche bag.

I shrugged. “I have nothing to stay for. Maybe a fresh start would be good.”

“What if you did have something to stay for?”

I just looked at him. I wanted to say,
I’ll stay for you. Take me to bed and do me
. But he’d probably have thought that was odd. So I kept my mouth shut.

“I’ll give you a fresh start. Come work for me.”

I laughed a little. “Well, that’s super generous, Ethan. But have you looked at me recently? I’m not exactly up to par right now.”

“Yeah, I’ve looked.” He nodded and his eyes ran over me swiftly, making me mildly self-conscious. “Your arm is gnarly. Sorry about your wreck, by the way. I should have called to check in. I just…” He let out a breath and then cleared his throat. “But I don’t mean start right now. How many more weeks until you get your robo-gear off?”

“Four.” Of course I wondered what he’d been going to say after “just,” but I let it slide.

“Okay, four weeks, then come report for duty.”

“Ethan, four weeks till my last surgery. It’s not like it’ll be one hundred percent then,” I said wryly.

“Just start anyway. There’s a lot I can have you do around the barn. You can clean up the horses, do all the girly shit I don’t wanna do and don’t have time for. Get back on your feet again.”

“Are you serious here? Because I’m pretty tempted. I don’t really want to move back to Texas with my parents. They’re great and all, but I was hoping I was past that point in my life.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t serious. I could use the help. You clearly need help. It’s a win-win.”

I stood there for a minute chewing my lip. “Okay.”

“Okay? Really?”

“Yes. But I warn you, I’m kind of a pain in the ass. You might regret this.”

“I know you’re a pain in the ass. I lived with it. Nothing I can’t handle.” He stuck out his hand to shake on the deal and I just stared at him, raising a brow. He grinned and leaned forward to ruffle the hair on my head. “It’s a deal. Call me when you’re ready.” He turned and started to saunter into the bar, calling “Later, Lissa” over his shoulder.

“You bastard!” I hollered back. “I can’t fix my hair!”

He ran back, laughing, to smooth my hair down, and all I could think was
Yes. Please keep touching me. Stop! Okay, keep going!

“Want me to tie it back?”

I nodded and he took the ever-present hair tie I had wrapped around my splinted arm and walked behind me. His fingers combed my hair back, and he fixed a low ponytail for me. My breath hitched when his fingers brushed my neck. We were both quiet for a moment, and then I coughed to break the silence.

“I’m completely impressed.” I smiled over my shoulder.

The corner of his mouth lifted. “I have talents you can’t even imagine. I can even do a French braid if you want.”

“Wow. I’d like to see that.” I laughed.

We both walked back into the pub together. Ethan held the swinging door to let me step through. Steph was still sitting where I’d left her, her eyes darting between me and Ethan, a wide smile spreading over her face. We parted ways with a small wave as he walked up to the bar, and I sat back down next to Steph. She had a fresh, full glass of wine waiting for me. I took a long drink and set it back down with a sigh.