Shiver (10 page)

I heard Ethan walk up. He came in to Ginger’s other side and stroked down her coat, scratching her withers.

Leaning his forehead against her neck, he quietly said, “She’s thirty-six years old. I’ve had her for twenty years. I’ve only kept her in the program here because she’s always loved to work.”

I nodded, tears running from my eyes, knowing where this was going.

“José came to check in, and she was colicking. He walked her for a while, but she wasn’t getting any better. She’s sedated now. They could try surgery, but at her age…” He started to choke up a little and paused to clear his throat. “I need to put her down. To be fair to her. I…”

I was quiet for a minute, swallowing my own sadness.

I took a deep breath and said, “You know.” I stopped to gather myself again. “I’ve always believed that we are given the responsibility of taking on our animals’ suffering so they don’t have to. It’s selfless. It’s why we’re here to take care of them.”

He nodded and reached under Ginger’s neck, linking our hands as we stood quietly. “Thank you. I needed that. I’ve been in this position before. I’ve taken care of it for clients. I can appreciate the life a horse has lived and honor it. Ginger has just been around… forever, as far as I’m concerned. She’s the reason I made it here, the catalyst for every dream I’ve lived. Thirty-six is a remarkable age for a horse. But I never really imagined life without her. She’s been a fixture in my life when nothing and no one else has been.”

He stopped for a minute, lost in thought. “I used to be embarrassed as a kid. To have a mare named Ginger. As a boy, I already got teased about riding English the whole time I was growing up.” He looked at me and smiled. “You know, stretchy pants and all.”

I laughed a little despite the seriousness of his speech.

He continued, “When I was ten years old, the brothers of all the girls I rode with were making fun of me horribly. I hated it and wanted to quit. My coach pulled me aside and ripped me a new one, telling me how lucky I was to have her. And what an idiot I was being. After that, he set up a course of jumps that were higher than I’d ever gone over before and told me to kick on down to every single one. I was terrified.” He laughed quietly, remembering. “By then everyone was watching, so I had to do it. I remember leaning down to Ginger and telling her how sorry I was for being such a pansy and that if she helped me out, I’d never doubt her again. And she did. Man, did she cart my ass around that course, bigger than I had any business going over. She’s the one who got me noticed and brought me to the East Coast. And I kept my promise. I’ve never doubted her.”

Tears were streaming down my face now, but Ginger stood quietly between us, seeming to comfort us more than we were her.

“What can I do?” I asked.

“Just, will you stay with me while we do this? That big oak tree in her paddock? I’d like to take her out there to put her down. She’ll be comfortable. And then José said he’d bury her there.”

I nodded and walked into the tack room, fetching Ginger’s leather halter and coming back to fasten it on her. Ethan was talking softly to her but took the lead rope from me and grabbed my hand. We walked her out to the paddock together, José and the vet trailing behind.

In less than an hour, we were up at Ethan’s house. He opened a bottle of wine and filled two long-stemmed glasses. A gesture that didn’t go unnoticed, despite the gravity of the evening. Well, morning, actually. We sat on the couch and sipped, nothing but the tips of our fingers touching and lying between us. So much had happened in the past few hours, but for now, there weren’t any words. After long minutes, Ethan took my glass and set it on the table next to his and led me to his room. He wordlessly stripped my dress off, raking me with his eyes, before stripping off his dirty tux, leaving our ruined clothes in a pile on the floor.

I stood quietly as he walked away to the bathroom to turn the shower on. As the water heated, he came back to me, kissed me softly, then led me under the hot spray. We took turns washing the events of the morning off each other. He grasped my hips and lifted me against the shower wall, making love to me simply and tenderly, replacing the memories from the past hours with something new and powerful. Afterward, he carried me to his bed, wrapping me in his arms and pulling me into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 14

I
woke, startled, to sunlight streaming in a window. I was momentarily disoriented, wondering where I was, when a warm, callused hand smoothed across my abdomen. It brought me back into Ethan’s bed. Possibly my favorite place.

“Happy New Year,” he said groggily.

“Mmmm, happy New Year.”

“Do you wanna take the whole day off with me?”

I sighed. “Yes. But I need to get Charlie. And we probably have a lot to talk about.”

“Okay.”

I sighed again. “Is it going to be a bad talk?”

He was quiet for too long. “It’s not going to be great. But it is something we can figure out together.”

“Are you married?”

“What? No.”

“Do you have a secret love child?”

“No.”

“An STD?”

He snorted into his pillow, shoulders shaking. “No.”

“Okay, then it can wait a few minutes,” I said, shifting onto my side to look at his face.

“Deal.” He reached out to glide his hand down my body, grasping under my knee and hitching my leg up and around him. I was pulled flush against him and took the opportunity to push my hips closer to him. “Wait, only a few minutes?” He stopped and looked affronted.

My lips found his in a soft and teasing kiss as I laughed. “You take whatever time you’d like.”

And so he did. We took the time to get to know each other sober, in daylight, as lovers. He watched me with intensity, his dark eyes missing nothing. It should have been embarrassing, to have him see so much of me, but the worship in his touch left no room for that. Minutes passed, hours, I had no idea. But eventually we were sated and drowsy, wrapped in each other contentedly. Ethan was trailing his fingers up and down my rib cage, and I was tracing the tattoos on his arms. This was the first opportunity I’d had to really study them in detail.

“What do all these mean?” I asked, continuing to track the swirls between the stunning horse drawings from shoulder to wrist. All were in various forms. Some were galloping, some jumping, some resting.

He stopped further movement by pulling my fingertips to his lips, kissing each one. “Each horse represents one that I’ve trained and ridden that has gone on to do great things. Not necessarily in competition, but in whatever their given talents were. It doesn’t matter if their specialty lay in eventing, dressage, hunters, racing, or pleasure and trail riding. They were all important. Still are.” He smiled wryly. “And it may have been an outlet for my deep, deep-seated creativity. And a great big fuck-you to my father.”

I let my fingers resume their playful mapping. “Deep-seated, huh? How deep are we talking?”

Our eyes met as he quickly flipped me to my back, pinning my arms over my head. “Don’t be crass,” he murmured as his lips traveled lower and lower.

“Oh, would you like me meek and shy?” I grabbed the sheet and pulled it over myself.

He immediately pulled the sheet back down, tossing it to the foot of the bed. His lips resumed tasting every inch of me. “I. Love. Every. Thing. About. Every. Part. Of. You.” He punctuated each word with a kiss.

My heart skipped a beat at the “love” thing, but my senses were soon overwhelmed, and I let it drift away, along with every rational thought I’d ever had. I pushed at his chest to flip him over on his back and kissed my own way down his body, letting my lips and tongue and hands further explore all his hardness and assert my power over his body. His hands twisted in my hair as I took him fully in my mouth. He groaned in appreciation as I teased him mercilessly and alternated my movements to bring him almost to the brink. When I felt he couldn’t last much longer, I released him and slowly crawled up his body, letting mine skim over him while I looked in his eyes, which were heavy with lust. I kissed up his chest, neck, and jaw to reach his lips. He roughly grabbed my head and kissed me hard. I wiggled my hips over him, positioning myself to slide him into me. Pushing off his chest, I started to move, earning another groan from him.

“God, I knew you were a great rider,” he growled, gripping my hips to match my tempo.

I couldn’t help it. I collapsed in laughter, resting my head on his chest, absolutely shaking in mirth. He quickly flipped us over in a very cool move I didn’t know it was possible to do without breaking contact or falling off the bed. He looked down at me, eyes shining with a cocky smile.

“No laughing during sex,” he attempted to say seriously, grabbing my wrists and pinning them over my head. My laughter faded as the intensity in his eyes grew. He started moving his hips, keeping my arms in place with one hand while the other teased my breasts before moving lower to where we were joined, torturing me with sensations. His movements gained speed and power until we were both panting and crying out with exertion. He brought his mouth to my nipple, teasing with his tongue and making me writhe in pleasure, but it wasn’t until he raked my flesh with his teeth that I flew apart, calling out my release and my relief. He followed me over the edge and collapsed on top of me, allowing my arms to lower and limply trail along his spine as our breathing slowed. We rolled onto our sides, and he gave me a long kiss on the forehead. I sighed and closed my eyes, drifting off.

Another undetermined amount of time later, my senses returned and I realized that I was starving and in dire need of coffee. I nudged Ethan.

“Coffee,” I whispered. “Coffee coffee coffee.”

He groaned and rolled over on his back. “You can’t make me do any more work.” He flopped an arm over his eyes.

“You’re the one who seduced me into staying. The seducer makes the coffee.”

“Ugh, fine.” He hopped out of bed, fully naked, and strutted to the closet to grab some clothes. I stared unabashedly at his form as he pulled out a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on, then walked out of the room and toward the kitchen. I glanced at the clock and saw the time.

“Oh my gosh!” I yelped, clambering out of bed and darting toward the living room.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I screeched to a halt when I saw Charlie flopped on the couch. “What’s happening here?”

Ethan walked in and, after eyeing my nudity longer than was strictly necessary, looked at my dog. “How’d she get here?”

I shrugged. “Wait. Where’s my phone?” I started looking around.

“Here it is.” He handed it to me after finding it on the counter.

I clicked and swiped it on.

“Oh! Steph dropped off Charlie this morning because she knew I’d want to spend the day with her. Wow, she’s the best friend ever. Although I’m concerned at which point she popped in.”

I felt him walk up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back and enjoyed the contact.

Lips at my ear, he murmured, “You know you’re still naked, right? And something really important made you shoot out of bed when even my coffee couldn’t.”

“Rose Parade!” I exclaimed. “We have to turn on the Rose Parade. It’s tradition!”

“Ah,” he said, lips at my collarbone. “Do you traditionally watch it with no clothes on?”

As my head fell back farther, I said, “Um, traditionally I’ve been fully clothed. But I’ve always enjoyed bucking tradition.”

That earned me a quick spank on my bare ass. “Go find something to put on. We’ll watch the parade and have coffee, and I’ll make you breakfast.”

I giggled as I jumped away. Yes, I giggled. But I stopped and spun around halfway to his room.

“We still have some shit to talk about, you know. I literally have no clue what’s going on right now. Although I’m enjoying it.”

“We’ll talk during the parade and I’ll explain everything. Good?”

I nodded and started to turn back to the bedroom.

“Pick anything you’d like,” he called after me. “Just make sure it’s easy to get off.” He winked before walking away.

I came back out in a T-shirt and rolled-up pair of sweatpants, scuffling over to the couch to snuggle up against Charlie. After about two minutes of obligatory cuddle time, she got up and sauntered to the front door. Ethan emerged at the perfect time to let her out. I pouted a little at the lack of canine loyalty, but Ethan made up for it by sliding in next to me and passing me coffee and the remote.

“Wow.” I looked down between my mug and the controller.

“Your wish is my command.” He smiled.

I took a sip of coffee and popped on the parade but turned the volume down low.

“Tell me,” I said, laying my head against his chest.

He let out a long, resigned breath.

“First I want to say how much I appreciate last night. I would have, and could have, dealt with it on my own. But I can’t tell you what having you here did for me. You were… perfect. And everything I needed.”

A breath whooshed from my chest, but I said nothing else, knowing there was no need for interruption.

“You met Heather last night. She’s a new attorney at my father’s firm. My dad owns a huge corporate law firm. He’s only been around recently, to open an office in town. Honestly, he’s an asshole, and we don’t get along.

“My mom…” He sighed, roughly rubbing his hands over his face. “My mom has a drug problem. Prescription pills plus alcohol. She’s gone into a few rehab facilities, sometimes court ordered, sometimes at our pleading. When she’s sober, she wants to get well so badly. But when she gets weak, she blames everyone, and she wants everything. My dad, he left when things were bad. I don’t think he ever thought about how that would affect me, or thought about what I had to deal with at sixteen years old. The messes and the tears and the drama.

“But the fact is my mom is finally trying. Right now she’s at a top treatment center out in California. I can’t afford to keep her there any longer, but she’s not ready to leave. My father has the finances to help. You have to understand, Lissa, I hadn’t spoken to my dad in years. I only contacted him for help for my mom. Next thing I know, he’s opening an office out here.” He paused to take a breath.

“So do you think he’s just looking to reconnect with you?”

He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. “No. You don’t know my dad. He only wants to have power over me. He hates that I train horses, he hates that I’m successful with it, and he hates that I haven’t needed him over the years. Now that I do need him for something, he wants to hold it over me.”

“I don’t understand what he wants.”

“Heather.” Ethan’s jaw clenched. “Heather is opening up this local office, and I made a deal with him that I would date her for her first six months here in exchange for the money my mom needs. It was an easy decision at first. We had the discussion and made the deal before you came into the picture.”

“Why on earth does he want you to date Heather? I still don’t get it.”

“Well, first of all, since people see me as a local here, it paves the way for her to make business relationships within the community. It’s all about her social standing, and even though I’m nothing but a horse trainer, my clients are the upper echelon. The introductions I can give her are powerful. And as an added bonus, it’s a means of control. I’ve never been in any long-term relationship, and he thinks I can’t commit to anyone.”

I drew in a long breath. “Can’t you introduce her to people without having to be her trophy boyfriend?”

He shook his head. “Not according to my father. And honestly, a few months ago, I didn’t even question it because what did it matter to me? That’s why I pushed you away and tried to stay away. But seeing you last night, everything that happened… Now I seriously don’t want to do this. And Heather is, of course, a nightmare. I knew she would be. But I promised my mom that I would help keep her where she is. I can’t back out now when she’s come so far.”

“Has your dad already paid?”

“Not yet. He’ll start next month.”

“Okay. Have you explored any other options? What about connecting her with Narcotics Anonymous?”

“I’m not sure she can handle being outpatient. Not yet anyway.”

“But she’s been there for how long now?”

“Three months.”

“Hmmm.” I sat back and stared at the floats going by on the TV.

“What’s the ‘hmmm’ for?”

“Well, do you think she’s just relying on being inpatient because it’s easier? She doesn’t actually have to make the decisions or take control?”

“Honestly? Yeah. I’m sure that plays a huge role, if not all of it. But I’m not there to watch out for her. I don’t know. Just because we aren’t very close doesn’t mean I’m going to throw her into the deep end.”

“I get that.” I was quiet for a second, thinking. “Would you be willing to talk to my brother-in-law?”

He looked at me with his brow furrowed in confusion. “What? Why? I mean, sure, but why?”

I laughed softly. “Rob is a counselor. He works mainly with alcohol abuse, but drugs too. He may be able to help come up with a plan.”

“Yeah, totally. I’ll take any help I can get. If there’s a way out of this without having to go through my dad, or worse, Heather. Yeah, I’ll listen.”

I patted his knee and started to get up to get my phone, but he pulled me down onto his lap. His hands slid up to cradle my face as he gently kissed my lips.

“What’s that for?” I smiled.

“Thank you. For listening and for understanding. And for wanting to help. I’ve just been doing this on my own for so long.” He rested his forehead against mine. “And I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I haven’t done anything yet. But I think Rob can help. He’s always stressed the importance of NA and AA. The sponsors and support and accountability. He says that an addict has to make the decision themselves if they’re going to make it and stay clean.”

I poked him in the chest and mock-frowned. “Plus if you think I’m going to sit back and let that skank anywhere near you, especially after last night and all these months you’ve dragged me through the mud, you got another think comin’.” I shook my head, hopping up to call my sister. Ethan swatted my ass as I jumped away, laughing.

My sister answered right away, or rather, the boys did. “Happy New Year!” they screamed into the phone. I held it away from my ear a little, laughing. “Happy New Year, little dudes. Are you watching the parade?”

“Yes!” they yelled in unison. Nathan piped up, “And we stayed up until midnight!”

“Really? Your mom let you do that?” I was flabbergasted.

Annie came on the phone. “No. I did not. They completely made that up.”

I was smiling ear to ear, listening to the family banter on the line, and caught Ethan watching me intently.

He walked over and kissed my cheek, whispering, “You are so beautiful.”

I smiled wider.

“What? Who was that?” Annie asked, her voice rising in excitement.

“How on earth did you hear anything with all your background noise?” I felt my cheeks heating.

“I’m a ninja. Answer my question.”

I sighed, resigned. “Ethan.”

The squeal she emitted nearly made me drop the phone. “I knew it! I knew it. I knew it. I’ve always known it.”

“Yes, you know everything.” I rolled my eyes.