Signs of Love (24 page)

Sifting through those images and feelings, Alana recalled Beth's concern that she might be attracted to Justin just because of how he treated her son. She really couldn't deny that was a big part of it. But there was also the thought that maybe Caden played a big part in Justin's feelings for her as well. Alana rubbed at the twinge of pain that went through her heart. She wanted him to want to be with her because of who she was, not just because she was Caden's mother. It was clear he loved her son, but would he come to love her as much?

Knowing she'd likely drive herself crazy trying to figure it out at this early point in things, Alana tried to focus on her work again. She had a couple of days yet before she'd see Justin, so there was no sense in making any assumptions until they actually spent some time together.

~*~*~

By the time Friday rolled around, Justin hoped he'd make it through the evening without falling asleep. He was beat. Between training on things like the obstacle course, sparring and mock drills, his body had taken a beating. The members of the team were in excellent shape and pushed him farther than most teams that came to the BlackThorpe training compound. Usually, he would have enjoyed the challenge, but right then, he was just hoping to have enough energy to last the evening.

He took a quick shower—even though it had been tempting to linger under the hot water—then pulled on a pair of faded jeans and a black short-sleeve Henley, tucking it in before feeding his black leather belt through the loops on the jeans. Knowing he wouldn't be wearing his shoulder harness, Justin sank down on his bed to put on his socks before securing the ankle holster to his leg. He slid his gun into it then lowered the hem of his jeans. Grabbing his heavy-duty black watch from the nightstand, he fastened it as he got to his feet.

In the living room, Justin shoved his feet into a pair of black topsiders and grabbed his cell phone and keys from the counter along with the bag he'd packed the night before in anticipation of spending time with Caden. He was still attaching the cell phone case to his belt as he left his apartment. Beth had said supper would be at six, but at the rate he was going, he was going to be a few minutes late. Hopefully, the traffic wouldn't be too bad since more people were heading out of the Twin Cities than into them on a Friday afternoon.

Before he pulled his truck out of its parking spot, Justin sent Beth a quick text to let her know he was running a bit behind. The twenty-minute drive gave him time to think about the evening ahead. He planned to spend time with Caden and Alana after supper. He'd brought his game console along with a couple of games he thought Caden might enjoy. Figuring Alana would want to put her son to bed herself, he hoped that once he was asleep, she'd be willing to go see a late movie with him. Though, when he'd originally come up with the plan, he hadn't known he'd be half dead with exhaustion.

Beth had agreed without hesitation to listen for Caden while he and Alana were out. He just hoped he didn't drift off during the movie...especially if she chose the romantic comedy that was showing at the theater he planned to take her to. And while a movie wasn't the best place to talk, Justin thought it would be a good start for the dates he hoped they'd have in the future. He didn't want to rush her, but he was surprised by the strength of the feelings he had for her already.

Justin could only hope she felt something for him as well. This could get awkward really fast if she didn't.

~*~*~

Caden tapped her shoulder and pointed out the window. Alana turned to see that Justin's big black truck had pulled into the driveway. Beth had said he'd texted to say he would be a bit late so Caden had been kneeling against the back of the couch watching for him. Now Alana found that she couldn't take her eyes off him as he climbed out of the truck.

He slammed the truck door then stood there with a bag in his hand as he stared across the cul-de-sac. With an abrupt turn, he opened the door to his truck and put the bag back inside. After shutting the door again, he made his way across the cul-de-sac. Alana's gaze followed him as he approached a woman with long curly blond hair who was wearing a business suit.

She watched as Justin held out his hand to the woman and then stood talking to her for a minute, his arms crossed over his chest. When she motioned to the house and began to walk toward it, Justin followed her. Alana frowned.

Caden tapped her on the shoulder.
Why is he going there, Mama?

Alana just shrugged and shook her head. She didn't need any other sign to let him know she had no idea what Justin was doing.

"Is Justin here?" Beth asked from behind them.

Alana turned around. "Yes, he's here, but he went to a house across the street to talk to someone."

"What?" Beth leaned over the couch, bracing a hand on the back of it. "Which house?"

"The one with the stone front," Alana said as she pointed to where Justin and the woman had disappeared.

"Really? The one that's for sale?" Beth asked, a thread of excitement in her voice.

Alana looked more closely, realizing as she did that there was, in fact, a FOR SALE sign on the front lawn. From the angle they were looking at it, the sign hadn't been facing them so she hadn't realized it was there. "He's looking at a house that's for sale?"

"I guess so. I mentioned it to him last week and said he should look into it. He didn't say anything about having made arrangements to meet the realtor, though."

"What are you guys looking at?" Daniel's voice had the three of them turning from the window.

"Justin is here, but he went across to that house that's for sale," Beth explained to her husband as she reached to take Genevieve from him. "I think he's getting a tour of it.”

Alana couldn't help the tendril of jealousy that wound its way through her. Even from a distance she had seen that the agent had been attractive. And she knew exactly how attractive Justin was. With one last glance out the window, Alana pressed a hand to her stomach and told herself to get it together.

First, she had no claim to Justin. They were still in those tentative steps of a relationship. It could go either way at this point. Second, she really didn't think Justin was the type of man to show interest in more than one woman at a time. For whatever reason—whether it was because of Caden or because of her or a bit of both—his attention was on her for the time being. And Alana was pretty sure that Justin would end things with her before moving on to another woman. The thought caused her stomach to clench, but she kept a firm grip on her emotions. Finally, the other woman could be married or involved with someone already. Alana was doing them both a disservice by assuming the worst.

Guess we can start putting the supper out since we know he's here. I'm guessing he won't take too long."

Beth pushed away from the couch, leaving Genevieve beside Caden peering out the window.

"What can I do to help?" Alana asked as she followed her friend into the kitchen.

By the time Justin strode in the door ten minutes later, everything was on the table ready to go. Alana was pouring water into the glasses when she heard him greet Caden and Genevieve. Her heart picked up speed as she waited for him to appear in the kitchen.

She wondered what he'd think of the outfit she'd chosen. The maxi dress had been among the clothes the women had bought for her. It was made of the lightest material that swirled around her as she walked, the hem of the dress brushing the tops of her feet. Pastel swirls of color painted the fabric of the dress. She wore a sheer soft pink long sleeve blouse over top of the dress. It gave her enough coverage to feel comfortable without being too hot.

Beth had insisted on treating her to a mani-pedi, so her nails were all beautifully shaped and covered with a light pink that complimented the colors of the dress. She'd even made use of the makeup someone had bought for her. The only things missing were some jewelry. Even though she hadn't had anything expensive, she'd picked up a few pieces over the years. Splurging on herself had seemed wrong but at Christmas last year she'd allowed Caden to pick out a necklace, bracelet and earring set for her. It hadn't been real gold, but to her it had been priceless.

She lifted a hand to her bare neck, mourning the loss of Caden's gift to her in the fire. And it left her without anything sparkly to wear. Still, even without the presence of any type of jewelry, the outfit made her feel feminine and almost pretty for the first time in way too long.

"Hey, Justin." Beth's greeting drew Alana's gaze to the doorway between the kitchen and the other room.

Justin bent to give his sister a hug, and Alana drank in the sight of him. In her mind, she remembered what he looked like, but every time she saw him again, he seemed to be even more attractive to her. When he turned in her direction and his blue eyes landed on her, a smile eased the harsh planes of his face.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

"Hi," Justin said as he moved to the table, standing on the opposite side of her. "You look very pretty."

Alana felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she set the water pitcher on the table. Her other hand still rested on the base of her neck and her newly-free hand gathered the fabric of her dress into its grasp. "Thank you."

It had been so long since a man had complimented her, she wasn't entirely sure what else to say. Thankfully, Daniel joined them then with Caden and Genevieve.

"We ready to eat?" the man asked as he lifted his daughter into her high chair.

Feeling the vice-like tightness in her chest ease, Alana moved the water pitcher to the center of the table. She waited for Caden to slide into his chair before she sat down. They all settled into the chairs they'd sat in that very first night they'd met and had kept each time they'd eaten together since.

As she ate yet another delicious meal, Alana knew she was going to be gaining weight if they stayed there much longer. The conversation was mostly about things that Alana knew nothing about, but she listened with interest as Justin described the week he'd had with the team he was training with. Then Daniel shared a few things that had happened during his week as an FBI agent.

Whenever Justin spoke, Caden would watch him. She knew he was torn between watching Justin and wanting to know what he was saying which would mean he'd have to turn his attention to her. Maybe, one day, Justin would be fluent enough in sign language to be able to sign as he talked so Caden could be part of the conversation.

Maybe.

If this really did turn into something more serious between them.

"So you went to check out that house, Justin?" Beth asked as she added some more cut-up chicken to Genevieve's plate.

Justin's eyebrows rose slightly. "Maybe moving across the street from you isn't such a good idea after all. Would you be monitoring me?"

Beth laughed. "Nope. The only reason I knew was because Caden was watching for you."

"Yeah, I took a chance that the woman was the agent when I noticed her there when I pulled up. She'd just finished showing the place to someone else so was happy to let me have a look."

I'll bet she was happy to
. Alana winced at the thought and immediately worked to shove it from her mind. It had been years since she'd felt jealousy over a man. In the beginning, she'd felt that way whenever Craig had showed another woman any type of attention. But later—once she'd realized that other women distracted him from hurting her—she’d welcomed his wandering attention.

"So did you like it?" Beth's question pulled her back from the detour into her past.

Justin shrugged. "It's big. Has a decent layout. Lots of space for me to set up a gym if I wanted to."

Beth groaned. "I didn't mention it was for sale so that you would buy it and turn it into a man-cave."

"Well, now I kinda like that idea," Daniel said with a grin at his wife.

"You guys," Beth said with a disgusted look. "I just thought it would be nice for you to be closer. You hardly ever go to your apartment. This place would be closer for you so maybe you'd actually go home at night instead of staying out at the compound all the time."

"The apartment at the compound is home, Beth," Justin said as he leaned back in his chair. "It's got everything that house has."

"Everything except room for..." Beth's gaze darted around the table. "Everything except room."

The conversation slipped to other things and soon they were clearing off the table.

Alana was setting a stack of dirty plates on the counter when Justin appeared at her side. "Is it okay if Caden plays some video games for a bit?"

"Sure, that would be fine. I think he'd like that."

With quick movements of her hands, she told Caden what Justin wanted. Seeing the way her son's face lit up helped ease the disappointment Alana had felt when she'd realized what Justin's plans for the evening were. She'd hoped that at the least it would involve all three of them or at the most, just the two of them. Instead, he'd planned an evening of video games...with her son.

Alana tried to keep an amicable look on her face as she helped Beth load the dishwasher even though her heart ached. She had hoped that maybe, finally, a man would want her just for her, but it seemed that once again, she wasn't enough. Maybe she never would be. She swallowed the lump of pain that lodged itself in her throat. She could do this. She would do this. Because being with Justin made Caden happy, and she'd do anything for him.

She transferred some cookies and brownies from a container Beth had given her onto a plate. Beth poured coffee into four mugs and put them on a tray along with cream and sugar.

"Let's go see what the boys are doing."

Alana followed Beth downstairs with the plate of dessert in her hands. She could hear Daniel and Justin ribbing each other over the noise of the game they were playing. As she stepped off the last step, her gaze went to the floor where the guys and Caden sat. Genevieve was actually in her dad's lap, Daniel's arms around her as he manipulated the controller in his hands. Caden sat between the guys, his gaze intent on the screen, unable to hear or participate in the good-natured smack talk.

She allowed herself to look briefly at Justin, her breath snagging in her lungs at the expression on his face. He looked more relaxed and at ease than she'd ever seen him. Seeing this side of him, this lighthearted, teasing side made her heart tumbled a little further into emotions and feelings she was scared to acknowledge.

Was God not listening to her prayers at all? Why had He allowed her to stumble into yet another situation that was sure to leave her heartbroken?

Beth settled onto the couch behind her husband, her hands lightly caressing his shoulders. Alana ignored the rest of the space beside her friend and sank into a chair to the side but still behind where the guys sat. Drawing her knees up, she tucked her skirt under her toes with one hand as she held the mug of hot coffee in her other. She took a sip as she stared at the bright colors on the television, her mind drifting away.

Her thoughts weren't coherent or focused on any one single thing. They just passed through her mind like tumbleweeds in the desert. It had been something she'd learned to do when she found her emotions spiraling out of control. She wasn't sure it was healthy, but until she was in a position to fully experience and work through her feelings, this was the next best thing. She forced her mind to jump from thought to thought.

Have I made the right decision to register Caden for school in the fall?

I hope that one of the apartments I plan to look at will be our new home.

Alana took another sip of her coffee, enjoying the warmth that eased its way down her throat.

I wonder what type of work I would enjoy.

Will anyone hire me when I have no degrees or real work experience?

Is it my turn to sign at church this Sunday?

Another sip of coffee. Another slide of warmth down to her belly.

What am I going to do for Caden's birthday?

"Alana?"

She blinked and turned her head toward Beth. "Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?" Her friend's brows were drawn together.

Alana realized it wasn't just Beth watching her. Daniel, Caden and Justin were all looking in her direction as well. Caden put his controller on the floor and got up. She lowered her legs as he approached and placed the mug on the table next to the chair. He crawled onto her lap, his green eyes wide with worry.

What's wrong, Mama?

Absolutely nothing that her son would understand, Alana realized. She slid her fingers into his curls and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Then she signed to him.
I'm just thinking about lots of things, sweetie. It's what moms do.

Caden tilted his head.
Are you sure?

Very sure. Are you having fun?

Her son's bright smile warmed her heart.
Yes. But I think they're letting me win.

Alana buried her face in Caden's curls to muffle her laughter. No matter what else was going on inside her, this little boy was her heart and could make her smile like no one else.

Feeling a bit like her emotions were giving her whiplash, Alana let out a sigh when Caden slid from her lap and returned to where he'd been sitting. He glanced over at her with a grin as he picked up his controller.

Alana slipped her hands under her thighs and leaned forward, trying to keep her attention on what was going on in the room. She noticed that Justin had looked at his watch a couple of times and wondered if he needed to leave. Easing her phone from the pocket of her skirt, Alana checked the time herself. It was past Caden's bedtime, so maybe it was time for the evening to wind down.

Caden's disappointment was clear when she finally got his attention and let him know it was time for bed. He stood up and gave Daniel and then Justin a hug. Alana slipped an arm around his shoulders and led him into the bedroom while the guys cleaned up the game. Beth had disappeared upstairs to put Genevieve down as well. Maybe a later bedtime for the kids would mean they'd sleep in a bit in the morning. One could always hope.

Caden wasn't in any rush to get to bed. He seemed to take forever to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas. Though it was a bit awkward, with their home-school year done, Alana had been trying to read to him each night. They were currently reading through the Chronicles of Narnia. She'd bought the ebooks on his old tablet and had been able to re-download them onto the new one. Caden would hold his tablet so she could see the words and sign them for him. She tried to be even more animated than normal as she read about Aslan, Lucy, Peter, Susan, and Edmond.

Finally, he snuggled down under his covers, his eyelids drooping. Alana bent over and brushed a kiss on his cheek.

"Love you, baby."

When she left the bedroom, she discovered the rec room was empty and everything had been cleaned up. She listened for any sort of movement from upstairs, but when she heard nothing, Alana tried to keep her disappointment from spreading. With a sigh, she returned to the room and quietly picked up her laptop from where she'd left it earlier. She might as well try to get some work done.

She also grabbed the earbuds that had come with her phone so she could listen to some music. Caden knew to come find her if he woke up. Telling herself to be grateful that her son had had such a great evening, Alana sat down on the couch with her legs crossed to support her laptop. She plugged the earbuds in and then slipped them into her ears. Once she'd loaded her YouTube playlist, she opened up her blog and began to work on the one for the next day.

She'd been working for about five minutes when someone moved into her line of sight beyond the laptop screen. Alana jerked in surprise, her leg almost kicking Justin where he'd lowered himself into a crouch in front of her. He moved quickly, however, and grabbed her before she made any contact, his fingers wrapping completely around her ankle. When he didn't release her foot right away, Alana pulled the earbuds from her ears.

"What are you doing?" Justin asked, his thumb stroking the skin on the inside of her ankle.

"Working. Uh...I thought you'd left."

His eyebrows rose before drawing down. "You thought I'd leave without saying goodbye?"

Her gaze dropped from his for a moment. That was exactly what she'd thought. "I realize it took me a little while to put Caden to bed."

He seemed to consider that before saying, "I had planned to take you out to see a late movie. Beth said she and Dan would stay down here to listen for Caden. Did you still want to go?"

Alana's heart skipped a beat. Not only had he not left, he had actually planned something for just the two of them. "Yes. I'd like that."

She slid the laptop from her lap onto the couch beside her and shut the lid. He gave her ankle a gentle squeeze before releasing it.

"If we leave now, we can still make the show," Justin said as he straightened.

"Let me just grab my purse and my shoes."

"I'll meet you upstairs."

She watched him walk away then snatched up her laptop and hurried to the bedroom. She put it on the dresser and found her sandals and purse. Unable to help herself, Alana took a quick detour into the bathroom to make sure her hair was okay and to swipe on a bit of the lip gloss the ladies had bought her. By the time she came out again, Beth and Daniel were settling on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn. Daniel had the remote in his hand.