Since I Saw You (20 page)

. . . being used for it, but used willingly.

And she’d be lying if she said there was no direct pleasure in it for her. Especially as his excitement grew and his cock swelled even larger in the pocket of pressing flesh he’d formed for himself, she could intimately feel him rubbing against the sensitive, usually untouched flesh of her perineum and asshole. She was surprised at how many nerves were there, and found the stimulation very sharp and arousing. She made a desperate sound and cut it off by biting at her forearm.

“What? Do you like my cock rubbing against your asshole?” he rasped, never stopping in his rapid thrusting.

“Yes,” she moaned.

“How could I have ever thought you were cold?” he grated out, sounding a little crazed. His pelvis popped against her bottom so hard, she lurched forward slightly, her forehead sliding off her arm. He jerked his hips back several inches, dragging his cockhead back to where it nestled at the top of her crack. He squeezed her buttocks so tight around his cock, she winced. “You’re such a hot little thing,” he muttered tensely, pulsing his hips back and forth rapidly just a fraction of an inch.

He shouted. Lin’s eyes sprung wide at the sensation of warm semen shooting against the base of her spine. Kam’s shout segued to a guttural growl as he continued to slide his cock in very short strokes back and forth between her buttocks.

He leaned forward toward her ear, still clutching her bottom as he ejaculated. “The next time, I’m going to be inside your little ass when I come. You won’t be able to keep any secrets from me then, will you?”

Lin clenched her eyes shut, overwhelmed by the sound of his dark, intense declaration and the sensation of him still coming next to her spine, the warm fluid pooling at the top of her ass. Their heated exchange had been, by far, the most intimate, not to mention scalding, sexual experience she’d ever had. The truth alarmed her.

But unfortunately, that didn’t make it any less true.

A moment later, she leaned up slightly and watched Kam in the mirror as he slid his cock out, still pinching her buttocks together with one strong hand. He reached with a long arm and snagged some tissues, mopping her dry before he released his snug hold on her. In the mirror, she could see his light eyes contrasted with his sex-flushed, perspiration-glazed features. His pants and underwear were gathered around his lower thighs. She remained still, allowing him to dampen a washcloth and clean his residue from her skin, but then she stood. What they’d done before—what she’d allowed him to do to her—had been outrageously illicit. His gentle cleaning of her felt no less personal, but also sweet. Poignant. It was unbearable somehow.

She hastily reached for the towel she’d dropped earlier. Her abrupt action seemed to startle him. She didn’t meet his gaze until she’d covered herself.

“Why are you convinced that I’m keeping something from you?” she asked, coaching herself the entire time not to look down and gawk at the sight of his damp cock suspended between his thighs, firm and flushed despite his recent climax.

His mouth dropped open in surprise at her question. He seemed to gather himself after a moment and flung the washcloth he held in the sink. He jerked up his underwear.

“You’re one of the most controlled people I’ve ever met,” he answered bluntly. “But I still think you’d prefer to contain yourself with me even more than usual. Am I right? Are you? Keeping secrets?” he pressed, pulling up his jeans.

“What makes you say that?” she demanded, her voice going up a decibel. What precisely was he saying? How much did he really guess?

He glanced up from buttoning his fly. “Aside from the fact that you told me earlier you were keeping something from me about Phoebe?”

She bristled and turned to the sink, beginning to wash her hands. “You were the one keeping something from
me
about that.”

“I told you. Phoebe and I are
not
an item. I thought you believed me before,” he said, sounding slightly suspicious. In the mirror, she saw his dark eyebrows slant. Her discomfort ratcheted up a notch when she saw the dangerous glint in his eyes. “You
did
believe me. You’re just saying this now to throw me off course.”

She jumped when the house phone rang shrilly. He didn’t move, just continued to study her furiously beneath a lowered brow.

“We should get that,” Lin said levelly, drying off her hands. “It’s probably the doorman calling about Angus.”

“Angus?”
he nearly shouted, nostrils flaring.

Lin neatly refolded the hand towel and rehung it. She turned to him. “Yes. Ian asked us to arrange to have Angus flown here to keep you company. That’s my deep dark secret. Never mind, I’ll go get the phone.”

She walked past a dumbstruck Kam.

She couldn’t keep this charade up much more. Her dishonesty with Kam seemed to cause something in her stomach to curdle.

But
was
she being dishonest? She was betraying no one in carrying on with Kam, except for perhaps herself. Ian didn’t return her feelings; he didn’t even know she had any beyond employer loyalty and friendship. Which brought up another crucial question.

How
did
she feel about Ian these days? It seemed impossible to focus on the question with Kam eclipsing almost her entire awareness.

L
in had no sooner answered the phone when a brisk knock came at the door. She hung up and turned to Kam.

“The courier was already on the way up when the doorman called. Ian had warned him about Angus’s arrival,” she told him. “I’ll just wait in the dining room,” she said, since she was still wearing the towel she’d wrapped herself moments ago.

“I was wondering why all that dog food was in the pantry. I thought the previous owner had a dog,” Kam said.

Lin just grinned and walked away.

Angus arrived like a furry rocket. As soon as the halter collar was released, she practically brought Kam to the floor with a tackle. He managed to calm her down sufficiently after a few rubs and pats to give the courier a healthy tip and shut the door. Then Angus’s paws were up on his shoulders and she was giving his nose a tongue bath between excited barks.

Kam scolded her, laughing uncontrollably the whole time, turning his chin to avoid her tongue. When he opened them, he saw Lin standing in the living room, watching the joyful reunion with a sublime smile on her face.

“You’ve got good reason to look so smug,” he muttered gruffly as he pushed Angus off him, giving the dog some hearty rubs and scratches. “I missed the beast.”

“I’m not smug. I’m just glad that you’re happy,” Lin said, transferring her gaze to the golden retriever. “Hi, Angus. I’m Lin,” she said, clapping her hands invitingly in front of her. “Did you have a good trip, girl? Are you happy to see Kam?”

Angus pranced over to her, pausing to spin in an excited circle. Lin laughed—a clear, uninhibited, sweet sound.

“She’s a shameless showoff,” Kam warned, but he couldn’t keep the warmth out of his voice. He was glad to see his dog, no denying it. Angus wiggled around happily as Lin scratched and stroked her, and then bounded back over to Kam.

One thing about Angus, it was almost impossible to be aloof or reserved around her. People always seemed to show their true colors around Kam’s rambunctious, friendly dog. She was usually frisky, but she was downright hyper after being penned up on a plane and then on the car ride downtown. He’d never heard Lin laugh so irrepressibly or smile so big as she petted and sported with his dog.

It was a damn appealing sight.

Seeing her carefree playfulness and happiness with Angus left Kam greedy for more of the uninhibited Lin. Why was she always so careful and reserved? Part of it had to do with her upbringing, he understood. Her grandmother had drilled contained, polished elegance into Lin from an early age. But there was something more to it, Kam was sure. She was cautious around
him
. The only time she wasn’t holding back was when she abandoned herself to sensation and pleasure during sex.

That made him crave her surrender even more than he normally would. The memories of her submission to her desire earlier, of her admission of her arousal at giving
him
pleasure, even when it was denied to her, would undoubtedly plague him for years to come.

Angus served as a great icebreaker between them for a few minutes, but then the dog had gone and overdone it. While Angus and Lin tussled, the dog inadvertently tugged on the towel she wore. It slithered onto the carpet. Kam had a quick glimpse of shapely long limbs, thrusting breasts, and a pale, smooth belly before Lin scurried to retrieve the towel. She wrapped it around herself while Kam scolded Angus.

“Sorry about that,” Kam said.

“It’s okay. I need to get going, anyway. I need to check in on a friend before I start to get ready for tonight.” He saw the color in her cheeks as she hurried out of the room to change.

“Bloody nuisance,” Kam accused his dog as he fondly ruffled the hair on an unrepentant Angus’s neck.

Lin returned a few minutes later wearing the black pants, high heels, and belted blouse she’d arrived in, looking so crisp, efficient, and untouchable that the memory of her perched naked up on the counter earlier, her eyes shining with lust in the mirror, seemed downright implausible to Kam. The only concession he had as she gave him his opera ticket and quick instructions on where they should meet was that laughter still clung to her lush, pink lips and shone in her dark eyes. Kam was about to breach the barrier and melt her reserve with a kiss—and damn her cool efficiency—when the doorbell rang again. It was Francesca, excited to see if Angus had arrived safely. Lin had made her escape while he made sure Angus didn’t jump on his pregnant sister-in-law.

All he was left with was the promise that he’d see her again tonight.

•   •   •

Lin withdrew her gown from the closet and hung it on a hook, giving it a quick once-over. She hastily chose a pair of heels and a matching clutch from her walk-in, and set them on her dresser. She was headed toward the front door, when the doorbell rang.

“Hi! How are you feeling? I was just on my way out the door to go see if you needed anything,” she told Richard when she saw him standing in the hallway. She stepped aside and waved for him to enter. “You look awful.”

“Stop with the flattery,” Richard croaked, reaching inside the box of tissues he carried. “I’m convinced I have a new form of the plague, but the doctor insists it’s just the flu. How can a three-letter word equate to so much misery?”

Lin’s face collapsed with sympathy. He really did look awful. She touched his forehead.

“You feel a little feverish. Have you taken something for it?”

“The entire pharmacy counter, it feels like.”

“What you need is for someone to cook you a nice meal and wait on you hand and foot. Emile is too busy doing everything at the restaurant.” She hesitated, thinking. She couldn’t really afford to reschedule a meeting between Kam and Jason Klinf, but she doubted Kam would mind not going to the opera. “How about if I cancel my plans for tonight and cook up some hot-and-sour chicken soup—my mother’s recipe? That’d cut through all that congestion.”

Richard groaned. “I
love
that soup. But your mother’s genius would be wasted on me. I can’t taste a thing. That’s very sweet of you, but nothing is going to help me but time. I just came over to get another box of tissues. I’m going through them by the gross.” Lin nodded and waved him back to her bedroom. “So what
are
the plans for tonight?” Richard asked, plopping at the bottom of her bed while she retrieved several boxes of tissue from a closet in the bathroom.

“Opening night at the Civic,” Lin said, returning with tissues in hand.

“Wonderful.
Otello
, isn’t it? You’ll have to tell me if that young tenor can pull it off. It’s not an easy role. Ooh, and I
love
the dress,” he said, nodding at the red evening gown she’d hung on her closet door in preparation. “You’re going to knock them dead in that.
Who
are you going to be knocking dead, exactly?” he added as an afterthought.

“No one, I’m sure, but I’m attending with Jason Klinf and Kam. Kam Reardon,” she fumbled the last stupidly. She looked up in time to see a sly grin spreading on Richard’s face.

“So . . . you’re wearing
that
for an evening with the prince of smooth and the big bad wolf,” he said, glancing significantly at the dramatic red, floor-length gown. “Better watch yourself, Red. Sounds like there might be some fireworks tonight at the Civic.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed, although privately she was thinking that Richard’s description of Jason and Kam was pretty dead-on.

“Did Reardon find you last night? At your dance lesson?” Richard asked, opening one of the boxes of tissues.

“Yes, he— Wait, did
you
tell Kam where I was?” Lin interrupted herself.

Richard gave her a bland glance as he wiped his nose. “Of course. He’s a hell of a gorgeous man. Can you blame me for wanting to live out a little fantasy through you?”

Lin rolled her eyes. “I’m sure Emile would appreciate that,” she said drolly.

“He did appreciate it when I told him last night,” Richard said with a shrug. “I’m just looking, that’s no crime. So? Are you cursing me or thanking me for pointing Kam in your direction last night?”

“Maybe both,” she mumbled.

Richard leaned forward with interest. “Why are you thanking me? Does it have anything to do with phenomenal sex?” She gave him an exasperated glance, feeling vulnerable. “It
does
!” Richard exclaimed, dark eyes sparking.

“Maybe it does,” Lin admitted after a moment. It felt good to admit the truth to someone. Carrying around the secret of her smoking-hot sexual escapades with her boss’s brother suddenly felt like too big of a burden to carry alone. “But amazing sex aside, part of me is still cursing you for directing Kam Reardon my way.”

“So the sex
is
amazing?” Richard asked, latching on to that portion of her admission and refusing to let go. “I knew it would be. He’s got that primal, raw, ‘I’m gonna give it to you and you’re gonna love every second and inch of it, baby’ way about him, doesn’t he?”

Lin rolled her eyes at the comical description uttered in Richard’s French-accented voice.

“Amazing sex or not, it’s wrong. I shouldn’t be doing this,” she said.

“Why not?” Richard demanded, looking scandalized. “You never indulge. A beautiful, smart, wealthy woman like you should have a different stud in your bed every night. But instead, you’re always saving yourself for . . .
Oh
.”

“What?” Lin asked, alarmed when Richard suddenly faded off and his expression fell.

“That’s it. You think you shouldn’t be fooling around with Kam because of his brother.”

“Ian is my boss, Richard. You know it’s not right to mix business and pleasure, and whether I like it or not, Kam was definitely a work assignment.”

“That’s
not
what I meant,” Richard said significantly.

She checked her watch. “I really should get ready.”

“Don’t Lin. Don’t put me off again,” Richard said so gently that she glanced into his face, surprised. “I know you fancy yourself in love with Ian Noble.”

For a second, she just stared. “What? What makes you think—”

“I’ve thought it for a while. So has Emile. There’s no reason to deny it, sweetie. It’s just me, your old friend. Don’t cut yourself off. Sometimes it hurts to talk about this stuff, but it’s better than keeping it all locked inside. That hurts even more in the end. Not to mention, it will make you lonelier. Emile and I have always said you’re one of the loneliest women we know.”

Tears burned her eyes for the next several seconds as she stared at her friend, aghast, emotion swelling in her throat. She didn’t know what to say. She felt cornered. Miserable. Why did it feel like her world was crashing down around her? Ian was thinking about moving Noble Enterprises to London. She was confused about her job. She was perplexed by her life. And all she could think about was Kam—

“It’s not like it matters” tore out of her throat harshly. “Nothing will ever come of it. It’s just a stupid, hopeless infatuation.”

“It’s not stupid,” Richard soothed, compassion filling his face. “And of course it matters. It’s your feelings. There’s little else
more
important.” He paused, looking worried.

“What?” Lin whispered, noticing his sudden hesitance.

“It’s just . . . has it ever occurred to you that the hopelessness of your feelings for Ian might have been one of the reasons you held on to the infatuation for so long?”

“What do you mean?”

Richard shrugged and gave her an apologetic glance. “An unrequited love sucks, but it certainly assures safety. I know how cautious you are in relationships. I know that it hurt you more than you ever let on when your parents left you here in the States and moved to Taiwan—”

“Oh, give me a break” burst out of her throat. “That was ages ago. Don’t play psychoanalyst with me, Richard.”

“And then your grandmother passed, and I know she was everything to you. I’m just saying that your fear of being abandoned by people you care about could make an impossible love pretty damn appealing. Face it. None of the men you ever date are going to match up. Take Jason Klinf, for instance, since we’re on the topic and you went out with him a few times—”

“Jason is an inveterate womanizer, you know that. I’d just be another notch on his bedpost,” Lin interrupted impatiently.

“So? He’d be another notch on yours, too. It goes both ways. My point is,” Richard persisted when she gave a little disgusted groan, “his lechery for you aside, Jason also wanted you to work for him. He offered you a king’s ransom to do it. But you wouldn’t even consider the idea, not even for a second. No, you never wavered in your loyalty to Ian. Ian gets to exist on some kind of insurmountable pedestal, and you never have to worry about his rejecting you because he never knows how you feel.”

“Or will
ever
know,” Lin said with a pointed glance. She shut her eyes, pressing lightly on her burning eyelids. She was alarmed to feel her hand trembling.

“Do you think Ian would show you the same loyalty, Lin?”

She looked up slowly at the sound of his sober question. Richard winced at whatever he saw on her face.

“Aw, sweetie. I’m sorry,” he groaned, standing.

“I’m not even sure how I
do
feel about Ian, despite all your confidence on the matter,” she exclaimed. “I really can’t think about all this right now. I have to get ready. I have to go—”

“To work,” Richard finished. “I know. Work is the place where you make everything in your world right. I respect that. I adore
you.
Just forget what I said. Thanks for the tissues. I’d give you a hug, but I don’t want to spread the plague, so I’ll just say ‘don’t worry.’ It’s all going to work itself out. You’ll see.”

“Thanks. I have some homemade soup in the freezer. It’s not the hot-and-sour, but it’ll still be good for your throat,” she said, leading him out of the room.

“Merci, ma poupée,”
Richard said gratefully when she handed him the container of soup in a plastic bag. “We’ll talk more later, yes?”

Lin just nodded, sure her heart was on display in her eyes, and watched her friend leave the kitchen.