Size Matters (14 page)

CHAPTER
T
wenty-three

T
HE PIZZA
had just arrived when Jaxson and Eli rejoined the party. Bryn didn’t want to bring much attention to him, so she just kissed the top of Jax’s head when she breezed past on her way to grab the pizza cutter. He seemed okay and in no time was laughing and chugging soda with his friends.

Bryn made sure all her guests were fed before she grabbed a slice for herself and found a seat with Mia, Oliver, and Troy.

“Party’s going well,” Mia said, then took another bite.

“Just a few small mishaps, but otherwise it’s good. I know it’s boring, but are you guys having a little fun?”

“Of course,” Mia said, and Oliver nodded.

Troy took a swig of beer. “I’m definitely out of my element, but at least you’re here now. I thought I’d never get to see you.”

“Well, as the party hostess, my work is never done.” She tried not to be short with him, but she was still miffed that he had laughed at Jaxson.

“Isn’t there someone else who can do it?”

“Nope. I’m a single mom.” She took a big bite of her pizza. She should have gotten a glass of wine instead of soda. She needed to calm herself before she said something she shouldn’t.

Bryn noticed the karaoke guy had arrived. She stood with her plate. “I gotta go.”

“Already? We barely got to talk,” Troy said.

“Maybe later.” She turned to Mia. “We’re singing our song, so don’t even try to get out of it.”

She left before Mia could object and showed the guy where to set up, eating her pizza as she walked around the yard, making sure everyone was okay. She consolidated pizza boxes and got rid of the empty ones. She cleaned up some garbage and wiped a spot of dip that had dripped onto the table.

“Do you need help?”

Bryn turned, finding her mother standing behind her. “I have it all under control.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t still need help.”

“No. It means I got it. I can do it myself and I don’t need anyone to do anything for me.” She headed toward the kitchen, but her mother was at her heels.

“Please don’t shut us out.”

Why did she have to do this now? Bryn looked around for the cake plates. If she ignored her, maybe she’d go away.

“We miss the kids. And I know they miss us, too. You’re hurting them by keeping us away.”

Fuck. She hated when her mother was right. Cammie had asked her a bunch of times when they were going to see Grammy and Grampy.

She finally met her mother’s gaze. “Fine. I need a sitter for the entire weekend of the fashion show.”

“We can do that.”

“Okay. We’ll see how it goes after that.”

Suddenly the karaoke guy’s voice boomed through the yard, interrupting the conversation with her mother. Thank God.

“Welcome, everybody, to Jaxson’s tenth birthday party! Who’s ready to sing? There are catalogues on the tables with slips of paper to write your songs on. Come on up. Don’t be shy!”

Bryn didn’t give her mother a chance to say anything else. She shook off the unpleasant encounter and headed outside for some entertainment. Scanning the yard, a gorgeous summer day with all her closest friends and family, she smiled. The deejay spun some tunes while party guests browsed songbooks. This was turning out pretty well. Bryn was damn proud of herself.

And then she noticed Penny, face red and puffy, collapsing into Mia’s arms. She trotted over to find out what had happened.

“I’m so sorry to come here like this,” Penny sobbed. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“It’s okay. Let’s go in the house.”

She and Mia took her in and ran a washcloth under cold water for her face. After Bryn handed her a glass of wine, they sat in the living room, far away from the noise outside.

“What happened?” Bryn smoothed Penny’s ratty hair.

“I asked him. Point blank. At first he denied it, but then I told him I saw the pictures online and the conversation.” She chugged some of her drink. “He admitted it and I flipped out. I told him he was an asshole for fucking some other girl when we were trying to have a baby.” She downed the rest of her wine and set her glass on the table, tears streaming down. “And then he said our fertility problems obviously weren’t his fault ’cause he got
her
pregnant.”

What. A. Fucktard. Bryn held Penny as she cried. What kind of man did this? He wasn’t a real man at all. He was a steaming pile of shit.

“Mooommm?” The sound of little feet pitter-pattered in the kitchen. Cammie spotted Bryn in the living room and bounded in. “Is it cake time yet?”

She should probably get on that. “Do you mind if I go?” she asked Mia.

Mia shook her head and took Penny into her arms, still a mess of tears.

Bryn headed to the kitchen and took the lid off the cake she had gotten from the bakery, decorated with multicolored music notes, a guitar, and sprinkles. As she looked around for the candles, a set of hands latched on to her hips, a warm body pressed to her back. Eli’s face was the first to pop into her head.

“Is everything okay?”

But it was Troy. The hands and body suddenly didn’t feel so warm.

She spun around. “My friend’s having a rough day. But she’ll be okay.”

His eyebrows scrunched. “I was talking about you and me. You seem . . . off today.”

“Oh.” Should she tell him what was on her mind? Probably not. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something. I can tell.”

“Well . . . I guess it made me kinda mad that you laughed at Jaxson earlier.”

“I did? I’m sorry. I don’t remember laughing at him. Maybe I was laughing at something else.”

“I thought I saw you looking right at him.” But there was a small chance she had been mistaken. “It’s okay. I was busy and maybe I didn’t see what I thought I did.”

“Are we good then?”

Bryn smiled, allowing herself to melt a little bit into his bright blue eyes. “Yeah.”

He leaned down and kissed her, a soft peck, but he lingered and started nibbling. And then he pushed his tongue into her mouth and her eyes popped open. No one was in there with them. But still.

She pulled away. “We can’t do this now.”

“Why not?” His hands had been on her waist, but one was now on her ass, fingers pressing into her skin, pulling her into him, and a very noticeable bulge.

“ ’Cause it’s my son’s birthday party. What if someone walks in?”

“Who cares?” He pressed his lips to hers again, his hand squeezing her ass tighter.

Bryn arched back even farther. “I care.” Now he was starting to piss her off.

“Do you need help with something, Bryn?”

She turned her head toward the voice as Troy stepped back. Eli. Such a welcome sight. Not that she felt as if she was in danger or anything, but Troy was definitely aggravating her. “Yeah. Can you grab the plates and forks and take them outside? I’ll be out in a sec with the cake.”

He eyed Troy as he walked to the other side of the kitchen to get the stack of brightly colored cake plates. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

“I will. Thank you.” Bryn sidestepped away from Troy and rummaged around on the counter. She finally found the candles under a pile of napkins.

Eli headed outside as she stuck candles into the sugary frosting, the scent tickling her nostrils. There was nothing better than buttercream.

“Mmm. That smells almost as good as you.” Troy was close behind her again, his lips on the curve of her neck. And yeah, it sent a shiver down her body. In a good way. But he was still too close for comfort at a child’s birthday party. And she’d already asked him to stop. If his goal was to piss her off, he sure was being successful.

But as much as she wanted to say stop, all that came out was, “Not now.”

“So, later then?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you think you can get rid of the kids?”

The way he’d phrased it really irked her. She spun to face him. “It’s unlikely.”

“So . . . what do we do then? Do it with the kids here? That’s just weird. I’m not sure I can do that.”

“Well, I have kids. They live here.” She felt her face warm. “I can’t just ditch them whenever it’s convenient for you.”

He stepped back, hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. Don’t get angry.”

“I’m not angry. You just need to understand that if you’re dating a woman with kids, this is the way it is.”

“I get it. Don’t jump down my throat.”

Maybe she was overreacting. She needed to understand his point of view, too. He’d never dated a woman with kids before. He seemed kind of terrified of them. Why couldn’t he be like Eli, who was so great with kids?

“I’m sorry. It’s been a hectic day.”

He pulled her in for a hug. “We good?”

“Yeah.”

Bryn finished with the candles and carried the cake outside as Troy held the door for her. She put her happy face back on, but inside, all she could think about was how she wished she could combine the best traits of the two men in her life to make one perfect creature. The sensitivity of Eli mixed with the confidence of Troy. A girl could dream.

CHAPTER
Twenty-four

A
FTER JAX
and his friends had sung well into the night, the party dwindled and Bryn’s three kids and Eli’s two were passed out in the den. Almost everyone was gone; just Mia, Oliver, Troy, and Eli were left. This wasn’t awkward at all.

Bryn tied up a bag of garbage. “Which one of you strapping lads would like to take this out for me?”

Both Eli and Oliver stood from the couch while Troy stayed on the chair, fiddling with his phone. The simple gesture spoke volumes. Oliver let Eli take it but came into the kitchen to gather up the empty pizza boxes and headed outside.

“Hey, where’s Penny?” Bryn asked, realizing she was gone.

“I had Oliver take her to our place. She’s gonna crash on our couch until she figures out what to do.”

“Poor thing.”

“I know.” Mia took a bowl with chip crumbs and dumped it into a new garbage bag. “You need help with the cleanup?”

“Not really. Most of it’s done. And I’ll deal with the yard tomorrow. You can go.” She embraced Mia. “Give Penny a hug for me.”

Mia and Oliver took off, leaving the awkwardness of just Eli and Troy. Eli stood there and Troy was still in his seat, staring at his tiny screen. Was it bad that she just wanted them both to leave? Her bed was calling. And just for her. Alone.

She pulled out the roll of tinfoil and started wrapping leftover pizza. Eli stepped up to the kitchen island. “Do you need help with that?”

“No. I’m okay. You can go home. I’m sure you want to get the kids in their beds.”

He lowered his voice. “I was kinda hoping to talk to you.”

“Oh.” She didn’t know what to say. It was part intriguing, part terrifying. Should she get rid of Troy, since she really wasn’t in the mood for sex anymore anyway? But she was so damn tired. She just wanted to go to bed, not get into something with Eli. “Hold on.”

She wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and headed into the living room. “Hey, Troy?”

After a couple of seconds, he turned away from his phone and stood. “Yeah?”

“I still have a ton to do and I’m really tired. Can I take a rain check?”

His eyes darted to Eli and then back to her. “Yeah. Sure.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, hard, opening into way more of a kiss than she’d expected.

Doing a little territory marking, are we?

When he finally pulled away, his eyes were full of hunger. “Call me. We’ll get together real soon.”

For a moment her whole body went weak, swirling with thoughts of exorbitant pleasure. He walked away, taking the heat with him, and she shivered. Remembering Eli was there, she smoothed her hair and headed back to the kitchen.

“So . . . what’s up?” she asked, head down, wrapping more pizza.

“This isn’t exactly easy to ask, so I guess I’ll just say it.”

He paused for a second and Bryn looked up. Had she ever seen him look nervous before? Well, yeah. In the bedroom. Uh-oh. She tried to swallow the wad of cotton in the back of her throat.

“I . . . uh, I want . . .” He paused again, taking a deep breath as if he were summoning courage. He spit the rest out kind of fast. “I need to know what happened with us. Why did you break it off?”

Oh shit. She’d hoped to never have this conversation. Why did he have to ask? Why couldn’t he just let it go and move on? But she supposed she probably owed him an explanation. This was going to be hard as hell.

“Let’s sit in the living room.” She led him to the same couch where they’d made out and gotten so turned on. It seemed like a lifetime ago, not weeks. Her hands suddenly felt clammy. This sucked. How does one tell a guy he’s bad in bed, considering they never even got far enough to actually have sex? “Well, I guess the biggest thing was the insecurity.”

“Insecurity?”

“With your . . . um . . . penis.”

“Oh.” His cheeks flushed red. “I figured that was part of it.”

She jumped in with more explanation. “The thing with warning me. About your . . . size. It kinda freaked me out. And after that, you just seemed hesitant to let me see it.”

“What do you expect? Not only do you sell monstrous toys, you own them and use them. How’s a guy supposed to compete?”

“You don’t get it. A real live man is far better than any toy. It was your insecurity that turned me off more than anything.”

He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, his timid expression gone. This conversation was about to turn into an argument and that wasn’t what Bryn wanted.

“Listen,” she said, keeping her voice calm. “I really did want to be with you, but then all that insecurity happened and everything else and I—”

“What do you mean ‘everything else’? There’s more?”

“Well . . .” Shit. She hadn’t meant to say that. But there was no getting out of it now. “The other . . . stuff . . . wasn’t so great, either.”

“What stuff? Me eating you out? You didn’t like it? ’Cause it sure as hell sounded like you did.”

“It was different than I’m used to.” Maybe that would help.

“It still got you off, so what’s the big deal?”

“Well . . .”

“Are you telling me you faked it?” Eli asked, his face ashen.

“Kinda.”

“There’s no ‘kinda.’ Either you did or you didn’t.”

Bryn couldn’t look at him anymore. She couldn’t bear to see what she was doing to him. Her gaze dropped to her lap. “I faked it. I’m so sorry.”

“This is unbelievable.” He stood, pacing the floor. “I dealt with Kristen belittling me for years and now I have to deal with this? All she did was complain about how small it was and how I never satisfied her.”

Bryn felt about a centimeter big. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head. “I thought you were different. Are all women like this? Is there no satisfying any of you?”

“I’m sorry.”

Eli walked to the edge of the room, then turned back. “I really thought we’d started something good. But you didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about any of this.”

He left and came back a minute later with Amelia asleep in his arms, Austin walking in zombie mode. He didn’t say another word. Didn’t even look at her. He just walked out the door.

Tears stung her eyes and she let them fall. A good man had just walked out of her life and it was all her fault.

ELI BREATHED
deep as he put his car in drive, hoping to clear his head. This was seriously what it all came down to? Sex? Or more accurately, him sucking at it. It was Kristen all over again, her words echoing in his ears. Was he really that bad at it?
Fuck my life.

He really thought Bryn was different. He didn’t think she’d care that his dick was small. He thought he could make it up with great oral. Apparently he’d been wrong. If this is what he was up against in the dating world, forget it. He’d rather stay single.

Maybe this wouldn’t hurt so much if he didn’t love her. It would be far easier to say, “Fuck her!” and move on. But he’d envisioned a future with Bryn, a family. He thought she had, too.

He pulled into the driveway and lifted Amelia from the backseat.

“Why are we home?” she mumbled.

“Because the party was over.”

“When are we going back?”

He walked up the front steps, no clue what to tell her. “I don’t know, honey.”

“We should just move into Bryn’s house. Then we’d never have to leave.”

Eli’s eyes stung as he went into the house, vision blurring as they clouded with moisture. That dream was never going to happen. The happy blended family he’d imagined had been shoved in the trash, taken to the curb, and thrown in the garbage truck. He could even hear the crunch of the compactor squishing his happily-ever-after dream.