Sketch (4 page)

I have to say I’m proud of him, but I wish he’d had that confidence with me. Flashing money around reminded me too much of my dad. My dad. He gave my mom and me all the things we could ever want, but he never gave us his love. I kept telling myself I could take all the material possessions Devin kept giving if I could only have his time and love. He might not have felt it, but as time went on, I felt less and less of both. I knew then that I had to make a decision. I had to do something to break up the monotony of our lives.

So I packed my shit, left, and filed for divorce.

I’m still not sure if I did the right thing or not.

SKETCH

I purposely take
more time than I need to finish Janelle’s tattoo. She hisses and squirms, causing a bit of a scene, but I can tell most of it is for show. I’ve worked long enough in this business to know what’s real and what’s theatrics.

“Alright, aftercare,” I tell her as I rub some ointment on the abused skin. “Keep the bandage on it for a couple of hours. You want to keep it dry; be sure and put Aquaphor on it, and try to keep it from getting irritated as much as possible. Don’t pick at it when it scabs over. You’ll take the color out. Just be smart.” I take my gloves off and stand up, stretching my back.

My gaze turns towards the main lobby, and I can see Nina sitting there. Her legs are crossed, and she’s kicking her foot. She is straight-up pissed, and I can’t help the grin I have. I help Janelle up, and we walk to the front counter.

“Here’s my card. It’s got the same aftercare instructions I gave you on it. When it heals up, do me a solid and take a pic. Share it on social media and tag it #igotsketched, that way I can find it. If you have any other issues, don’t hesitate to call the shop,” I tell her.

I try to ignore the fact that Nina is listening in. She’s never heard me give my spiel before.

“You have your own hashtag?” she asks from where she sits. I can’t tell if it interests her or she’s giving me attitude. Lately with her, I’ve been unsure.

“Sure do, sweetheart. Maybe you should go through and check out what I’ve been wasting my time on.”

Janelle gives me a sympathetic look, but I don’t want it. I want her ass out of here so I can take care of business with Nina.

“How much do I owe you?” she asks, opening her wallet.

“Seventy-five,” I tell her. “You can pay Jackie, and she’ll make sure you get a receipt, and then you’re all set.”

She thrusts a hundred dollar bill and a piece of paper at me. “Keep the change, and call the number if she doesn’t figure out what she’s got.” She points over to where Nina sits observing the exchange.

I watch as Nina rises to her feet. “Those papers aren’t final yet,” she tells Janelle.

Janelle’s eyes move down to her left hand. “It’s funny though, he’s the only one wearing a wedding ring.”

I hadn’t noticed that before, and now I want to kill this bitch for pointing it out. I ignore it and step out from behind the counter, catching Nina’s eye. “C’mon, let’s go in the back.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed back there,” she taunts.

My patience is thin. I turn to her and point my finger. “Get your ass back there right now. I’m not doing this out here in front of my clients and my employees.”

She must realize by the tone of my voice that I’ve had enough, and I truly have. I’m fucking sick of wondering if it’s my worth that caused her to leave or if it was her selfishness. I need that answer today. I need to know if moving on is my next step, but I refuse to move on until I know exactly what happened.

Not saying a word, she brushes past me. Our hands touch, and I feel it, the electricity that’s always been there between the two of us. I don’t have to ask her if she feels it too, because her breath catches and her eyes widen.

“I don’t have any more appointments for the day, and don’t ask me if I want to do any walk-ins. I have no idea how long this is going to take,” I tell Jackie. “What I don’t want is to be interrupted.”

If I’m going to do this, I know it has to be on my turf. I can’t do this in my home where I have happy memories of the two of us. I need it to be the place where
I
feel most comfortable. For once, this is about me, and only about me.

I wait longer than I should to go back to the office. I like letting her stew, I like letting her get pissed. A pissed Nina is a beautiful Nina, but she also gets this smart-ass mouth that makes you either want to smack it or shove your cock into it. I’ve been known to shove my cock into it more than once.

Finally I decide she’s waited long enough and make my way towards my office. As soon as I open the door, I know this is either going to be the end of us or it’s going to be the way we find our way back to middle ground. To be honest, I’m not sure which I want.

I love my wife, and I was happy in our marriage, but I’m not putting myself out there again. If she wants it to work, she’s going to have to tell me; I’m no longer making assumptions. I want answers, and I want them six months ago.

I shut the door quietly and walk over to my desk, putting the piece of furniture in between us. Sitting down in my chair, I prepare myself for battle.

“What is it you want?” I ask her, my voice level.

“You are such a piece of shit, Sketch,” she fumes. “How could you do that to me out there?”

The hurt is back, the anger is back. “You first. How the fuck could you
leave
me?”

And right then, I know this is going to be hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but it’s like a bandage covering a wound. I have to rip it off and let the healing begin.

SKETCH

“Y
ou’re seriously asking
me that question?” Nina is kicking that foot again.

Do I need to write it on my forehead for her to realize that I want answers? “Yes, I am.”

“You really thought there was nothing wrong with our lives, Sketch? You can sit there and tell me that?”

I can tell by looking at her face that she, like me, believes her perception of what has gone on between us. “All I know is I worked my ass off, gave you what you wanted, and here I am now, just trying to make it through the day.”

She licks her lips and takes a deep breath. I can see she’s grappling with something—what, I don’t know. The old me would have reached out, taken her hand, and tried to coax it from her. I would have told her that, no matter what, I love her, and we would make it work, but I’m different now. I no longer feel that way towards her. Those feelings have been replaced with anger, fear, and confusion. I can’t be the man I once was.

“Fucking spit it out.” I’m sick of waiting.

“Are we going to be serious here?” she asks, her dark eyes almost glowing as she looks at me. “We’re not going to sugarcoat this?”

I stand up and walk over to the office door. I turn the lock and go back and sit behind my desk again. “That door is locked. We aren’t leaving until we have this out. If you go up to that door and unlock it, I’ll sign the papers. If I go to the door and unlock it, I’ll sign the papers.”

“I thought you didn’t have the papers.” She glares.

“I might know where they are.”

“Fuck you, Sketch.” I can see her teeth grinding together.

“If you really think that, sweetheart, go unlock that door and walk out. We’ll be done.”

My heart is pounding as I watch her breathing heavily. I can see her going over things in her head. I can see her trying to make a decision.

“I was ready to do that,” she says softly. “But that woman was coming onto you out there, and I didn’t like it.”

“You’re jealous? Are you fucking kidding me? What she did was tame compared to how some other women have thrown themselves at me,” I admit.

“But you’ve never taken them up on the offer.”

I shake my head. “No, I haven’t. I’ve always had more than what I wanted or needed at home. That’s all you needed? To see a woman come onto me? Now that I’m something other people might want, you’re all in again?”

“I’m not going to lie, seeing her with you, it flipped a switch. Jealously may not be clean, and it might be messy later on, but fuck, Sketch, you’ve always been mine.”

I’m quiet as I wait for her to continue. I see a tear streak down her cheek at my words. When she opens her mouth and speaks, her voice sounds like it’s ripped from her chest.

“You were never there, Devin. Never.”

I want so badly to refute that, to argue with her, but it’s the same argument we’ve been having. If one of us doesn’t put a stop to it, we’ll continue to go round and round and nothing will ever be solved. I keep my mouth shut and let her speak.

“Do you know how shitty I feel, knowing you’d rather be here than with me? You can never get away from the shop, especially after that article. You’re so talented at what you do.” She runs a finger under her nose and takes a rough breath. “People love you, and I love you more than all of them, but I have to fight for your attention, and then even when I fight and I’m a bitch, sometimes I still don’t get it. All I get is your anger.”

I take a deep breath when she puts her arms around her stomach and gets up to walk around the office. “This is your home, this is where you belong, but where do I belong?”

“Right fucking next to me,” I answer, slamming my hand down on the desk. “I’ve always wanted you here, but you never acted like you wanted to be here. Finally, I stopped asking.”

“I liked when you asked,” she grins, sniffling. “You’d annoy the fuck out of me, we’d end up in bed, and then I’d fall asleep before you even left.”

I bite my lip. “At some point we stopped doing that. At some point, no became no, and then it became a ‘fuck no’.” I run my hand over my face. “I borrowed money from your dad to get this place off the ground, and he told me I better give his little girl everything in the world she deserved,” I started. I’ve never told her about that conversation. “He told me that when the place failed you’d come crawling back home, and then he’d collect the amount due out of my ass.”

She closes her eyes. “You know my dad’s an asshole.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nina. He’s a smart businessman who knew this place never should have made it. I got fucking lucky. That meant long nights; it meant being the only one here half the damn time until I could afford to hire others. It meant doing my own bookkeeping. Fuck, I cleaned the shop most of the time myself, in the beginning.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She leans over onto the desk. “I would have helped you.”

“I asked you!” I scream at her. “All those times I would ask you to come to the shop with me it wasn’t just because I wanted you around—I did—but I needed your help. I needed you to want this for the both of us, but after I apprenticed, somehow this became
my
dream not our dream anymore.”

“I did what I had to do back then. We scrimped and saved, and fuck it all, Sketch, I was sick of it.”

“Well you know what I’m sick of?” I get up and walk over to her. “My wife not being proud of me. You say I left you alone; I never wanted to spend time with you. Flip that script. How often did you come here to say hi to me, how often did you text me to see when I would be home without having an ulterior motive? When was the last time, before today, you even saw something I tattooed?”

She’s speechless and she’s grappling for an answer, I can see it.

“We’ve both done things we’re not proud of,” she concedes. “I don’t think I want to sign those papers just yet.” She looks up at me, her eyes impossibly huge. “What do we do?”

“I’m not doing this, Nina. I’m not going to be the one who fixes things. I will admit that maybe I shouldn’t have given up, but I gave up because you never gave me any indication you wanted me to continue. You want me? You come and get me, or you walk out the door.”

I stand there, my heart pounding, my legs shaking. My whole life sits in the balance of the decision she’s about to make, and I admit to myself that I’m fucking scared.

SKETCH

“T
hat’s not fair,”
she argues, putting her hands on her hips. “You can’t ask me to be the only one to fight for this. We have to meet in the middle.”

“You didn’t want to meet in the middle before,” I point out. “You chose to make the decision and walk out on me.”

She blows out a breath and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t fuckin’ roll your eyes at me,” I tell her. She knows this pisses me off.

“At least you pay attention to me when I do it,” she taunts.

“If all you had wanted was my attention, babe, you could have figured out much more clever ways to get it. You’ve always had a bangin’ body, Nina. You could have put it to good use. My dick isn’t choosy.” I say that knowing she knows I haven’t cheated on her. I want her to hurt, I want her to feel broken the way I do.

I watch as she walks up to me. “You’re an asshole, Sketch.”

I bend down so that I’m at eye level with her. She’s on the petite side, and I’m six-two, so I bend at almost the waist. “If that makes it easier for you to sleep at night, keep lying to yourself, and if I am an asshole, it’s only because being with you made me one.”

She smashes her lips together in a thin line and turns away from me before turning back to me. “I hate you.” She sneers, and out of my periphery I see her hand coming up, ready to slap me across the face.

I reach out and grab her wrist in my hand. “That’s not happening, babe,” I say as I push her up against the door, causing it to groan against the lock, the sound loud in the room.

This is the first time in months we’ve touched each other, I mean really touched each other. I flex my fingers against her wrist, shoving it up against the hard wood of the door, and use my other hand to pull her lower body against my own hard wood.

She fights against my hold, struggling as I hold her there with my body. “Calm the fuck down,” I tell her. “I’m not letting you go until you stop.”

“And I’m not stopping until you let me go.” She juts her chin up at me, and our lips our millimeters apart. “I still hate you,” she breathes against them.