Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 3) (15 page)

She looked up again and Jared was no longer standing at the corner of the barn. Darting her gaze around the growing crowd she finally spotted him heading into the shadows. Where was he going? He didn’t even have the decency to come over and say hello. Her throat tightened and she clenched her hands into tight fists. How dare he deliberately blow her off.

Stomping after him, she continued on the worn path, determination spiraling through her. She wanted to give him a piece of her mind, prove to him, and to herself too, that he didn’t have a hold on her. No man would ever control her again! It didn’t matter that she craved his touch and could barely maintain the throbbing in her body. She could easily switch off the deep need she had for him pooling like lava into her core. Sure, she’d just turn it off.

Then she spotted him and her willpower was shot to hell. He looked so handsome, so enticing sitting on a tree trunk with the moon’s bright haze lighting his profile.
Walk away, Sofie. Go back.
But she didn’t want to leave.

He turned his head and saw her. One corner of his mouth lifted as he patted the space beside him. She wouldn’t be dragged in so easily. “Why aren’t you back at the party?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Didn’t feel much up for partying. Why aren’t you there?” He flashed a smile that made her knees weak.

“I saw you.”

“And?”

“I came out here to tell you…” Could she mold the words on her tongue? Fire them off her trembling lips? She wasn’t sure, but she needed to take a seat before her knees weakened.

Sitting next to him, his warmth consumed her. His leather, masculine scent whirled her senses. He placed the beer bottle he held next to the trunk, stretched his legs and their knees brushed. The bulge in his crotch couldn’t be ignored, especially when her body screamed to screw logic, fall to her knees and take him into her mouth. What was wrong with her? Never before had she been thrilled about giving fellatio. That was with Luther who would practically choke her and pull out her hair when he was inside of her mouth. Giving Jared pleasure was different. He allowed her to set the pace.

She pulled her gaze upward on the nice fit of the new button down shirt that was left open at the top, revealing a sliver of smooth chest. He dragged off his hat and laid it next to his hip. His thick hair was in disarray as if he had crawled from bed and left. He turned his cheek toward her and his piercing eyes seemed to seep into her very core.

Her heart beat accelerated and swirls of sweet familiar sensations scattered from her stomach into her loins. This man had many different angles that she found exciting. She wasn’t prepared for a man like Jared, had no clue how to handle the mystery and his darker side. Turning her gaze to the moon, she stared at the blue globe, mesmerizing over how beautiful it was—a lover’s moon. She should go. Not walk, but run away. Oh, but in proper Sofie reasoning, she didn’t move a muscle. She came to end this with him—whatever this was, it had to end before she lost herself.

She shifted, prepared to tell him her thoughts when she spotted his wicked smile. “What?”

“You have something rolling around in that pretty little head of yours.” He laughed a rich, deep sound that could have hypnotized a rock.

“Yes, I do.” Okay, this was the first step. She could do this. She opened her mouth but her vocal cords failed her.

He laid his hand on her arm and heat swirled through her veins. She started to move, but he put pressure on her, gentle pressure. An invisible chain broke and the reason why she followed him out here was slowly fading. “Spit it out, beautiful.”

Oh for heaven’s sake. Just say the words. How difficult can it be? “I-I think this is a bad idea.”

“You sitting here with me?” he asked.

“Yes, that and…”

“This?” He brushed the back of his knuckles across her cheek and her skin flamed.

“That for sure.” Her voice shook.

“If it’s so wrong, why does it feel so right?” He leaned in, lifted her hair, and kissed her neck. She stiffened and pressed her inner thighs tighter. She had an urgency to grab his beer bottle and hold it between her legs to help with the scorching heat.

“Something so right can’t be right.” Wait? What had she said? That wasn’t what she meant. His mouth lowered to her collarbone. She couldn’t think.

He chuckled against her skin, his warm breath heating her. “You worry too much.”

“And you don’t worry enough.” She tried focusing on her words as his mouth continued to wreak havoc on her body.

“I was an ass earlier. I overreacted.”

She stilled and pulled away, looking at his face for any signs of humor or joking. “Come again?”

“Oh, I plan to…again and again—” his soft, seductive voice honed in on all of her desires. But she couldn’t take the on/off behavior..

“What did you say about being an ass? That’s not something you just throw into a conversation and forget.”

He heaved a sigh, as if invisible binds had broken. “I tend to pull away when I get too close.”

“And why is that, Jared?” She touched his cheek, the stubbles rasped her fingers.

“Sweetheart, there are things that you don’t need to know. Things I’m not proud of.  Maybe you don’t understand.”

She dropped her hands into her lap, entwining her trembling fingers. “This isn’t about who has the sorriest story to tell, but life hasn’t always been so charitable for me either.”

“You had an ex that fucked around on you. His loss,” he growled.

“But that’s the least of it.” She blew out a long breath. “From the time I met Luther he charmed his way into my life, and into my pants. I allowed him to change my life, change me. For years, I was the dutiful wife, cooking, cleaning and living out his wildest dreams in bed. The instant I asked for a child I saw a transformation in him. I figured he wasn’t ready, needed more time to travel, but the fact that he was ten years older than me had me wondering how much more sewing of his oats did he need. Then my eyes were opened. His lover walked in while Luther and I were having sex. Talk about your irony. Wouldn’t you think she would have been embarrassed, humiliated? No, not Janelle. You’d believe she had walked in on us playing cards. She stood there, obnoxious and loathing, and began to read me my rights.” She swallowed the acid building in her throat. “He was planning to ask me for a divorce that day, but got sidetracked by my three-inch heels.”

“That bastard. Had he lost his mind? I hope you took him for every penny.”

She shook her head, sending a tendril of hair from the chignon. “I moved out of our home only carrying two bags. Janelle moved in the same day I left.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. He didn’t deserve you.” Jared took her hand into his, linking their fingers. She felt so safe here with him.

“That’s not the worst part still. She was pregnant.” Once the words were out, a huge weight lifted from her chest. She had nothing to be ashamed of. She’d only been guilty of loving Luther.

Jared blinked and his lips thinned, but he didn’t say a word.

“He called me recently. She lost the baby and she left him.”

Jared rubbed his chin. “Ain’t karma a bitch?”

“It certainly works its magic.” She smiled. “Whatever it is you think I can’t handle, trust me, I can. If this is all that we get, sex, then I can’t do this any longer. I’m not built to keep my feelings at bay.”

“So you really meant what you said earlier?” One brow lifted.

“Come on, Jared. Tell me that you don’t feel something between us. A mesmerizing draw, an emotion? If you say you don’t feel it, then I’m a bigger fool than I first believed.” Her deepest, darkest fears came to the surface. She hungered for him, but for more than just sex. She craved to have his arms wrapped around her, comforting her when times were tough. Hear sweet nothings whispered into her ear. She ached to feel his love encompassing her. Have him make love to her every night.

It was a fantasy. One that she wanted to turn into reality.

He moved closer, his face within inches of hers. “You’re going to be the death of me, sweetheart,” he whispered.

“That wouldn’t help either of us.”

“It definitely won’t hurt us either.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew something. He held up the item, dangling her bracelet from his forefinger.

“Where did you find that?”

“Under my bed. You must have dropped it.” He took her hand and laid it on his thigh as he placed the chain across her wrist, hooking it. “This…I haven’t seen the charm on here before.” He tapped the cowboy hat.

She nodded. “I found it while I was in town. Did you read the inscription?”

He swallowed. “I did.”

“I only attach charms to this bracelet that mean something to me.” She touched the chain. “Things that have made me who I am today.”

He blew out a long breath and his mouth came down on hers, hard and desperate. His tongue forced her lips open to allow him entrance. She obliged and wrapped her arms around his neck as he dipped in and out of the recesses of her mouth. Nerves awakened, new ones, and she wondered how that was possible. Oh, she knew exactly how. She’d crossed an invisible boundary within herself. She’d gone from wanting to screw Jared, to caring for him…and then falling in love. The knowledge sparked eagerness. She let her tongue glide along his, dueling, matching his need.

His hands threaded into her hair, tugging her face back to allow him deeper access. He pulled away and lowered his mouth to her neck, licking the sensitive skin, leaving a moist trail to the pulse in the dip at her neck. She succumbed to him, every fiber of her yielded to him. All links to her past were freed. She tangled her fingers into his hair, rolling them along his scalp, pulling him, determined to never let the moment end.

“Aww, baby, you taste so good—smell like a field of wildflowers after a heavy rain.”

“Yes! Keep doing that,” she whispered.

His fingers slid along her bare leg, higher to the apex of her thighs. He sucked in a deep breath. “My God, woman. Please never put on a pair of panties again.”

She chuckled. “I swear, I didn’t plan to have your hand up my dress tonight.”

“Where else would my hand be?” he muttered.

He slid the tips of his fingers along the throbbing seam and she opened her thighs wider. He circled his thumb around her inner folds, dipping inside of her, withdrawing, wreaking havoc on her clit again. She heard rustling, the
clanking
of his belt buckle and the rasping of his zipper. Her body grew hungry in anticipation. She lowered her hand to his hard shaft, loving how hot he was, how his silky tight skin stretched across the rigid muscle.

The crackling of twigs broke through their heavy breathing. She froze and Jared did the same. Neither could have expected what was about to happen.

“Sofie? Jared?”

He pulled away so quickly, the cold air blasted across her flesh. Pushing herself up, she peered through the shadowed woods. “Dade?” He stood about twenty feet away, but she couldn’t see the expression on his face. Instinct warned her he was in shock at seeing her in Jared’s arms.

“Ah, shit!” Jared muttered. He was already standing, fixing his jeans.

Dade took a step closer, the moon’s light cast a glow on his troubled features. His mouth twisted. “You? And Sofie?”

“Dade, I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” Jared blurted.

Sofie stayed motionless, words lost on her tongue. The secret was out, but worst of all, Dade was hurt.

“What is happening?” Dade’s voice shuddered.

She finally stood, pushing her skirt down her thighs. “Dade, please…”

He took a step back, his face hidden again. “Save it,” he said as he turned and took off into the shadows, his heavy booted steps fading into the darkness.

“Damn! I didn’t want him to find out this way.” Jared forced his hand through his hair. “I have to go talk to him. I’ve got to make this right.”

“I’m going with you. He might not talk to you, but maybe I can get him to listen. To get past the hurt he must be feeling.”

“Come on.”

They went back to the party, but Dade wasn’t there. They searched his cabin and it was empty. They jumped into Jared’s Gator and as fast as it would carry them, they sped toward the barn.

“Do you think that’s where he would go?” Sofie asked, holding on tight as they drove over bumps and she jostled in the seat.

Jared shrugged. “We’ve looked everywhere else.” He reached for the radio on the dashboard. “Dade, come in.”

Only static met their ears.

“Damn!” Jared dropped the radio back into the holder. “This is my fault.”

Sofie laid her hands in her lap. “This isn’t just your fault, it’s mine too. But neither of us meant for this to happen. Dade understands that people can find each other.”

He turned his pensive electric gaze on her. “Don’t you get it, Sofie? Everything I touch turns to dust. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I’ve been cursed. I’m not good for anyone.” He turned the cart toward the barn, jetted up onto the grass, and slammed on the brakes. He jumped out and Sofie quickly followed. She caught a glimpse of Dade on the back of one of the horses, dashing passed the fence.