Snow Angel (38 page)

If Mitch had been true to her, she might never have discovered the devastating intensity of her feelings for Jacob. She might never have learned the truth about the depth of true love, or the way it could shred the heart.

She knew now.

And the worst of it was, because she did love Jacob, she wanted him to go out and conquer the medical world. She wanted him to have his dream career, and everything that went with it, even though that meant them not being together. She wanted what was best for him, no matter what it did to her.

Love sucked.

She put the last of her things away, glad that her parents had given her some space after the first few concerned glances they’d tossed her way, then wandered into her bathroom.

She looked like hell.

Aside from getting no sleep the night before, the bruises from her tangle with Dane were starting to take on a green-and-yellow hue at the edge of the darker colors.

“Ack,” she said to her reflection.

Deciding to take a bubble bath, she ran the water hot, then slipped in, soothing her sore muscles in the steamy heat.

And she thought about Jacob.

Feeling naughty and daring, she ran soapy hands over her body and dreamed they were his.

She knew now, exactly, the way his eyes would smolder when he looked at her, kindle when he touched her, flare when he kissed her. She wanted to see them burn.

Her hands stilled, and a lump formed in her throat.

What was she going to do?

Only silence answered.

Later, after forcing herself through a halfhearted yoga sequence, Melinda tucked herself into bed in her darkened room, her head cradled on her hands, and thought, and thought, and thought about Jacob.

If only there were a way…

It seemed strange to go to sleep in a room without him now. She missed him being there, even in a separate bed.

Melinda rolled over, seeking elusive comfort.

Her cell chimed, the sound loud in her quiet room. A text message. She grabbed the phone hesitantly—she’d deleted another spate of messages from Mitch over the past several days, each from different numbers, all of which she’d blocked. She wasn’t in the mood to see another one, but the text was from Jacob. One simple message that set her heart aglow.

:I love you, buttercup. G’night. <3:

Grinning ear to ear despite herself, she texted back.

:’Night, licorice whip. <3 <3 <3:

It wasn’t
I love you
, exactly. She often signed texts to him with those little emoticon hearts. She shouldn’t hope, shouldn’t let the spark of pleasure build a bonfire in her belly. Yet no matter how often she repeated to herself that there was no hope for them, she couldn’t stop the blaze.

She loved him, and he loved her. And if anyone could figure out a way forward, it was Jacob. He’d asked her to trust him. To give her heart to him freely. Even as her mind whispered
but-but-but…
her heart sent all her love winging across the night sky, straight to Jacob.

They had to find a way.

Smiling, hoping, Melinda sank into sleep, surrounded in her dreams by Jacob’s strong arms. Her smile lasted all night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jacob studied the little hearts in Melinda’s text and wondered what she was thinking. If she was already in bed. If she missed him the way he missed her.

Being in that loft together all week had almost felt like living together. Without the fun stuff, obviously, but still.

His room seemed dark, quiet, and lonely without her smile, her laugh, her scent.

His whole life would feel that way if he had to go on without her now.

Before, he’d acknowledged that he’d miss her wherever he went. That it would suck not to see her for months at a time.

Now that they’d torn down their friendship barrier, surviving without her felt impossible, like trying to leave his lungs behind. If she was vital to his happiness, how could he be happy without her?

He’d spent that hellishly long drive home tossing everything around in his brain, working all the angles, seeking a way through their impasse.

Once at home, he’d sat down with his parents and spilled the whole sticky mess into their laps. Together, they’d tossed it around some more.

His mom, with her shrink’s cool logic, and his dad with his gut instincts, had thrown their confidence behind him one-hundred percent, as they always had, and they’d come up with some damn good ideas, too. They’d helped him face some truths about himself, things he’d never consciously considered before.

According to his mom, he’d never been ready to consider them before.

Well, he was ready now. More than his relationship with Melinda had changed on that ski trip.

He had a lot to think about.

Jacob pulled up a recent memory in his mind, the victorious smile on Melinda’s gorgeous face right after she completed her first black-diamond run the day before. Her eyes had blazed with triumph, and her smile had burned hot enough to melt the polar ice caps.

He had so much to tell her.

Now that they were home, vacation over, decisions made, it was time to get serious.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Though they hadn’t even been apart a full day, she missed Jacob.

A lot.

Melinda woke missing him, and it only got worse as the morning wore on.

Her parents had headed out to the nursery early to catch up on the piles of paperwork and stacks of phone messages that would have built up while they were gone, even during the slow winter season. There would be orders to place, appointments to make for landscaping consultations in preparation for spring planting, the endless bookkeeping, a thousand other things.

Afterward, as part of their longstanding post-ski-trip tradition, instead of coming home, they would go to the Pasodoro Inn for an evening of fine dining and pampered relaxation, complete with a night in their favorite suite. It was their annual Christmas gift to each other and helped them smooth the transition from the week of skiing back to regular life.

Melinda didn’t mind having the house to herself overnight to unwind in her own way every year, so it worked well for all of them. Sometimes she’d have all of her girlfriends over for a raucous slumber party, but she wasn’t in the mood for that this year.

Instead, she intended to spend most of her day putting the house back to rights so her parents wouldn’t have to deal with it—including taking down as many of the Christmas decorations as she could manage on her own.

Tomorrow she’d meet her mom and dad at the nursery, and for a few days after that, to help them clear the rest of the business backlog.

Before she knew it, Christmas break would be over, and it would be time to head back to school. It seemed incredible to think she’d left Cal State Fullerton in mid-December with one boyfriend, yet had almost returned with a different one.

And not just any boyfriend.

Jacob.

Thinking of school made her think of next fall, when Jacob would be at UC Irvine, and she’d still be at Cal State. Without him.

It was irrational to get so upset over him changing colleges. He would have been there the following year anyway, for med school, and during non-traffic times, the two schools weren’t even a half-hour apart. It wasn’t like he was leaving the state. But she’d still had at least eighteen months to work up to the idea of his moving farther away.

Her get-used-to-it timeframe had been cut in half.

When her entire life consisted of fewer memories without him than with, it amounted to a big, unhappy change in her daily routine. And that was before taking a romantic relationship into consideration.

Hoping to blank her mind with chores, Melinda threw on her oldest, rattiest sweats, turned the music up to scream, and got to work.

She finished unpacking and organizing everything from the trip, emptied the last of the ice from the coolers, ran more laundry. She did the breakfast dishes, then spent a half-hour playing with Baxter and Buddy, sending them into doggie bliss, and wore them out enough to keep their noses out of the Christmas boxes when she started taking down the ornaments and lights from the tree in the living room.

She was seated at the dining room table, winding up the last of the garland and about to head upstairs, when she heard the front door open.

Buddy and Baxter, who’d been sleeping at her feet, took off down the hallway in a blur of black fur and scrabbling paws, barking joyfully and drowning out the voice of whoever had entered the house calling her name.

“In here,” she yelled back, pushing away from the table to see who was there.

Her heart beat a little harder than necessary, wondering if it was Jacob, and she stared at herself in the mirror over the buffet in despair. She looked like a chimney sweep.

Poking her head around the corner, she caught sight of her visitor. Surprised, she said, “Hey, Eddie.”

Melinda ignored the totally vain flare of relief that it was not Jacob who had caught her looking like she’d been crawling around inside the fireplace. Not that he hadn’t seen her covered in dirt and sweat before—they camped together every summer, after all—but still.

“Hey,” Eddie replied, looking up with a smile as he continued to rub the dogs’ ears. Their tails thumped wildly against the carpet, their tongues lolling out the sides of their mouths in sheer delight.

“Are you looking for Rick? I haven’t seen him today.”

“I came to see you. Got a minute?”

Now doubly surprised, and twice as curious, Melinda said, “Sure,” wondering what was up.

Though she and Eddie were good friends, and hung out regularly as part of the rest of their group, it was rare for him to seek her out privately.

“Kitchen?” he asked, tilting his head in that direction.

“Sure,” Melinda repeated, following him into the other room. “Would you like some tea or something? I can make hot chocolate.”

Eddie, out of all the guys, had the biggest sweet tooth, but though his smile widened when she mentioned the cocoa, he said, “Tea’s fine.”

As at home in her kitchen as his own, Eddie took a seat in the attached breakfast nook while she put on the kettle. The oval trestle table—big enough to seat eight, or ten in a pinch—was surrounded by chairs and low, built-in benches. It sat in a cozy alcove with a bay window facing the front of the house.

Melinda dealt with the tea things, arranging cups, spoons, both sugar and honey—she knew her friend!—milk, and a shaker of cinnamon on a tray, then depositing it on the table.

Comfortable with silence, Eddie kicked back in his seat, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his favorite, ancient brown leather jacket, and watched the birds flitting from branch to branch outside the window.

“There’s a pFeddUp meeting tomorrow night, my mom wanted me to remind you,” he said.

pFeddUp—Partnership For Eliminating Distracted Driving—was the nonprofit Seth’s parents had started after his death.

“I’ll be there.”

When the kettle whistled, she placed it on a trivet on the table and added a package of Scottish butter cookies, hiding her grin when Eddie’s eyes lit up and his mouth kicked upward at the corners.

She took a seat beside him and watched out the window, too, while they stirred their tea and nibbled cookies in the quiet kitchen. She’d always found Eddie to be a restful sort of person.

He was great with kids—patient, kind, funny, the kind of guy even the troublemakers seemed comfortable seeking out to confess their secrets to. She’d only seen him truly riled a handful of times, and it had always been in defense of someone else, but those few times were sort of legendary.

It was a foolish person who picked on someone smaller or weaker in Eddie’s vicinity.

Some people found it odd that he and Rick were such good friends, given their polar-opposite natures, but that was part of what made their friendship work so well. Plus, they had the same affinity for kids, which made them both extremely popular summer camp counselors.

Now Eddie was working toward opening his own camp in the foothills outside Pasodoro where his grandfather had left him some property. It would take him years to make it the way he wanted, but she had no doubt he’d succeed with it, and kids would come from miles around.

Someday, her own children would go to Eddie’s to ride horses, fish, hike, swim, and all the other fun stuff kids did at camp.

She’d grown up doing all of those things on his parents’ property, simply because they were all friends, but Nancy and Peter’s focus had always been the horses. They’d never offered the types of activities Eddie planned to provide to the general public, with the recent exception of the annual rodeo for Seth Mazer’s memorial scholarship fund.

Melinda had thought the rodeo might eventually migrate to Eddie’s property, as well, but his land was too far out of town to make it practical.

“So,” he said finally, blowing across the top of his tea. “You and Jake.”

Trust Eddie to get right to the heart of the matter. No beating around the bush.

“Yeah?” she said cautiously.

She rested her head along the high back of her seat, turning her face to look at him. Eddie twisted toward her, sitting forward a little, one elbow on the table, his other arm draped along the top of her chair, his gray eyes intent.

“I want to apologize for springing his news on everyone. He wanted to tell you first, Mel. You should know that.”

“Not your fault,” Melinda said, sipping her tea.

“So what’s the problem?”

“What do you mean?” she hedged, then caved when he only gave her his patient stare. “Okay, okay. In a nutshell?”

When he nodded, she said, “I’m in love with him. He’s in love with me. And it’s never going to work out.”

She said the words matter-of-factly, as though their truth weren’t tearing her apart inside. Eddie’s eyes said he saw right through her.

Eddie considered her for a full minute before straightening to take another sip of his tea. He set the mug back on the table, folded his hands in front of himself, and lasered her with his gaze.

“You’re both idiots, you know that?” he said. While Melinda spluttered, he held up a hand and kept talking. “First, everyone knows you love each other. But since it took you two dummies long enough to figure that part out, I’m going to help you with the rest.”

“I hardly think—”

“Uh-huh,” he interrupted, wagging a finger in front of her face, “that’s exactly the problem. Thinking. You think too much here—” he drilled the same finger into the middle of her forehead, “—and not nearly enough here.” His finger jabbed a spot above her heart.

Crossing her arms in defense, Melinda frowned at him. “How is that helpful?”

“Don’t get your tiara in a twist, I’m getting there.”

Gentler now, Eddie’s eyes softened, and he tugged affectionately on a lock of her hair that had come down from the messy bun she’d thrown it in halfway through her chores.

“When did you decide you were going to spend your entire life here in Pasodoro?” he asked. “When did Jake decide he had to get out?”

Melinda frowned at him. “He’s always wanted to leave. And I’ve always wanted to stay here,” she said. “Why would I want to go anywhere else? Everyone I love is here.”

“Not everyone,” Eddie corrected. “Rick will be off to Hollywood or New York, and who knows with the rest. Do you really think all your cousins are going to stay here? Or all of our friends? If home is where the heart is, and your heart’s with Jacob…”

Staring into her tea, Melinda mulled that over. Of course, he was right. She’d turned a blind eye to the truth, but there was no way everyone she loved would stay in Pasodoro. Jacob and Rick weren’t the only ones who’d set their sights on faraway places.

“You think I should go with him.”

“No. I think you guys should ponder when and why you made the decisions you’ve made and whether they’re still valid. You might surprise yourselves.”

“I wish you’d just say what you mean. It’s not like you to be cryptic.”

“Some things you have to discover for yourself, princess.”

Melinda scoffed. “If I was really a princess, I’d have my knights force you to talk.”

“When did you get so bloodthirsty?” he asked, the humor back in his eyes. “Come on, budge up,” he added as he nudged her out of her seat.

Once they were both standing, Eddie pulled her in for a hug, pressing her head to his shoulder for an extra moment. Melinda soaked in the comfort that was such a part of him, even when he was being mysterious and annoying.

“Did you talk to Jake about this?” she asked when they pulled apart.

“Nope,” he answered, grabbing both of their mugs and rinsing them out in the kitchen sink. “That’s for you to do. So go do it.”

Tipping her an imaginary hat, Eddie sauntered out of the kitchen.

“Charge your phone!” she called after him, and heard him laugh.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, and a few seconds later, the front door closed quietly behind him.

Melinda stared unseeing at the empty archway from the kitchen into the hallway, not exactly sure what had just happened or what she was supposed to do about it.

“Thanks a lot, Eddie,” she muttered, then went upstairs to take apart her little fake tree in her room.

Carefully packing away her homemade ornaments, she smiled at the ones that had photos of herself and Jacob together or Jacob by himself. One of her favorites was a shot of Jacob, Rick, and Eddie, the summer they were ten. The photo had captured them in mid-jump off the rock ledge at Deep Creek, about to splash down into the clear, green-blue water, identical mile-wide grins on their faces. They wore swim-trunks and nothing else, their bare, boyishly thin and hairless chests gleaming in the hot desert sun.

Melinda envisioned the last time she’d seen Jacob without his shirt on, only a few days ago at the condo in Utah. He’d been walking down the hall in nothing but low-slung jeans after taking a shower, rubbing a towel briskly over his dark, wet hair.

He was still Jacob, the boy she’d grown up with, the boy she knew almost as well as she knew herself, but some things had changed in quite… scintillating ways since their shared childhood.