Sold To The Alphas: A BBW Paranormal Romance (20 page)

With my stomach in knots, I glanced between the two of them. "I want to tell you both why this whole argument about moving the pack, or not moving the pack, and how me and my safety all factors into it, is completely pointless."

Grayson nodded. "I already understand why it is, and I completely agree. If you get pregnant soon, it's already been agreed that you'll accept the father of the baby as your mate for life, so naturally, you'll go wherever he goes, or stays, whether that's a new village near Ashcrest, or right here in Shadowfen.

“But as far as any of us knows, you're not pregnant yet. Until you are, I think you should be able to make your own choice if you'd like, whether you'd like to go with me and the pack, or stay here in the midst of danger with Chase and anyone that would like to stay with him. Chase, do you agree with this?"

Chase nodded. "Yes. I completely agree, actually. Until she becomes pregnant, Rowan is free to make her own choice as to which of us she'd like to take as her mate for life. In fact, I think this is better than simply letting fate take its course and make the decision for us all, as we previously agreed. As much as it kills me to say this, I think neither of us should make love to Rowan, risking a pregnancy with a man that fate chooses, until she's made her mind up as to which of us she wants to take as her mate for life."

Grayson unclenched his strong jaw to speak. "All right. It's decided then. The pack will be split. I'll lead all those who choose to go with me toward a new village we'll establish near Ashcrest. Whoever wishes to remain with you here, may do so."

Chase took a small step around me, toward Grayson. "And what if Rowan doesn't choose you? Will you still go to establish a new village near Ashcrest?"

"Yes. If she doesn't choose me, why would I want to stay here?"

"All right, then. It's settled. We'll give this a week. Then, Rowan will give us her decision. Until then, we'll both continue to defend Shadowfen as we both swore to do as long as we lived here."

Grayson nodded. "Agreed."

There was a long pause, then Chase asked me if everything was agreeable to me as well. But that was the wrong question to ask me right then. While the two of them had been talking, I'd been growing increasingly irritated, angry even, at the way they'd made all the decisions and plans without even consulting me. I was angry about the way they'd spoken about me. As if I weren't an actual person, just a piece of property who happened to be standing there.

I looked at Chase, fuming. "You want to know if all this is agreeable to me, huh? Well, all I can say is it's about time one of you asked me what I think. You know what I think? From the two of you brawling like boys in the schoolyard, to the two of you talking as if I wasn't even here just now, I think I'm sick of dealing with the both of you today.

“Right now, I just want to be left alone. I mean that. Follow me at your own risk." With that, I turned on my heel and began stalking back across the lane and up the walk to my cabin, arms folded tightly across my chest. "The two of you can start fighting again for all I care. Go ahead and rip each other to shreds."

That wasn't what I really wanted, obviously, but then again, I was so angry and frustrated, part of me didn't care what the hell they did right then. If they started fighting again, I didn't think I'd be so quick to try to break it up.

After slamming my cabin door behind me, I peeked out the glass just to see if they were going to fight again, but it didn't seem at all like they were. Once they'd exchanged a few more words, both of them appearing fairly calm and composed, Grayson shifted into wolf form and stalked into the forest, while Chase, still in human form, began striding down the lane to his cabin, his expression serious, though not grim.

Still irritated at them both, I stomped out to the living room and sank down on the couch. It was only then that I realized that Grayson had cut me off from making my long-delayed confession. This frustration, combined with the frustration I'd already been feeling, instantly made tears spring to my eyes for some reason. Everything was hopeless. At least, that was the way I felt.

I was almost glad I was infertile and wouldn't have to actually make a choice between Chase and Grayson, because I had no idea who I'd choose. Despite their behavior that day, I loved them both. Whether I had to write them each letters about my deception before heading back to Greenleaf, or what, I was going to tell them soon. I'd make things easy for them, by taking myself out of the whole splitting-of-the-pack upheaval.

But for the time being, I just wanted to cry, and so I did. I buried my face in my hands and cried for I didn't even know how long. At least several minutes before I began dozing off, curled up on the couch, profoundly tired, more from mental stress than from any physical exertion I'd done that day, I was sure.

When I awoke after maybe a half-hour, I had two texts on my phone, one from Chase, and one from Grayson. They were both sorry for talking about me as if I weren't there, and they both professed their love for me. Grayson ended his text by saying that over the next week, he was going to convince me that choosing him as my mate for life and moving to a place of safety was the best decision I could make.

Frustrated and tearful again, despite my battery-recharging rest, I tossed my phone onto an overstuffed chair near the couch. I considered taking a truck and heading back to Greenleaf without even leaving letters of explanation for Chase and Grayson but quickly dismissed the idea. That would be the coward's way out, and I'd already been a coward for long enough.

Not having the guts to tell Chase and Grayson about my deception weeks earlier, was the whole reason I was in the mess I was currently in, and I knew it. Not to mention that if I left Shadowfen by myself, Skye would be worried sick about me, even if I told her beforehand what was going on. The main road leading to Greenleaf had been the site of many wolf attacks on vehicles in the past week or so, which she knew, and which was another concern of mine.

Part of me wanted to head back to Greenleaf and just be done with it, but not at the expense of my life.

Mere moments after I'd tossed my phone on the chair, it began ringing, and I went over to the chair and grabbed it warily, expecting it to be Grayson or Chase. Instead, it was Skye, saying that Chase had already been over to Flora and Hunter's and had told them everything, and in turn, Flora had told her everything.

"First off, Flora and I both want to know if you're okay. Are you?"

I heaved a sigh, sinking back down on the couch. "Yes. I'm fine. But...not really, though."

"Don't know who you're going to pick to be your mate for life?"

I sighed again, pulling my long hair over my shoulder. "It doesn't even matter. Doesn't even matter who I'd pick and who I wouldn't."

Like I even knew who I would or wouldn't pick. I admired Chase's dedication to protecting the people near Shadowfen, but there was something about Grayson's determination to keep me safe no matter what, that had kind of swayed my heart toward him earlier, even while I'd been angry and irritated. Despite what Grayson had said, I knew that they both loved me, they both wanted to keep me safe, and they both had my best interests at heart. But like I'd just told Skye, it didn't even matter.

She hesitated before responding. "You mean...it doesn't even matter because you won't
be
making a decision? Meaning, one has already been made
for
you? As in, you think you might already be pregnant?"

I sighed for what felt like the millionth time. "No. I'm not pregnant. And I never will be."

"Just not until
after
you choose a mate, though, you mean. Not to get all into your business, but Chase alluded to the fact that all 'activities' will be ceasing until you make your choice. So, yes, maybe it will be a little longer now before you get pregnant. But look at it in a positive way. Now when you do get pregnant, it will be with the man you've specifically chosen to be your mate for life.

“Isn’t that just a bit more special than the way things were supposed to go? With you being purchased at a damned auction and then mated to whichever man just happened to get you pregnant first?"

Tearful yet again, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Skye, I'm sorry, but I just can't talk about this anymore."

She was right. It
would
have been a bit more special to choose my mate for life and have a baby with that man.
If
I could actually get pregnant.
If
all my deceit wasn't about to come crashing down on me. But it was, because I was going to make it so. Sure, I realized that I'd come this far, I could just continue on with my deception even longer. Months, maybe even a year or two before the man I picked to be my mate for life suspected something was up.  Except that I knew I couldn't. My conscience wouldn't let me.

After I said I couldn't talk about the topic at hand anymore, Skye immediately apologized. "I understand. Me and my big mouth. I called to comfort you, and here I am going on and on when you probably just want time to think. I'll leave you to it, but...do you want any company while you think? Flora and I had a thought to come over with some strawberry-rhubarb pie if you wanted some. We could just sit and visit and talk about things other than you-know-what if you wanted."

The thought was tempting. However, I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself because of you-know-what, and I'd probably be lousy company. Besides, I had such a strong urge right then to tell Skye and Flora what was going on, that I was almost afraid to be near them in person for fear that I'd suddenly spill my guts. Which I knew was not right. Chase and Grayson deserved to know about my deception first.

I also didn't want Skye and Flora to come over for a different reason. I'd made up my mind that I was going to send Grayson and Chase a text immediately, asking
them
to come over. Then, I was going to tell them the truth. Finally. Come what may.

I declined  Skye's offer with thanks, telling her that I'd gladly take her and Flora up on that pie and a visit some other time.
Like when I'm soon back in Greenleaf, missing everyone like crazy
, I thought.

Soon Skye and I hung up, and I went out on the porch for a bit of fresh air and sunshine while I composed my text to Chase and Grayson. Lord only knew, my spirits and my courage needed bolstering right then. 

Several minutes later, after numerous stops and starts, I'd finished the text, which read:
Wherever the both of you are, please come back to my cabin as soon as you can. I have something very important to tell you both, and it cannot wait a minute longer. And when you both arrive, just let me speak. Please. I have to get this out before there are any interruptions. Please know that I love you both.

I stared at the text, slowly scrolling through it, for at least a minute before hitting send. I'd done it. It was happening. There was no backing out now. The truth was coming out.

After pocketing my phone, I sat back in the porch rocker and looked out at the sun-dappled evergreens across the lane, slightly tearful yet again. I figured I'd better get used to it. There were soon to be many more tears in my immediate future, I was sure of it.

Just then, Rose came around the side of the house, Jack on her shoulder, and her tall walking stick tapping on the flagstones. Over the past several weeks, since she'd saved Skye and me with her magic, I'd become close to Rose and very fond of her. She'd given up drinking permanently, making her personality much more pleasant, which had endeared her to many people in the village.

I didn't think it was any coincidence that her giving up alcohol for good had come right after everyone had started believing in her psychic abilities and magical powers after she'd turned Richard, the Bloodfur's alpha, into a fireball. I suspected she'd been using drinking for years as a way to try to forget about the fact that nobody believed in her or her abilities.

Normally, I would have welcomed an afternoon visit from her, but on this particular day, and considering the text I'd just sent, I just wasn't feeling up to it.

Seeming to read my mind, which maybe she actually was, Rose climbed up the porch steps and had a seat in the rocker beside me, saying she wouldn't stay long. "I just have something to tell you. Something I really think you should know."