Something Had to Give (37 page)

Shanna of course chuckled along with Craig because that’s just what she did. She egged him on in any way possible. “I’m sorry Aunt Michelle. We were running behind and we both got hungry on the way down. I figured you all had already eaten so we stopped and grabbed a bite to eat.” We all just stood there looking at them in amazement that two people could be so inconsiderate. “No worries though, we saved room for leftovers.”

Shanna was trying to make light of the situation, but Aunt Michelle wasn’t amused and didn’t pretend to be. I was glad that she had said something without worrying that she was going to piss them off and have them run off. My parents were silent through the whole interaction, which didn’t surprise me. However, I really wanted them to stand up to her and let her know that she couldn’t do these types of things and constantly get away with it. Instead daddy invited them to sit at the table with him and have some pie so they could catch up. They sat there for some time laughing and talking. It annoyed me to the point that I was glad that I had brought my iPod and earphones with me to drown them out. I thought at some point Shanna would come over and try to talk with my cousins and me. Even though I didn’t have anything to say to her, I was a little surprised that she didn’t say two words to us the whole time. She never left Craig’s side.

We opted out of Black Friday shopping. Neither Aunt Michelle nor I were in the shopping mood and my parents were too far up Shanna’s butt to even think about going shopping. It had started out rocky, but it had turned out to be a great day for my parents. Even though no one else had really enjoyed it, I couldn’t help but feel happy for them. That all changed as we were headed out the door to go home. Craig was making a massive plate to take with him and Shanna was waiting for him when Daddy said to them, “See you two at the house.”

From outside the door, I heard Shanna reply, “Oh, well actually we are headed back up to Virginia tonight.”

“What?” It was rare that Mommy spoke out like that but clearly, Shanna’s response had struck a nerve with her.

“What do you mean Shanna? It’s almost 11pm. You two want to make that drive this time of night? Besides, we have been looking forward to you all visiting for a week now.” Daddy seemed so pitiful pleading with Shanna.

“Well, we didn’t want to intrude by assuming that we would be staying there, so we made plans to go back tonight. We will be fine, Craig drives at night all the time.”

She didn’t care that she was once again breaking my parents’ hearts. It seemed to give her some sort of satisfaction. The fact that she felt she was intruding by staying at her own parents’ home was so bogus that no one had a response. Daddy and Mommy said their goodbyes to Shanna while I waited in the car. Shanna followed them out to the car. When I pretended to not see her, she knocked on the window. There was no way I was getting out the car to hug such a disgusting person, so I simply threw up my hand and through the window said, “See ya later.” She seemed a little taken aback, but let it go by waving back before walking back to the house. The ride home was silent and I wanted to tell my parents that they were stupid to expect anything else out of Shanna. As long as Craig was in the picture, she was not going to think about the feelings of anyone else. My anger was more directed at them than Shanna because Shanna didn’t disappoint me. I knew to not have any high hopes that she had changed. It was just wild to me that they just didn’t get it.

I cut my Thanksgiving break short after watching my parents mope around for a day like sad lost puppies. Daddy sat on the couch all day in his pajamas watching TV in between dozing off and only got up to pee and eat. I counted only three times that Mommy came out of her room, in which two was to eat something herself and once to make daddy something to eat. No one said a single word to each other. The whole scene was surreal to me, like I was watching another family. I wanted to feel angry with them. They were ignoring the fact that I was there and that I appreciated them, but I had spent so much time being angry at them that I just didn’t have the energy. My attempts to spark conversation with Daddy were met with one-word answers or no response at all and I knew it would be a lost cause to even try with Mommy. I stayed in my room to give them their space. When the boredom of being trapped in my room got the best of me and I couldn’t think of a single place to go that wouldn’t involve the madness of Black Friday, I decided to head back to Wilmington.

I could hear Daddy in the kitchen fumbling around with a pot in the kitchen when I was lugging my bags down the steps. I didn’t pack much so I was able to get it all in the trunk with one trip. After it was all loaded I stood there debating on whether to go back and tell my parents that I was leaving. It was doubtful that they even cared whether I was there or not since I wasn’t their beloved Shanna. To avoid adding to my feelings of resentment towards my parents, I got in the car and left without saying a word to anyone. My phone stayed in my lap the whole ride home even though I was smart enough to know they wouldn’t call. I knew it would probably be a few days before they realized I wasn’t just out and about but back at my apartment. The long ride back to Wilmington gave me a lot of time to think about the situation as a whole. I was really trying to be rational about the whole thing and think about it without getting upset but it was hard. I finally came to the conclusion that I just needed to separate myself as much as possible from the situation. At that point I felt like I never wanted to visit home again. It had worked for Shanna to cut them off for a while; maybe I needed to give it a shot.

It was almost 9pm when I got home after picking up shrimp tacos from Baja Mex. The parking lot was a ghost town so I was able to get a spot right in front of my building making it easy to get my stuff back in my apartment. Once I settled in to eat I realized how quiet it was there. The only noise besides me crunching on my tortilla chips was the ticking sound coming from the clock on the wall. I had watched so much TV earlier in the day that I didn’t even bother to turn it on. There was no one to call on the phone either since it was the busiest shopping day of the year or Jason was working till late. I was half way through my meal when there were knocks on the door that made me jump. I started to ignore it thinking that whoever it was had the wrong apartment and would leave soon. However, the knocking continued and it dawned on me that there was only one person I knew that would be persistent enough to keep knocking. Why would he be at my door though? He had a new girl in his life and we weren’t exactly on the best of terms. When it was clear that he was just going to keep knocking I got up and stormed over to the door with the intentions of telling him to kick rocks. I just wasn’t in the mood for him. I opened the door and as I expected there was Eric holding a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Hey, I saw that your light was on and wanted to see if you wanted some company.”

“We haven’t talked in weeks and now you want to come in?” I could feel myself getting agitated very quickly. It wasn’t that I was really that upset with him, it was a combination of everything that happened over the break.

“I admit, I’ve been a jerk lately, but I brought a peace offering with me.” He held up the wine bottle again grinning ear to ear like it was a game or something.

“We have known each other for four years now, when have you seen me take as much as a sip of any type of alcohol?”

“Now that you mention it, never, but it’s a special occasion so maybe you will make an exception and just have one glass with me.”

“Special occasion?” He was really a piece of work. He just didn’t know when to give up. At times I found this to be cute, but at that moment it was flat out annoying. He was standing there chuckling at his performance and I wasn’t at all amused. I had to get him out of my doorway. “It’s been a long day Eric and I’m really tired. Maybe some other time, OK?”

“OK, I‘ll take a rain check. Have a good night.”

It didn’t seem to faze him at all to be blown off. I almost felt bad that I was being so hard on him when he was trying to be nice. However, it was not a bad thing that we had been staying away from each other and I needed to keep it that way. Besides, after the way I had acted on the balcony before break, I wasn’t really ready to face him about it and relive that embarrassment.

∞∞∞

It was just shy of two weeks before I broke down and cashed in Eric’s rain check, but I insisted that he leave the bottle of wine at home. Inviting him over was something I had debated over for days before actually going through with it. I had only heard from my parents once since Thanksgiving. A week after I had gotten home, Daddy called only to tell me that Shanna was planning another visit down closer to Christmas. They really wanted me to be there as well. I cut the conversation short telling Daddy I would try to make it. I was crushed that he didn’t seem to care that I left Charlotte early and didn’t tell them. Jason and I weren’t talking as much anymore since the break. Something about me not answering the phone had stuck with him. His whole behavior towards me changed despite how many times I had explained that my battery died and apologized for it. It was obvious that us being so far apart from each other was beginning to take its toll on our relationship. There was a wedge between us, yet neither of us wanted to be the one to bring it up. At times I wondered if he had found someone else, but I would always convince myself that he just was not that type of guy.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t pretend like the change in me and Jason’s relationship didn’t bother me. It hurt each night I knew he was off work and didn’t bother to call. A whole Saturday would go by and he would be ‘too tied up” to call and just say hi like he usually did. There was no him, no April to hang out with, no Shanna to get advice from, and no parents that had the slightest interest in my life. I had absolutely no one there for me. Even when I felt like my sadness and loneliness was going to consume me, I still hesitated running to Eric for the simple fact that I didn’t want to be like Shanna and be dependent on a guy. It wasn’t until one night that Jason didn’t call when he got off work that I had enough. I ended up calling him and he claimed to still be closing the store yet I could hear several people having a good time in the background. I knew Jason well enough to know that this was not how he closed the store. He quickly rushed me off the phone and promised to call back in 10 minutes when he was walking out the door. After 30 minutes, I knew he wasn’t going to call, so instead of getting mad, I decided to get even and invited Eric over. That night was all it took for Eric and me to pick up right where we left off. He admitted to being pissed when I chose Jason over him for fall break. He wanted to get back at me, so he brought home a random girl he met at work and I fell right into his trap by “confronting” them on the balcony. We both had a good laugh at him imitating me storming out on the balcony, shivering with my one sock on. Once we cleared the air, we didn’t discuss it again and once again began to enjoy each other’s company.

When Christmas break came around, I could count on one hand how many times I had talked to Jason. After the night he didn’t call back after leaving work, I had ignored his calls for a week. I answered only when he called from a random number that I later found out was his parent’s number. He apologized for not calling me back that night, but interestingly never gave a reason why he and I didn’t bother to ask. At that point it didn’t really matter to me. I didn’t feel like he was my boyfriend anymore. I was over the missed phone calls followed by one of us being mad at each other. We were basically just going through the motions since neither of us was brave enough to end it. Things really hit home when he called to tell me that he had been able to get a week off around Christmas but instead of making plans to spend time with me he informed me that he was going on a trip to New Orleans with some old college buddies. I was so stunned that I couldn’t even respond. We hadn’t seen each other since early October. Even though we hadn’t been talking that much, I would’ve never expected that he would pull that type of stunt. I was both angry and hurt but I refused to let him know that. Instead, I simply said “ok” and ended the phone call with him. If I ever needed solid proof, that phone call was it that our relationship was over.

As the time approached for me to get ready for Christmas break, I found myself trying to come up with any reason to tell my parents that I wouldn’t be coming home. They were once again getting their hopes up about Shanna visiting, especially since she had promised to come alone and stay through Christmas day. My parents had it in their mind that we were going to be a picture perfect family again but I wasn’t so convinced that it was going to go that smoothly. Even if it did, I was so down over the situation with Jason, that I figured that I would be a buzz kill over the joyous occasion. I really just wanted to stay in Wilmington where Eric would be since he never visited home. He wasn’t someone that I could talk to about what was going on with Jason, but he didn’t expect me to be happy at all times. Most of the time he was good company and helped to keep my mind off of things. I felt bad even thinking about leaving him for Christmas break. I had convinced myself that my situation was crappy, but he was way more alone than I was and I didn’t think that he deserved that. I found myself once again having to choose between him and family.

To my surprise, Eric encouraged me to go home. Even with his support, I still didn’t want to go, but he encouraged me since it seemed like everyone else was trying to do their part to repair our family. I realized it was something he would love to have happen within his family and that maybe I should appreciate it more. It was hard though given the history of how these things had previously gone. It was the day before Christmas Eve that I finally decided to leave. Saying goodbye to Eric was hard and it definitely didn’t help that he looked incredibly sad that I was leaving. I encouraged him to go home and visit his mom but of course he would hear nothing of it since his dad was back in the home. He swore he would be fine and was used to spending holidays alone but still I felt bad about leaving him. I worried that he would spend the whole time drinking. I sat in the car for several minutes debating on inviting him to come home with me before driving off. The only thing that stopped me was flashbacks for how quickly things went downhill over Thanksgiving when Shanna left. I didn’t want him to witness that or the possibility of something worse happening.