Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (8 page)

“Good night,” he said, feeling a surge of affection for his sibling. When he was alone again, this feeling was replaced by guilt because as far as his family and friends were concerned, they didn’t know the real William at all.

* * * * *

William stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Not to relieve sexual frustration, although amorous thoughts
were
on his mind. Sort of. He had brushed his teeth, gargled with mouth wash, and shaved with the utmost care, not wanting a stray hair or bloody cut to detract from his appearance. He had even swabbed out his ears to make sure no unsightly wax was visible. He couldn’t remember the last time he had primped like this, but now it seemed advisable. He didn’t know if Kelly was interested in him, and William didn’t really feel ready for anything to happen, but he figured he should be prepared in case he changed his mind.

He grabbed the bottle of cologne Spencer had sent him for his birthday and sprayed it on his bare chest, even though it would get washed off again as soon as they were in the pool. Still, for that initial five minutes when he and Kelly were together, he intended to smell good. Worrying about his outfit seemed equally pointless, since they wouldn’t be wearing much. That thought gave him pause. Maybe he should take care of business, just to prevent any embarrassing situations from popping up. Literally.

The doorbell rang, but he didn’t react. The plan was for him to pick up Kelly at his place, so it was probably a Jehovah’s Witness or a package delivery. He debated putting product in his hair, decided against it, and returned to his room to pick out a shirt. William found his bed occupied. Lily was reclined on it, her pose seductive. She laughed as if this was a joke and got to her feet.

“Surprise!” she said.

“Hey,” he managed, tensing up as she hugged him. They often hugged in greeting, but normally he was wearing more than just a pair of jeans. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Saturday, I’m bored…” Lily pulled back, a hand sliding around to his chest. “We talked about hanging out alone. Remember?”

“Yeah!” William said. “It’s just that I have plans.”

“Oh.” Lily frowned. “Starting when?”

“Three.”

They both looked at the clock. He wished he had lied, because it was only half past one.

“I’ll keep you company until then.”

“Okay.” He moved around her to the dresser, grabbing the first shirt he found and putting it on. It was pale blue and oversized, since his mother was convinced he was a giant, but at least he wasn’t as naked now.

“It’s been ages since I’ve been over,” Lily said. “Your mom didn’t recognize me at first.”

“There’s not much to do here. Maybe we should go somewhere else.”

Lily shook her head. “I like it. My brother’s room stinks. Yours is nice.” She sat on the bed and patted the mattress next to her, reminding William of when Kelly had done the same with the picnic table, except he didn’t feel as motivated to sit. Not wanting to be rude, he did so anyway. She started talking, first about the usual things, like what had been happening at school. Then the reminiscing began. Lily focused on memories they had made together. She brought up the time they had all gone to the airport, wandered around the corridors and pretended they had a flight to catch, even running at one point and shouting “Excuse me! Out of the way! My gate is about to close!” Or the time Lily had first gotten her license, and Holly begged her to drive them to San Antonio because she wanted to see the River Walk. The trip took longer than any of them expected, so they had all broken curfew that night and gotten in trouble. Except for Abby, who had managed to sneak back in undetected.

William relaxed, laughing along with these stories and adding his own details. But he noticed how many of Lily’s memories focused on him. He had bought her a necklace at the River Walk. At the airport they had pretended they were a husband and wife catching a flight to Hawaii. That she was interested in him wasn’t a complete surprise, but now he was starting to wonder if she felt more. Did she love him?

“That weird place with the go-karts,” she said. “Remember? They had a few waterslides off to one side.”

William groaned. “How can I forget? You guys dared me to go down one, but none of us had a swimsuit, so I—”

“Stripped down to your underwear.” Lily was sitting upright, her legs crossed beneath her as she smiled.

“Hey, I had boxers on! I just didn’t expect them to be so heavy when they got wet.”

“The whole world saw your left ass cheek!”

William laughed but noticed he was alone.

Lily’s teeth were hidden behind her lips now. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

“Yeah!” he said. And she was. Of his three female friends, she had the most boyfriends, although none seemed to last for long.

“It’s crazy how handsome you’ve gotten,” she said. “When I first met you…” She shook her head, as if it didn’t matter. “You deserve to be with someone who cares about you.”

She leaned forward, reaching out a hand. His first instinct was to pull away. Then he thought of drowning people, a capsized boat, and a helicopter hovering over it all, except no one leapt from it. No rescue swimmer was there to help them. Instead he was at a seedy gay bar, sitting on one of the stools and drinking, ignoring the hungry stares of guys in leather chaps. Is that really what he wanted?

He could at least try. If not for those drowning victims, then for Lily, because rejecting her would also mean hurting her. He cared too much to do that. Not in the way that she wanted but enough to try.

Just as their lips were about to meet, William turned his head. This didn’t stop her. She began kissing his neck, rubbing her hands over his body. That felt good, although her fingers were more dainty than he preferred. His neck was getting awfully wet too, so he pulled away and laughed nervously.

Lily looked at him like he was being sweet. Then she stripped off her shirt. William stared. Part of him was curious. He had seen his mother in a bra, but this was different. Lily had a nice body, her muscles toned but feminine. He definitely found her more attractive than he did most girls. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup. She didn’t need to, her lips naturally pink against her dark skin, the light sprinkling of freckles across her nose making him long for lazy summer days. What guy wouldn’t find her attractive?

“What’s fair is fair,” Lily prompted.

She nodded at his shirt. Okay. No big deal. He stripped it off, feeling a little thrilled. This was getting crazy! Then Lily scooted closer, one of her breasts pressing against him, the fabric of her bra itchy. She made another attempt to kiss him. Worried he would mess it up, he avoided her lips again and kissed her shoulder, then her neck. Her skin smelled like soap and sunshine. The breast pressed against his arm started rubbing back and forth. Then she grabbed his hand and moved it to the bra strap on her shoulder.

He pulled it down, wondering if the contents would cause him to catch fire, if he would become boob-obsessed like other guys. Part of him was mildly curious, but— He gasped as a hand slid up his thigh. His body reacted, hungry as ever. The caress of someone else’s hand instead of his own… Wouldn’t that feel good on his cock? Wouldn’t her mouth feel even better? He was hard now and could practically see himself churning through the water to save those victims, a victorious grin plastered on his face. He could do this! Except one of the heads bobbing in the water sure looked familiar, as did the self-assured smirk.

Kelly.

William jerked away, Lily’s hand sliding off his bulge. “I don’t want to rush things,” he stammered. “I really should get going.”

Lily appeared confused. Then she looked at the clock. William did the same. Time had flown by because it was nearly three.

“You can’t cancel your plans?” she asked.

“They’re important. Sorry.”

Lily nibbled her lip. “Can we meet afterwards?”

“I’m not sure how late I’ll be.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Uhhh.”

Lily stared at him. Then she gave a barely perceptible shake of the head, which continued as she grabbed her shirt to put it on.

“Sorry!” he said. “It’s just…” He faltered, unable to find a good excuse.

“It’s fine,” she said tersely. “Give me a call if you ever have time for me. Or don’t. Whatever.”

“Lily!” he said, standing to follow her out of the room. He ended up chasing her all the way to the driveway. “I’m sorry! I’m going through some weird stuff right now and it’s not you. I know how that sounds, but it’s true.”

Lily spun around, car keys in hand. “Then tell me what’s going on! Explain it to me!”

“I…” William choked. “I will. Just not right now.”

She exhaled. “Fine. You know where to find me.”

William watched her get in her car, pull out, and drive away. Then he sighed and trudged back inside. His father was in the entryway, wearing a knowing expression. He clapped William on the shoulder and chuckled, like his son had finally grown up and become a man, when in truth, he felt more like a lost little boy than ever.

Chapter Four

William was freaking out. After Lily had left, he returned upstairs and washed his face, just in case there was lipstick on it, which made him feel silly when he remembered Lily didn’t wear any. He also washed off his cologne because romance was now the furthest thing from his mind. Then he noticed the time and rushed over to Kelly’s house, getting lost repeatedly in his addled state. He was nearly an hour late when he finally arrived. Kelly’s jaw was clenching when he opened the door, but he had gotten over it by the time they arrived at the YMCA.

Exercise was usually just what the doctor ordered, but the Y was a different place in the afternoon, especially on a Saturday. Families filled the main pool, splashing around and having a good time. That was fine. The problem was how many of them kept spilling over into the swimming lanes, especially when those lanes were already occupied by other swimmers. He and Kelly were forced to wait their turn, and even then William felt pressured not to remain in the water too long. Soon he gave up entirely, leading the way back to the locker room and getting dressed.

“Isn’t there a hot tub?” Kelly asked. “We could try swimming in circles.”

“They would have to be tight,” William said. “Besides, the hot tub is probably stuffed too.”

“A sauna?”

“I’ve never understood the appeal of sitting in a hot room and getting sweaty.”

“We could hit the track.”

William grimaced. “My feet are still sore. I think I’d rather go home and forget this day ever happened.”

“Something wrong? Besides me making you miss out on your early morning routine. If I had known it would ruin your day…”

“It’s not you,” William said with a sigh. A couple of guys entered the locker room, making him yearn for privacy. He grabbed his duffel bag. “Let’s go.”

“Okay. You’re the boss.”

He couldn’t shake the bad mood, maybe because he wasn’t sure why exactly he was upset. Yesterday had felt so good—finally coming to terms with himself and having a nice evening with his brother. So he had thought. Now everything had returned to being complicated.

When they reached his car, William set his duffel bag on the trunk and spun around to face Kelly. “I did things. With a girl. That’s why I was late.”

Kelly’s mouth dropped open. “But yesterday…” He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “I thought we covered this already.”

“I know.”

“What did you do exactly?”

“I kissed a friend of mine. Sort of. Not on the lips. Um.”

Kelly’s eyebrows managed to climb even higher. “Then where?”

“Not
there
. Just on the neck. She kissed me a little too. And we took off our shirts.”

Kelly exhaled and looked across the parking lot to the horizon. “Did you like it?”

“I don’t know. I, uh, reacted.”

“You got hard,” Kelly said, eyes intense as they met his again.

“Yeah.”

“I had a similar experience once, and as I already told you, I know plenty of other gay guys who have too. I don’t know what you want from me. There isn’t a test to prove one way or another what you are, but if you’re more interested in men than—”

“Maybe I’m bisexual,” William blurted out.

“Fine,” Kelly said with a shrug. “Maybe you are. If so, what stopped you from going further with her?”

William was looking at the reason right now, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “I started thinking of guys instead.” There. That was close enough to the truth.

“Sounds to me like we’ve reached the same conclusion.”

“I guess so,” William mumbled.

“Are we going to do this again tomorrow?” Kelly’s tone made clear that he was joking, but William answered seriously anyway.

“No. I’m gay.”

“Congratulations. I’ll buy you an ice cream.”

“Should I tell everyone?” William asked. “I don’t really want to.”

“No ice cream then,” Kelly said with a sigh. He leaned against the rear of the car. “Who you tell depends on a number of factors. How do you think your family will react?”

William thought of Errol and how upset their mother had been the first time she had caught him smoking pot. They had argued, and she even staged an intervention, but in the end she had accepted who he was and adjusted accordingly. Her love for him mattered more than a drug habit. Being gay wasn’t the same thing as being a stoner, and his family wasn’t religious. He couldn’t imagine her having any real objections. His father’s reaction was harder to predict, since William didn’t feel as close to him, but he did know he was loved.

“They’ll be okay. I think.”

“All right. And your friends?”

William’s cheeks began to burn. This didn’t go unnoticed. “I don’t know. Two of them are interested in me. Maybe more.”

Kelly smirked. “Wow. Most guys would love to have that problem.”

“Not me!”

“Keep that in mind the next time you start having doubts. Anyway, if they like you enough to want to be with you, I’m sure they’ll be willing to accept you for who you are.”

William walked a few paces from the car. Then he spun around. “I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“I’m sure they’ll forgive you.”

William wasn’t so certain. “If you liked someone and then found out you could never be with him, how would that make you feel? Maybe they’ll start hating me instead.”

Kelly was quiet. Then his expression became defiant. “People like that aren’t worth your time.”

William continued to stare at him, his own problems forgotten. “You and Jared stopped being friends because he’s a racist homophobe. Right? That was the only reason?”

Kelly tensed. “I had feelings for him. Don’t ask me why. I’m just glad I wasn’t stupid enough to let him know. And don’t you dare tell him! Or anyone else!”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Listen,” Kelly said, his posture relaxing, “it’s nice that you don’t want to hurt anyone, but sometimes it can’t be helped. I think your friends learning the truth now would be kindest in the long run. Besides, you’re not choosing some other girl over them. You’re not choosing anything. You’re attracted to guys, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. If your friends possess any intelligence, they won’t blame you for what you can’t change.”

William thought about it and nodded. He couldn’t let things continue the way they were. “So I just tell everyone that I’m gay?”

“Up to you. It’s not how I introduce myself. I let people get to know me, and when such subjects come up naturally, that’s when it makes sense to be truthful. For me, anyway.”

“But if Jared is homophobic and racist, then how did you end up being best friends?”

“He said something racist, but that doesn’t
make
him racist exactly. He realized he was wrong and apologized. As for the gay thing, you’ve got me there. I purposely didn’t tell him. I’m out to my family and friends, I’ve gone to a gay youth group for years, and I’ve had more boyfriends and lovers than most people my age, but when it came to him…” Kelly shook his head. “I was deluding myself. I wanted to be with him, even though in my heart I knew he was straight and that I didn’t have a chance, so I avoided the subject completely. I let myself dream we were both too scared to confess our feelings to each other. Basically I was stupid. Learn from my mistake. Tell your friends.”

“But you telling Jared ended your friendship.”

“Him being a douche is what ended our friendship. Girls are cooler about these things. Usually. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s either that or you can keep making out with them. And more.”

“She rubbed her boobs against me,” William said with a frown.

For some reason this sent Kelly into a fit of laughter. His smile was nice. And contagious. No wonder he had so much experience in love. The thought made William feel intimidated, and as he watched Kelly try to get himself under control, he felt even more certain about what he wanted. Kelly was an amazing guy, and anyone—himself in particular—would be lucky to have him as their boyfriend.

“Do you still like him?” William asked. “Jared, I mean. Do you still have—”

“Of course not,” Kelly spat, sobering up. “I don’t feel anything for him at all.”

William knew that wasn’t true. Kelly still got angry when Jared’s name was mentioned and was still dead set on him not winning the triathlon. Feelings definitely remained, but if they weren’t romantic in nature, then maybe he stood a chance.

* * * * *

William circled the dining room table, searching for any imperfection. The utensils were spotless and straight, the napkins carefully folded. Even the handle of each teacup was aligned horizontally with the edge of the cloth placemats. Small plates awaited each guest, a platter in the center stocked with cupcakes and petite sandwiches. Everything appeared flawless until he looked up and saw one big problem standing in the doorway.

“Mom!”

“I know you wanted the house to yourself,” she said, moving forward to inspect the table.

He blocked her path. “I thought you and Dad were supposed to be out shopping today.”

“That’s what I thought too. Apparently he was called in to work this morning.”

William briefly shared her irritation before he resumed being selfish. “You promised me—”

“I know, I know,” Kate said, raising a hand. “I’ll be taking a nap. I have a headache. You just enjoy yourself.” She turned to leave but then hesitated. “I thought you were only having Lily over.”

He shook his head. “Abby and Holly too.”

“All three girls?” his mother said, sounding scandalized.

Did she think he was planning on having an orgy? “Mom!”

“I’ll be in my room,” she said, shaking her head.

She left, giving William just enough time to put a few more things on the table—including the kettle of water he had brought to a boil—before the doorbell rang. His friends’ expressions were just as puzzled when he answered it, even more so once they were all seated at the table. “Thank you for coming,” he said. Then he walked around the table, placing a tea bag in each cup before pouring steaming water over it. He smiled at his friends as he did this, greeting each of them one by one. Holly appeared giddy, Abby kept looking from him to the spread, and Lily refused to meet his eye.

“Okay,” he said once he had sat. “Everyone help yourself. Enjoy.”

Nobody moved. Only Holly reached for food, but Lily grabbed her wrist to stop her. “What’s this about?” she demanded.

From her tone, she was still hurt.

William hoped today would put an end to such feelings. Yesterday he and Kelly had stood in the YMCA parking lot, talking for almost an hour about how the coming out process had gone for him and other people he knew. Kelly compared the process to an adhesive bandage—best ripped off swiftly and without hesitation. William felt more tact was called for. “Aren’t you hungry?” he asked. “Please, have a—” Lily’s expression stopped him short. She had looked away, her features darkening. “Okay. Well. I asked you all here because there’s something I need to say.”

Holly perked up. “What?”

William shifted nervously. “It’s about me,” he said. “Who I really am. Um. Geez.”

“I told you so,” Abby murmured.

“Shut up!” Holly shot back.

“He’s gay,” Abby insisted, rolling her eyes at Holly, who shook her head adamantly in response.

“No, he isn’t! We’re here so he can tell us who he’s chosen.” Holly looked to him with transparent hope. “Right?”

William stared at her, any response caught in his throat. Then he looked to Lily, whose cheeks remained flushed, arms crossed as she glared at the table. This wasn’t going as smoothly as he had hoped.

“Abby is right,” he managed. “I’m gay.”

Holly scrunched up her nose. “Are you sure?”

Lily lifted her head, waiting for his answer.

“Yes,” William said. “Trust me, I’ve thought long and hard about this.”

“Could have fooled me,” Lily muttered.

Holly turned to her slowly. “What’s that supposed to mean? Did you guys—”

“No!” William said. Then he frowned. “Not exactly.”

“You knew I had a crush on him!” Holly shouted.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lily said, staring her down. “He’s not interested in any of us, so get over it!”

“I’m fine with this,” Abby interjected. “William, you’re very brave for telling us. I’m proud of you and accept you for who you are.”

“She read that online,” Lily said.

“So what?” Abby shot back. “At least I’m not clinging to false hope.”

“I still am,” Holly said. “Are you really
really
sure?”

“Yes!” William said, starting to lose his temper. “I know it’s an adjustment, but I thought part of you would be happy for me. If you really like me, then—”

“We do,” Lily said, voice strained. “And we are.”

The table was quiet.

“Thanks,” William said. He felt terrible. Holly had put on a smile but still seemed deflated, Lily’s expression was tight, and Abby... Well, she at least seemed okay with it all. “How did you know?” he asked her.