Something Like This (Secrets) (6 page)

I was defeated. Sinking into the couch, I said, “This should be a hell of a lot of good fun.”

“Indeed,” she said, with a big smile.

***

T
he clocked ticked its way to 11:30 a.m. and still no sign of Reece. He hadn’t even called me. Maybe he had stood me up as payback for when I had done the same thing to him, except that I had at least left him a note. I guess I couldn’t blame him, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was hurt and embarrassed. Grace had quietly slipped out of the living room when the clock had gotten to 10:30. I knew she felt bad for me and didn’t want to make matters worse by hanging around. Lisa, we discovered, wasn’t even home. She had probably spent the night at her parents’ house something she did often when she had dinner with them.

So here I was, all by myself, pathetically waiting for someone who had known all along he was not going to show up. Damn, I was dumb as all hell. I had let my guard down, forgotten about my homeless father, if only for a moment, and for what? It suddenly occurred to me that I would still have to deal with Reece at work. He was my boss’ nephew, for goodness’ sake. If I didn’t lie down, I would end up hurling or flat out dying.

I shut and locked my bedroom door and buried my head in my pillow. I wished I could sleep for the rest of the day, but I knew my nerves would not let me. I had actually convinced myself that I could be part of the general population, that I could go out on dates with nice guys and pretend my demons were gone, that my childhood had been one filled with pony rides, cotton candy, and parents who stayed together, who loved each other, who loved me.

I would allow myself one day of self-pity. I’d indulge in a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream. Hell, I’d even add whip cream, sprinkles, and hot fudge.

There was a knock on my door.

“Jadie, it’s Lisa, I heard what happened. Feel like talking?”

Grace and her big ole mouth.

“I’ve got some work to do, so I’m just going to hang in my room, okay?”

“Come on, girl, open the door. We can watch
Bridget Jones’s Diary
and pig out.”

Her invitation was tempting. One thing Grace, Lisa, and I had in common was our love for
Bridget Jones’s Diary
. I’d come home one evening to find Lisa and Grace camped out on the couch, a huge bowl of popcorn and an equally as huge bowl of chips between them, laughing and crying at the same time. When I looked at the TV, there she was, Bridget Jones in a tank top and underwear, chasing Mark down the street after he leaves her apartment to go buy her a new diary.

Lisa and Grace had turned to smile at me. I had smiled back and then sat on the couch with them. That was the day I realized that maybe, just maybe, it was possible for me to have friends.

Releasing a long, exaggerated breath, I dragged myself out of bed and opened the door.

“All we have is rainbow sherbet, hope that works?” she said, clutching a container.

I hugged her. “It’s perfect.”

“All right, let’s do this.”

“Wait,” I said.

She stopped and turned to look at me.

“Is it okay if we don’t talk about it?” I asked.

“As you wish.” She handed me the sherbet.

Three Bridget Jones’s Diary movies, two bottles of wine, and two pints of sherbet later, I finally got my butt off the couch. Not once had Lisa mentioned Reece. I owed her, big time.

“This was fun, but I told myself I would only allow myself one day of self-pity,” I said to Lisa who was basically asleep on the couch.

She opened one eye. “I’m here if you need me.”

I blew her a kiss. She pretended to catch it.

Feeling much better, and tipsy, I made my way to the bathroom, but before I got there, the doorbell rang. My heart stopped. My hands started sweating at the thought that it could possibly be Reece who was standing on the other side of the door.

Slowly, I walked to the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Reece.”

My knees nearly buckled.

“Who’s at the door?” Lisa asked.

“No one,” I lied.

“Oh my God, is it Reece?” she asked.

Seconds later, she was standing next to me, peeping through the peep hole. “What are you going to do?” she asked me.

I pushed her aside. “Mind leaving us alone?”

She ignored me and opened the door. “Well, hello there, you must be Reece.”

He nodded and then intently looked at me. “Jadie, I’m so sorry. I came over as quickly as I could.”

“Yeah, um, you do know it’s no longer morning, right?” Lisa asked.

“It’s okay, Lisa,” I bit my nails, “I got it.”

“If you say so,” she said. Then, she looked at Reece. “Let me know if you want us to chip in to buy you a watch.”

I stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind me.

“I waited for you,”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Payback?”

“What? No, of course not.”

“Then why didn’t you come? Why didn’t you call?”

He looked down and then up at me. “My mom...is in the hospital.”

I heard his words, but wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him. I wasn’t ready to let my guard down again.

“Did you hear me?” he asked.

I nodded.

“My little brother found her curled up in pain in her bedroom early this morning. Our housekeeper called 911 and then me. I rushed over to the hospital.” He paused. “She went into emergency surgery.”

I threw my arms around him. “I’m so sorry.” My heart hurt for him and I prayed his mom was okay.

When I let him go, I asked, “What happened?”

“She had appendicitis. She’s okay, now. My little brother is at home with his nanny. I’m sorry I didn’t call you, I should have.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. You did what you were supposed to do, which is be with your mom.”

“I had to come and talk to you. I couldn’t let you think I had stood you up. I would never stand you up.” He took my hand. “We only just met, but I’m already crazy about you. I wake up thinking about you. I go to sleep thinking about you. There’s something about you, it’s hard to put into words, but whatever it is...I want to be with you.”

His words made me want to cry. No one had ever spoken to me like that. No one had ever really wanted to be with me, not even my parents. At nineteen, I had sat by my mother’s hospital bed as she was dying, begging her not to leave me. I wanted her to fight, to stay alive for me, because I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be an orphan. And when she took her last breath, I screamed at her. I told her I hated her.
Oh, Mami, I still miss you. Despite your flaws, I still miss you. I still want you back. But you left me; you died when I needed you the most.

And my father? He walked out of my life when I was twelve years old. He didn’t have the guts to leave me a note, to let me know it wasn’t my fault that he was leaving. He should have left me something, anything that would have let me know he didn’t leave me because of me. I was a good kid. Polite, kind, respectful. I never got into fights. I never talked back. I didn’t deserve the parents I got, but then, children don’t choose their parents. And I’m not the only kid who got the short end of the parent stick.

“I don’t know how to respond,” I said.

He leaned in and kissed me. When his lips were on mine, I felt as if he were touching every part of my body, as if he and I were one, as if we really were meant to be together. Nothing else mattered. I was happy and I wanted him. I wanted him to kiss me forever, to make me forget my past, my sadness, my demons. His mouth was so warm and I savored his tongue with mine. I felt drunk.

I had been kissed many times before, but I had never really experienced a real kiss, not like this. Like my sexual experiences, they were always rushed and I always had the feeling that the boy kissing me would rather have skipped straight to putting his hand down my pants.

When Reece finally pulled his lips away from mine, he said, “You have no idea how badly I wanted to kiss you.”

I took his hand. “I’m glad you gave in to your instincts.”

He let out a hushed laugh and gave my hand a peck. “What now?”

“I guess we start over.”

He smiled. “Does this mean I can ask you out on another date?”

“It means you can try. Just because I let you kiss me, doesn’t mean I’ll agree to going out with you again.”

“I see, okay, well, I’ll give it a shot. Jadie?”

“Yes?”

He got down on one knee.

I started to laugh. “Whoa, what are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m going right to it. I mean, why take another chance at a failed date? I think we should go for it, don’t you?”

“Stop it! Get up. You look like a crazy person.”

“Crazy about you.”

“If you don’t get up right this minute, I’m going to go back inside and never talk to you again.”

He stood and put his hand over his heart. “Ouch, you win. I won’t ask you to marry me. How about we settle on a date?”

“I think that’s a good start.”

“How about now?”

“Really?”

“No, just kidding. Of course, really. I’m starving, you?”

My stomach suddenly growled. I pressed my hand to it.
Okay, okay, stop being so pushy.

“There is an awesome Chinese carryout place a couple of blocks from here. We can grab some food and then go sit in the park,” I said.

“Sounds perfect.”

“Mind giving me five minutes?”

“But of course.”

“I’d ask you in, but I’m pretty sure Lisa will start interrogating you. It’s probably best if you wait here.”

He nodded.

I rushed to the bathroom to refresh myself. Comb my hair, put on some pink—no screw it, I’ll go for the red lipstick—and yep, let’s face it, my armpits could use a new layer of deodorant. Once I was satisfied with myself, I sprinted toward the door.

“I take it all is well with Mr. Hottie,” Lisa yelled from the kitchen.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I yelled back and disappeared through the front door.

Reece wasn’t in the hallway.
You’ve got to be kidding me!

I made for the steps. There he was at the bottom of the staircase, a smile on his face, a single rose in his hand.

“You look really pretty,” he said once I had joined him.

“Is that for me?” I asked, pointing at the rose.

“No, it’s for your roommate, Lisa,” he said, quite seriously.

“Hate to break it to you, but she prefers lilies over roses.”

“Ah, well, in that case, I guess I better give it to you.” He held out the rose in front of me.

I took it. “Thank you,” I whispered. I suddenly felt very shy.

“Thank
you
for agreeing to going out with me, again.”

***

W
e spent an hour eating, laughing, and talking in the park. He told me more about his book and I told him about the manuscripts I was reading for work and how some of them were really, really good, so good I wanted to publish them myself. It felt great to be with Reece and I wished we could stay in the park forever. A childish wish, for sure, yet I would have given anything to make it come true.

He walked me back to my apartment building.

“It was nice being with you,” he said.

“I had a great time.”

He kissed my cheek.

“I hope your mom recovers quickly.”

“Thank you. I’m heading back to the hospital.”

“Let me know how she’s doing.”

“I will.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you, then.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, not moving.

I started climbing the stairs to my building. When I reached the top, I turned around.

He was still there.

“All right, well, I’m going inside, now.” I put my hand on the doorknob.

“Can I see you again?” he asked.

“I’ll have to think about it,” I replied and entered the building. My heart was going to fall right down to my feet; I was so excited and so happy and so at peace.

––––––––

I
t was 9 p.m. Since I wanted to cherish the time I had spent with Reece, I went straight to my room and locked the door. My roommates would simply have to wait for the details.

I didn’t see Reece on Sunday, but he did call to tell me he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me. He was spending the day with his mom and his little brother. We agreed to meet for lunch on Monday. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I pretty much spent most of Sunday daydreaming about him. And yes, I filled Lisa and Grace in on all the details, eventually. They forgave him, but insisted I invite him over for dinner so they could get to know him better, which was code for
interrogation.

Finally, Monday morning came around. I nearly fell out of bed, I was moving so fast. In what seemed like ten seconds, I was showered, dressed, and out the door, on my way to work. I figured the sooner I got to work, the sooner it would be lunch time. I wanted to see Reece more than anything.

A few Metro stops later, I raced up the escalators and then dashed across the street. And right at that moment, right at the moment my feet touched the other side of the street, my throat started closing, my stomach started hurting, and my hands started shaking. I couldn’t move. I felt that if I moved even one step, my body would break and I’d crumble to the ground.

There he was, just feet from me. My father. He was standing against the wall, underneath the railroad tracks, staring at his feet. Reality began to dance around me, taunting me, laughing at me, and calling me a stupid, stupid girl. Was it possible that Reece had actually pushed out every thought I had about my homeless father? How selfish of me to have allowed a guy, someone I hardly knew, to make me forget about my real life.

Damn my demons to hell. How foolish of me to have even considered that a damaged being could heal. I lowered my head in shame and urged my feet to walk. I’d not avoid him. If he recognized me, I’d face him and tell him who I was. No more hiding or running away.

Biting my nails and very nearly hyperventilating, I took a step and then another. The closer I got to him, the more nervous I became. And there it was, still poking fun at me: REALITY. I scratched the back of my neck and kept moving. He didn’t notice me. I walked right past him and he didn’t say anything to me.